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minik8e 
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Location: Taranaki
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 Posted: 12 October 2009 at 2:53pm |
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I think we need to do some talking!! It would be nice to have a morning off for each of us, but realistically it won't happen unless one of us is away overnight. There's definitely some good suggestions though. I think I'm going to bargain for some me time where it doesn't matter if it's feeding time or whatever, it's MY time..and I can go to the gym or whatever. I don't think DH realises sometimes what a mission it can be to get out of the house through the day - he asked me this morning to get him some teabags..until I asked him if he thought I could just pop out to grab them? Needless to say, he's getting them on the way home from work...
I can totally understand the "at least you get to LEAVE" emz!!!!
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RinTinTin
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Joined: 04 February 2009
Location: Waikato
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Posted: 12 October 2009 at 3:25pm |
 lilfatty wrote:
Oh and in "defense" of men, women have more connections between the left and right side of our brain, which is why we can multi-task, its why a man can only do one thing at a time  |
LOL.Funny, I'm reading Nigel Latta's latest book and he talks about this theory/research. Apparently its not true.
Book is called Mothers Raising Sons. Good book.
Sorry, thread hi-jack.
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Manda08
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 12 October 2009 at 6:11pm |
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linda
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Posted: 12 October 2009 at 9:57pm |
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DH is great with helping help but there is a lot of things that need to be done around the house that will make the house more child safe so although I sometimes resent him being able to do odd jobs around the house he is doing it for the family.
When the twins were about your twins age we had turns in the weekend of one taking the twins to the lounge and feeding them and the other having a sleep in and then swapping on the Sunday. This was a great way to have some me time.
You'll be off to work soon so you really need to be both sharing the load. I'm not sure if you've got this far but if you are at work and DH is at home due to rain will the girls stay at home or get picked up from Daycare early by DH? Sorry, not sure what you are doing re all this so I might be way off base but it is things that you might need to start thinking about and the more confident DH is with the girls the better.
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Alex 6 and Harry 8
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Babe
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Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 9:38am |
DP is like Kellys hubby now - always encouraging me to go off and do my own thing while him and Jake spend time together but it took quite a while to get here. He use to get really grouchy about taking Jake along with him if he was working round the house coz 'he couldn't work and watch him at the same time'  I spent all day every day watching him while doing everything else! When I wanted to talk to him at night about some parenting thing that was bothering me he'd tell me he didn't know what to do and he had to go to work in the morning he couldn't stay in bed so he needed his sleep  like I got a sleep-in!!
We worked it out in the end but you're certainly not alone in how you feel. Carin is right - watch for PND coz it sneaks up on you specially in this type of situation. I don't really have any advice - we basically just talked and talked and I made plans to go out whether he was happy or not same as PP's have suggested but I really hope you guys sort it out 
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mummyofprinces
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Joined: 10 February 2008
Location: Hibiscus Coast
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 9:45am |
Awww Kate, I know how you feel and I only have one  You are doing an amazing job!!!!!
After a couple of months of lots of arguing eventually I sat DH down and asked him how good it felt to get home after work? I listened to his answer and then asked him if he felt I deserved the same?? He just looked at me, so I reminded him that while I LOVE being a mum and nothing has made me happier (since we got married) I dont get to "come home". Im here all day everyday and no matter how much I love our son I need a break!
We have a routine, DH comes home around 5.30pm and gets changed and takes Jake. He gives him dinner, baths him, reads him a story and puts him to bed at 7pm. He then gets the rest of the night off. Anything he has to do can wait. I also reminded him that he had the 50 mins on the bus on the way to and from work to chill out on his own that I dont get! Oh how I would love that some days...
Saturdays he sleeps in, Sundays I sleep in.
This didnt happen until I had a mini breakdown and the crisis team from Mental Health came to visit. I think that helped realise that parenting was a 2 person job.
I agree, I take my hat off to single parents! I wonder how on earth you manage.
GL hun, I agree with the others. I think you need to dump him in the deep end. As long as you are doing it all, he wont learn how to cope on his own. I used to ask DH how earth he would cope if I got sick and ended up in hospital??? (Apparently Jake would have come with me)
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Bizzy
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 1:08pm |
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i think some of it is just a mothers lot... but unless you are firm and say hey i do need some ME time, i am off to the gym... or whatever - then it wont happen.
i think too that sometimes we have to try and think about the flip side. men can feel resentment to us mums because we get to spend all this time with the babies and its us they want when sick or hurt etc... they no longer have their wife to themselves and it can be hard, and men they just wont tell you this is why they are being prats and leaving you all to it! i know too with my husband he was worried he wouldnt be able to do it all when i went out, or that he would do it wrong... or i would be ritical of how he does stuff. but they just have to get in there and be left to it.
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palomino
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 1:35pm |
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I think my DP needs to read this. He thinks im just a moaning bitch if i complain about needing time out because apparently that what i do all day, sit around watching t.v. eating etc...
Mines looked after B once for an hour and a half.
Hes going to a dads course thing because he says he doesnt want to look after him because he doesnt know what to do. and i always end up snapping at him saying how the f do you think i know. i had to learn just the same as you.
/rant over
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?Lolly?
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:25pm |
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My man acutally did read this, I have nothing to complain about though. It's just that he does so much and asked just recently after a friend commented on good he was if he was out of the ordinary. Sean is fantastic but he does annoy me at times and It doesn't mean I don't feel a little bit grudgeful when the girls scream though the night and he gets to sleep because rationally I know he has to get up at 5.30am and go to work all day.
Keeping the lines of communication open is essential but even if we spell it out for our men often they still don't get it. It's sad that sometimes people do have to have a bit of a break down before the other partner gets it. I think when we are feeling frustrated with our partners we have to keep in mind what the real issues are and not over focus on the symptoms. Don't hit them with too much in one go because simple minded males can become easily overwhelmed and turn there ears off.
On a side note, Sean has only been left with the girls by himself once and he rang me after half an hour in a panic because he was worried he was doing things wrong.
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Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
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ElfsMum
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Location: Christchurch
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 4:33pm |
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right well:)
my DH is awesome with Ethan..really Brilliant.. but..... he never has him by himself ...it's cause he has 'nowhere to take him'...hmm like i just magically find places lol:)
anyway i get up every night..he sleeps through his cries and i gav eup having to wake him like 80 times to get him to get up..so I am sleep deprived and pregnant!
he is a brilliant househusband when he wants to be and when i was preg first time he did heaps but not this time..he is working weekends atm but mostly he doesnt.. and i get resentful that he goes to the garage or we all hang out so he still gets to do his stuff...i go out like to the casino occasionally sat morning with my parents but i used to feel so guilty lol..
we are supposed to alternate sleepins but with him working weekends and not waking to E it doesnt end up that way...though i suspect he is awake a lot of the time (I'm often on the couch cause i cant sleep when pregnant)
anyway resentment is normal but i dont know how to get past it and i hate it how men are like oh i dont know what to do or whatever when we never used to either..we learnt the hard way.. my Dh knows exactly what the cries mean and learnt it before me so not that in this case..
you are a legend for doing it with two!
he says he would give anything to be home during the day and i offered a job share type thing but he isnt interested..says he couldnt do it with his job...so get a different one! anyway i could go on for hours about this..you arent alone!
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Mum to two amazing boys!
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ElfsMum
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 6:19pm |
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he does do baths on weekdays and bed on weekdays and i do bath and bed on weekends and he does tea in the weekends for E as well though
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Mum to two amazing boys!
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HoneybunsMa
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Posted: 13 October 2009 at 8:49pm |
Yep well...
My DP and I are having the same arguments and there is only one. I keep saying to him I need him to take DD to look after her because I can't do it all on my own. I've told him I get sick of him taking her for only half an hour then her not settling or whatever so I get her handed back to me. I used to make dp get up when she woke at 7 and do a feed but since I stopped expressing I don't have the milk for that now.
I talked to him yesterday and explained to him I just need him to take her so I can have some time without her on me or needing me every second. I explained that I didn't even want him to do the housework I just want him to take her so that I can have some time and space to do it without rushing through things. So you know what he is doing things now.
He is great and does take her from me and tells me I should go out and he is more then happy to look after her, but my argument is I don't have anywhere to go! We don't have the money for me to do what I want to do and he is at work when there are things on that I want to do so doesn't work.
I just don't think they get that it is alot of hard work to raise a child and make sure you have everything. Thinking about it the fact that he is so pedantic about the nappy bag is something he can do for me for the baby. Most guys I know including DP and my brother who has a 6week old are better with older kids when they are more interactive.
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Resentment towards DH
