Feeling let down by friends

Oooooh, I imagine you fel very lonely and hurt . I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. Of all the times in your life, this would be one of the ones when you'd need a shoulder to cry on the most.

For what it's worth, I've had a similar experience on the other side of the fence. A friend who was struggling with infertility withdrew herself from me, and I tried to give her what I thought she wanted, which was a little space to deal with the grief and struggles which come with infertility. I found it hard to have lots of contact with friends with small children while going through the same process myself, and thought that was the right thing to do. Turns out she was feeling similar to you and was very hurt when I gave her the space I thought she wanted.

In my case, I wish she'd sent me a message saying something along the lines of 'I'm struggling. I'd love someone to talk to.' I would have been in there like a shot. Perhaps you could say something similar to your friends? 'I'm finding life really hard right now. Losing my baby has really got me down and I need a shoulder to cry on. Can we do coffee?' If they're good friends, they'll leap to it - they might not be sure what you need right now, and unsure how to show how much they care. Or perhaps they haven't been through the experience, and don't realise how much agony you'll be in right now, and need you to let them know.

Biiiiig hugs. I really feel for you xxx

Edited by Hopes - 21 April 2013 at 12:41pm

HI Tan. I agree with the other ladies in that you need to reach out and let your friends know you need them. I think it is really hard for people to understand the loss of a baby until you experience it yourself. I also lost two babies - the first one was a 16 weeks and friends were really great, they sent care packages and flowers and looked after me. I then lost another one about 3 months later (at about 9 weeks) and it almost got brushed off. The thing was that this time i was dealing with the double loss and actually a lot worse emotionally. It took tears at a cafe for my friends to realize i actually needed more support. From then on if friends or family asked me how i was i actually said - i am not coping that well! tough to admit but it helped alot.   Hang in there xxx

Hi Tan,I don't really have anything to add but big hugs to you xx

Tan Im so sorry for your losses. It must be so hard for you and yes the love and company of your friends would be great for you at this time.
Im disappointed in them. When a friend of mine had a miscarriage recently I went around there with chocolates and magazines for her to try and relax with. But then I have a child so I can imagine the great loss it would be whereas maybe before I had my DS I'd be a bit more factual and non emotional about it? Im not sure. They may be staying away as they don't know what to say or they feel you want to be left alone? Some people can feel awkward in difficult situations.
I think that when you're feeling a little bit stronger you should send a text saying that you really feel like a girls coffee date for dinner out and say you've had a hard time and need some smiles with the girls.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your friends help you out soon.