what do you say??

My friends have just gone through their first cycle of IVF, and unfortunately it didn't work. They are trying again next year, and can try once more after that, and thats that! What I'm really aftre is some advice about what to say? or what not to say really? especially as I have two kids, I don't want to come acorss all sanctimonious or anything.

I have tried to think what I would want people to do or say if I have a negative outcome tomorrow with my test. I think that you can only say that you are sorry and that you are there to talk to if they need to. I guess just don't say things like 'the timing wasn't right' or 'maybe next time'. I know that I feel like I have been carrying a 'baby' of sorts for the last two weeks, as I saw the embryo under the microscope before it was put back inside of me, so if I have a negative result tomorrow, I will feel a real sense of loss. If you keep that in mind then I'm sure you will do the best you can to be supportive of your friends.

I agree - let them lead where they want to talk about it...and offer support and sympathy etc when you can...

I have a friend who has had 10 mc's and given up now and we started discussing fostering and now she is so excited about that - so maybe if nothing works out be prepared to discuss other options with them too?