Self esteem/confidence

Nutella wrote: I reckon there is no one in the world that EVERYONE likes, despite some people thinking that everyone loves them. I bet even Mother Theresa annoyed someone out there....

And if you try to please EVERYONE, you will be the unhappiest person around. Plus, you'll just never succeed!

Chickielou wrote: The one thing that bugs my friend and she does everything she can to try and get me to come around, is i cant handle affection from people, IE hugs etc.......I feel uncomfortable and I honestly think that comes down to my upbringing.............my upbringing is a long winded story but it involves my natural mother bailing when I was a baby and me being raised by step mothers.........and a dad who wasnt affectionate........and no one ever told me they were proud of me...........so i have had a lot of self importance issues and a lot of insecurities and altho I mostly dont let it affect me, these things have a way of creeping back in, esp when tired or hormonal etc

OMG! I can so relate to the not liking/taking affection thing. Think it's mum related too. Like my good friends or friends will come to give me a hug and sometimes I'll let them, but I just feel weird about it. It just feels wrong, though it shouldn't. Like I have some friends who are very into exchanging hugs and when they try the same on me, I'm like, urgh, go away!

I can definitely relate amme_eilyk.

What a great thread - thanks for sharing ladies.

I'm reminded of something my mum used to say "You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" which is very true.

I'm extremely introverted, but quite confident in my professional life (I'm good at what I do, and that comes through when I'm talking about what I do etc) so people think I'm extroverted. However, in social situations I'm completely the opposite, but have learned to fake it. That first step to enter/join a conversation when at a party etc, still gives me butterflies! (The internet is fantastic, because when you don't actually know people as real people, rejection is much less painful.)

As a child, I always knew who I was, but unfortunately, I didn't realise that being a confident person who is not willing to bend to social norms doesn't always make you a likeable person. Until I was 10 or 12 I simply didn't understand that some people hide parts of their personality so that others will like them (especially at school). By the time I figured that out, my personality was pretty fixed, and I'm very stubborn, so I was in the mindset of "this is who I am, and if they don't like it, tough".

Interesting thread Kel - and it has really made me think. It's funny cause I've always thought of myself as quite a confident person, but now that I think about it, I think I might just be faking it, cause in reality, the only time I feel confident is when I'm dealing with customers..... so I guess it's the fact that they are relying on me to provide information/advice, which makes me feel 'needed' and therefore confident. But when I was at school, I was always the one who'd get picked on, but I'd let it happen cause at least it was some form of attention. I was one of 6 kids so never got a lot of attention from my parents as a youngster. My sister directly younger that me (altho 5yrs apart) got diagnosed with Diabetes when she was only 16 months old so my parents were always too busy with her, so I never really got a huge amount of love. My family aren't overly affectionate either so have always found it quite hard to let people in iykwim. My Dad was in the airforce so he was never really around, so I lacked a father figure for the majority of my childhood and I think that is what caused me to become (for lack of a better word) a bit of a skank in my late teens, early 20's. I just felt I always needed a man around. I didn't like a lot of the guys I'd go out with, but just liked the feeling of someone 'wanting' me, it is what made me feel good about myself, even if for all the wrong reasons.
When I met my DF, he made me feel far more confident in myself. He always makes me feel sexy and beautiful and I can be myself around him, which to be honest, I had never done before. I have always been who other people want me to be.
After having Isla however,my confidence took a real nose dive. I've always been blessed with a good figure - despite the fact I eat like a horse, but after having an 11lb 8oz baby, my body took a bit of a hammering. I have lost all my baby weight (27kg!) but have quite a lot of flab around my belly which I just can't shift so that makes me feel kinda gross about myself. And my skin has gone yucky as well, so yea body image has a lot to do with it. DF still tells me I'm gorgeous, and I know he thinks I am, but I still struggle to believe it myself cause when I look in the mirror, I don't look like the person I used to be.
Wow sorry - kinda went off on a bit of a tangent there...... lol I think I stayed on topic for most of that lol

Has anyone read much in the way of Self-help books?

If so, did you find any helpful or relevant?