Feeling cheated on!

I have just had a baby who is now 5 weeks old, and over the past two weeks my husband has been constantly trying to get me to have sex with him, as i am not ready and have told him this so many time i feel, in a way mean to him.

I have just found out last night that my husband has been getting txts from some woman, who is trying to sleep with him, these txts are horribly flirty and he seems to be enjoying every moment, i also know that one of my friends knew this was happening and didnt tell me anything, I am feeling that i have been cheated on as i am so stressed out with our new baby and dont have time for myself anymore not even to take a simple 5 min shower.

My husband knows how i feel about this and just says im over reacting and that nothing has happened. he tells me im jealous and that i should get over it and move on, but how can i when some sl*g is trying to get to my husband.

Please help me with this as its really starting to stress me out, im starting to find that im getting a bit snappy at times.

Hmmm ...

While I feel for you and I understand how hard and hormonal it is having a newborn, your husband has feelings too .. and the texts probably make him still feel manly and wanted, the Dads tend to get pushed to the side when a baby comes along so he could just be a little lost (yep its like having two kids!)

I personally dont see the harm in flirting as long as its just that ... I mean its you he is trying to have sex with, not the other woman.

I would be peed off too!! Of course in those sleep deprivated first weeks after baby is born, when ya feeling out of shape and emotional you may react differently BUT I think I would be totally peed off if my DF was receiving (and I assume responding??) to flirty messages at anytime... but esp when what ya prob need right now is support and reassurance... You probably need to have another talk with him so he knows how you feel and what you want from him...

I want to trust my husband but its hard when you know he has done this sort of thing before. I have told him that i dont want him messaging this girl and gets mad if i read his txts but he is always trying to hide his phone from me and is sneaking around which is making it harder for me to trust him. especially when he is telling his mates about the problems that we having about the whole SEX thing.


As for him getting pushed to the side if anything i am wanting that SOB to buck up and start to be a father, we are only young (23) but thats no excuse to act like this,

It is very difficult to give advice in a situation like this when you only hear the one side of the story.

I mean for instance if my hubby ever did this to me I would seriously sit him down and have a huge talk. I would also be very very hurt that he can do something like that. If however he came to me and said look here this is what I am receiving then fine. But if he was enjoying it I will be peeved.

However in saying the above if he was not getting attention from me for months then I would understand why he will go look for it elsewhere. Or at least welcome it from someone. (I am not saying this make it right however).

It is very very hard on a partner when you have a baby. First you get pregnant. Then you go through all this hormones. And lets face it at times a pregnant woman is not the most joy to have around in regards to moodswings.

Some go through stage of being very affectionate while others dont want any of that side. Then baby comes and you are so so tired and all you want is sleep when you can get it. And when you dont sleep you are so in love with your baby. Mostly it is very difficult to give that baby up to Dad so they get involved as well.

So not knowing background things here. Sit him down. Talk to him. Not accusing ect. Just talk to him. Tell him that you are feeling sad and hurt by this sms's and whatever. That you are feeling tired. And talk to him about his side too. That you can understand he has feelings and needs and then both of you come up with a plan to go forward. From what you said it seems he is trying to connect and sometimes the only way they know that is sex.

If it is that you are tired. Then get him to help out. If it is that you want romance. Or if you really just want it right now connect in a different way. Get someone to watch bubs for an hour while you take a walk with him. If you cant part with bubs (I really couldnt in the beginning) then bake something or get his favourite beer or put a love note in with his lunch.

I did ask hubby a while ago why it is that he never really pressured me into having sex right after the birth of both kids. First time he said I had a c-section so therefore he wanted to make sure everything was really fine. Second time with the natural he knew it freaked me not being prepared for the natural so he was giving me time. But here is the biggest reason. He told me he knew that I loved him and that I was still making time for him and didnt push him aside. He was very involved with both babies (not as much however with the second.). And I still went up and gave him hugs and kisses and just cuddling up.


Okay that was now just way too long.

Texts can be harmless...but Flirty texting is how I got DP, who was involved already with someone else...so just be weary. But yea sit down with him and try and get him to shed light on the situation.

I had a similar thing happen when DS was 3 months old. Nothing happened but DH said he was craving the attention that he hadnt had for awhile. (had a loong sickly pregnancy too and I probably didnt cope to well with a new baby with no family support).

Anyway, SMoody nailed it on the head for my situation.

Try and talk to him about it and let him know how you are feeling about being a new mum too.

Ours snowballed out of control as I got really resentful and took it out on DH which made matters worse and it has taken a long time to get back on track. Try not let it get that bad.

I would be pissed off if my DH even thought about responding to texts like that.

A husband and wife need to be there for each other no matter how tough the situation (for better or for worse) My DH didn't get sex for about 6 months after DD1 was born and it didn't affect how much he helped with the baby or how much he loved me. He certainly suggested it would be nice for a little bit before then but he never pressured me at all. I feel that is total respect from him.

I think that if the only way he can feel happy is to have sex then perhaps he needs to look at the reasons he married you in the first place. I'm sure there is more to your relationship then just sex. Having a new baby totally turns your relationship on it's head and it will never be the same again, but that's not a bad thing.

Of course you feel emotional! You are sleep deprived, trying to get your head around this new little person in your life and it's times like this you need to stick together. And it's not easy, DH and I have certainly had our moments in sleep deprived states.

You definitely need to tell him that you are not comfortable with the texts. With him being so secretive about it makes him seem even more guilty. Even if there is nothing happening I believe it is inappropriate to be responding to those sorts of texts when you are a married man.

i agree with Sheena!!! i totally think its inapropriate to be getting flirty texts!

I agree with Sheena and BaAsKa here, I think its totally inappropriate.

If he is replying to these flirty texts he is encouraging her and that is just plain wrong for a married man IMO.

Everyone likes a bit of flirty attention now and again and a little bit is harmless, but the fact that he is trying to hide his phone and sneaking around would not be acceptable in my marriage.