Toddler and new baby
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37775
Printed Date: 25 August 2025 at 6:39am
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Topic: Toddler and new baby
Posted By: Rainbow
Subject: Toddler and new baby
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 8:41pm
Any great ideas for helping a nearly 21 month old adjust to a new sibling please? I don't think DS is old enough to really understand but I would love to hear other peoples experiences and ideas for the first introduction etc as well as advice on helping a toddler cope with such a big change! Thanks!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 9:06pm
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I'm also interested in this answer, K will only be 16 mths so limited comprehension. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 9:18pm
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I have heard that when you see toddler for the first time after baby is born that baby should be held by someone else so that toddler can go straight to you. I don't remember if we did this with Jack or not
You could get your toddler a doll so that they have a baby too Have you been talking to your toddler about there being a baby in your tummy? They do comprehend alot more than we give them credit for sometimes You could get picture books from the library about new babies. Also visit friends/family with a new baby so your toddler can get used to it BF/FF baby on the couch so that your toddler can sit next to you and be included, maybe even have some books you can read together. I also had a snack box that I made up each night so it was easy to get Jack something to eat if I was busy with Ben Hope that helps ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 11:15pm
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We have 21 month age gap too.
What Linzy said about having someone else holding baby worked for us. When DD came home ds was in his rocker and we made a big fuss of dd, Ds had also gotten her a present. Also don't be afraid to tell people they need to remember to acknowledge your older child. I had to do that a few times as some family memebers ignored her. I found getting DD involved once ds was here helped her immensely. She would wash him in the bath ( supervised  ) I let her pick his clothes and she would read him stories and show him all his toys. We have been super lucky that she sinply accepted his presence with no issues.
I second the snack box idea, also a box of activiies colouring in stuff, books, blocks food + water so you don't have to get up whilst feeding. I also made sure we set time aside each day for DD, to play or read books or cuddle I think this helped a lot as she still got one on one with Mummy. HTH 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 7:35am
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We had a 3yr age gap so DD was a bit more able to understand what was going on but one thing that hadn't occured to me was she didn't realise I was going to be DS's mummy. I was about 36wks pregnant when DH mentioned to her that we would be DS's parents and she got very upset by the idea. Lucky we had time to accustom her to it before he arrived. We got several books to read with her "there a house inside my mummy" is a great one as is "welcome home baby" by brooke shields. Because she was that much older she had a view of how things were going to be once her little brother was born and so we also discussed dos and don'ts such as DH: "are you allowed to carry your brother" DD: "yes" DH: "No" DD: "just to help mummy?" DH: "No" DD: "just down the stairs?" DH "Definitely not!"
She came to meet her brother at the hospital a few hours after he was born and DH texteed me from the carpark so I could put DS in the bassinette and have my arms free for a big hus with DD. She arrived with a gift for DS which she'd chosen weeks prior and in his bassinette was a gift for her from DS. Once home we made sure she felt included. For eg she helped wash him at bath time. -------------  
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 11:58am
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My DS was 14 months when DD was born so we didnt really have anything planned it was just a see how he goes thing. He was never bothered by her, never got jealous or anything.
When he first met DD, my dad was holding her, I actually have a photo of it. So when DS saw me for the first time after I had DD, it was just me and him, as someone else was holding DD. Nowdays, they are best friends  ------------- |
Posted By: Bobchannz
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 9:52pm
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We made a book for our daughter about when she was a baby. We used photos of her and had pages like 'Babies have small tummies, so they need to drink a lot of milk. Some babies drink milk from bottles, other babies drink milk from their mummy's breasts.' We printed them out and put them in a clearfile. We wanted to make sure she knew that having the baby would be a lot of work, and that she wouldn't really be able to play with the baby. We got this across quite subtely. I also thought that it was a good idea to explain that I went to the hospital to have the baby. Because DH and I were both working at the hospital prior to DD2, she was cool with this, but some children may worry about going to the hospital. ------------- www.makedomum.blogspot.co.nz |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 10:31pm
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We have a 19 month age gap. I would say for one to be prepared for your toddler to look huge and to maybe even get emotional about that, and also they might have the hump with you. My eldest ending up spending two nights away without seeing me (not planned that way just happened) and when he came to visit he wanted Daddy not me which I found a bit upsetting. He wasn't that interested in his brother at all, was more interested in the box of toys in the family room at the birthing clinic.
Once home he started showing more interest and would like to stroke his hair whilst he was feeding and put burp clothes on his head, if it wasn't harmful I let him do it. Having books/snacks and a dvd in the recorder ready to go were real life safers, also with having a summer baby we got loads of stuff for outside so he could play in the sandpit etc and I could sit and feed outside. I also found that it was really good to try and put baby for a sleep in a bedroom and have proper one on one time or if I couldn't get him to sleep in another room I would put him in the bouncer in the lounge and sit on the floor with them both but focus on on my eldest so he got lots of one on one time. The other really big thing is to keep routines, try to continue to go to any coffee groups, music, playgroups etc, that really does help them. If anything big is going to change, i.e moving room, moving position in car and so on do it now not after baby arrives. hth a bit, mostly you just wing it. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 1:30pm
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Have only skimmed the other replies, so apologies if I'm repeating everything
We have a 22 month age gap. I bought DS a baby doll and stroller a few months before my due date. He loves his baby and it's been great for teaching him to be gentle. As my tummy got bigger we talked about the baby in my tummy and then his little brother in my tummy and talked about looking forward to being a big brother. DS wasn't saying a lot of words at this point, was more me talking to him
After DS2 arrived DH brought DS1 to the hospital. DS2 was in the bassinet when C came in. He was very excited to see the baby, don't think he particularly got the fact that he was the same baby from my tummy but that doesn't matter He is so in love with his little brother, it's really sweet.
We had a few books, there's a thread on here somewhere with recommendations. I just asked at the book shop and they showed me a selection ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 3:40pm
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I think it is important to keep your toddlers routine as much the same as possible, so that not everything is changing for them.
Get them involved with caring for the baby where you can - getting nappies, helping with the bath etc. And telling them that they are such a good brother/sister, and make this a role that they can be proud of. And one thing that I have been guilty of, is getting cross with DS1 when I am tired and he is being a bit naughty. i try not to lose my patience with him but sometimes it is hard. I really have to step back and think of better ways to deal with his behaviour. It isn't his fault if I was up 3 times during the night and am exhausted. |
Posted By: Rainbow
Date Posted: 07 February 2011 at 7:33pm
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I really value all these ideas! Thank you all heaps! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 09 February 2011 at 7:41am
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Okay heres what we did. Why Lily was born, Thomas was 3 days off of turning 2. Thru my whole pregnancy, we kept telling him that there was a little baby growing in there that was going to come out and live with us etc, as I got bigger, he started telling people that theres a baby inside there etc. Showed him pictures of little new babies and stuff so he would understand - which he did.
When I was in the hospital a mere couple of hours after she was born, Thomas came to see me, but was so freaked out by being in the actual hospital, that he wasnt interested at all in talking to me or seeing his sister. It wasnt until we moved out to the aftercare facility that he took interest - and he's been brilliant ever since. Every now and then theres a little bit of jealousy, but my biggest bit of advice to you is make sure you let your toddler get involved in any little bits and pieces you can! ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MummaHuhu
Date Posted: 16 February 2011 at 11:43am
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Thanks for all the ideas! I was going to ask the same thing. I'm really worried about jealously, at the moment DD doesn't even like the cat sitting on my knee at times! -------------   http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/MummaHuhu" rel="nofollow - Come on Huhu#3 ...~Chem Apr 13~ |