Toddler and new baby

I'm also interested in this answer, K will only be 16 mths so limited comprehension.

We have 21 month age gap too.
What Linzy said about having someone else holding baby worked for us. When DD came home ds was in his rocker and we made a big fuss of dd, Ds had also gotten her a present.

Also don't be afraid to tell people they need to remember to acknowledge your older child. I had to do that a few times as some family memebers ignored her.

I found getting DD involved once ds was here helped her immensely. She would wash him in the bath ( supervised ) I let her pick his clothes and she would read him stories and show him all his toys. We have been super lucky that she sinply accepted his presence with no issues.

I second the snack box idea, also a box of activiies colouring in stuff, books, blocks food + water so you don't have to get up whilst feeding.

I also made sure we set time aside each day for DD, to play or read books or cuddle I think this helped a lot as she still got one on one with Mummy.

HTH

My DS was 14 months when DD was born so we didnt really have anything planned it was just a see how he goes thing. He was never bothered by her, never got jealous or anything.

When he first met DD, my dad was holding her, I actually have a photo of it. So when DS saw me for the first time after I had DD, it was just me and him, as someone else was holding DD.

Nowdays, they are best friends

Edited by Sheza

We have a 19 month age gap. I would say for one to be prepared for your toddler to look huge and to maybe even get emotional about that, and also they might have the hump with you. My eldest ending up spending two nights away without seeing me (not planned that way just happened) and when he came to visit he wanted Daddy not me which I found a bit upsetting. He wasn't that interested in his brother at all, was more interested in the box of toys in the family room at the birthing clinic.
Once home he started showing more interest and would like to stroke his hair whilst he was feeding and put burp clothes on his head, if it wasn't harmful I let him do it. Having books/snacks and a dvd in the recorder ready to go were real life safers, also with having a summer baby we got loads of stuff for outside so he could play in the sandpit etc and I could sit and feed outside.

I also found that it was really good to try and put baby for a sleep in a bedroom and have proper one on one time or if I couldn't get him to sleep in another room I would put him in the bouncer in the lounge and sit on the floor with them both but focus on on my eldest so he got lots of one on one time.
The other really big thing is to keep routines, try to continue to go to any coffee groups, music, playgroups etc, that really does help them.

If anything big is going to change, i.e moving room, moving position in car and so on do it now not after baby arrives.

hth a bit, mostly you just wing it.

I think it is important to keep your toddlers routine as much the same as possible, so that not everything is changing for them.
Get them involved with caring for the baby where you can - getting nappies, helping with the bath etc.
And telling them that they are such a good brother/sister, and make this a role that they can be proud of.

And one thing that I have been guilty of, is getting cross with DS1 when I am tired and he is being a bit naughty. i try not to lose my patience with him but sometimes it is hard. I really have to step back and think of better ways to deal with his behaviour. It isn't his fault if I was up 3 times during the night and am exhausted.

Okay heres what we did. Why Lily was born, Thomas was 3 days off of turning 2. Thru my whole pregnancy, we kept telling him that there was a little baby growing in there that was going to come out and live with us etc, as I got bigger, he started telling people that theres a baby inside there etc. Showed him pictures of little new babies and stuff so he would understand - which he did.
When I was in the hospital a mere couple of hours after she was born, Thomas came to see me, but was so freaked out by being in the actual hospital, that he wasnt interested at all in talking to me or seeing his sister. It wasnt until we moved out to the aftercare facility that he took interest - and he's been brilliant ever since. Every now and then theres a little bit of jealousy, but my biggest bit of advice to you is make sure you let your toddler get involved in any little bits and pieces you can!