Self esteem/confidence

Ok, so I was thinking today, what has bearing on our confidence/self esteem?

What makes some of us more confident and some of us less confident?

Is it personality? Is it how our parents treated us?

What makes some of us care way too much what others think and thus effecting our confidence, while others aren't really fazed and have plenty of confidence?

Does how our children and others perceive you as a parent effect your confidence? How about how you perceive yourself?

How many of us are faking it?

Are introverts less confident or not? Are extroverts more confident or less confident?

Are easy-going people more effected by others opinions or not?

Are outgoing people confident people or really good actors?

How much does your body image effect your self esteem?

What's your opinion on these things?

Edited by escadachic

I'm very introverted by nature and was hideously shy from childhood until my 20's but learned to 'fake it (being outgoing) till I made it' lol. I still perfer small groups of people to large groups though, and am quite happy with my own company.  I also need to withdraw from society occasionally to 'regroup'. I used to feel bad about doing that but I'm fine with it now lol. I have lots of awesome friends and no trouble making any. I feel great about my body, even after having 2 large babies hehe. I'm confident of most of my choices in life and how I parent. I think part of this is learned behaviour, and part of it is old age  I am definately not very easy going, I enjoy having routine & being in control but having said that I'm very down to earth and very practical. IMO introverts or extroverts can be confident as I think it's something that is inside you, regardless how you choose to exhibit it to the rest of the world. Obviously how we are parented ourselves lends to our behaviour later in life but HOW it does just varies from person to person. What makes one person strong would destroy another & it's anyones guess how that works?!

Edited to add- I used to care enormously what other people thought of me, but I'm much less so inclined now. Old age plays a part in that too lol. Of course I still care and sometimes I get hit hard when someone reacts negatively to me but for the most part I could care less. Some of that might be a Buddhist thing (which I was involved in for years)

I guess I just think as you get older you DO generally worry less about stuff like that and just get on and do it. There's no way you're gonna ever please everyone all the time or have everyone like you and that's a hard lesson to learn for some of us. But if you CAN learn it, it's very liberating.

Edited by Emmecat

I reckon lots of people that seem confident are faking it, sure has been the case with lots of people I know including DH. So really confidence=extrovert rather than actual confidence.

Me..I am probably quite introverted but reasonably confident...I just don't NEED people to quite the same extent as a lot of people...I enjoy the company of others but sure don't get lonely if I don't have company....if that makes sense.

Interesting...apparently there are a lot less introverted people than extroverted people and often introverts can be perceived as 'snobby' because they are much quieter and spend a lot of time listening and watching others rather than talking. I know I have been thought of as a snob because of it...so try to make more effort these days.

But then if people can't accept me for the quiet person that I am then they are the ones who miss out...you can't judge someone on one experience with them. It takes time to get to know some people.

Oh and Aussies are way more crazy than little old kiwis so I am super introverted here compared to them lol....

ETA: I sometimes wonder if DS will be a slower talker than other babies since I am not a big talker and not about to change either. I figure he will catch up at some stage so don't really care.

Edited by Nutella

I love big crowds and lots of people just as much as a small group of friends. I am an extremely confident person despite the size i am. (size 18-20)

i love myself and who I am, but am still trying to better myself (if that makes sense)... i am exercising, not to loose weight or change my body shape, but to be fitter and healthier.

i have given up caring what people think of me (with the exception of my immediate family and my partner, whose are the only opinions that matter to me)



BUT in saying that.... when I was at school - while still loving being around people and surrounded by so many people who loved and cared for me, there were a couple of people (mostly high school) who always knew the wrong thing to say. It got the point where I was in counselling and was suicidal. (i didnt even realise it at the time.... but i found an old diary i had kept and re-read it and im really suprised im still here!)



it took ALOT for me to get to where i am today. I am confident with how my DP and i raise our son. i am confident with who i am and who i want to be. i am confident as a mother, as myself, as a cook, cleaner and finder of lost things.


I easily talk to stangers about anything and even have met and exchanged numbers with people in the supermarket who just happened to say a nice word.


i love nothing more than making someone elses day, whether it be helping someone with their groceries, saying a nice word or even just giving an encouraging smile.


maybe being a crazy aussie helps hehe.

Nutella wrote: Interesting...apparently there are a lot less introverted people than extroverted people and often introverts can be perceived as 'snobby' because they are much quieter and spend a lot of time listening and watching others rather than talking. I know I have been thought of as a snob because of it...so try to make more effort these days.

Oh that is SO true! I am the quiet type and I remember when someone once told me, they were afraid to approach me, as they thought I was a snob and probably a bi**h, because I was slim and attractive(back then at least)

Edited - double post! Stoopid slow internet.

Edited by fattartsrock

YEah! It took me ages to love the skin Im in (lol thanks nivea!) however I think its come with age, I've realised I can't please all of the people all of the time, and the only person I need to keep happy is ME!!! Cos if Im happy the whole house hums!

I like your post fattarts

fattartsrock wrote: "What can you do about it?" and "what evidence do you have that people are thinking/saying/doing..."

I recall reading something along those lines in an online course, called: Moodgym. It works with cognitive behavioural therapy. Where you learn to reprogram the wrong thinking/ideas you may have.

Im slowly getting there, I have stopped caring as much, altho some things still bug me and upset me but I wouldnt be human if they didnt.

Im actually quite surprised at how much I dont care what others think and I have FINALLY learned that if someones not gonna like you, quite frankly nothing you do will change that, its there problem not mine......

And to be honest I dont have the energy to give a cr*p what others think of me anymore. Cos I KNOW Im a good person and think of others and have a good heart and good morals and of course am not perfect like the next person. I do make mistakes like the next person, but if im upset I will tell that person that I am, if I feel they are worth it, and it gets me in a lot of trouble cos of course it can be confrontational to alot of people, but all my close friends know that I am honest and if they want an honest opinion they just need to ask me(altho i do know how to white lie) and they know if I am upset with them, altho I do still pick my battles. You dont get any fakeness with me, I where my heart on my sleeve, if im upset i will cry in front of you, if Im angry you will know cos I cant hide it......

I cant stand people that get up on their thrones and act like they are perfect and have never done anything wrong to others and sit there and point the finger constantly at peoples mistakes and never take any responsibiltiy for any part..........sorry went off topic!!

The one thing that bugs my friend and she does everything she can to try and get me to come around, is i cant handle affection from people, IE hugs etc.......I feel uncomfortable and I honestly think that comes down to my upbringing.............my upbringing is a long winded story but it involves my natural mother bailing when I was a baby and me being raised by step mothers.........and a dad who wasnt affectionate........and no one ever told me they were proud of me...........so i have had a lot of self importance issues and a lot of insecurities and altho I mostly dont let it affect me, these things have a way of creeping back in, esp when tired or hormonal etc

Ok enough of a novel.......