Im not sure what to do...
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Topic: Im not sure what to do...
Posted By: Grrrrr
Subject: Im not sure what to do...
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:43pm
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(I post on here regulary, I just didn't want to post this under my usual user name)
About the situation Im in right now, well what to make of it really. DF goes away often, Im not the kind of partner that rings him constantly, I usually just wait to hear from him when he's free. I have never had trust issues with him before, he gets along well with everyone he works with, I honestly believe he is a loyal family man, and I would like to think he wouldn't jeoperdise his family by doing something silly BUT, Im finding it hard to get my head around what has happened, he went away with a small group of work colleagues on a training course, they are staying in a hotel (paid for by his work) there is one single woman out of 6. Well they have 2 single bed rooms and I found out when I rung DF on Tuesday night that he is sharing his room with this single woman. I told him straight away Im not impressed and in fact this could cause troubles between us, all the other work colleagues are single men except DF (so his explanation was she felt 'safer' sharing a room with him over the others) which I feel is total disrespect for me. Why he put her feelings before mine I have no idea. He acknowleged that, yes I have every right to be upset, but I should trust he is faithful etc. I wouldnt be as p!ssed as I am, but a week before he left, this woman and her friend were sending him text messages (as her name was taken off to go on this trip) to "please make sure I get on this course trip as Im having a hard time at work and need some time out" which I questioned at the time, but didn't think much of it, UNTIL I found she wanted to share a room with him. I feel like he hasn't taken me seriously as he feels nothing is happening so its not an issue. Im not sure what to make of the whole situation and I would like to know what you think from the outside looking in. 
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Replies:
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:47pm
| I would totally be pissed too. Sorry , no advise really, but just wanted to say I so wouldnt be happy about it either. |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:56pm
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Exactly what Kellz said!!
If my DP wants to be trusted then he has to BE trustworthy ALL the time - that means making decisions that are transparent and obviously 'clean' IYKWIM. It certainly wouldn't be acceptable if the tables were turned - he'd pack a fit if I made a decision like that. If he wouldn't like me doing it then he doesn't do it - thats a kind of an unspoken agreement in our house for both of us. -------------   
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 7:57pm
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I would be pissed! For one they should not make them share a room, to me that goes against so many protocols. The female should be in her own room full stop!
Also being a woman myself I know how sneaky and cunning we can be and if a woman was texting my DH then going away with AND staying in the same room I would not be happy. My DH goes away a lot and I trust him 100% but at the same time would not be happy if he was sharing a room with a woman (its bad enough that they rub him down and massage him every day after a game) I use to go away for work frequently and would travel with my male colleague but NO WAY would we share a room, to me that is weird. You should no be put in that position and I would be making a complaint if I was the woman, your partner or yourself. HUGS! ETA: I trust my husband but I do not trust other woman! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:00pm
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Ask him how he would honestly feel , if it was the other way round and it was you sharing a room with a single male colleague
He should be respecting your feelings on the issue a lot more, not making light of them ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:01pm
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I believe 100% with everything BeLoved just said. You have every right to be annoyed about this. I can't believe they wouldn't give her a separate room, thats disgusting!! -------------  
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Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:02pm
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That's exactly what I think too Babe, I thought that's the relationship we had, until now! I did say that to him also, he would pack his bags if I did that even if 'nothing happened' but he seems to think that because he told me, he is trustworthy.
But now it will affect me when he goes away again, I will be wondering 'what ifs" and looking for signs, and it will do my head in |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:02pm
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I went on many training courses when I was working full time for a company.. and it was company policy NOT to allow two different sexes to share the same room.. as I'm sure it would be for every other. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:06pm
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Yeah I can't believe that they are made to share a room. As the others have said, I would be pissed at DH and the work if I was you. ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:06pm
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Yes BeLoved, you hit the nail on the head right there, I trusted him but not other women, which was why I questioned her messages before he even left.
I don't understand why he didn't just say "well not my problem" when she wanted to share a room with him. Its driving me nuts, he doesn't get home until tomorrow either. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:07pm
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I agree with everyone else and I would be pissed!
Even if he is loyal and everything I would still be pissed because I know how the female mind works! I can't believe she didn't get her own room, I understand if she had raised that though she probably wouldn't have got to go, esp if the company or where ever was trying to save $$. That said I understand why she would prefer to stay with your dh over other single men but I still don't like the idea. That fact that she was texting your dh bout it is what gets up my nose. Sorry no advice, but hope you sort it out. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:10pm
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Yip I agree with everyone else I would be damn pissed!! why on earth would his company think that's okay! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:10pm
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It would drive me nuts too!
Are you able to complain? Because like you said, I've never known it to be any company policy to allow opposite sex to share rooms when they have to go away for business. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:14pm
| Im not sure who to even complain too, its not the normal 9-5 company he works for and males/females often share sleeping facilities but not a hotel room |
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:16pm
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I would be completely pissed too.
I was in the hotel business before I went on leave and in 12 years, I have never come across a male & female colleague sharing a room. From big corporations on training courses to small business with limited budgets
The one positive side is that he told you which is a good thing, so shows that he is being honest about it? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:20pm
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Well why didn't he just tell her she could have the room and he would get his own room? Then ask the company to pay... I'm really surprised that the company even allow this. Regardless of what kind of company they are they really shouldn't' be expecting workmates to share with a single female... shocking really.
Can totally understand why you would be feeling insecure and angry about the situation you are both in... ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:35pm
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It seems dodgy that he was sharing a room. Surely they wouldnt expect a female to have to share a room with a male colleague at all.
So i think it was arranged that they wanted it to be like that. It sounds far to dodgy to me. I think there could be something going on. He may have told you so he doesnt get snapped out. Its quite likely nothing happened between them. But it just seems far to dodgy!! -------------  
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:41pm
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I would be totally pissed off as well!!
I could understand where she's coming from not wanting to share a room with a single guy, but I think your DF needed to have put your feelings ahead of his colleague. I would not be happy about it, it's not on to be sharing rooms in a professional situation. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:44pm
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I would be totally pissed! You have every right to be!
I have been on a few out of town courses etc for work and have had to share rooms but only ever with the same sex as staff of the opposite sex in the same room was a company no no as they felt it was bound to cause trouble. -------------  
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:46pm
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Why didn't three guys share a room to give her a room to herself? That would have kept everything 'balanced' so to speak. Even if the hotel didn't have a triple room they could have moved a mattress to another room....have done that a few times.
I don't think this woman is to be trusted ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:49pm
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Are they sharing an actual room or are they in seperate bedrooms in one room (IYKWIM)
Im going to buck the trend and say it actually wouldnt bother me in the slightest .. Obviously I would expect to be told .. but the room sharing I wouldnt really care about .. I trust DH and no woman no matter how hard they tried would ever get a look in so I have no qualms. I have actually shared a room with a male colleague, but we had our own bedrooms in a hotel room, so shared the lounge/kitchen .. no biggie.  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 8:57pm
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Hugs... totally agree with everything everyone has said. I think that that is a damn shoddy decision on the part of the company, and they should be hauled over the coals for allowing it. In fact, I would be on the phone to whoever is paying for the room (even though it doesn't sound like that's his actual employer) saying that it's not on and letting them know exactly how unimpressed you are. I'd also ask him to let them know that he's not going there again - and if he wasn't happy to promise you that, he'd have some serious explaining to do.
To be honest it doesn't sound like you can really trust this lady... and to be frank, it's just a situation waiting to happen, no matter how much of a decent chap your DH is. Just imagine if she tried some moves on him and got rejected, and then made up some story to get back at him... -------------   
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:12pm
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Could it be possible that he thought it was such a small thing (to him) that he didn't even bother mentioning it?
I was just about to say that I wouldn't have a problem with it either but then I remembered about the texting..... hmmmm, yeah, I'd be f*cked off completely but probably more so with the company and Her. DH is probably just too nice and by default an innocent bystander. I don't know if I'd put my foot down or not to be honest. I would hope that DH would hear that I was very unhappy about the situation and do his utmost to get a different room..... ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kiwi2
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:17pm
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Even if it is all innocent I think your DH is taking a huge risk and opening up a can of worms in regards to sexual harrassment. He should not put himself in the situation where a woman could file a complaint against him.
Not to mention that it is disrespectful to you to put her feelings above yours. I would be insisting he has a separate room until the end of the trip even if he has to pay for it himself. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:22pm
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I'm going to go against what everyone else has said.
Because I've been in exactly the same position as your DP. I went away with a work function, and there was a spare bed going in a room with one of the single guys. I could have slept on the floor with the girls or had a comfy bed for the night. Yeah my BF at the time reacted in much the same way as you. I was annoyed that he didn't trust me, as of course nothing happened, I was only needing somewhere to sleep. I think if you genuinely trust your DP, then accept his explanation and that he's being faithful to you. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:26pm
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I find it odd that the company wouldn't give her her own room - they're leaving themselves open for a lawsuit if anything happened (with the single men I mean).
I find this very odd as even in the army they segregate men and women when out in the field. It's just a no-brainer. I would let it go, but probably be a bit sneaky and invite them all round for tea one night or something to debrief after the trip - you'll soon see if you have any actual issues or not. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:29pm
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I would have thought the same as LF or c&j but it was the texts that got to me. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:34pm
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I think it is suspicious (not from his end - but from her's). Men often don't figure out if a woman has the hots for him. And are just naive to situations. I would trust him but not her... and for that reason alone it's enough to ask him not to room with her. Is he going to respect your feelings or not?
Trust your gut instincts and womens intuition - they're usually right! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:34pm
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I wouldn't trust that woman as far as I could throw her. In my old job I used to travel a lot with
my team and I was amazed at what used to go on. They all had the mentality of 'what goes on tour stays on tour'. You have every right to question the situation. ETA my DH is going away with work next mth and they all have to share hotel rms with someone else. There is no way that I would feel comfortable with him sharing with one of the women. I know what those work trips are like and where there is booze and beds involved I don't trust anyone. |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:38pm
I'm with you on this one. It wouldn't bother me. I trust Dan implicitly and even though he's a really friendly guy, that's all he is, a friendly guy. If he was willing to jeopardise your relationship over a single woman colleague, then why would you marry someone like that anyway? If you trust him and haven't had any trust issues in the past, why worry? Single women aren't so conniving and desperate that they are waiting to get there filthy little claws into your poor suspecting fiance the minute they get him alone. The text thing, well. If he texts back and says innapropriate things, that I would have a problem with. |
lilfatty wrote:Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:44pm
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Honestly after reading a book called "His Needs/Her Needs" (marriage book - mind you I've only read a bit of it) I think everyone is capable of an affair and although you trust one another, you also need to protect your relationship by not putting yourself in temptations way. It's a shame that he's already left and there wasn't time to change the room situation.
A friend of mine had a woman hitting on her husband and her husband thought she was just a friend. Well, my friend had the policy of "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer" and so instead of staying at home, she'd go out with the group with her husband and became acquainted with this girl. Perhaps there's some wisdom in that? My husband is still good friends with his ex. I absolutely hate it if I'm honest but no matter what I say to him, he continues the friendship. Sometimes we just have to do our best, communicate our wishes, exercise some wisdom and trust as best we can (not foolishly). ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:46pm
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Yes, those texts got me also, no doubt if something was going on, it will come out in the open soon enough (especially on facebook or something!)
I know she is not his type at all, I think he thought I would be ok with it as she is close friends with a good friend his? So he didn't think much of it at all (even though I have only met her a few times). I'm usually pretty laidback but haven't known what to make of this whole thing |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:52pm
| I agree 100% newlywed about everyone being capable of an affair. I have seen it first hand on a number of occasions. Travelling with work, particularly corporate, where there is wining and dining and classy hotels is almost a completely different world. And they all go home to their wives, husbands and kids like nothing ever happened. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 9:55pm
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She's most likely sharing with your DF because he's with you, and she feels safer than sharing a room with the single guys.
It is pretty unprofessional on behalf of their company. Men usually don't think  he probably thinks he's helping and being accommodating. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 10:02pm
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Thats how he explained it to me also, she feels safer as hes with someone, where as the single guys have gone for drinks and what not, while mines been in the spa instead, but thats what pissed me off, why so sensitive to her feelings of comfort but disregard mine.
And yes, am pregnant so feelings are all over the show as it is
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 10:02pm
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I agree with C&J .. you will find he probably hasnt even given it a second thought.
And of course anyone can have an affair (and I know that from experience) .. I also know when you are happy and with the "right person" the thought doesnt even cross your mind, hence the reason I would trust mine implicitly .. although I am vain and think why would he go "there" when he has me.  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 10:15pm
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He probably doesn't realize how upset you are, and yeah preggy hormones do make you over react to things that wouldn't normally bother you.
Can he or she move to separate rooms? Could you get him to call you each night so you feel more reassured. I'm not vain I do trust my DH though and he me and with good reason, I'm not at all interested in going anywhere else, when we're both happy and got a great thing going on with each other. Soppy as it sounds I haven't paid attention to anyone accept DH since we first met. That's why I married him. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 10:19pm
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Ahhh your pregnant .. sorry ...
I recall when I was pregnant .. I was a hormonal insecure mess .. so although I do not change my opinion .. I can COMPLETELY understand yours. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 10:37pm
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Ahhh no I would not be happy with that at all. It would make me feel very very uncomfortable, and I would be really angry and upset that my DH hadnt told me about it before he left too.
This women should be in her own room, not in a room with a married man. ------------- |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 10:47pm
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I trust my DH 100% too, I know he would never "go there" in that situation and that he is the kind of guy likely to be IN a similar situation coz he's one of those all-round nice guys that other people trust too.
Having said that ... I still wouldn't be happy about him being put in that situation. Regardless of the type of company, they should NOT be expecting guys to share rooms with girls, whether he's married or not!!! Also, perhaps this woman is genuine in trusting your DH because he's married and the others aren't ...but then again, perhaps she's just a clever b*tch who knows the right thing to say? I think it's a dangerous situation for your DH. As someone else has mentioned ... what happens if she brings a harassment case against him? Even just an unofficial complaint? He wouldn't have a leg to stand on ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 11:11pm
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Yeah I wouldn't blame this on the hormones. Very understandable and reasonable to have objections to this situation. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 6:57am
| If it were me faced with the situation your DH is in I would have text home, asked are you ok with this? If you said no, I would have found an alternative. |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 7:58am
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I trust my DH and I don't think anything would happen if he were in that situation, but I still wouldn't be pleased with the situation.
I think if you made your feelings clear he should have made alternate arrangements. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 8:35am
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I am with Lilfatty and Caliandjack.. I wouldnt have a problem with it.. normally!
Having said that, also being pregnant, this would not go down right now... I am feeling so low about my physcial appearance atm that if DH goes out for drinks after work I immediately think he is getting some... I know he isnt and its just hormones so I totally get where you are coming from. Hugs! Whether its justified or not you feel upset by it and he should be acknowledging that. -------------   
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 8:38am
I would blame hormones for loads of things .. its a great "out" ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: rachaels
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 8:50am
Fingers crossed it's all in your head! |
Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 9:14am
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So true LF!
Well he did ring me last night after I sent a nasty message to him and one of the guys returned to work earlier so he went into his room. The 'guys' went out for drinks last night again, but as he was on the phone to me he missed out (ha) He was very apologetic and assumed that I didn't mind as I had met her, and if I were away I probably would have done the same, stuck with the 'safe' guy. and I pretty much explained "f... her" and I should've came first, don't assume anything, especially while Im pregnant! But I will however be watching his phone messages a bit more from now on, to ensure the messages don't carry on from her. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 9:31am
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Will that be him knowing your are watching the messages or in secret? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 10:15am
I agree, the thing that would upset me would be the company putting my DH in a position where there could be the possibility of sexual harrassment claims!! I don't think that is right at all. ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 3:27pm
| Agh, the whole thing just makes me feel sick just thinking about it, my DH goes away a lot & I trust him only because he keeps himself in situations where he can be trusted. I had similar issues with a temporary trainee that was with the company, young 19 girl who clearly craved male attention, didn't trust her one bit, but the company never made her share a room with the guys. I'm fairly certain she ended up screwing one of the other married guys. As awful as it sounds I was relieved. |
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 3:28pm
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I wouldn't personally check his phone without him knowing, I would leave things where they are now - however if he tells you that she keeps texting him, tell him that he needs to do something about it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 8:40am
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Things have turned to custard this weekend, he was happy to be home, was in a great mood, but then later that night, he snapped and said I wasn't happy to see him (I was tired also, but yes, in a mood)
So he hasn't spoken to me all weekend so far, he slept on the couch last night. I woke up some ungodly hour of the morning and asked if she had messaged him again. YES she has, asking for a particular phone number, he said to me he didn't message her back and if she wants to ask him something it can wait til Monday, And if I don't trust him, give him back the ring. Fair enough if nothing is actually going on, but he was coming up with all these excuses to justify why they shared a room still. I lost it this morning and said we may as well go separate ways if he would rather sleep on the couch, my head is such a mess
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 8:50am
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oh what a horrible situation for you to be in your state..(pregnant). I feel for you and I hope you can work things out. Big hugs. ------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 9:09am
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Ahhh I dont miss those pg hormonal fights one bit!
I feel for both of you .. he feels sad because you dont trust him and him coming up with excuses is that whole male thing of "fixing things" when a female just wants to vent
Good luck to you both .. although if you guys think its hard now .. wait for the kid to arrive. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 9:22am
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Oh gosh that sux. I think the only option for you is to trust him that he hasn't text her back. If he keeps ignoring her she will get the message (well you would hope so). I would tell him how you feel again, just to make things clear and say that you trust him and that you won't bring it up again providing he doesn't give you any reason to.
Good luck! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 12:21pm
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Awww hugs... like lilfatty says, hormonal fights suck. Hope you work things out today so you start the week off in a better frame of mind. -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 5:37pm
Ahhh... we have fights like that from time to time. You will all calm down and it will blow over but feels horrible at the time  Hugs to you!!!------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 5:52pm
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Maybe it's because I have been "burned before" by an ex, so to speak..but your DH's behaviour/ reaction to your questions over the weekend would make me really suspicious..
Has the female workmate just recently started texting him, or is this something she has always done that you have always known about? I don't know.. the whole not telling you thing etc.. just stinks.. I hope he's just an idiot who isn't thinking of your feelings, and not an actual cheater. |
Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 7:33pm
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Pepsi - OT: I love your little girls - they look gorgeous ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 10:14pm
Hehe, Thank you 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 10:25pm
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Sorry but I have to agree with Pepsi here, he's either stupid, or he's hiding something.
It's very typical behaviour to lash out at the innocent party when you're feeling bad about something yourself - don't let him bully you by him giving you little threats. How do I know this? My hubby had an emotional affair last year when he had a breakdown, and exhibited the same behaviours you've just mentioned. It doesn't mean he's done anything, but it could mean he's feeling 2nd rate at the moment with you being pregnant and is enjoying his ego being boosted by this other woman. |
Posted By: Blankney94
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 10:57pm
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You know, for the sake of $100 he could have found a room of his own and made you a whole lot more comfortable with the situation Grrrr. Sounds like he was a bit passive-aggressive upon his homecoming. Is this his usual behaviour? I had many previous relationships that were passive-aggressive and all the ultimatims and bluff-calling totally totally did my head in. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 12:08am
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I was talking to my DH about this situation and we both agree that it seems extremely odd to me that a company would insist that the only female would share a room with one of the men. Instead, they would expect two men to share a room not a man and a woman. Something doesn't add up here. So either she has lied and told your DP this so that she could share a room with him - or DP has. I might be completely wrong of course and it's all just innocence and ignorance but if I were in your situation I would probably risk humiliation and an angry DP and see if I could find out from the company what the story is.
Maybe others suggest you trust him and take his word for it but I guess I am the suspicious type. I've been cheated on before too (not by DH!) - so I guess that's why. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 8:39am
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I was thinking about this... and the more I think about it, the more I don't understand the lady's original argument. How can one 'feel safer' with a married man than a single man? It takes two to tango... even if one of the single blokes put the moves on her it's easy enough to say 'get the hell out'. And if the chap involved didn't take no for an answer, that's rape... and I don't know the stats or anything, but I kind of figure that rapists could be married too, if you're that perverted a wee thing like wedding vows aren't going to stop you... so I don't get her initial argument anyway. -------------
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 9:12am
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Organisations do not expect males and females to share a room while away on business. Whoever booked the accommodation would have made sure there were sufficient rooms for her to have a room to herself even if this meant two of the men sharing. Think about it, if you were having a fling with a colleague while away on business you would probably cover your a## in case the wife found out you shared a room by saying something like your DH has said. And I do think men who cheat are pretty good at shifting the blame to the wife, like 'well you picked a fight with me so I had to sleep on the couch blah blah'. It might be all over nothing though. Perhaps you need to talk to him about asking her to back off, stop the texts etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 10:41am
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Whatever the truth of the matter is, im sorry you are going through it , being pregnant is already an emotionally trying time , and this is the last thing you need -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 2:00pm
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He came home for lunch today, as he does everyday (he works closly with her best friend) and said she had a 'mental breakdown' so my voodoo must've worked (jokingly) I said well thats just karma. She must be very unstable? Maybe he was flirting (or something more did happen) and he enjoyed the attention and she got the wrong idea? She messaged him twice asking for a phone number but he didn't reply (he doesn't hide his phone from at all).
I found her on his facebook friends list and she does apparantly have a boyfriend. Which was in her message that she was having problems and just wanted to get out of town (before they left). Somethings just not right. We have had a problem with another friends partner before, which he promtly told her to f off. but this one, I can't put my finger on what the story is, its bothering me no end. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 2:06pm
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If its bugging you that much why not write down what bothers you and why it bothers you and then ask your DH if you can have a civil conversation where you BOTH listen to each other.. no getting defensive and no getting angry and see if you can sort it out.
At least if you have written it down beforehand you have worked through what bugs you and you can bring it up without the defensiveness and anger etc. When either of you get into that frame of mind you won't have a productive conversation. If you leave it as is your mind could create things that aren't there, it will get possibily blown out of proportion in your own head and the tense feelings won't just go away. Ya know? |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 2:12pm
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If I was you I would be going through his pockets, his car and his phone looking for clues. It's not in his best interests to be honest with you if something is going on so I think you should do your best to find out yourself! My friend uncovered her ex husband's cheating by doing all of this as well as following him after he left work a few times. She ended up following him to his girlfriend's house and confronted him there
I'm not saying anything is going on but if it was me I would want to make sure of it, particularly if things aren't feeling right. |
Posted By: Grrrrr
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 2:29pm
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Oh wow, thats awful. I have been in a relationship where after I caught him out I was always looking for 'signs' which I didn't want to ever do again.
I know where DP is at all times (at home) his phone, the car is both ours, all his accounts we know each others passwords etc, I have never had a reason to ever think he would cheat or has done that before, just this trip has be totally baffled! I don't believe he would jeoperdise our family but in the same sense, this whole drama makes none!! I was wondering if I was creating an issue out of nothing (those preggy hormones) as I have been upset about alot of things lately. But I just wonder what her intentions are I guess and why he just didn't tell her to p!ss off. Which when reading Emz, perhaps its lack of attention on my part so he liked having to "look" after her. But he knows, that if I ever find out more happened I definately won't be sticking around to give second chances or work things out. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 2:33pm
| That just sounds like a bunch of guessing. Just talk about it properly, then you both know where each other is feeling and you might actually get some real answers as to his behaviour rather than jumping in between something bad going on and blaming yourself and therefore you can prevent from ending up in this situation again. |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 3:08pm
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Grrr trust me, from experience, you want to talk about this ASAP so you don't get things going around in your head.
After Dh and I talked, it was clear that he'd felt pushed aside by my pregnancy and our son being in hospital (which to me is a fair enough reason lol) but he needed to realise as well that had he communicated better, it wouldn't have been an issue. It wasn't until we actually figured that out, that we could relate to each other. The good thing I read from one of your posts is that he didn't hide his phone. DH would take his even to the shower with him - the first night he didn't, I looked through it (hey not proud of it but I don't care anymore) and found the woman's number as 'security'. It came in handy when DH went missing and my MIL called her house and ended up talking to DH. Btw he wasn't having a physical relationship, but she was milking his breakdown for all it was worth and it wasn't until he found out she'd been telling me they were sleeping together and she was trying to get pregnant that he snapped out of his insanity and realised she had her own agenda. Women are b*tches, this one got burnt by her partner so she decided noone else had the right to be happy. Good luck, please talk to your partner, actually, listening is better. If it takes going to the court counselling, do it. It's free and even just one session can help you communicate a lot more (FWIW, my DH and I are over everything, completely besotted with each other again and happier than we have been in a couple of years, and no trust issues anymore, so it can have a happy ending ) - if he is in fact getting some comfort from this woman, he may just be having a bit of a PMS moment
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 4:15pm
It sounds to me that you have a gut feeling he has been up to no good. I wonder what he would say if you said you would ring his company & ask about the sleeping arrangements & her safety issues....& say you will call her to put things straight. After all she is not the only one at fault ....how hard is it to say no... Trust is a hard thing to get back if it is broken..but you have to do what's best for you in the end... |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 19 July 2010 at 8:29pm
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I'm suspicious by nature, and here's my take on him telling you that she has had a mental breakdown... That if he tells you beforehand that she's a bit crazy, it's insurance that if anything ever comes out later (perhaps from her)... then maybe you won't believe it because he has given you something to think she is not credible in what she says.
On the plus side, he isn't hiding his phone.. One thing my cheating ex did was hide his phone at all times.. The most important thing I ever learned from my past experience is to DEFINITELY trust your instincts.. You'll be amazed at how accurate they are, and if something doesn't seem right, it isn't.. To what extent, I guess that's another issue, but it's clear that something is going on that you need to get to the bottom of or it will keep eating away at you and your relationship. |