He said no...

Ok, DH and I decided last year that after March, we would be TTC. Well, last night (the night before my birthday He decided to drop the bombshell that he doesn't think we're financially ready. Well that's just great because now I have to completely change my study/working plans and all I hear from my family is "when's the baby shower?!" Someone said it to me today and I almost cried, because it means so much to me to be a mother (after always being told I probably wouldn't have kids).

Other than explaining to him that we can actually afford it with a few simple adjustments, what can I do? It's so sad that one person can just decide the fate of the next few years without consulting their wife!

Don't get me wrong, I love my DH to bits, but the doc (and me) wants me to have kids by mid-20's so I can have a hysto. I'm 21 now, and if we have to go through IVF or something (who knows, but you've got to have a contingency plan), I could be 30 by the time I have kids. That would be my worst nightmare! Any advice, words of encouragement? Thanks   

PS Happy Birthday Chicka i hope you still managed to have a good day!

Hey There,

I can fully understand where you are comming from and posted the same thing about 2 weeks ago and got some great advice.
I can also say that we are now actively TTC.
The post was called - TTC and Partners and I will bump it up for you.
Good Luck and hang in there.

Lulu wrote: To be fair, I think that for a man, the weight of the financial responsibility tends to weigh heavily, as I believe they think it is primarily their responsibility.

I totally agree with that statement. JK and i have been through some ups and downs financially but 8 months on and we have finally got things sorted....In saying that there is never a right time financially to have a baby people just adjust their spending habbits.

Good luck i hope you are able to have a bubba soon....

I agree with Skyflame, I doubt you will ever be in the perfect financial situation. DH wanted to save for a while before we had kids but reality is that we would have found something else to spend that money on. If he wants to wait for the perfect financial situation he will be waiting forever, there will always be something that comes up.

Don't forget if you are on a low-mid income you will be entitled to Family Support (AKA Family Tax Credit) once you have a baby. There are calculators on IRD's website.

Well from a guys POV, it is scary.
Both to get married or to have kids. I'd say he's got cold feet. But, realise that he's probably been thinking about it all this time. Often us guys will have thought about it 95%, decided, then we talk about it only 1-5% if that makes any sense.

Unlike you women who talk about it 80-95% & decide while you're talking.

I'd gently guide him through how you can financially support another child. He'll probably change his mind about kids once he's got one.

Hope this helps.

Oh thats great to hear Emz, sending you lots of "baby thoughts"!!

PS I remember you from NZWP, I had the same forum name over there too!

Yay Emz, that's great news. With those conditions it would be better to start as soon as possible and I'm glad you worked it out. Good luck to you both

Yay great outcome emz how exciting! good luck and sending you lots of baby dust!
As Jess said come over to the waiting to ovulate and 2ww threads see you there