Aaaargh scary!

I've been thinking exactly the same thing too.  But then again this time around I also know I can do it, virtually medically unassisted, and survive. 

BTW, a hot cloth on your perenium when the baby crowns is great for preventing tears and try not to push too hard until the midwife tells you too, try and breath the baby out.

solitairediamond wrote: I've asked this in my due in Dec thread before but do you guys find it is the contractions or the pushing that is the most painful bit?? I am particularly worried about the pushing...! I know it is near the end and all but the thought of my bits stretching and probably tearing so much really freaks me out!!!!!!!!!

I found the pushing part to be much less painful (but harder physical work) than the contractions that happened close to and during transition. Although admitedly the most painful part happened just before I could start pushing properly. My midwife did a VE and said I was 10cm dilated except for a lip on my cervix (just a small part of it was still in the way). So ouchy (TMI) she held it back with her hand?/finger? while I pushed bubs head past the 'lip'. First time I tried I was lying on my back and it f**kn hurt and worst of all it didn't work. About 10 minutes later I psyched myself up again and tried in an upright position - kneeling I think (have no idea how my midwife managed to find the lip etc as she couldn't see a thing) and that time it did work - DS's head pushed past it with a rush. That's the great thing about pushing, you have a physical job to do - your body pushes really hard and then you get this great feeling of release, eg when the head appears, then again with the shoulders. It was all over after 15 minutes of pushing - I didn't have time to 'breathe the baby out' as his heart rate dropped way too much and he had to come out in a rush (poor boy, he landed on the bed, no one even caught him).

I almost didn't believe the midwife when she said I had a third degree tear and two smaller ones from pushing DS out so fast, because I didn't feel anything like a tear. And by then I didn't really care what had happened to my body as was so busy staring at my gorgeous wee boy .

I didn't make to the pushing stage but I laboured for 6 hours after my waters broke spontaneously before having a c-section due to my son presenting brow first!! I found that being in the bath was the best form of pain relief! I also had gas once I got to the hosiptal, as other women have mentioned the gas doesn't take away the pain but I found that it enabled me to cope better with it, I thought it was great! i didn't have any pethidene but ended up with an epidural (which I had not really wanted at the time), it turned out to be great, and everything went really well, it was still an awesome experience and I'm looking forward to trying again to hopefully do it naturally this time, I've been a bit worried about having a VBAC but I've ordered the Pink Kit on VBACs so hopefully that will help!
I found the first time round that reading up really helped, I read Spiritual Midwifery I think it was by Ina May, it was a very positive read and I found it quite inspirational (not to mention alternative!! The word psychedelic is used a lot!).

I just read again , a book about a women who was circumsised in africa at age 6, like most girls there ..
The "lucky" ones that do give birth,(ie dont die from blood poisoning after the procedure, which is done with whatever instruments can be found, unsterilised of course ) are sewn up straight away , without anesthetic of course , so that they are "tight" for their husbands , man it makes my vagina hurt just thinking about it ! this must be how guys feel when they see someone get hit in the you know whats it on tv ....


good book by the way , its the autobiography of a former model , Waris Dirie and the book is "Desert flower" which i believe is being made into a movie ...Offtopic sorry , just thought id share

Solitaire - my biggest piece of advice would be to try to relax and be happy to have pain relief if you need it, but avoid it if you find that you don't.

I took the approach that: women have been doing this for hundreds of years, and though I was a little clueless (although the 'Active Birth' book by Sheila Kitzinger was FANTASTIC), I was sure my body would know what to do when the time came. And if there were any complications I trusted my midwife's judgment.

As it turned out, I ended up going completely natural - it didn't even occur to me to ask for pain relief! Go figure?! The best thing about that is that I remember everything in detail, even though I sounded quite drunk for the last few hours, lol.

When I finally went in to Birthcare (my labour took about 31hrs and I was only in at birthcare for the last 3/1/2hrs) I spent two hours in a birthing pool (which was the BEST pain relief ever!), and DH climbed in with me for part of that time which was a great support. Towards the end things apparently weren't progressing as fast as they could, so they got me out and semi-reclined on a bed. By then I was already pushing (hot flannels were brilliant at disguising the pain!!) and 40mins later Bethany came into the world!

Like you, I was PARANOID about tearing and worried about what might happen. When my mw said to listen carefully and to stop pushing when she said to so that I wouldn't tear, I kept asking her 'is it now? do i stop pushing now? when will i have to stop pushing?'. Lol, I must've sounded like a broken record! Anyway, from listening to her I ended up with nothing but a very minor graze cuz Bethany twisted her shoulder as she came out. I barely noticed it to be honest.

I found all the stages of labour comparable in their different ways. Transition was hard but not unbearable and didn't last forever. Pushing was a challenge, but because by then there's a whole lot longer between contractions at that point, it also made it bearable as I basically 'zoned out' in between. By the way - don't freak out - but the most helpful piece of information my mw gave me was the warning about how it feels when your baby crowns. It feels like a chinese burn (that's why we get so tempted to push even when our mw's tell us to stop pushing) and the best thing you can do is try to relax and let the pain be, cuz otherwise there will be more of a risk of tearing. It really doesn't last that long. (Apparently it's at that point that most women cry out for pain relief, but of course by then it is too late cuz baby is so close to being born!)

Sorry if you didn't want to hear that - I just found it was a really helpful piece of advice myself, cuz it meant I knew what to expect, and felt that much more confident that I could at least try and do the right thing when the time came in the hopes that I wouldn't tear.

Sorry this is so long!!!!

Sheza wrote: omg that is horrible!!!

It was Sheena, it makes me cry just thinking about it ...they do the procedure when the child is about 6, (sometimes older) they hold the girl down and ...cut out her clitoris, using whatever instrument they can find, rusty razor blades, knives, ...even their teeth ,then they are sewn so they only have a tinnnnny hole to pee out of , (the author said it took her 20 minutes to pee) and then their feet are bound and they are left in a hut for 2 weeks to heal ....all to become a "woman " ...sorry to thread jack , but man ! so gonna find a place to petitiion against it !

Back to the labour topic tho, one thing I was afraid of was ...doing number 2s whilst in labour, but you dont really care once your in labour!

, I only got two tiny little barely noticeable tears , my friend didnt tear at all , so it is possible not to tear