As everyone else has said there seem to be pros and cons to each.
My bf has one child and it has been awesome for her in that she travels a lot and takes him with her and they are a tight team. It seems easy to continue with a grown up life with one child.
The downside is that he gets bored a lot, watches lots of tv and she puts a lot of effort into trying to entertain him.
I really think you just make the most of whatever situation you are in. She felt guilty about having one child for ages and read a book called something like " Only child without the guilt" and got some closure about it after that. Before then she felt like she was letting him down.
A few of my friends are in your shoes due to fertility issues (although one set got knocked up by accident) and noone i know bats an eyelid at it. Have as many or as few works for you. My neighbour is pregnant with her eighth and doesn't let it stop her from doing anything like going to the shops. It is all what you make of it.
Yes your comment, " all do have to make to most of any situation" I agree :)
QS: Your neighbor??
Just trying to get a picture how she with X8 kids,organizes even the most simplest outing as you explain say shopping,with out adult help? Unless the shop in next to her house?
You say at the end here your neighbor has X8 children and does not let it stop her from anything like going to the shops. Is she a solo Mum? only asked as what about middle on the night and 1-2 have a emergencies, say of a child has to the Doctors? doe she have a husband/ partner helping as well?
Do you mean do she need to gather all eight around just to go to the shops,(or) has she a 14 plus yr old teenager sibling, or friend, to look after most of them, so she can be free to go out?
I'm going to put a complete spin on this as an idea. And for those that only one is the only option, I do not mean to offend or to make you hurt, it's just a thought.
But think to the future, when your only child has grown up, moved out of home etc etc will they be lacking in not having a sibling? Ie when they have to cope with our death?
You need to think of their support networks, I guess that is one thing, as parents we would need to do is to teach them to value their extended family and to be the one to make the effort to keep family ties.
Having children is not just the cute baby/toddler stage, it's also the teenage years, young adult etc
If you can not for medical reasons have more than one then you have to think how lucky you are to have one. You can throw your whole self into the child, give what ever you can, life is so much easier with one child as you make it as busy & stressful as you want.
Once you have more than one life is busy & things are harder & cost a lot more. The simple things like shopping & catching up with friends are so much harder to do.
We have tried for years to complete our family, really want a daughter, but it has not happened & I know it is not going to happen & even though I am really grateful & happy with my 3 boys our family is not complete & I have to live with that.
If you have the money & need/want to carry on with treatment then do it, don't miss out on time with your DS because if he is your only one then he is really special
Kelzie Rose, it's funny that you say everyone is opposed to the idea because we have been discussing just having the one as well (for a number of reasons) and people seem to think we are mad. But they are also the people who have 2-3 absolute rat bags who fight all the time and are part of the reason why we are thinking of just having one to begin with!
yip I have 3 little ratbags, would not trade them for anything...well most of the time..
But it is funny how people make comments when I was TTC #2 people keep asking when are you having another or only 1 for you...I now get people saying oh bet you wish you had a girl, when are you going to have one...It is everyone else business your fertility or number of children you want
My neighbour is pregnant with her eighth and doesn't let it stop her from doing anything like going to the shops. It is all what you make of it.
Yes your comment, " all do have to make to most of any situation" I agree :)
QS: Your neighbor??
Just trying to get a picture how she with X8 kids,organizes even the most simplest outing as you explain say shopping,with out adult help? Unless the shop in next to her house?
You say at the end here your neighbor has X8 children and does not let it stop her from anything like going to the shops. Is she a solo Mum? only asked as what about middle on the night and 1-2 have a emergencies, say of a child has to the Doctors? doe she have a husband/ partner helping as well?
Do you mean do she need to gather all eight around just to go to the shops,(or) has she a 14 plus yr old teenager sibling, or friend, to look after most of them, so she can be free to go out?
Even Octo Mum needed quality help. :)
Meh, I grew up as one of eight, and although I'm sure Mums life was different to if there had been less of us, it didn't stop her doing stuff like going to the shops! You see, it's not like all eight kids are the same age (except in very rare octo-mum situations!) and so if Mum needed to make a trip to the shops, it was easy enough to fit it into a school day when there were only a couple of pre-schoolers at home. And like you say, I'd imagine in most cases with so many kids, there's often one who's old enough to babysit if need be.
Sorry, OT!
ETA that it would probably be... unusual... for a single Mum to have eight kids. Not unheard of, but, well... unusual...
Yes your comment, " all do have to make to most of any situation" I agree :)
QS: Your neighbor??
Just trying to get a picture how she with X8 kids,organizes even the most simplest outing as you explain say shopping,with out adult help? Unless the shop in next to her house?
You say at the end here your neighbor has X8 children and does not let it stop her from anything like going to the shops. Is she a solo Mum? only asked as what about middle on the night and 1-2 have a emergencies, say of a child has to the Doctors? doe she have a husband/ partner helping as well?
Do you mean do she need to gather all eight around just to go to the shops,(or) has she a 14 plus yr old teenager sibling, or friend, to look after most of them, so she can be free to go out?
Even Octo Mum needed quality help. :)
She is married and the children are aged between 15 years and 2 years and she is preg with number 8. Husband works and is away for long periods of time doing films. She doesn't always take the eldest ones but would if she had to take all of them. She loves her big family and feels that each one is a treasure. She is quite inspiring - not that i would be capable of that at all!! Get grumpy with my 2 all the time!!
Yes your comment, " all do have to make to most of any situation" I agree :)
QS: Your neighbor??
Just trying to get a picture how she with X8 kids,organizes even the most simplest outing as you explain say shopping,with out adult help? Unless the shop in next to her house?
You say at the end here your neighbor has X8 children and does not let it stop her from anything like going to the shops. Is she a solo Mum? only asked as what about middle on the night and 1-2 have a emergencies, say of a child has to the Doctors? doe she have a husband/ partner helping as well?
Do you mean do she need to gather all eight around just to go to the shops,(or) has she a 14 plus yr old teenager sibling, or friend, to look after most of them, so she can be free to go out?
Even Octo Mum needed quality help. :)
She is married and the children are aged between 15 years and 2 years and she is preg with number 8. Husband works and is away for long periods of time doing films. She doesn't always take the eldest ones but would if she had to take all of them. She loves her big family and feels that each one is a treasure. She is quite inspiring - not that i would be capable of that at all!! Get grumpy with my 2 all the time!!
Hi Crafty one: Yes you say inspiring, but other comments from others, not realistic for many these days form some to aspire to have large families say more than 3-5, simply not like the good ol days work plentiful and the "extended family units where once strong", rather in NZ, with the ever high rise of unemployment.
But hey, while your neighbors hubby may have work and good paying work maybe, then great make hay while the sun shine we guess.
Flip side as they always is one in real life, good paying work not always guaranteed, just the thought of more having children in NZ that cannot afford large families going with out basics in NZ is sad fact to.
Not your comment crafty one, but some other comment here not really realistic for most NZ families, matter of ones reality and perspective we guess -:).
Unless you are the Brady bunch with teenagers with willing cheesy looks just waiting to baby sit, not all teenagers like to baby sit, quite the contrary they like to be with friends their own age, wether you offer to pay them or not.
I'm going to put a complete spin on this as an idea. And for those that only one is the only option, I do not mean to offend or to make you hurt, it's just a thought.
But think to the future, when your only child has grown up, moved out of home etc etc will they be lacking in not having a sibling? Ie when they have to cope with our death?
You need to think of their support networks, I guess that is one thing, as parents we would need to do is to teach them to value their extended family and to be the one to make the effort to keep family ties.
Um yes, however not the ideal world, more live totally de functional extended families nowadays, as you would see on some blog sites.
Also death is all part of life, and when any amount of children have left home, most have made some healthy strong bonds with friends more than others through out their life in sports clubs, school and so on, well one would think so.
A lot of Mums place their wee ones in day care, thus social skills.
Leaving home...
by the time you leave home, you should be able to stand and support yourself.
Or the flip side, why do so many stay nowadays far longer at home, rather than flat? ((because they can't afford any basics)).
Good Social skills, work ethics and ability to add up what one can and cannot afford we guess is important to, to some with foresight.
Social families networks, and times change a lot with attitudes. Even having the best attitude, its mostly woman talk about want more and more children, and IF woman not working right through say 6-8 pregnancies, who pays for all of them?, even "the best husbands who are supermen would find this daunting", many men may not feel they have a say, as some woman not so considerate for their husbands feelings and wishes to , as others may be.
Like hear mens prospective in having larger families.
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