WHY?

i have no great advice but Liam started doing the same thing.. for him it was teething..and once the tooth came through he went back to normal..it did my head in as even when he was an awful day sleeper he self settled at night.. we just held onto him to put him to sleep at night and the rest of the time let him cry for a few mins in teh daytime.. and just winged it really.. *hugs * to you cause i know how awful it is!:)

before I reply - one question, are you happy for honest replies even if you might not like what I'm going to say? You're obviously quite fragile right now and I'd hate to make matters worse.

Millymollymandy, I'm guessing you are just going to say let him cry? That he is "manipulating me"??? I am happy for honest answers, even if they make me sad.

Aethelia, I haven't tried the VRT as such, but I think that might have to be the next option. I am at my wits end, but I really wish I didn't have to leave him to cry.

You're definitely not alone. Settling to sleep seems to be a common problem for babies this age from what I can tell - maybe its just something you need to ride out (sorry I know thats not very helpful).

My 11 month old used to settle herself quite well, but the past few months its been getting harder and harder for her to switch off and go to sleep. We don't have a problem with screaming at bedtime - unless she is left in her cot for a long time to settle herself. Our problem is that she just really alert (even when obviously tired) and won't switch off, and now that she can get up and crawl around the cot its even harder. We have basically resorted to rocking her to sleep for both her nap and evening bedtime, which I would really like to get out of as she is getting too big, and will soon be going to daycare. If I leave her to settle herself occasionally she will settle herself after 20-30 mins of crawling around, playing with stuff in her cot, but more often that not is often still mucking around after 45min to an hour, even if she's been really sleepy when I first put her down, and then will start crying (not a grizzly, going to sleep cry but an "i need you now" cry - probably cos by then shes overtired!).

So solutions? I dunno really. We are just trying a really consistent bedtime routine with a longish wind-down period in the hope that she'll eventually just get better at it. The things I did to teach her to self-settle when she was younger (putting her down slightly awake and gradually reducing my involvement) don't work anymore.

On days when she only has one nap (which is most days now, usually down between 10 and 11 and sleeps for about 1.5-2 hrs) she is much more tired and will sometimes be almost asleep by the time I put her in bed. Last night she was almost asleep by the end of our bedtime routine and actually went to sleep straight away when I put in bed instead of jumping up like an energizer bunny when I put in bed, so maybe we are making progress

Maybe you just need to experiment a little with nap/bedtimes?

I hear you Millymollymandy    I just don't understand why day time naps are okay though??? What is the difference??

I have talked my DH and we have decided to the do the VRT next weekend. Unfortunately tbh I am TOO weak and can't stand to hear him cry for that long, so I am going to stay a few houses down while he deals with it. It is a cop out I know, but I am at my wits end and just don't know what else to do

Oh I feel your pain.
My DD got into a habit of being rocked to sleep over the holidays - admittedly it was my own fault - then every night became a battle of crying and fighting and rocking it was horrible.

And we had the same things - daysleeps were fine but nights werent.... sometimes I think it is the tension we feel in ourselves knowing it will be a hassle to get them to sleep

I too hated hearing her cry - it just tore me apart.
Then I read the sleepsense program and I found it really good to help me understand some things, in her and myself.

We are only on night 4 of this program today but I can tell you it is working well for us, and night one is always the worst. I just tell myself if I can do it on the other nights I can handle tonight.

I found the going in every 5-10-15 mins didnt work well for us because each time I would go in she would get hysterical when I left again. They do have other options you can try to if they work for you.

Sending you big hugs!

Edited by LILLIS

Blah if this doesn't work then I don't know what we would do!

We have done 4 nights of the 1-3-5-7-10-15minute thing and the first 3 nights she was getting slightly better. Last night was way worse than it has ever been. Tonight will be night 5 and we will keep trying for a couple of more nights.

Co-sleeping wouldn't work with us - none of my babies like to sleep on/with us (and personally it's not something I would do anyway).

Thanks heaps for the thoughts you have all shared with 1st_time_preggers - they are helping over here too!

Let us know how you get on 1st_time_preggers!

I agree with some of the others that it sounds like you need to try one of these programmes and be really consistent with whichever one you pick.

It will be a bit painful with some crying regardless of which one you pick, but at the end of it you will have a baby who sleeps without the need for all this input from you in the night. Better sleeping mummy and baby so both happier.

FX it works quickly for you. He'll be so much happier when he can get off to sleep himself without all this crying. At the moment there is no end in sight and it sounds like he wants to be able to do it himself and is old enough to be able to, just needs to be nudged in the right direction.

I agree, you have to be really consistent - but I'm not convinced that babies have to be self-settling at the start of the night in order to sleep well the rest of the night. That doesn't seem to be the case in our house anyway. Our DD's sleeping has dramatically improved over the last week - from 3-4 wakeups needing us to resettle her down to 1-2, and last night she did her 2nd 7hr stretch of the week! And we are still pretty much rocking her to sleep at the start of the night, although we try to put her down before she's totally asleep. We do have a really consistent bedtime routine and give her the opportunity to settle herself, but it doesn't usually work - and she's even worse for naps.

I don't know whats changed this week, she just now seems to be able to resettle herself when she wakes in the night - we often hear her give a little cry and shuffle round abit then go back to sleep. I think she is more used to being mobile now and can get herself comfy, and maybe its just a maturity thing?. Also don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I stopped bf entirely about 2 weeks ago so now there is no option of a middle of the night bf (she has a half-bottle of formula around 10-11pm but thats pretty much it most nights). Not that I'm suggesting stopping bf (I had other reasons for wanting to stop)

Anyway, thats just my 2c, and every baby's different. Hope you find something that works soon!

Hils to be honest I think you are very lucky if you don't need do the same for every waking. There came a point with us that rocking didn't work.

At at some point they have to stop being rocked/feed to sleep, as you know number 2 comes along and Mum is 6 months PG, tired and sore, or No 2 is needing to be feed/changed etc, or simply that no. 1 is now 14KG! And a 2 year is a lot more vocal and determind than a 1 year old. Sadly all bubs develop and grow in independent little people.

I think the level of sleep deprivation that people put themselves thru is dangerous. Here's a article from the gems at the sleepstore on the negatives adult sleep deprivation and not getting babies into good sleep patterns.

http://www.thesleepstore.co.nz/Sleep+Information/Babies+4+to+12+months/Are+there+any+negative+effects+of+teaching+your+baby+to+self+settle.html

Gotta - my DD has been sleeping for 3 hours (and me for one before this1) - best I wake her or she'll want to stay up all night!