Friendships - what’s your experience?

meeting new people
I've found I'm meeting so many more new people since having Noah, through AN coffee group and on here too. I've always been shy about meeting new people but have found it alot easier to start up conversations when there are babies involved. I'm looking forward to when I start to take Noah to Playcentre or a playgroup as I'm hoping I will make some new friends through there too.

making new friends
I would count the ladies in my coffee group (from AN group) as friends and I see these ladies quite frequently but don't really know any of them on a deeper level IYGWIM? For instance I know all about their births, triumphs and struggles with mummyhood and what they did (job-wise) "before" but not much about other stuff like hobbies, likes/dislikes etc. But perhaps that will come?? We met a heap of new people on our Contiki tour and I chat occasionally with some of them but I've maintained regular email contact with 1 girl in Aussie and would consider her a friend, and in fact DH & I plan to take a trip to Aussie in the next few years to see them and introduce our kids (again they're at a similar life stage to us)

maintaining friendships
I have one very good friend who I met when we worked together at my first FT job and our friendship has lasted through working together on & off for the past 9 years. I think it has helped that we've gone through different stages together and now our kids are only 3 months apart we try and catch up as regularly as we can when our schedules align LOL

I don't see friends from school anymore as they aren't at the same stage as I am and while we used to catch up it got to the stage where we didn't have enough in common to talk about once we got past the catching up phase of the convo. I have 1 good guy friend from school/sport who I chat with regularly and who is at a similar life stage with his wife to hubby and I.

I've found I've let a few girls, who I considered close friends, "go" as it got to the point where it was tiring trying to arrange catch ups only for them to pull out at literally the last minute or I would try and contact a couple of times and would never hear back from them. I figured my time was better spent with people who wanted to make the time/effort for me.

I will always try and make the effort to maintain contact and therefore forge a friendship with people who show the same sort of interest/effort in reciprocating..if that makes sense?

1) meeting new people

Mostly, I have had the most success meeting new people through online parenting forums, either here, treasures or huggies. A couple of friends I have made through PND support group and zero through PIN groups. The suburb I live in is very well-off and we are not(just in the cheap end, $300pw cheap) And a lot of those mums I found have very, very busy lives, plus they are all older then me and they know each well through either AN groups or from their kids growing up together, from Kindy to School. We moved here from another suburb when older DD was 6, so she missed out on making friends through the Kindy or starting school.

2) making new friends

As above.

3) maintaining friendships

That about putting in time and having a listening ear and relating to one another I feel.

nathansmummy wrote: ie. is it harder in Auckland or other cities and easier in smaller towns? eg. we're too busy or others are too busy or too spread out/far away? Do people tend to have friends from school days or university and not really interested in making new ones? Or form friendships at ante-natal class and not interested in making the effort for more?

Well I've never tried to make new friends in a smaller town, back when I lived in Nelson, just more stuck with the people I knew from school or courses. So I can't really compare the 2.

But I have found Wellington people friendlier then CHCH and Nelson people (no offense to those from there, I was born in CHCH) that was just my experience.

I find with regards to my friends who work, yes, they are too busy, so maintaining those friendships is much harder. That's more of the odd catch up.

I do have 3 friends in Wellington from my teenage years or high school years. But my best friend does live about 1 hrs drive away, so don't see her much, often just communicate by PM on FB. Same with the other 2 long time friends.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to finish AN class, so I missed out on the opportunity to meet anyone through that avenue.

With regards to the friends whom I have made more recently, like the last 6 months, I tend to spend more time with them. I guess though, it helps they are less busy, like me and they live closer. But I really value my new friendships, as these new few friends, they have struggled and at times, still do struggle, with either PND or depression. And since it's something we have each experienced, well do really click, as we really do 'get' each other. And it's nice being able to support them too. So it's definitely a give and take friendship.

I just find it is hard on my friends and draining on them, when I go through my 'depressed' periods, if they have not experienced mental illness themselves. They just tend to have a different attitude and are quite harsh and insensitive.

I do like the slogan "like minds, like mine". I find it very relevant.

Sorry Escadachic, you must have missed the bit where I said I have moved again! Not on the Coast now! Coasters were a really friendly lot.