Stay home mum?

Couldn't agree with you ladies more. I also thought I would be back at work full time with baby at daycare after 6 months. Instead I stayed home till the twins were 18 months and have only lasted 3 months before resigning.

I'm wavering on whether it was the right decision cos I love my job and the salary & benefits (even after paying the nanny & travel) make it totally worthwhile. BUT I miss my babies and I want to spend as much time as I can with them doing things that make them happy. So scarifice city here we come

I find the same as others have mentioned that the days where you get to interact with other parents so much better than the days where you just do things with the kids on your own. We're moving house this weekend to a new area so fingers crossed I can make some new friends to hang out with!

Yes you're right Raspberry Jam; it can still be lonely because (as you said) when I'm with other mums all we talk about are our children, so it's on quite a superficial, surface level, and we're so busy chasing our kids around that we don't get a chance to get beyond that. (There are a couple of exceptions - but it has taken me years to build those friendships up.) It's not till I get together with my old friends, or my sister (pity they all live overseas), and it feels so good and I feel so energised - that I realise how lonely I probably am.

jazzy wrote: oh & the 1 think I hated to hear was "you are so lucky to be a SAHM" seriously luck has nothing to do with it, more like sacrifice, we sacrificed a wage, my sanity sometimes etc, but it was the best sacrifices we ever made

I couldn't agree more!

Also, I feel really strongly that full-time motherhood should not be regarded as a luxury, especially when the children are little. As far as I'm aware, feminists fought for woman's liberation - for control over their own lives, and for power in society... and it's sad that some women feel that being a full-time mother is no longer a choice. It's awesome that we have the opportunities we have but I feel that while women have changed, workplaces have not changed (very much). I also tried and failed to find a job that would work with the family, so then I decided to focus on the kids for now, as the career will always be there (though it may need a little kickstart!).

And yes it is really hard for a modern, previously independent woman to go from earning a wage to relying on her partner's wage. I look at it like I am actually earning a wage, I'm working as a SAHM so I share my husband's wage. (I mean, say I died tomorrow, he'd need a nanny and a cleaner and an everything else person...)



Edited by scribe

its a struggle $ wise being a SAHM but my dp wouldnt have it any other way until ds was 3, then said i could go part time if i wanted. He says he gets piece of mind knowing i am home with ds when hes sick etc...
Its been interesting as my sister was working and everyone said i should too. She just gave up her job and their family life has improved - she is less growly, more relaxed and her son is thriving with having her home even though he is at school. Now those people have got off my back :)

I was lucky enough to stay at home till DS was 16mo old. I was doing home based childcare from 6mo onwards which was the best thing for us financially. We had financial comittments before we had DS and we still have until January/May next year - then we are free :)

I have to admit I got really bored at home with DS and once I no longer did homebased cc I had to get another job just so we could make ends meet. DS loves daycare and has one day a week with his Nana which is awesome for him.

I've had the chance to work a few weeks at part time hours and I have to say it was a blast, having 2 and a half days at work and 2 and a half days at home was perfect and by the time #2 comes along we will be in the position for me to stay home which will be great. I'm not sure if I'll take up part time work or study when I'm at home.

I definetly feel I can see it from both sides. Everyones circumstances are so different, what really bothers me is when everyone asks us when #2 is going to come along and I tell them that we're just waiting to free things up financially - only for them to say "everyone always says that, and you'll find a way if it happends". I understand that is true a lot of the time but for us, if one of us was to stay home we'd almost certainly end up losing the house - WELL that would have happened if we had fell pregnant last year or the year before. LUCKILY for us, were almost in the clear and if I was to fall pregnant now we'd be able to manage.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes when I hear people complaining about how tough life is ($ wise) all I think is - go out and get a job then! I know it might be a horrible thought but it's basically what I had to do. I'm not looking for an argument or anything like that, I just think that sometimes it's not a black and white decision to stay home. As far as Im concerned, if you can affford to stay home - go for it!

Yes defintely agree about the career field. At the level I am, it wouldn't be worth working full time once we have number 2 (with childcare costs etc). They certainly don't make it easy! I have to say, we do pay on the higher side for daycare but live in a small city and there aren't many to choose from - so could definetley cut costs there if we got desperate (although I'd rather starve and know DS is happy during the day without me :) I can't wait for 20 free hours!

I certainly hear you on downgrading the mortgage. Were already on the tail end of the market but I have a few friends who are doing exactly that right now.

It makes me laugh that when I was a SAHM I couldnt wait for a job with adults and now I find myself more often then not talking with friend at work about ways we could stay home with our kids!