Grrrrrrrrrrr

Mrs_B wrote: jazzy wrote: Mrs_B wrote: You have no idea what it's like until you have walked in someone else's shoes. Exactly sorry to here you have had trouble TTC. I haven't I thought that was obvious from my post sorry. Clearly this is a highly emotive subject but my statement is true from both "sides" and I'm sorry you haven't had the chance to experience the highs and lows of parenthood yet.

oh I thought you had when you said "You have no idea what it's like until you have walked in someone else's shoes".....I have kids, am having trouble ttc, have had a m/c @ 13weeks so I guess I have walked in a few shoes...

I also said:

Mrs_B wrote: : those of us who moan about pregnancy, our kids etc have no idea what it's like to be struggle to TTC

therefore implying I was in this group.

jazzy wrote: I have kids, am having trouble ttc, have had a m/c @ 13weeks so I guess I have walked in a few shoes...

Yep you sure have so I guess that makes it easier for you to see the argument (for want of a better word) from both sides.

Edited by Mrs_B

lol woah heated or what!

couldnt help but add my 2cw..from being a long time TTCer & clomid pill popper  i LOVED being on the TTC thread and getting and giving support and advice- honestly, some days its what kept me (and hubby!) sane! i never thought id say it when TTC, but once you are UTD you do see things a bit differently if that makes sense. things arent all roses and no matter what reason you have backache/nausea/exhaustion/heartburn/all of the above...even if its for a fantastic reason like having a baby, doesnt make it any more pleasant tbh.. BUT i do agree that people who CONSTANTLY moan about it, and focus on the horrible stuff does make it hard for those who want to be preggers so badly.

at the same time, i think its up to everyone individually to take on board what they want to, and simply ignore the rest, as hard as it is..because we dont know where that person is coming from- if they have vomiting 16 hours a day, from 4 weeks preggers, through their labour and it only stopped once the actually had the baby, and they live away from everyone who can support them, and dont want to ruin their marriage and deprive their 2 year old from the good mummy they are, then if they have to go on FB or here to have a good moan, then who are we to stop them??

so yeah. not saying that its not hard- because its soooo hard when all you want is a baby, but as others have said, we havent walked in their shoes. so we can only choose to sympathise with them, or ignore it  and NOT take it personally.

i guess thats why there are TTC threads, and Pregnancy threads..not to segragate or create sides, but there are a whole new bunch of things to talk about (and moan about!) whether you are TTC or pregnant, and neither is less important than the other.

i just dont want anyone to feel bad for being where they are at in their lives, because of how someone else feels about it. if that makes sense. maybe its just a women thing lol...

so yeah thats my long post. hope it wasnt offensive or anything, im just trying to say i dont know why people are getting upset about something that really, as much as it sucks, isnt anything to do with you as a person, as far as an attack on you goes, if its someone elses personal circumstances...thats all

 

ok lol now im betting none of that makes any sense whatsoever!

 

HUGS EVERYONE! x x x

I agree Shelley in my stalking in the due date threads i have wanted to say something but dont know if i should

I can't stalk in Due threads...think I have only been in there a couple of times to congratulate someone from ttc... don't know why, maybe I feel I don't belong

Oh !!!! Shez, H and Jazzy , I would love you guys to come stalk me in my due date thread ! hell , I stalk you guys enough , anything you say I will love hearing from you .

I miss you lot! and I didn't ever feel like I was made to leave, more of a ...well I can't really talk about the sexy stuff such as cervical mucous, or ovulation etc anymore, and I did and still do feel guilty for getting UTD after only 3 cycles ,NOT because anybody made me feel guilty , this is my own issue ,that I have something so precious and so easily when there are others struggling , a "what makes me worthy " type thing .
But while I was on the charting thread, for the 3 months I was on it , I was privileged to encounter some of the best, strongest people I have come across and I was welcomed with open arms and made to feel part of a very special group, I will never forget that , and I will never forget how supportive and happy you were for me when I got my BFP .
Im so so sorry to see so many of my charting friends still struggling and I hate that it hasn't happened for you yet , I can understand that sometimes in life you just need a moment to say "F it all ! its UNFAIR and SH*T and im SICK of it! " , I think we all do , no matter where we are in our lives, ttc , pregnant , raising kids, raising ....teenagers
So those that need to vent , vent away , if you can't vent here ,with a group of women who all have one thing in common , a love for our children , whether growing in front of our eyes, growing in our belly , or growing in our heart .... where can you ?
Anyway , my charting pals , please don't ever feel like you can't stalk me , I would be honoured to have some stalkers

hey lovely ladies... just wanted to let YOU know LR that...

i back everything you said... and i'm sorry but have to say as much as people 'think' they understand ttc for so long they don't!

it's an emotional/ physical and relationship stress to keep trying month after month.

it's damn hard and for those of us who have been trying for ages and it doesn't get any easier and it does suck to see/ hear/ have texts/ messages about others pregnancies and births...

especially when all we get is BFNs.

if we didn't feel hurt/ jealous/ envious we wouldn't be here or have been trying for so fricken long for that gorgeous little bundle in our arms that we can call our own.

big ups to all long time TTCs who are still wishing baby dust will blow your way.

I also want to say that, as an old TTC poster, I know what it was like to feel oh-so-jealous of people who got their BFPs and moved on. And even at times I was saddened that friends I had made seemed to leave and "forget" me in here still trying for my own. At times I felt abandoned by my support network.

Looking back, I understand better what happened and what a fine line was being walked by all involved.

I guess what I am trying to say is that "people" as a collective will never get in collectively right but it's always nice to respect what are genuine emotions. I really do hope that everyone struggling to conceive in here one day gets their BFP, and I promise that sometimes your pregnancy and your baby will want to make you scream with pain/frustration. TBH, it's also one of the joys of it all! Life is bittersweet.

Peace out.

Oooh, tough stuff. My first comment is – I totally understand where you’re coming from, LR. I actually don’t think it really matters whether you’re justified in hurting because of people’s FB complaints; the point is that you are hurting, and you need some love and care because of that. Huge hugs. I hope you get your little bundle of joy very soon, and though I obviously haven’t seen the FB comments you’re talking about, bet you’re totally justified in feeling the way you do.
Many of you will know we struggled to conceive. I have to say that people complaining about their pregnancies made me feel stink at the time. A lot of the time, my feelings were totally justified (when a friend complained to high heaven about the difficulty of TTC and posted many ‘woe is me’ updates, then got pregnant and said she ‘wished she had never got pregnant’, I reckon a few ruffled feathers on my part weren’t out of place!) At other times, I just reacted in a very understandable way, given my situation, to a post that actually wasn’t that offensive. It was just that I was hurting at the time. As I said to LR, I reckon both are OK, it’s no use trying to ignore your hurt even if you know it’s not always completely rational.
I do reckon that pregnancy (and babies!!) can be tough. I really do think there are two ‘types’ of complaints. There are *those* people (and we all know one or two!) who seem to have to complain about everything / be the centre of attention and object of pity all the time / have the world revolve around them and their wee drama of the day. I know a few, and wish I could tell them to grow up and be appreciative for the huge gift they’ve got. I imagine that’s the kind of person that LR is talking about, I totally feel the same way about them!
Then there are nice ordinary people who are uncomfortable or down-right miserable, and want a little bit of care and possibly advice. You don’t feel as if they wish they weren’t pregnant or didn’t have kids, you just understand that they’re having a rough time with a sore back or a severe lack of sleep or whatever. I don’t know how many of you know her, but I reckon T_Rex is an excellent example of the latter – despite having a wee girl who’s had it hard for a while and not been able to get much sleep (and give her Mum much sleep!) I still read her posts (when I have time to lurk, which isn’t often at all now!) and never get the impression that she’s lost sight of what a blessing her baby is. At the same time, she’s been pretty honest about the tough bits. (Becs – let me know if you mind me using you as an example, albeit a good one – I can delete that bit!)