Resentment towards DH
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Topic: Resentment towards DH
Posted By: minik8e
Subject: Resentment towards DH
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 9:49am
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I'm starting to feel resentful towards DH, and I don't know that it's really all that fair, but I don't know how to change it.
DH works full-time..although the last couple of weeks it's been more part-time because of the weather. I'm at home with the girls until I start work again at the start of December. On the weekends he does work on the house with his Dad, at a cruisy rate. So he does do a lot!! But I'm starting to resent him for being able to have a break from the girls. There has only been 2 feeds since we have been home that I have had "off" (they are bottle fed), and I feed them both by myself through the day. On the weekends MIL or GIL or SIL tend to be here so help with the feeds...but it's always DH who gets to have the "break" from feeding or whatever. I'm starting to feel trapped, and hate that DH gets a break while I never do, so it feels like I'm at work 24/7. DH has also never fed them by myself, and gets snotty if I even suggest that I'm going to be out at their feeding time - in fact he would more than likely ring his mum to come and help him, instead of doing it by himself. I don't understand why it's good enough for me to feed them by myself every day while he is at work, but he can't, even just for one feed??? He made a (joking) suggestion that it's because I'm Mum and that's what mums are for. I take my hat off to ALL single mothers - I don't have a clue how you do it. At times I feel like I will go insane and just have to get out. Am I being unfair? I'm sorry for the rant (and novel), it's just really getting to me and I'm starting to get a shorter and shorter temper with DH, especially when he makes a joke about feeding or some other aspect of care for the girls. |
Replies:
Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:30am
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we dont have twins but we have 5 children aged 10,7,4,2,1 and a month out from having #6. I feel exactly the same a lot of the time. DH does work hard to support us but he is home on sun and from 4pm in the afternoon everyday, but I still end up doing most of the kid/house work. He goes through phases when he will help. What really gets me is if say the dishwasher isnt unloaded he has a mini tantie over it that its not that hard to look after the kids and get everything done, but to date I dont think hes had 1 whole day looking after all the kids. To him me looking after the kids is not earning money therefore is not a job/hardwork. Ive tried talking to him which is when he has his helpful for a wee while.
So all in all I dont think your being unfair and I dont actually have any helpful advice, lol, but your def not alone ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Joscia
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:35am
Aw Kate 
I just have DS, so I can only imagine what it must be like with twins! Totally understand how you feel though. For the first few months I got so jealous about DH getting to leave for work every day - and just be able to get in the car and go. Not have anyone else to worry about. I don't think you're being unfair / unreasonable at all! |
Posted By: angel4
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:36am
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i think it is quite normal to feel like this. Im sorry but im not sure what to do about it.
I have spent quite a bit of time being resentful towards Dh because for the first 3months of henry's life he wasnt living with us so i did EVERYthing myself. I decided recently that i just had to get over that because even if he wanted to there was nothing he could change about that as it was in the past. One thing that helped me quite a bit was i started working on saturdays for a few hours (im a SAHM during the week) and Dh had henry for the day. It gave him more of an understanding for what my days are like. Maybe you could ask him straight up why he cant do a feed for the girls by himself? I think you need to try and be open with your dh about it as bottling it up and getting more and more angry (this is what i find myself doing) doesnt help anything. Sorry that probably hasnt helped alot. I dont know if it s normal or not to feel this way but i know i often feel like this |
Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:39am
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Hugs Kate! I can understand how things feel a little overwhelming. I think being a Mum is harder than being at work 24/7...at least at work you can pull a sickie or hide in the toilet for 10 mins. I am a hard ar$e, so take this suggestion with a grain of salt, but, if it were me, I'd just go out when it's feeding time and let him manage (even if he does get his Mum to come help)....throw him in the deep end - he might get grumpy at you, but at least (once he calms down) he'll have some appreciation for the job you're doing. You ARE doing a great job. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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(remember at times like this it pays to chant your wee mantra - mine in this instance would be "this too will pass, this too will pass, this too will pass.....")Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:46am
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Can't say I know how you're feeling personally, but I do know that this is REALLY common. I have lots of friends with kids who have all admited to feeling this way. Whether or not it is "fair" I think is irrelevant, the fact that you feel this way means you need to do something about it.
Talk to your DH, let him know how you feel. Remember guys need most things spelt out to them. If the girls are bottle fed, then it should be easy enough to say "here, take these 2 for a few hours, I need time out". Personally, I wouldn't even ask him, I'd just hand them over, that way he has no opportunity to say no. But then thats just me. Remind him it takes 2 to Tango, he helped create these girls so he needs to do his share of care. I think you might find he doesn't even realise how you feel. Being a guy he probably figures "well I'm working and providing, I'm fixing up the house, I'm being a good husband". Guys just don't seem to grasp the concept that you don't give a damn about the house right this minute, you just want time out. I'm sure he can leave the house for a day to look after the girls.
Organise an afternoon out with some friends, tell DH thats what you're doing and that he can't book anything else for that day, and just go!
I have my dog club which meets every Wednesday night that I WILL be going to after baby is born. I'll express milk, leave DP with bub and go and that will be MY time. I have already discussed and planned this with DP so he's prepared for it.
Also consider looking for some support groups in your area. I know they are around for twins. Does your Antenatal Group still meet for coffee? Consider even talking to a PND counsellor. Not that you have PND but you may find it'll creep up on you if you leave this to go on.
And if all else fails...there is always OhBaby. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:48am
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I can understand totally!!
Plan a day out and leave him to it! Thats what I did. A WHOLE day, not just a couple of hours, then he might understand how you feel. DH is pretty good now. Like yesterday I was gone from 8am - 6pm and he coped fine because I have made him have time with Daniel alone regularly. Is it a confidence thing with the girls and feeding which is why he doesn't wanna do it? Maybe have a good talk to him about that. Cause he might not feel like he can cope or whatever and ask what would make it easier for him to learn how to manage both girls feeding or whatever. DH doesn't like doing certain things with Daniel but I found out it was just a lack of confidence. I have to do everything with Daniel during the day so I have to get over it but when I'm around DH doesn't HAVE to do it ya know so he doesnt learn how to cope with all situations so now he asks me how I would deal with xyz and then goes off and has a go at it. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:50am
I did actually come straight out and ask him, which is when he came up with his (joking) crap about it being a Mum's job. He knows that I'm feeling resentful of him - I told him so, because on Friday they finished work at 2pm and had a couple of drinks and a BBQ, put on by the boss. I had had a really bad day with the girls, so when he got home I told him I was going out for groceries because I HAD to get out - they were due for a feed soon and he wasn't happy!! And said I can't do that to him as soon as he walks in the door from work - to which I replied I didn't think drinking beer and eating BBQ were really all that hard work. I think what I find hardest to deal with is that our original plan was for DH to be a SAHD (before our finances dictated otherwise), and he's now decided there's no way he could/would do it because it's too much to deal with...but it's fine for me to do it at the moment?? And that's what Mums are supposed to do, apparently. ETA: I have always made it clear (even before we got pg), and DH has agreed, that I cannot be a full-time mum - not if I want to stay remotely sane and happy. So it's not a new thing!!! |
angel4 wrote:Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:55am
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I hear your pain too. Prior to me spitting the dummy, DH:
- Saw 'doing the baby' as my job, he had his, and I had mine. - When hearing the baby cry, would say 'He's calling your name....' - If he had to settle DS to sleep, he'd take him for a drive and then let him sleep in the carseat. Never mind that usually, I spend hours trying to settle DS Recently I had to point out to him that: - Being a SAHM is hard work and it's a 24/7 job. I can't just come home at the end of the day and put my feet up - Becoming a parent is not a JOB, it's an enriching experience which flies by so quickly. He better get on board or he's going to miss out on all of these joyful moments which come with the hard work - DS needs his Dad and the bonding that Dads and Sons have is important - I need a few hours to myself here and there so he can 'do the baby' during that time - I need to trust that he can meet our sons needs and not just go for a drive when he needs to be in bed asleep. The outcome has been amazing. Sure, it's still not ideal, DH still gets to go to the gym 4X a week and play indoor footie but I get a few hours to myself here and there, he is learing how to do things himself with DS AND he is also learning what a wonderful little man our DS is. Good luck and you're certainly not alone. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 11:01am
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I was going to say what Stacey said, do you think he's acting like that cause he's a bit scared of the responsibility?
Definitely plan a day out. I have marked all the days on the calendar when I'm off, he knows that there is no protesting because when I'm out those days the vehicle I take is not suitable for baby seats  I think my DH was a bit worried but then I think he expected Cooper to fuss at the bottle when he takes it like a star.------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 11:11am
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I don't think it's a confidence thing with the feeding, as such, because when there is just the two of us, he feeds one while I feed the other (including at night). I think it's dealing with BOTH of them at the same time that scares the crap out of him. But it is something that you get used to. You find ways around it, and I have tried to explain that to him. It's just like he feeds them and then puts them straight back to bed, unless I say they need to be up for a while. I think he's coming to the realisation that babies aren't as easy as what he thought they were, and he doesn't like it.
It's hard..I don't want to criticise DH because he is wonderful, and would protect the 3 of us with his life, and do anything he could to make our life better (such as finishing the renovations on the house)...but it's not what we need at the moment. The girls need time with Daddy, and I need time for me!! But he can't see that. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 11:11am
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Oh and some more little thoughts of mine.. how about coming up with some plans together..
Like tell him that you will give him say 20 mins to wind down after work where you wont ask him to do stuff with the girls providing he does xyz. Ya know, a bit of give and take? then you will both get a little of what you want. eta: I also put it to dh like has anything you have ever done been learnt in the first attempt, of course not, learning any new thing, which includes anything to do with kids and babies takes practice, the more you do it the more confident and better you get at it. The only reason I'm better at it than you is that I do it more often, therefore you need more practice. It doesn't matter if you dont do it perfectly cause I sure as hell dont lol |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 11:16am
| I do usually allow him some down time after work to have a shower and relax...I try to time their next feed for after our tea, so that's around 1 1/2 hours or so after he gets home. On Friday I didn't because I didn't think eating and drinking for an hour and a half needed any down time... |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 11:28am
| Thats good at you allow that but how about having a conversation about that kinda thing so he knows you are actively doing that and then together you come up with something that YOU get in return for doing that kinda thing. Then you can both come up with things that work for both of you. |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 11:29am
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*Hugs* I think it's definitely a common situation and like others have said, I can only imagine how much harder it is when you have twins!
Even sometimes now with 2 kids under out belts, one being over 3..my DH comments about whether or not he can "cope" on his own with them both if I plan to go out. And even after all this time, it has really only been recently that he "kind of" gets that just because he has been at work all day, doesn't mean I haven't been working hard at home. He may feel physical exhaustion, but mine is mental exhaustion! I think this is a part that your DH still doesn't get. You have already tried discussing it with him obviously, and if that hasn't worked well then I also reckon you should just throw him in the deep end. Until he gets a real taste of how hard it is for you, he won't understand why he shouldn't expect a break when he gets home when you have been waiting for one all day! |
Posted By: Aprilfools
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 12:02pm
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I would say it's perfectly normal. It p*ssed me off no end in the beginning that he got to have a shower every morning no questions asked before heading off to his job and I was struggling to have one at least every second day.
Being a 'nurturer' doesn't come naturally to men but being a 'provider' does (well it should but some men are just d*cks, who are we kidding). It's a mothers instinct to care for her child and a fathers to go out and slay the dragons and bring home the kill of the day so to speak. So they need quite a bit of gentle pushing and encouragement. It took my DH quite a while to realise that babies don't understand, yeah I'll do it in 10mins. My DH made that it's your job now comment to me once and I flared my nostrils and said you better be feckin kidding coz if you ever say that to me again you can pack your bags and bugger off until you grow up. But you get there in the end one way or another. So here's what helped for us. Bath time was DH's job, we moved into a routine that slotted in with his getting home from work and working evenings if he has to. It's his job he knows it and he does it, takes a bit of prompting in the beginning but once they get used to it I believe men are creatures of habit and will just go into auto pilot a bit. He picked three nights a week that he would give the 10pm bottle and I have three nights (saturday we fight over who gets to do it and have the last cuddle of the day). So on our nights 'off' we can go to bed early or whatever we want with no guilt or argument. More often than not DH and I race each other down the hallway to be the first to pick him up but it's nice to know that we can each have early nights if we want to. The biggest thing that made all the difference and really helped DH understand and get into it was the weekends. The weekends need to feel like the weekend for both of you. On one morning every weekend I get to sleep in and DH gets up with Harper. The first few times he was a bit unsure and it took all my strength not to get up and take over but then he got the hang of it and he loves it. And the number one rule in this house is that if one person is not sitting on the couch relaxing then the other shouldn't be either. Work together and then relax together. Your girls are beautiful and it will fall into place for you. You've got twice the workload as most of us and I don't doubt for a second how trying it must be sometimes. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 12:23pm
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*hugs * Kate, i've been a single mum , and I know how tiring it can be doing it all on your own , but at least when you're a single parent , you don't expect a partner to help you , so I would be feeling mighty frustrated and resentful towards your DH too .
My DH must be some kind of freak , because he is the complete opposite, he often tells me to go out , or go have a nap without the kids and says he will take care of them , he comes home some nights and I still haven't cooked dinner, and he doesnt complain, he runs me a bath, gives me a hug, and makes dinner himself ..he insists Im tired , and should be relaxing . .........hmmm, I don't know if I should be worried hes strange, or grateful hes so .........strange  ------------- 
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 1:20pm
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Funny thing is, when I was at home with Isabelle, I resented SD for getting to go out of the house and "have a break" then when we swapped roles and he was a SAHD and I went to work, I resented the fact that he got to stay home and see her grow. Poor man just couldnt catch a break lol.
With number two it hasnt been as bad but there are still days that I feel like im permanently chained the chair with a small child sucking the nipple off my boob and hate the fact that SD gets his freedom (well as much freedom as going to school allows BYKWIM), so I feel for you! Oh and in "defense" of men, women have more connections between the left and right side of our brain, which is why we can multi-task, its why a man can only do one thing at a time  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 1:22pm
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My husband is like your's Kelly, yet i've still been known to feel like you minik8e.....
go figure! Not very helpful I know 
-------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 2:04pm
I'd throw him in the deep end too! Sink or swim  and the thing is, if they can't cope, they WILL ask for help, and that's fine because it means they have finally realised that they a)need to know more about their child's routine, and b)will have a better appreciation for your job.
I resent my DH because he gets to go away for weeks on end and have time where it's just him - I'd love a big break from reality once in a while (although I'm sure I'd miss the kids like he does too). Can't really help other than that though, my Dh does SFA in terms of the kids care, simply because he's never home so there's no point in relying on him. But I have always insisted, that because of his job, whenever he's home I get at least 1 sleepin a week where I can do my own thing (and it is usually sleeping) from 7pm Sat night til about midday Sunday. Unfortunately he doesn't remember to do the dishes and washing while he's looking after the kids but oh well
There have been many times when I've yelled at Dh during an argument 'at least you get to LEAVE!' He must think I hate the kids or something 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 2:53pm
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I think we need to do some talking!! It would be nice to have a morning off for each of us, but realistically it won't happen unless one of us is away overnight. There's definitely some good suggestions though. I think I'm going to bargain for some me time where it doesn't matter if it's feeding time or whatever, it's MY time..and I can go to the gym or whatever. I don't think DH realises sometimes what a mission it can be to get out of the house through the day - he asked me this morning to get him some teabags..until I asked him if he thought I could just pop out to grab them? Needless to say, he's getting them on the way home from work...
I can totally understand the "at least you get to LEAVE" emz!!!! |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 3:25pm
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LOL.Funny, I'm reading Nigel Latta's latest book and he talks about this theory/research. Apparently its not true. Book is called Mothers Raising Sons. Good book.
Sorry, thread hi-jack. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Manda08
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 6:11pm
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Big hugs Kate you are doing a great job!
Must be a male thing... I actually spoke to DP's best friend and he said that they just dont know what to do and learn what the cries are for etc... of course i still dont believe this. Anyway i spat the dummy one day and just left for a few hours. Came home to a tidier house and to see DP and DS having some time together it was really neat. I still do have to remind him now and then to help out especially now i am back at work full time, but as we all know males dont think out of the square often!
Im not sure if its better or i have just learnt to accept it more... I hope you can find some answer to what you can do.... even if you have a nice soak in the bath maybe...  ------------- 
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 12 October 2009 at 9:57pm
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DH is great with helping help but there is a lot of things that need to be done around the house that will make the house more child safe so although I sometimes resent him being able to do odd jobs around the house he is doing it for the family.
When the twins were about your twins age we had turns in the weekend of one taking the twins to the lounge and feeding them and the other having a sleep in and then swapping on the Sunday. This was a great way to have some me time. You'll be off to work soon so you really need to be both sharing the load. I'm not sure if you've got this far but if you are at work and DH is at home due to rain will the girls stay at home or get picked up from Daycare early by DH? Sorry, not sure what you are doing re all this so I might be way off base but it is things that you might need to start thinking about and the more confident DH is with the girls the better. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 9:38am
DP is like Kellys hubby now - always encouraging me to go off and do my own thing while him and Jake spend time together but it took quite a while to get here. He use to get really grouchy about taking Jake along with him if he was working round the house coz 'he couldn't work and watch him at the same time'  I spent all day every day watching him while doing everything else! When I wanted to talk to him at night about some parenting thing that was bothering me he'd tell me he didn't know what to do and he had to go to work in the morning he couldn't stay in bed so he needed his sleep  like I got a sleep-in!!
We worked it out in the end but you're certainly not alone in how you feel. Carin is right - watch for PND coz it sneaks up on you specially in this type of situation. I don't really have any advice - we basically just talked and talked and I made plans to go out whether he was happy or not same as PP's have suggested but I really hope you guys sort it out -------------   
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 9:45am
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Awww Kate, I know how you feel and I only have one You are doing an amazing job!!!!!
After a couple of months of lots of arguing eventually I sat DH down and asked him how good it felt to get home after work? I listened to his answer and then asked him if he felt I deserved the same?? He just looked at me, so I reminded him that while I LOVE being a mum and nothing has made me happier (since we got married) I dont get to "come home". Im here all day everyday and no matter how much I love our son I need a break! We have a routine, DH comes home around 5.30pm and gets changed and takes Jake. He gives him dinner, baths him, reads him a story and puts him to bed at 7pm. He then gets the rest of the night off. Anything he has to do can wait. I also reminded him that he had the 50 mins on the bus on the way to and from work to chill out on his own that I dont get! Oh how I would love that some days... Saturdays he sleeps in, Sundays I sleep in. This didnt happen until I had a mini breakdown and the crisis team from Mental Health came to visit. I think that helped realise that parenting was a 2 person job. I agree, I take my hat off to single parents! I wonder how on earth you manage. GL hun, I agree with the others. I think you need to dump him in the deep end. As long as you are doing it all, he wont learn how to cope on his own. I used to ask DH how earth he would cope if I got sick and ended up in hospital??? (Apparently Jake would have come with me) -------------   
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 1:08pm
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i think some of it is just a mothers lot... but unless you are firm and say hey i do need some ME time, i am off to the gym... or whatever - then it wont happen.
i think too that sometimes we have to try and think about the flip side. men can feel resentment to us mums because we get to spend all this time with the babies and its us they want when sick or hurt etc... they no longer have their wife to themselves and it can be hard, and men they just wont tell you this is why they are being prats and leaving you all to it! i know too with my husband he was worried he wouldnt be able to do it all when i went out, or that he would do it wrong... or i would be ritical of how he does stuff. but they just have to get in there and be left to it. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: palomino
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 1:35pm
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I think my DP needs to read this. He thinks im just a moaning bitch if i complain about needing time out because apparently that what i do all day, sit around watching t.v. eating etc...
Mines looked after B once for an hour and a half. Hes going to a dads course thing because he says he doesnt want to look after him because he doesnt know what to do. and i always end up snapping at him saying how the f do you think i know. i had to learn just the same as you. /rant over |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 3:25pm
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My man acutally did read this, I have nothing to complain about though. It's just that he does so much and asked just recently after a friend commented on good he was if he was out of the ordinary. Sean is fantastic but he does annoy me at times and It doesn't mean I don't feel a little bit grudgeful when the girls scream though the night and he gets to sleep because rationally I know he has to get up at 5.30am and go to work all day.
Keeping the lines of communication open is essential but even if we spell it out for our men often they still don't get it. It's sad that sometimes people do have to have a bit of a break down before the other partner gets it. I think when we are feeling frustrated with our partners we have to keep in mind what the real issues are and not over focus on the symptoms. Don't hit them with too much in one go because simple minded males can become easily overwhelmed and turn there ears off. On a side note, Sean has only been left with the girls by himself once and he rang me after half an hour in a panic because he was worried he was doing things wrong. ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 4:33pm
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right well:)
my DH is awesome with Ethan..really Brilliant.. but..... he never has him by himself ...it's cause he has 'nowhere to take him'...hmm like i just magically find places lol:) anyway i get up every night..he sleeps through his cries and i gav eup having to wake him like 80 times to get him to get up..so I am sleep deprived and pregnant! he is a brilliant househusband when he wants to be and when i was preg first time he did heaps but not this time..he is working weekends atm but mostly he doesnt.. and i get resentful that he goes to the garage or we all hang out so he still gets to do his stuff...i go out like to the casino occasionally sat morning with my parents but i used to feel so guilty lol.. we are supposed to alternate sleepins but with him working weekends and not waking to E it doesnt end up that way...though i suspect he is awake a lot of the time (I'm often on the couch cause i cant sleep when pregnant) anyway resentment is normal but i dont know how to get past it and i hate it how men are like oh i dont know what to do or whatever when we never used to either..we learnt the hard way.. my Dh knows exactly what the cries mean and learnt it before me so not that in this case.. you are a legend for doing it with two! he says he would give anything to be home during the day and i offered a job share type thing but he isnt interested..says he couldnt do it with his job...so get a different one! anyway i could go on for hours about this..you arent alone! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 6:19pm
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he does do baths on weekdays and bed on weekdays and i do bath and bed on weekends and he does tea in the weekends for E as well though ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 13 October 2009 at 8:49pm
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Yep well... My DP and I are having the same arguments and there is only one. I keep saying to him I need him to take DD to look after her because I can't do it all on my own. I've told him I get sick of him taking her for only half an hour then her not settling or whatever so I get her handed back to me. I used to make dp get up when she woke at 7 and do a feed but since I stopped expressing I don't have the milk for that now. I talked to him yesterday and explained to him I just need him to take her so I can have some time without her on me or needing me every second. I explained that I didn't even want him to do the housework I just want him to take her so that I can have some time and space to do it without rushing through things. So you know what he is doing things now. He is great and does take her from me and tells me I should go out and he is more then happy to look after her, but my argument is I don't have anywhere to go! We don't have the money for me to do what I want to do and he is at work when there are things on that I want to do so doesn't work. I just don't think they get that it is alot of hard work to raise a child and make sure you have everything. Thinking about it the fact that he is so pedantic about the nappy bag is something he can do for me for the baby. Most guys I know including DP and my brother who has a 6week old are better with older kids when they are more interactive. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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