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Grrrrr
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Topic: Im not sure what to do... Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:43pm |
(I post on here regulary, I just didn't want to post this under my usual user name)
About the situation Im in right now, well what to make of it really.
DF goes away often, Im not the kind of partner that rings him constantly, I usually just wait to hear from him when he's free.
I have never had trust issues with him before, he gets along well with everyone he works with, I honestly believe he is a loyal family man, and I would like to think he wouldn't jeoperdise his family by doing something silly
BUT, Im finding it hard to get my head around what has happened, he went away with a small group of work colleagues on a training course, they are staying in a hotel (paid for by his work) there is one single woman out of 6. Well they have 2 single bed rooms and I found out when I rung DF on Tuesday night that he is sharing his room with this single woman. I told him straight away Im not impressed and in fact this could cause troubles between us, all the other work colleagues are single men except DF (so his explanation was she felt 'safer' sharing a room with him over the others) which I feel is total disrespect for me. Why he put her feelings before mine I have no idea.
He acknowleged that, yes I have every right to be upset, but I should trust he is faithful etc.
I wouldnt be as p!ssed as I am, but a week before he left, this woman and her friend were sending him text messages (as her name was taken off to go on this trip) to "please make sure I get on this course trip as Im having a hard time at work and need some time out" which I questioned at the time, but didn't think much of it, UNTIL I found she wanted to share a room with him.
I feel like he hasn't taken me seriously as he feels nothing is happening so its not an issue.
Im not sure what to make of the whole situation and I would like to know what you think from the outside looking in.
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Kellz
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Gisborne
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:47pm |
I would totally be pissed too. Sorry , no advise really, but just wanted to say I so wouldnt be happy about it either.
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Babe
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Joined: 21 May 2007
Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:56pm |
Exactly what Kellz said!!
If my DP wants to be trusted then he has to BE trustworthy ALL the time - that means making decisions that are transparent and obviously 'clean' IYKWIM. It certainly wouldn't be acceptable if the tables were turned - he'd pack a fit if I made a decision like that. If he wouldn't like me doing it then he doesn't do it - thats a kind of an unspoken agreement in our house for both of us.
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BeLoved
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:57pm |
I would be pissed! For one they should not make them share a room, to me that goes against so many protocols. The female should be in her own room full stop!
Also being a woman myself I know how sneaky and cunning we can be and if a woman was texting my DH then going away with AND staying in the same room I would not be happy.
My DH goes away a lot and I trust him 100% but at the same time would not be happy if he was sharing a room with a woman (its bad enough that they rub him down and massage him every day after a game) I use to go away for work frequently and would travel with my male colleague but NO WAY would we share a room, to me that is weird. You should no be put in that position and I would be making a complaint if I was the woman, your partner or yourself.
HUGS!
ETA: I trust my husband but I do not trust other woman!
Edited by BeLoved
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TheKelly
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:00pm |
Ask him how he would honestly feel , if it was the other way round and it was you sharing a room with a single male colleague
He should be respecting your feelings on the issue a lot more, not making light of them
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MamaT
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Location: Nelson
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:01pm |
I believe 100% with everything BeLoved just said. You have every right to be annoyed about this.
I can't believe they wouldn't give her a separate room, thats disgusting!!
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Grrrrr
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:02pm |
That's exactly what I think too Babe, I thought that's the relationship we had, until now! I did say that to him also, he would pack his bags if I did that even if 'nothing happened' but he seems to think that because he told me, he is trustworthy.
But now it will affect me when he goes away again, I will be wondering 'what ifs" and looking for signs, and it will do my head in
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Snappy
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:02pm |
I went on many training courses when I was working full time for a company.. and it was company policy NOT to allow two different sexes to share the same room.. as I'm sure it would be for every other.
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Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz.
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myfullhouse
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:06pm |
Yeah I can't believe that they are made to share a room. As the others have said, I would be pissed at DH and the work if I was you.
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Grrrrr
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:06pm |
Yes BeLoved, you hit the nail on the head right there, I trusted him but not other women, which was why I questioned her messages before he even left.
I don't understand why he didn't just say "well not my problem" when she wanted to share a room with him. Its driving me nuts, he doesn't get home until tomorrow either.
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High9
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:07pm |
I agree with everyone else and I would be pissed!
Even if he is loyal and everything I would still be pissed because I know how the female mind works!
I can't believe she didn't get her own room, I understand if she had raised that though she probably wouldn't have got to go, esp if the company or where ever was trying to save $$.
That said I understand why she would prefer to stay with your dh over other single men but I still don't like the idea.
That fact that she was texting your dh bout it is what gets up my nose.
Sorry no advice, but hope you sort it out.
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freckle
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:10pm |
Yip I agree with everyone else I would be damn pissed!! why on earth would his company think that's okay!
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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High9
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:10pm |
It would drive me nuts too!
Are you able to complain? Because like you said, I've never known it to be any company policy to allow opposite sex to share rooms when they have to go away for business.
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Grrrrr
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:14pm |
Im not sure who to even complain too, its not the normal 9-5 company he works for and males/females often share sleeping facilities but not a hotel room
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monkey33
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:16pm |
I would be completely pissed too.
I was in the hotel business before I went on leave and in 12 years, I have never come across a male & female colleague sharing a room. From big corporations on training courses to small business with limited budgets
The one positive side is that he told you which is a good thing, so shows that he is being honest about it?
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.Mel
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:20pm |
Well why didn't he just tell her she could have the room and he would get his own room? Then ask the company to pay... I'm really surprised that the company even allow this. Regardless of what kind of company they are they really shouldn't' be expecting workmates to share with a single female... shocking really.
Can totally understand why you would be feeling insecure and angry about the situation you are both in...
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_SMS_
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:35pm |
It seems dodgy that he was sharing a room. Surely they wouldnt expect a female to have to share a room with a male colleague at all.
So i think it was arranged that they wanted it to be like that.
It sounds far to dodgy to me. I think there could be something going on.
He may have told you so he doesnt get snapped out.
Its quite likely nothing happened between them.
But it just seems far to dodgy!!
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MrsEmma
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:41pm |
I would be totally pissed off as well!!
I could understand where she's coming from not wanting to share a room with a single guy, but I think your DF needed to have put your feelings ahead of his colleague.
I would not be happy about it, it's not on to be sharing rooms in a professional situation.
Edited by MrsEmma
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Richie
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:44pm |
I would be totally pissed! You have every right to be!
I have been on a few out of town courses etc for work and have had to share rooms but only ever with the same sex as staff of the opposite sex in the same room was a company no no as they felt it was bound to cause trouble.
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linda
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Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:46pm |
Why didn't three guys share a room to give her a room to herself? That would have kept everything 'balanced' so to speak. Even if the hotel didn't have a triple room they could have moved a mattress to another room....have done that a few times.
I don't think this woman is to be trusted
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