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caliandjack 
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Joined: 10 March 2007
Location: West Auckland
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 Posted: 22 July 2010 at 12:09pm |
My Dh is an only child, and the only negative personality trait he has is lack of patience he doesn't like waiting. Its not cause he was spoilt as such, simply that his mum only had him to pay attention too as there wasn't anyone else.
As a second child with a bigger older brother, I find it amusing as I'm used to having to wait for my turn, otherwise I got picked on or hassled.
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  [/url] Angel June 2012
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freckle
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Joined: 03 December 2008
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Posted: 22 July 2010 at 12:27pm |
LOL C&J - I'm damn impatient too and I have a sibling... and my dd1 is very patient and she got all my attention until she was 11...
I meant to say in my earlier post when DD was young it was much easier for me only having one, but as she got older it was when I started to really regret her not having a sibling and esp as a teenager I just think it would have been nice for her to have someone to play with, fight with and moan about her mum too  but I guess that's what her friends are for... we have so often taken friends away on holiday and have kids to stay all the time which I don't think would have happened as much if I'd had another baby back then.... but as I said earlier IMO there are lots of benefits for only children too...
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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Gardengirl
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Joined: 28 October 2008
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Posted: 22 July 2010 at 7:52pm |
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I think the thing with consciously choosing to have an only child is possibly contending with the pressure from others. We are definitely under some pressure to have a second (this pressure gets directed at DH it seems). And we have a family member who insists point blank that she "doesn't know any only children who aren't spoilt brats and we HAVE to have another". Some people have very negative opinions of only children, founded on very little, and if we end up having only one that attitude does concern me.
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yermasyada
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Joined: 01 November 2008
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 8:44am |
We've decided to just have the one 
I had a mostly good pregnancy, and a fantastic birth, but I can't imagine being pregnant again and having an equally cruisey baby.
There's also the cost to consider. I like the thought of being able to afford to send my boy on school trips and have music lessons etc if he'd like.
We feel like a proper little family now and we're soooo happy 
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Joscia
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Joined: 03 October 2007
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 10:28am |
I think there is a general, societal assumption that parents will have more than one child. Even I assume that of other people. It almost makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to acknowledge that we only want one kid – like I’m a bit weird.
People automatically jump to the conclusion that if you choose to have an only child you are somehow a bit of a control freak /perfectionist / helicopter parent, and are depriving a child of a basic ‘right’ to have a sibling – so are therefore a bit selfish to boot.
But for us, (like you Milliemoo), so far I  our little family of 3. It feels comfortable, manageable and I feel quite content.
I don’t want to have another child because it’s ‘what you are supposed to do’, or what everyone expects you to do...
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millymollymandy
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Joined: 09 September 2009
Location: Taranaki
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 11:50am |
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I know some great only children and they seem to have quite special relationship with their Mum's too. I think you have to want to have another child for its own sake, and totally agree that having a second to give someone a brother or sister is not good enough reason.
Personally, I'd like another one, but that's all. I'm fine with pg and had an easy birth, but I didn't enjoy the first 9 months with a small baby. Am hopeless without sleep. I love my nearly toddler though. However, I'm 37 and it might not be so easy that second time around, so if it dosen't happen I'm OK with that too.
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lisa85
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Location: Christchurch
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 2:02pm |
We have twins so there was no choice lol. I also had a shocking pregnancy. I hated every minute and am not looking forward to doing it again but DH and I both know that we aren't complete yet and that we have a deep desire to have a third child. I think if your happy with one than theres nothing wrong with that. I think it's more wrong to have a child just to give your first a sibling. So many people have children for the wrong reasons. I think you are being very sensible and level headed. I think you just know in your gut when to stop if your not really fussed on another then you know the answer. If we weren't totally in love with the idea of a big family theres no way we would do it. I hated pregnancy and I'm scared that after the next baby we will be outnumbered lol but we know we desperatly want another so we are willing to push through all the scary parts 
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CarrieMum
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Joined: 08 May 2008
Location: Hamilton
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 3:24pm |
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I don't have that incomplete feeling so we very well may only have one child. My DS is also a very cruisy baby but I still find motherhood very challenging so I don't think I can risk getting a difficult child second time around.
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Angs1982
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Joined: 15 July 2008
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 8:32pm |
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We have definately decided only to have one child!
I'm not sure how or why we came to that decision but we did.
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Angs1982
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 8:35pm |
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I don’t want to have another child because it’s ‘what you are supposed to do’, or what everyone expects you to do...
I totally agree with that!
When I tell people they are like "oh thats ok" like they think they need to give approval.
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WestiesGirl
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Location: Aotearoa - In the 'Sunny' S.I
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 11:44pm |
I am from a family of 5 children all close in age, 28, 26 (me), 25, 22 (twins). Despite the close age I dont have anything at all in common with my sister (eldest), in fact we couldnt be any more different. I dont really have anything in common with my younger brothers but all 3 of them have similar interests with each other. However, we are a very close family despite our sibling rivalry which still goes on.
I dont plan on having a big family like my parents, and I originally wanted 3 children but DH only wants 2. And as time goes on I am coming to terms to that idea mainly for financial reasons. I dont want to be struggling financially like my parents did when I was growing up. Not that that has hindered any of us in any way now.
At the moment I dont feel complete nor incomplete. I guess its because I am enjoying Jackson at the moment, but I do know that I definitely want a 2nd child eventually.
I say do what is best for you and forget what everyone else wants or says
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Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived
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RedHeadDuck
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Posted: 24 July 2010 at 2:30pm |
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We are having 2, but are open to the idea of a 3rd after that, but will definately be stopping at 3.
#2 won't be coming along for a wee while (if we can help it!!!!) due to financial reasons, and we want a good couple of years between them.
DH will probably be 30 by the time #2 comes along (so I'll be.. 23?ish) and he doesn't wanna be having kids much after 30.
Also, my granny has a saying, if a kid isn't spoilt, it must be neglected. And what are kids for, if we're not allowed to spoil them?
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AzzaNZ
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Joined: 02 June 2008
Location: North Shore
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Posted: 24 July 2010 at 5:09pm |
I'm one of 7 and am close to none. In fact, haven't spoken to 3 of them in about 12 years and another in about 4 years.
Having DD was a biological urge for me, intellectually I didn't want any children at all but there came a point where my biological clock started to tick too loudly for me to ignore. Once we had her we decided (for some unknown reason) that we want her to have a sibling.
So, sibling is on the way and then we are done. If we were to do it all over again I don't know if we'd have any children at all... but DD is the centre of our world and we cant imagine life without her now that she's here.
I think wait and see? If you change your mind then great, if you don't that's good too
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kiwi2
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Posted: 24 July 2010 at 6:30pm |
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DD wanted DS to be taken to an orphanage for the first 5 years. She wanted a sibling so bad and when he got here that was over. They get along and tolerate each other but I don't think it will be a close bonding relationship when they move onto adulthood. Did we stop there no we added another DD who beleives her siblings are soley put on this earth to serve her however I can see 1st DD (who is 9 years older) and youngest DD having a good relationship later on in life. Poor DS who is in the middle is like a third wheel.
So don't do it for your existing child to have a sibling. They may or may not thank you for it.
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Only children