Self Settling
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38078
Printed Date: 25 August 2025 at 6:40am
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Topic: Self Settling
Posted By: KrazeeKaz
Subject: Self Settling
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 9:02am
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Hey ladies,
Just wondering how you have gone about teaching your little ones to self settle? I am currently sick of having to rock and pat my boy to sleep everytime and then only sleeps for 45mins, he managed to settle himself yesterday and slept for 2 1/2hours. I am at wits end as unable to get anything done as all my time is spent with him. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 9:52am
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you have to get to them before they become over tired. at that age i think my babies were only up for about 40-60 minutes. enough time to feed them and change them and cuddle them, then i would wrap them and put them to bed, awake. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Jaune
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 11:08am
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Same as what Bizzy said, but also remember that he's still very young and adjusting to the outside world. He'll get there with practice and consistency from you. Make sure you give him enough time to be able to self-settle...sometimes it can take them a while to wind down and if you go in too early you can re-stimulate them and potentially keep them awake for longer.
It's quite normal to get 45mins sleeps - try to relax and go with it and life becomes a lot less stressful! I use the Baby Whisperer's technique - but only from about 4mths...seems to be working well for us. http://tvnz.co.nz/good-morning/baby-whisperer-settling-older-babies-9-november-3883753 ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 12:38pm
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1-2 months is still pretty brand new imo and we didn't even think about learning to self settle until about 4 months old...
Agree with the 2 above posts. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 1:17pm
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I wouldn't worry about it either, at this stage.
It is worth trying it out, but if it doesn't work then get them to sleep however you have to. It is much more important that they get the sleep, rather then how they get to sleep at the moment. This is what I did to teach my son to self settle. I would watch out for his tired signs. He was usually ready for another sleep about 45mins to an hour after getting up. Then I would put him in his bed awake in a dark room. I would wrap him, put on white noise, put a dummy in his mouth (he didn't like this at first, but I just kind of held it in there til he started sucking it) and then give his mobile a bit of a push then walk out. If he spat his dummy out I would put it back in without making eye contact. I don't pick him up unless he is really crying. DS2 still only sleeps for 45mins. I just don't worry about it. He might have 5 short sleeps during the day instead of 3 longer ones. That is just the way he is. Good luck :) |
Posted By: Bambino
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 1:31pm
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Thanks for this post... I have a two week old and was wondering when I should start attempting to get him to settle on his own. I still try several times during the day but MW has reassured me that feeding to sleep still a-okay - esp in the wee small hours!
Good luck Kaz! |
Posted By: Jaune
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 2:19pm
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In my opinion feeding to sleep is absolutely fine! If I was a baby that's exactly how I'd like to go to sleep. As hila1 said, how you get them to sleep doesn't matter it's that they get the sleep that's important.
I did the 4th trimester thing - basically doing whatever DS wanted until he was about 3-4mths old...fed to sleep, rocked to sleep, let him sleep on me, in our bed etc etc and now at 4.5mths old he's self-settling about 80% of the time. My biggest tip would be to be consistent. I don't think it really matters what you do, as long as you choose something and do the same thing every time. Using the baby whisperer technique, initially I'd go in and pat/shsh for 5mins, sometimes longer, now if he needs help he can be asleep within about 30secs! I had to find something that would work without picking him up as he's a very big baby and it was killing me! But this was when he was much older. Definitely just go with the flow when they're little... And make the most of all the cuddles!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 19 February 2011 at 10:31pm
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My kids could self settle by about 4 weeks, but often its not something you can "make" them do, they will in their own time, but what i did was, from when they got up, they had a feed, a play a nappy change another feed, all within an hour, then into bed swaddled and awake(but if they fell asleep while having a feed then its no big deal) with the mobile on, and Id leave them to it. If they cried Id leave them for a few mins just to see if they would stop, if they didnt Id go in and pat them etc say shhh, put the dummy back in etc, and leave again, and I kept doing that until they fell asleep.
If they got too upset then I would get them out of bed for a cuddle and sometimes another feed, and then back down. Ive never left them to cry, I dont like the cry it out method, but I did controlled crying to an extent. ------------- |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 8:42am
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DD didn't self settle till she was 12 weeks old, up until then she would either need to be rocked or fed to sleep or she'd sleep on me, enjoy this time with your babies - what else have you got to do that's more important?
At this age they don't know when they need to sleep or how to get off to sleep its up to you to help them. I've never been a fan of crying methods either, if they're crying its for a reason. Sometimes all they want is a cuddle. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MrsJMcD
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 2:33pm
| with my little guy the self settling thing became an issue around 7-8 weeks too. I second the suggestions about white noise - that combined with swaddling (which I wasn't doing up until then because DS hadn't liked it)started to make a big difference when I was trying to get DS off to sleep - and leaving it playing while he was asleep helped him sleep longer. The sleeping only 45 mins business took a lot longer to resolve and somedays we still have 45 min naps going on, but that gets better too. As hard as it was, I had to start leaving him to grizzle a bit at the end of 45 mins - I was rushing in there at the first little cry when he was actually trying to put himself back to sleep and disrupting the whole process. Good luck! |
Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 2:39pm
Perhaps a little harsh? I have a reflux baby as does Kaz and totally know the stress of not having a minute in the day because the baby doesn't sleep. As much as we love our babies its important to have time to recharge as well, especially with a stressful baby. I agree that they have to be ready, my DS started self settling about 9 weeks, I had to rock him to sleep until then. I started teaching him when I noticed I put him down in his bassinette as I had to go to the toilet desperately (lol) and when I came back he was asleep so I realised he could do it himself if he was tired. I gradually weaned off rocking by rocking but putting him down sleepy, then rocking for a bit and putting him down awake, then putting him down awake after just a cuddle, and I found as long as he was tired, and not still hungry or windy, it would work. Sometimes they want more of a cuddle too so you have to pick them up till they settle then put them down again. I always go out of the room then wait 10 mins and come back unless he's crying, to see if he has gone off to sleep and he usually has. I don't leave him to cry as he only cries if there's something wrong in my experience. It took me a few weeks and am still perfecting it, but he would never have been ready before now. The fact you say he self settled the other day would indicate to me he is ready so slowly give it a go, it has made my life a whole lot easier and his sleeps have gone from 45 min to 3 hrs usually. It's worth it :) ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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caliandjack wrote:Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 3:46pm
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Hey LittleN
So glad to hear that things are improving for you! You must feel like a different person having a bit of time to yourself while bubs sleeps :) |
Posted By: KrazeeKaz
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 7:51pm
Its not that I have anything better to do, it just seems that I never get time to myself to either have a rest or even to clean my house, as my DF hardly ever does the housework. I dont stop loving my boy, but I am just at my wits end, even 5mins here and there would be good, but I just cant leave him on his own as all he likes to do is cry. And to be told tonight by DF that I am his problem hurts! Seems like it is all my own fault, my mother and DF parents and grandparents also think I cant raise my child right and am doing it all wrong.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mothermercury
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 8:04pm
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KrazeeKaz, don't listen to the haters! They are talking out of their behinds. You are doing your best, and that's all you can do. He's still little, you do what you need to do to get by.
I can't give any advice about self settling; I still feed Chloe to sleep at six months old. Some may say I'm making a rod for my own back, being too soft, etc, but at the end of the day they can all go jump in a lake for all I care about their opinions. 
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 20 February 2011 at 10:20pm
Have you got a sling carrier ? It's not exactly 'time t yourself' but he may settle just being close to you and you can still do some housework, hang out teh washig etc. If bubs has reflux then being upright will help as well  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 February 2011 at 7:46am
We still feed to sleep her too, occasionally she'll self settle... lol I actually agree with c&j, enjoy it because they grow so quick and before you know it they don't want your hugs/cuddles! 
But do agree that sometimes you need to recharge, etc and so if you can, get someone else to take over for a bit but do enjoy it, esp while they're so young, no one really cares if your house is a pigsty... You have a young baby so it's understandable... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 21 February 2011 at 8:01am
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I would also like to add, all babies are different. DS1 is still a terrible sleeper. We had to feed, rock or otherwise cajole him to sleep until he was about 2 years old. He rarely sleeps through the night. He often has nightmares, he sleepwalks, he talks in his sleep etc.
DS2, who we did nothing different with, self settles all the time, and is a GREAT sleeper by comparison. So don't blame yourself. Babies are just different, what works for one, wont' work for another. KrazeeKaz - I would totally recommend you read The Attachment Parenting Book. It is great, and you will see that what you are doing is right for your baby. Don't worry about what anyone else says, and follow your instincts. |
Posted By: hils10
Date Posted: 21 February 2011 at 8:37am
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I totally second the sling idea. My DD was terrible at self-settling at that age and also a 40 min cat napper (and had reflux) and if I'd tried to get her off to sleep in her bassinet for every nap (ie 4-5 times a day) I would have gone completley insane. I used to just pop her in the sling and get on with doing stuff - you can't do everything with a baby in a sling, but you can at least do laundry, a bit of housework, sit in front of the computer etc. From about 6-12 weeks she was having the majority of her naps in the sling or buggy, and around 12 weeks I started working on the settling in bed again.
I also found it good for getting the timing of her naps right as if I put her in there after around 45 mins of being up then she could hang out until she was ready to sleep. I didn't really help with catnapping though - she grew out of that of her own accord at around 5 months. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 February 2011 at 9:13am
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Agree with the all babies are different! My doc tried to tell me that they're all the same and kept referring to a book she used with hers to 'make' her babies the same, etc. My dd is a terrible sleeper but we just do what we have to do to get her off to sleep. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kellyfer
Date Posted: 21 February 2011 at 11:42am
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KrazeeKaz... sorry I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to say that you aren't doing anything wrong by spending time settling your child and don't listen to people who are so quick to judge but so slow to help!!! I know what it feels like to be exhausted and you just want 5 mins to yourself and the last thing you need is people telling you you are doing it wrong because you so totally aren't!
With my boy we used a firm wrap and a dummy to settle him to sleep. He still uses both now at almost 6 months, and it's not an issue for me... he will wean off them when he's good and ready. Also, lavender oil worked wonders (just the johnsons scented baby oil was fine and pretty cheap). So you could maybe try some various sleep props - not for everyone but if it works it works aye. Hang in there - it will definitely get better. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: CJsays
Date Posted: 21 February 2011 at 9:37pm
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Kaz i understand your frustration, we have trouble with our girl during the day having decent naps, and I know exactly wot you mean about not getting anytime for anything, it's not about enjoying them, because we do, but it's just finding the time for other things too. our girl is particularly bad round lunchtime - and the "milk factory" has to eat to produce more food!! hehe. we all need to be rich and have a nanny to help out. there is no way you are doing it wrong, and every baby is different and different things help them.
good luck with finding wot works for your wee man, rest assured it will get easier (well that's wot everyone tells me, so I am holding onto that hope too hehe)  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: millymollymandy
Date Posted: 22 February 2011 at 7:40am
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It so does great better, my girl went from sleepy premmie, to nightmare sleeper, to sleeping champ.
The hardest thing about being a new Mum is that nobody can prepare you for how all consuming it is, its 24/7 and relentless. But little by little life does start to get somewhere near normal, well as much as it can with an active small person in your life. |
Posted By: KrazeeKaz
Date Posted: 23 February 2011 at 8:13am
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Thank you ladies, I have now started to stretch his feeds out to 3 - 3 1/2hours and he is taking 130-170mls instead of 60-70mls every two hours and it is wearing him out so he is getting easier to put to sleep and I am managing to get him into bed sleepy and patting him to sleep, so improvements are happening slowly now.
In saying that, he just woke himself up, so just went and ssh'ed him, turned music on and gave him his dummy, he went out like a light in 2sec.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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