Grrrrrrrrrrr
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35547
Printed Date: 24 August 2025 at 9:14pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Grrrrrrrrrrr
Posted By: GuestGuest
Subject: Grrrrrrrrrrr
Date Posted: 01 September 2010 at 9:22pm
I am so sick of people whinging about their pregnancies and babies on Facebook!!!  Grrrrrrrrrrr I want to slap them and make them realize how lucky they are!!!
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Replies:
Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 01 September 2010 at 9:45pm
I hear ya luv  ------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 01 September 2010 at 10:00pm
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...I don't think I whinge too much about pregnancy , but as grateful as I am to be pregnant , its in the human nature to complain , and no matter how wanted it is , pregnancy is not always a picnic . Sorry if thats offensive,but its true , however, I love that I am pregnant , and I know there are many that don't have that chance, so im very grateful for my growing belly,....nausea , heartburn , sore body and all .
I don't complain about my children, cos,well I have the best kids in the world  , and again, Im just grateful to have them , on their good days, and on their bad
...Although I will complain about the fact that my daughter has discovered the back Street boys and is watching Everybody over , and over again . ..NOT cutie cutie (honestly , the BackStreet Boys , where the heck ?? ) I think deep down people knowhow lucky they are (least I hope they do !) , but as I said, its human nature to complain ,and I guess for some ...they get more enjoyment out of it , I don't, I would much rather look at the bright side, but as they say ...it takes all sorts to make the world .... Sorry its bugging you tho, I hope its your turn to have your pregnancy milestones and bump pics very soon ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 01 September 2010 at 10:32pm
I complained about being pregnant lol I spent 9 months vomiting non-stop and having seizures with the first one and barely able to walk plus alot of throwing up with the second. Honestly being pregnant and being a parent has some really sucky moments!! Its not about being ungrateful, I totally love my kids, but honestly they can be bloody hard work. You're impressive Kelly - I also complain about my kids LOL specially when my big baby decides to eat the entire jar of chocolate spread under the table then hide the evidence in the clean washing like the other day (I'd already put the damn sheets through the wash 3 times after the puppy kept pulling the damn things of the line to sleep on!!!) or when the two of them alternate waking every hour on the hour all freaking night then wake up for the day perfectly happy while I'm a walking zombie  after a week of that plus them being sick I'm quite ready to resign my mummy-duties!
I'm sorry its bugging you too though hun and I'm with Kelly - hope you have your chance to experience all the highs and lows of preg/parenting real soon -------------   
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Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 01 September 2010 at 11:31pm
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Mmmn I hear the OP's issue, I have it with fb. While I appreciate there are the not so nice bits about pregnancy, when you constantly have people's preggy updates filling up your minifeed(yeah, I know, hide button=godsend) you can absolutely guarantee this all comes through on a day of lowest of the absolute low "I'll never be pregnant"
I think people complaining about pregnancy has its place, and, shoot me for this, but fb isn't that place, unless you can personally guarantee that you know EVERYONE on your friends list is not having ttc, mc or any kind of 'want kids but can't have them now' woes. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:33am
If that was the case .. you could never complain about anything at all! You cant complain about rain, just in case one of your friends lives somewhere that desperately needs it. You cant complain about your DH just in case one of your friends doesnt have a DH and wants one. You then cant complain about eating too much and being full .. because some of your friends cant afford food. And you cant complain about being fat .. because one of your friends will be fatter and has a hang up about fatness. etc etc .. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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spanky77 wrote:Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:54am
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Hugs girls, I certainly can appreciate where you are coming from and totally understand how it can feel like a slap in the face.. been there, done that!
I do think that its a bit unrealistic and unfair to be honest to expect people to never complain about pregnancy or their children! I for one moan away about pregnancy but I am NOT moaning that I am pregnant.. there is a big differenct there. I hate to say it, but pregnancy can be extremely hard for some women and I dont think they should have to keep their mouth shut if they are having a crap day because it may or may not offend someone else. As for moaning about your kids... yup I have done that, not often but sometimes, like any other person in your life, they just push your buttons and you need to vent. Rather it be a whinge on FB than slapping them across the face out of frustration.... None of my moans mean that I dont appreciate my pregancy or child or that I dont know who lucky I am to have them... Just that right now I am a bit fed up and I am entitled to feel that and express it! Struggling to conceive is such an isolating thing because many of us choose not to tell anyone about it... We never kept our issues secret from our friends and family, if people asked us we told them and for the most part that helped a lot because it meant that we could have a good moan about my crap ovaries! Like lilfatty said, there is bound to be something you have had a wee moan about to someone else not realising that you have offended them in someway. It wasnt intentional, nor is whinging about kids/pg meant to be offensive. -------------   
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 8:19am
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deleted...
I wish you all the best in yout TTC journey and really hope it happens soon!!! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:03am
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..I would rather complain on FB , than complain and be a miserable cow to the people that actually matter, which is ,my husband and children .
But I will say that seeing someone complain about something ,anything really all the time does make you want to hide all their statuses . -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:04am
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Im petty sure shes not saying she wont complain while pregnant - its a totally normal thing to do. Im sure I will moan on how tired, sore and over it I am.....I think she is just letting out a little vent.
Its so hard somedays when you try to do your best and it doesnt work out, then go onto FB and everything you want is plastered on there good and bad. I will throw you a couple more of these if you need em and a stiff drink
------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:27am
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I dont think the problem is so much about complaining every now and then... but when its almost every single status they post?! I had it rough with Jae, but I made sure I didnt complain about it as I had tried for so long, that to feel like utter crap was worth it to get the end result.
This time around I'm not complaining at all, in fact I'm barely talking about it on FB as I have friends and family members who have been trying since about the time i started trying for Jae... so I can understand that to see continious status posts from me about a second baby in the time they're still trying for their first can be a little upsetting. I keep most of my pregnancy ramblings to either my due thread, or my personal blog, so if people WANT to read it, they can, otherwise its not in their face all the time. ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:40am
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I get where you are coming from, I wish people would be grateful they are pregnant and not complain every 2 seconds about something, but it is human nature like Kelly said and I suppose at the time you don't really think about it, especially after a tough day.
I had an easy breezy pregnancy. Although I had gallstones which I thought was back pain which you get in pregnancy so I didn't complain about it because I thought it was normal (oops...). But tbh I figured who knew if I would get pregnant again so best to enjoy it rather than complain about it. Not like I could make the baby come out any faster and complaining would only make it drag on (JMO!) TBH I get annoyed with people trying everything under the sun to get the baby out, BEFORE their DD, after their DD doesn't seem to bother me as much and complaining about it, average pregnancy is technically between 40 weeks and 42 weeks so to avoid disappointment of going over due I told myself it was 42 and not 40. And that's including some of the 'dangerous' stuff you are told NOT to do. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:41am
| My original post was meant as a vent, not to start a debate but thanks to the supporters. And Lilfatty, please try to show some consideration, this isn't General Chat. |
Posted By: TwinnyBump
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:47am
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LR... yes it is a hard road TTC but we will get there hun! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:48am
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. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:51am
Whaaaaaaaaat ... ?? Are there a separate set of rules that I need to read before posting anywhere other than general? Or can only people who are trying to TTC vent in this section ..  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:57am
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OMG, you're kidding me right? You do know that there are people struggling to get pregnant in this section? Do you have any idea what spanky as been through for example?
That's what I mean by show some consideration. |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 10:02am
Vent away Little_Red 
It's hard to find somewhere to have a bit of a moan about these things as quite often friends and family don't know you are ttc. Personally, it annoys me seeing people constantly complain on FB about personal stuff - I use FB for a bit of lighthearted fun and usually only post humorous status updates, not to see all the breakups and complaining that goes on. Luckily I don't have many friends that use FB like this and ignore the ones that do. And I appreciate not everyone uses FB the way I do
Really hope you get what you want very soon L_R. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 10:26am
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Im sorry if my post started a debate,that was not my intention , I just wanted to say my thoughts on it ,which are that people seem to complain cos its human nature ....hoping that finding a reason why they complain would make you feel a bit better .
But by all means ,vent away , because people whinging all the time ,especially when its about something you so desperately want , it is bound to be hard to see . I prefer to keep FB statuses lighthearted and usually full of Friend's quotes myself , but there are those that complain every status...C's stepmum is like that , drives me crazy sometimes -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 10:34am
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I complain about pregnancy, I in fact hate pregnancy with a passion. I know I am lucky to get pregnant but if I wanna moan sometimes I will. My FB page so I'll say what I like which includes the odd vent about whats hard about pregnancy.
I didn't get shirty over people posting about their new babies when I had just had jared cremated. |
Posted By: KarenMae
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 10:56am
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I think it's hard TTC and it's hard UTD (although haven't been personally).
I think there is no right answer to post or not to post, but do think that in the TTC thread LR you can vent and we should all support you in that. In the Pregnancy thread people can vent about being pregnant, because it is sometimes awful and hard, and they should be supported in that too. Block people who are over status posting in FB - I certainly do... It's a lot harder when it happens face to face. I have a cousin who tried 13 years to get UTD, (after fourth round of IVF finally did), but during that time, another cousin got pregnant and had 5 kids and constantly complained to the first cousin (whilst drinking hard liquor and smoking). That was rough and inconsiderate IMO. A bit harder when we don't tell people we are TTC though and they complain about pregnacy..... Hugs LR - your journey has been hard and long and it's not fair.... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 11:46am
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I have been in your shoes TTC for a long time and having people complain on FB and face to face about pregnancy and their kids and they knew I was TTC, I never really thought much of it, just that I would not complain when it was finally my turn. Turns out that was easier said than done LOL!
TTC can be a hard road and unless you have walked in those shoes it can be very hard to judge how someone might feel when they are on that journey. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 12:07pm
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Seriously, you have pre eclampsia in both your pregancies and then you not complain. My first pregnancy was in the days of FB just becoming popular and I wasn't on OB so I dealt with it. But my pregnancy with Josh was a different story and I did bi$ch and complain about pre eclampsia because it is a bi$ch. Then you have a baby that isn't settling because of some unknown reason and you not complain. Yes I realise that you are having issues with TTC (I have a friend who after 10 years still hasn't gotten pregnant), but when you get pregnant and have a baby I really can't see you not complaining of something. If you want me to be blunt I will, but I can count on it you won't like it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 12:19pm
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I just want to say that I get fricken annoyed by boring status updates on FB about children.
You know the sort that post about every hour and tell you some other boring detail about their child/children. As you were... -------------  
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 12:30pm
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Peanut, oh my me too .
Im sorry ...I just dont care that much about anyone elses kids .... -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 12:44pm
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I had a "friend" update that he was on holiday and was about to shag his Mrs on Turtle Beach..... now that was something I didn't really need to know ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 12:45pm
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LR I do understand how you feel, it's funny for me some upset me and others don't at all, can't really tell you why. Personally I don't really hold it against them as I think it's just human nature to complain, but particualary after my 2nd MC I was just not in a good place to be able to see them.
I have discovered that you can stop their updates appearing on your home page, that way you will only see them if you actually go to thier profile. This way you don't get those updates taking you off guard when your not in the right state of mind to deal with them, but you are still friends with them and can catch up when you feel ready. -------------  Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: CarleyRose
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 1:00pm
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I may aswell out my two cents worth in....after 2 years of trying to have a baby and still not having much luck, It really gets tyo me when i see other people who are pregnant, or are complaining about being pregnant of there children! Some people do need to understand to be cautious but at the same time its us that are TTC and are having problems, need to stand tall and appreciate that our time will come!
I have just been told by my friend that her good friend fell pregnant (she had an op so she could have sex without protection and she couldn't get UTD, can't remember what its called) and they are now having an abortion! It is so heart braking sometimes to know ppl are getting pregnant and giving the baby up.... Sorry about the rant and i'm sorry if any one takes offence! ------------- TTC Sept08 July10 FS APP ICSI#1 BFN-No frosties ICSI#2 BFN-2 Frosties FET-8th August - BFP 20/8/12 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 1:13pm
Hmmm having been on both sides of the fence (TTC for a while and then having a hard pg...and quite frankly quite a hard (but lovely) child  ), I can kinda see what you're saying LR *but* can't you just ignore or block what you don't like? I'm pretty sure people won't be making comments just to hurt you. The problem with TTC for a while is that you can become quite sensitive to those who are UTD or have babies...I did!.....It seems dumb to have a place like FB where we should be able to vent if we like about anything but then be scared to in case we hurt someones feelings IYKWIM? I'd be different if preggy ladies were coming onto the TTC board on OB and moaning about their pregnancies but FB is a free for all, so maybe don't worry about it. -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 2:55pm
Soooo like this!! Specially the face to face thing - I mc'd at 13/14 weeks and had to go to my mothers 50th and my cousin got up and announced her pregnancy Ruined the teeny chance I had of enjoying the night! I mean I was so happy for her coz they'd be trying for awhile but honestly I almost fell over it hurt so much! Then my friend announced her pregnancy just after I'd had another mc but weirdly I wasn't really bothered...
Sometimes we have more of a reaction to something than someone else would even when they're in a similar situation and thats ok too. LR I'm so sorry your TTC journey is so rough hun and I'm wishing on my star that it happens for you soon -------------
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Posted By: cruzychic
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 3:10pm
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Hugs go out to you LR I know how you are feeling at the moment, sometimes all I can do is just switch off the latop and go and stick my head in a book and imerse myself in my own little world where I don't have to deal with it for a while. I don't want to block those friends updates that do t as I do want to know whats going on with them but sometimes it's a little to much to bare and I have to escape that world for a while ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2af0d8" rel="nofollow">  TTC since October 2009 Diagnosed with PCOS June 2010 |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 3:58pm
Like like like like like both your posts! I know what you mean LR, I have had a few friends announce their pregnancies this week - while I am over the moon for them and really happy for them - Im jealous of course I am because its human nature! Not really the same thing as you said - but sort of the same thing! LOL. ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 5:13pm
Agreed! ------------- |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 5:25pm
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Firstly this is the TTC thread, we should be free to vent about things that effect us and our TTC journey. LR was venting and thats what the area is for!!!!!
I get annoyed by people who only post about their kids! but i dont mind updates (lisa yours are nice to read ) just not every post
please ladies understand that for some of us our TTC journey is not easy and this is where we come for support so please respect this ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Bella24
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 6:04pm
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I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in, LR you have the right to vent and I think its rubbish that a whole lot of people have come on here andgiven no support! Just want to throw my support to you LR, I think it would pay for some people to realise that this is a "support" thread, not a shoot someone while they are down thread!! Its not an easy journey LR, you will get there hun and I hope for all of you struggling with TTC its sooner rather than later. It has taken me and my DH 2.5 years to get our miracle and want to throw some hope around that it will happen xo ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://daisypath.com"> 
March '10 angel RJ
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 6:15pm
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I came here offering my opinion on why people do silly things like complain all the time ...it was never my intention to sound like I don't think people can or shouldn't vent .
I think people who are going through TTC struggles have every right to, and I would never begrudge them for that -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bella24
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 6:25pm
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Kelly I think your points were valid and purely by coincidence it has sparked a rather large debate. It was other comments I was aiming my post at that became quite aggressive towards LR ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://daisypath.com">
March '10 angel RJ
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 6:46pm
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Lots and lots of hugs LR |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 6:50pm
ok..that makes me feel better thankyou -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 6:54pm
I dont think anyone was denying that H... infact most offered support for that very fact but I dont understand why others are not allowed to express their opinion? All I was doing was explaining my POV I have been on both sides of the coin and just felt that while I can see where the frustration comes from its not fair on those people being vented about to assume that they are not happy or grateful for their pregnancy/child. And really, we dont know everyone's story.. just because we are friends or family does not mean we know the whole story... how do we know that these people themselves have not struggled to conceive but have chosen to omit that information! Of course this is a place where anyone can come to vent, but there will always be someone to disagree and the intent is not always a spiteful one. -------------
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Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:02pm
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Wow, this threads gone off! Hot topic
Maybe its just me but a bit of sensitivity goes a long way. Fatty I think there’s a massive emotional difference between lack of rain/eating too much, as opposed to being the person who can only kill babies not carry them and having to read other people’s preggy angst. Although I know there’s emotional issues with obesity. I also agree that we choose our reactions and they are our own responsibility. And yes there is freedom of expression and that’s a right etc, there’s also awareness and sensitivity and some people just vent without thinking. I dunno, fine line between consideration and people pleasing. And yeah I know, PC gone mad is another side of it all. I would have expected more compassion in a ttc forum – if this was posted in the pregnancy forum I would have thought it was being deliberately controversial, but I think it’s a perfectly fine place to rant in a ttc forum. I wonder if it was in the mc forum if it would have yet a different set of responses? (oh I just see karenMae’s pretty much said this already. And others) Similarly I have read numerous rants of fb preggy statuses on (other) mc forums and I know by no means LR’s vent is not unusual. FB is a MASSIVE trigger for a lot of women out there, and a lot of us are gobsmacked at how this does affect us. Personally I see certain people use the statuses as a huge ‘look at me, give me attention’ tool. (“X is a stupid lying %$@@&* who I hate” in various formats – translates as ‘I am having an inane argument with my partner and all of facebook should become my internet whiteknight’) That annoys me also and is sufficient reason for blocking or deleting. Sorry but I don’t want to hear it. I like to keep up to date with what people are up to, especially being one of those bloody immigrants its easy to lose touch, but people who live through their kids every fart are just boring, in my book. I’ve not said I don’t expect people to complain about pregnancy either. Just as a status update, it seems odd to say something so personal to 100 odd people. And it always works out that its never just one person having a preggy/kid rant at any one time. There are other means of internet triggers for this stuff (for me. Other forums. Its not always immediately apparent that’s it’s a thread to be avoided), but fb seems to be a main culprit. But by the same standard, how many people see (or do this themselves) friends updating their statuses when they are about to go in for their miscarriage, how many people show pictures of their lost babies on facebook, how many people show the red toilet, the process (still a homebirth?) how many people upload the scan of doom pics? How many people describe the babymaking sex last night as hopefully being the MagicTimeofConception, or describe each daily opk pissery, or the sadness that once again, the Bloodgates have opened? The nuchal testing results if a high ratio of birth defects? I know I certainly haven’t seen any, and this, technically, is all an aspect of pregnancy. Its not all whoopsie sex and happy healthy babies. And for what its worth, even before all this mc stuff happened, during the shock, elation and joy of my first (official) pregnancy did I feel the need to write about or upload any of this publicly on facebook? For some reason, no. I could think of at least 5% of my friends list, whom I actually KNEW about, who were having some sort of babymakingangst on some level, and I felt it more appropriate to discuss pregnancy stuff by private message, not by ramming it down their throats in their minifeed, no matter how over the moon WE were feeling. I’d think I’m being immensely private, but as anyone who has seen my tmi posts, I don’t think that’s correct. Guess I’ve not been ‘lucky’ enough to get to the less fun parts of 2nd and 3rd trimester though so I can’t personally comment on the need to complain here. People on fb KNOW whats going on with me yet still choose to woffle on (as I choose to block them). But I don’t profess to understand the human race. And yeah, right now I probably SHOULDN'T be posting away on anything but one forum, but to hell with it! |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:20pm
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I don't really talk about my pregnancy on FB much,except to say that im having a girl ...its not so much to do with being sympathetic to those that are having trouble concieving,because ,well I don't know who is and isn't ...no my reason is because apart from one friend, I know it doesn't really interest my other friends ....their interests still lie in partying and getting "wasted " *sigh*
I do see some personal things on there tho ...things that make me raise my eyebrows , people informing everyone (including their parents ) that they are going to "shag like rabbits tonight" ,....er thanks!and there goes my dinner ! -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:25pm
Thats what I find so sad... mc is still taboo in our society! I dont believe anyone was intentionally trying to be unsupportive, perhaps not worded well, but for the most part I think people were just explaining why they themselves have done what was considered to be so wrong! Sometimes when we are too close to an issue we might not see things as clearly... you know cant see the trees for the forest (gosh I hope i got that right!)... I am most likely guilty of that in this very thread! -------------
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:26pm
Its all good people - Fireman Babe here to cool everyone off
TTC is a sensitive subject we all know that and I would say 99.99999...% of us really are sympathetic about each others various plights (and no the teeny tiny leftover percentage is not directed at anybody specific its simply for those who read this and go pffft not me) but we all have our different viewpoints.  Group hug for all those having a tough time! We may not all be blessed with easy BFPs, pregnancies or children but we are lucky to have places and people who really do care even when they don't know us in RL - how cool is that?! Jeez imagine not having the net at all and not having anybody in RL to share the heartache and/or frustration and general suckiness with
And yes I admit - I really posted this so I could use a fireman emoticon  -------------
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:29pm
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Also I've had an MC in the last fortnight and no I didn't update my status because yes I feel a little bit broken and also I hate hate HATE the whole sympathy crap AND I don't talk about stuff that actually matters on FB or anywhere else for that matter, so there you go Spanky that supports the whole standard theory -------------
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:39pm
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Sorry to hear about your m/c Babe... ((hugs)) hun Re FB- I often post things about Clodagh but almost never about my pregnancy....maybe once or twice when I was in hospital on a drip for hyperemesis (sp?) and nearly losing my 9 week old pregnancy with emergency abdo surgery...but TBH I left out any gory details and did it more so friends overseas knew I was ok. I feel so blessed to be pg both times even though neither has been a smooth ride at all. I would hate to think any TTC'rs thought for a second I didn't know or have empathy for what they're going through A little compasion perhaps from both sides might go a long way...more than once have I see a TTC'r 'graduate' to the pregnancy threads and then start a topic about feeling guilty about complaining about a pregnancy related condition after spending so long wanting what they are now complaining about! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 7:41pm
And why does there have to be sides anyway?  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 8:53pm
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I dont think there should be sides and if we all agreed with each other things would be boring on here! i just think there should be support
oh and kelly if it makes you feel better i think you were just pointing a few things not being unsupportive ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Tinkerbelle83
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 9:54pm
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I also just wanted to put my 2 cents in :)
Lots and lots of support for you LR and all you wanted to do was vent. I know how you feel and it's really just jealousy! We would give anything to to be complaining and going through all the discomfort of pregnancy to get our baby at the end and it just hurts sometimes when you see others going through it when you can't :( I come on here to get my feelings out because I I can't in RL. The conversation goes quiet when you start talking about TTC sometimes, whereas a pregnant women can complain all she wants because that's what's expected when you're pregnant! Lots of hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
3 precious Angel babies - Oct 09, Feb 10, June 10 |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 02 September 2010 at 11:13pm
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LR I hope you get your so deserved precious bundle soon lovely! ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 9:02am
LR I think you should start a Vent thread in TTC you know like the one in General & then you can say what you like with out it getting into a debate...I know there would be a hell of a lot of us in TTC who would use it ha ha
I have only read a few posts so was surprised the way it was going as TTC is usually a safe place, lol...lucky it was not posted in pregnancy, ha ha 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 9:08am
Exactly and I don't recall anyone telling LR she couldn't vent so don't know why everyone is alluding to that. Anyway like everyone else has said if ya don't like what someone is posting on FB then just hide their posts. It's a lot easier said than done to not complain about TTC, Pregnancy and babies/kids, sometimes you can bite your tongue other times ya can't. I do feel for those who find it hard to TTC and then there are those that get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I comment on FB about DD, I don't recall complaining really, but maybe I do? But I post about her, and I appareciate not everyone wants to hear about her 24/7 (Hell I even had a 'friend' have a rant about it then delete me) but I have family I don't see and they enjoy the updates. Good or bad, they often share advice as do other parents. But about the original post, I think some people do take it all for granted and don't realise how lucky they are! That's why in my first post I said it annoyed me that woman complain about wanting baby out from like 30 weeks and start trying everything under the sun. Imagine if you seriously hurt your baby as a result or something else iygwim, I enjoyed my pregnancy because I knew I was lucky to be pregnant and who knew if I would get another chance. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 9:15am
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------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: daisy1
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 2:08pm
I know i shouldn't say anything, but..... I am a LONG time lurker in TTC/charting and have learned heaps from the amazing and warm and helpful girls in there. (They just don't know it!). I am shocked at your comment. You were never excluded and no-one was ever rude or hurtful to you after you got your BFP. On the contrary i remember everyone being delighted for you. I must say that i also well remember a comment you made in Charting soon after getting your BFP along the lines of "oh you girls think TTC is hard, it is so much harder when you get your BFP, there is sooo much to decide eg which midwife to get etc etc Oh so many decisions!". It took my breath away at the time that you would write something like that. Hell, looking for a midwife and making decisions about your pregnancy is a lot more fun than TTC. I think it says a lot for the Charting girls that no-one said anything at the time. Also i think you have totally missed the point of LR's initial thread. I don't think she was saying that people shouldn't complain on FB or that everyone should share her POV, just that it is hard to hear about people complaining about something you want so badly. And i would have thought that a self-described long time TTCer could sympathise and agree with that. Gosh how i would love to see all the gorgeous Charting girls get their BFPs. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 2:29pm
well said daisy1...you have pretty much summed it up
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Posted By: CarleyRose
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 3:09pm
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Yeah jazzy i agree! 100% with that one! ------------- TTC Sept08 July10 FS APP ICSI#1 BFN-No frosties ICSI#2 BFN-2 Frosties FET-8th August - BFP 20/8/12 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 3:22pm
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Thanks for the support guys and special thanks to daisy1 for understanding exactly what I meant!
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Posted By: Mrs_B
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 3:45pm
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hmmmm I usually don't wade into these debates but for what it's worth here's my 2c...
You have no idea what it's like until you have walked in someone else's shoes. So it goes for both sides: those of us who moan about pregnancy, our kids etc have no idea what it's like to be struggle to TTC and those TTC'ers have no idea how hard it can be raising children (but hopefully you get to find out soon ). I think people are entitled to moan about what ever they like on their own facebook page without having censor it for certain people. It's human nature to complain and nothing to do with being ungrateful.
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 5:14pm
Exactly sorry to here you have had trouble TTC. |
Posted By: Mrs_B
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 5:38pm
I haven't I thought that was obvious from my post sorry. Clearly this is a highly emotive subject but my statement is true from both "sides" and I'm sorry you haven't had the chance to experience the highs and lows of parenthood yet. -------------  
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 6:10pm
oh I thought you had when you said "You have no idea what it's like until you have walked in someone else's shoes".....I have kids, am having trouble ttc, have had a m/c @ 13weeks so I guess I have walked in a few shoes... |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 6:17pm
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Off topic but..... Fleur.... I am a bit shocked that you felt excluded from our charting thread when you got your BFP. As far as I know there has only been one harsh incident of rudeness and we started a fresh new thread because of it. I am not sure about the others but I am inclined to stalk our charters that have got UTD because we have been on the same track for a while and have got to know them . You may have felt excluded because we did not have the same topic to discuss anymore.. ie charts, cm, bding etc...... iykwim? Anyhow... I apologise if you thought I was ignoring you, I promise I wasnt. |
Posted By: Mrs_B
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 6:18pm
I also said:
therefore implying I was in this group.
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 6:50pm
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Shez - I think your right! I remember after I got my BFP feeling a bit lost for awhile on here, cos I missed chatting with all the charting girls - but at the same time I kinda felt like I didn't belong either IYGWIM... and I was also very conscious of not wanting to rub it in anyones face... and your right the topic of conversation was no longer relevant, hence feeling like an outsider.... but just like you like to stalk those who moved on I am always stalking those who are going to VERY soon ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: _Soda_
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 7:23pm
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lol woah heated or what! couldnt help but add my 2cw..from being a long time TTCer & clomid pill popper i LOVED being on the TTC thread and getting and giving support and advice- honestly, some days its what kept me (and hubby!) sane! i never thought id say it when TTC, but once you are UTD you do see things a bit differently if that makes sense. things arent all roses and no matter what reason you have backache/nausea/exhaustion/heartburn/all of the above...even if its for a fantastic reason like having a baby, doesnt make it any more pleasant tbh.. BUT i do agree that people who CONSTANTLY moan about it, and focus on the horrible stuff does make it hard for those who want to be preggers so badly. at the same time, i think its up to everyone individually to take on board what they want to, and simply ignore the rest, as hard as it is..because we dont know where that person is coming from- if they have vomiting 16 hours a day, from 4 weeks preggers, through their labour and it only stopped once the actually had the baby, and they live away from everyone who can support them, and dont want to ruin their marriage and deprive their 2 year old from the good mummy they are, then if they have to go on FB or here to have a good moan, then who are we to stop them?? so yeah. not saying that its not hard- because its soooo hard when all you want is a baby, but as others have said, we havent walked in their shoes. so we can only choose to sympathise with them, or ignore it i guess thats why there are TTC threads, and Pregnancy threads..not to segragate or create sides, but there are a whole new bunch of things to talk about (and moan about!) whether you are TTC or pregnant, and neither is less important than the other. i just dont want anyone to feel bad for being where they are at in their lives, because of how someone else feels about it. if that makes sense. maybe its just a women thing lol... so yeah thats my long post. hope it wasnt offensive or anything, im just trying to say i dont know why people are getting upset about something that really, as much as it sucks, isnt anything to do with you as a person, as far as an attack on you goes, if its someone elses personal circumstances...thats all
ok lol now im betting none of that makes any sense whatsoever!
HUGS EVERYONE! x x x ------------- My little miracle 6/1/2011 My angel in Heaven 9/5/14 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 7:39pm
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Hey Frecks |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 7:47pm
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I agree Shelley in my stalking in the due date threads i have wanted to say something but dont know if i should ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Mrs_B
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 7:48pm
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Why do you think you shouldn't?
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 7:51pm
| I can't stalk in Due threads...think I have only been in there a couple of times to congratulate someone from ttc... don't know why, maybe I feel I don't belong |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 7:52pm
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I think we need to revive the chat thread again too.... so those of us who managed to graduate can still chat to those in here without 'rubbing it in' for those who dont want to see all the tickers, photos and baby stuff posts...
When I was TTCing, I didnt mind seeing the odd whingy post, I know pregnancy isnt all that flash all the time... but its not always a miserable state of existence! It gets really annoying when people ALWAYS post whingy posts, and hardly ever have something nice to say about being pregnant... esp when its something they wanted in the first place... I am guilty of posting a fair bit about my DD, I love her to bits and enjoy seeing all the new things she does, and want to share it with the world since she was our little miracle, but I also dont make every single status post about my kids, I'm not JUST a mum after all And when i do post, its usually about big things... not little things that noone is really interested in hearing... cos I'm sure everyone just LOVES hearing about the disgustingly foul nappy my lovely daughter created this morning, making my ms rear its ugly head after lying nicely dormant for the last couple of weeks  (not complaining!!)
I can see LRs side of it, it even bugs me now that I am preg again, and see people whinging on and on and on about something that should be appreciated for what it really is, a little miracle that so many people would give a limb to be able to have! On a side note (and TheKelly, you'd be SO proud of me!) I cant get this blardy song out of my head (singing to the tune of 'It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...') Its my wall and I'll whinge if I want to, whinge if I want to, whinge if I want to....you would whinge too if it happened to you! (just for a laugh!!)------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 8:02pm
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Oh !!!! Shez, H and Jazzy , I would love you guys to come stalk me in my due date thread ! hell , I stalk you guys enough , anything you say I will love hearing from you .
I miss you lot! and I didn't ever feel like I was made to leave, more of a ...well I can't really talk about the sexy stuff such as cervical mucous, or ovulation etc anymore, and I did and still do feel guilty for getting UTD after only 3 cycles ,NOT because anybody made me feel guilty , this is my own issue ,that I have something so precious and so easily when there are others struggling , a "what makes me worthy " type thing . But while I was on the charting thread, for the 3 months I was on it , I was privileged to encounter some of the best, strongest people I have come across and I was welcomed with open arms and made to feel part of a very special group, I will never forget that , and I will never forget how supportive and happy you were for me when I got my BFP . Im so so sorry to see so many of my charting friends still struggling and I hate that it hasn't happened for you yet , I can understand that sometimes in life you just need a moment to say "F it all ! its UNFAIR and SH*T and im SICK of it! " , I think we all do , no matter where we are in our lives, ttc , pregnant , raising kids, raising ....teenagers
So those that need to vent , vent away , if you can't vent here ,with a group of women who all have one thing in common , a love for our children , whether growing in front of our eyes, growing in our belly , or growing in our heart .... where can you ? Anyway , my charting pals , please don't ever feel like you can't stalk me , I would be honoured to have some stalkers -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 8:04pm
haha BK ! Im a bad influence on you, but singing is fun is it not ? -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mollymoo
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 8:05pm
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hey lovely ladies... just wanted to let YOU know LR that... i back everything you said... and i'm sorry but have to say as much as people 'think' they understand ttc for so long they don't! it's an emotional/ physical and relationship stress to keep trying month after month. it's damn hard and for those of us who have been trying for ages and it doesn't get any easier and it does suck to see/ hear/ have texts/ messages about others pregnancies and births... especially when all we get is BFNs. if we didn't feel hurt/ jealous/ envious we wouldn't be here or have been trying for so fricken long for that gorgeous little bundle in our arms that we can call our own. big ups to all long time TTCs who are still wishing baby dust will blow your way. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 9:58pm
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Hmmm, I TTC'd for three years and had three miscarriages, so I think I have a fair idea of the amount of pain and anguish involved.
But now I am living it, I must say I moan a bit... 1) about Jackson at times and 2) about pregnancy at times! I also got severe PND due to Jackson's feeding issues. That shocked me - having wanted a baby so desperately for so long I didn't understand what was happening and why I felt like it was all wrong and I had made the worst decision ever! I was very, very hard on myself and lost a huge amount of confidence (in all areas of life) from that experience. So, I get what both sides of the debate here are saying. But, it's also hurtful to think that people (my friends, actually) would want to "slap me" for comments I make on Facebook. Those comments aren't intended to belittle anyone's feelings, and doesn't take away from the fact that at times I really feel what pain you're going through. Today I was speaking to a close colleage at work whose wife has just been 'diagnosed' with unexplained fertility. I felt awful standing there with a big bump (wishing I could shrink it out of sight) offering sympathy, but genuinely felt an overwhelming sadness for their situation - and complete helplessness that I can't do anything to change it. But, yes, it is human nature to moan and therefore it saddens me that people think it's plain lack of sensitivity. |
Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 03 September 2010 at 10:06pm
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I also want to say that, as an old TTC poster, I know what it was like to feel oh-so-jealous of people who got their BFPs and moved on. And even at times I was saddened that friends I had made seemed to leave and "forget" me in here still trying for my own. At times I felt abandoned by my support network.
Looking back, I understand better what happened and what a fine line was being walked by all involved. I guess what I am trying to say is that "people" as a collective will never get in collectively right but it's always nice to respect what are genuine emotions. I really do hope that everyone struggling to conceive in here one day gets their BFP, and I promise that sometimes your pregnancy and your baby will want to make you scream with pain/frustration. TBH, it's also one of the joys of it all! Life is bittersweet. Peace out. |
Posted By: _Soda_
Date Posted: 04 September 2010 at 2:52pm
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exactly KiwiLaurie- thats what i was trying to say..i just went on adn on and on to get to my point coz im a rambler lol.
------------- My little miracle 6/1/2011 My angel in Heaven 9/5/14 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 06 September 2010 at 11:18am
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Oooh, tough stuff. My first comment is – I totally understand where you’re coming from, LR. I actually don’t think it really matters whether you’re justified in hurting because of people’s FB complaints; the point is that you are hurting, and you need some love and care because of that. Huge hugs. I hope you get your little bundle of joy very soon, and though I obviously haven’t seen the FB comments you’re talking about, bet you’re totally justified in feeling the way you do.
Many of you will know we struggled to conceive. I have to say that people complaining about their pregnancies made me feel stink at the time. A lot of the time, my feelings were totally justified (when a friend complained to high heaven about the difficulty of TTC and posted many ‘woe is me’ updates, then got pregnant and said she ‘wished she had never got pregnant’, I reckon a few ruffled feathers on my part weren’t out of place!) At other times, I just reacted in a very understandable way, given my situation, to a post that actually wasn’t that offensive. It was just that I was hurting at the time. As I said to LR, I reckon both are OK, it’s no use trying to ignore your hurt even if you know it’s not always completely rational. I do reckon that pregnancy (and babies!!) can be tough. I really do think there are two ‘types’ of complaints. There are *those* people (and we all know one or two!) who seem to have to complain about everything / be the centre of attention and object of pity all the time / have the world revolve around them and their wee drama of the day. I know a few, and wish I could tell them to grow up and be appreciative for the huge gift they’ve got. I imagine that’s the kind of person that LR is talking about, I totally feel the same way about them! Then there are nice ordinary people who are uncomfortable or down-right miserable, and want a little bit of care and possibly advice. You don’t feel as if they wish they weren’t pregnant or didn’t have kids, you just understand that they’re having a rough time with a sore back or a severe lack of sleep or whatever. I don’t know how many of you know her, but I reckon T_Rex is an excellent example of the latter – despite having a wee girl who’s had it hard for a while and not been able to get much sleep (and give her Mum much sleep!) I still read her posts (when I have time to lurk, which isn’t often at all now!) and never get the impression that she’s lost sight of what a blessing her baby is. At the same time, she’s been pretty honest about the tough bits. (Becs – let me know if you mind me using you as an example, albeit a good one – I can delete that bit!) -------------   
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Posted By: frankie
Date Posted: 06 September 2010 at 11:39am
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Hopes you said it all. Your baby brain must have all but disappeared cos that's a truly onto it post!
LR - please know that you are supported and that a lot of us know and empathise with how you feel. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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