Self Settling

Hey ladies,

Just wondering how you have gone about teaching your little ones to self settle?
I am currently sick of having to rock and pat my boy to sleep everytime and then only sleeps for 45mins, he managed to settle himself yesterday and slept for 2 1/2hours. I am at wits end as unable to get anything done as all my time is spent with him.

Same as what Bizzy said, but also remember that he's still very young and adjusting to the outside world. He'll get there with practice and consistency from you. Make sure you give him enough time to be able to self-settle...sometimes it can take them a while to wind down and if you go in too early you can re-stimulate them and potentially keep them awake for longer.
It's quite normal to get 45mins sleeps - try to relax and go with it and life becomes a lot less stressful!

I use the Baby Whisperer's technique - but only from about 4mths...seems to be working well for us.
http://tvnz.co.nz/good-morning/baby-whisperer-settling-older-babies-9-november-3883753

I wouldn't worry about it either, at this stage.

It is worth trying it out, but if it doesn't work then get them to sleep however you have to. It is much more important that they get the sleep, rather then how they get to sleep at the moment.

This is what I did to teach my son to self settle. I would watch out for his tired signs. He was usually ready for another sleep about 45mins to an hour after getting up.   Then I would put him in his bed awake in a dark room. I would wrap him, put on white noise, put a dummy in his mouth (he didn't like this at first, but I just kind of held it in there til he started sucking it) and then give his mobile a bit of a push then walk out. If he spat his dummy out I would put it back in without making eye contact. I don't pick him up unless he is really crying.

DS2 still only sleeps for 45mins. I just don't worry about it. He might have 5 short sleeps during the day instead of 3 longer ones. That is just the way he is.

Good luck :)

In my opinion feeding to sleep is absolutely fine! If I was a baby that's exactly how I'd like to go to sleep. As hila1 said, how you get them to sleep doesn't matter it's that they get the sleep that's important.
I did the 4th trimester thing - basically doing whatever DS wanted until he was about 3-4mths old...fed to sleep, rocked to sleep, let him sleep on me, in our bed etc etc and now at 4.5mths old he's self-settling about 80% of the time. My biggest tip would be to be consistent. I don't think it really matters what you do, as long as you choose something and do the same thing every time.
Using the baby whisperer technique, initially I'd go in and pat/shsh for 5mins, sometimes longer, now if he needs help he can be asleep within about 30secs! I had to find something that would work without picking him up as he's a very big baby and it was killing me! But this was when he was much older. Definitely just go with the flow when they're little... And make the most of all the cuddles!!

DD didn't self settle till she was 12 weeks old, up until then she would either need to be rocked or fed to sleep or she'd sleep on me, enjoy this time with your babies - what else have you got to do that's more important?

At this age they don't know when they need to sleep or how to get off to sleep its up to you to help them.

I've never been a fan of crying methods either, if they're crying its for a reason. Sometimes all they want is a cuddle.

caliandjack wrote: what else have you got to do that's more important?

Perhaps a little harsh? I have a reflux baby as does Kaz and totally know the stress of not having a minute in the day because the baby doesn't sleep. As much as we love our babies its important to have time to recharge as well, especially with a stressful baby.

I agree that they have to be ready, my DS started self settling about 9 weeks, I had to rock him to sleep until then. I started teaching him when I noticed I put him down in his bassinette as I had to go to the toilet desperately (lol) and when I came back he was asleep so I realised he could do it himself if he was tired. I gradually weaned off rocking by rocking but putting him down sleepy, then rocking for a bit and putting him down awake, then putting him down awake after just a cuddle, and I found as long as he was tired, and not still hungry or windy, it would work. Sometimes they want more of a cuddle too so you have to pick them up till they settle then put them down again. I always go out of the room then wait 10 mins and come back unless he's crying, to see if he has gone off to sleep and he usually has. I don't leave him to cry as he only cries if there's something wrong in my experience. It took me a few weeks and am still perfecting it, but he would never have been ready before now. The fact you say he self settled the other day would indicate to me he is ready so slowly give it a go, it has made my life a whole lot easier and his sleeps have gone from 45 min to 3 hrs usually. It's worth it :)

Its not that I have anything better to do, it just seems that I never get time to myself to either have a rest or even to clean my house, as my DF hardly ever does the housework. I dont stop loving my boy, but I am just at my wits end, even 5mins here and there would be good, but I just cant leave him on his own as all he likes to do is cry. And to be told tonight by DF that I am his problem hurts! Seems like it is all my own fault, my mother and DF parents and grandparents also think I cant raise my child right and am doing it all wrong.

Have you got a sling carrier ? It's not exactly 'time t yourself' but he may settle just being close to you and you can still do some housework, hang out teh washig etc. If bubs has reflux then being upright will help as well

I would also like to add, all babies are different. DS1 is still a terrible sleeper. We had to feed, rock or otherwise cajole him to sleep until he was about 2 years old. He rarely sleeps through the night. He often has nightmares, he sleepwalks, he talks in his sleep etc.
DS2, who we did nothing different with, self settles all the time, and is a GREAT sleeper by comparison.

So don't blame yourself. Babies are just different, what works for one, wont' work for another.

KrazeeKaz - I would totally recommend you read The Attachment Parenting Book. It is great, and you will see that what you are doing is right for your baby. Don't worry about what anyone else says, and follow your instincts.

Agree with the all babies are different! My doc tried to tell me that they're all the same and kept referring to a book she used with hers to 'make' her babies the same, etc. My dd is a terrible sleeper but we just do what we have to do to get her off to sleep.