To Have No 2 or Not

Gosh, hard choice.

We also have a 2yo DD and are going to try for #2 soon (and maybe even #3 after that). I am 7 years younger than you and haven't had any of the medical complications so can't comment on that but one thing that concerned us would be that anymore children wouldn't be as 'special' and that our time with Michaela and the energy and money we put into her, would be severely affected if we had more kids.

What we decided is this:
The thing is that love grows. It is not restricted to a certain amount, when we have another baby our love capacity increases. Not just that but Michaela will love the baby too (mostly) and the baby will love her. She's already really good with babies and such a big helper I can see her being fabulous when we have another one.

It's true that by having another child Michaela won't get as much of our time and money but if we didn't have another child she wouldn't get siblings and that can be a really special relationship which is more valuable than anything else and grows even better as they grow up.

To quote Emma (maya) for the hundreth time "you never regret the children you have"

hmm we only had one missed mc and an awful pregnancy and birth but I'm definitely doing it again..i get confused about people saying they worry they might not love the next one so much.. i dont have that thought but maybe i will when i get pregnant again?my darling boy is wonderful but doesnt sleep much at night..so maybe next one will :) MoosMum your situation does sound hard though..best of luck with your decision !

Before number two(Miya) I had a few similar concerns about sharing the love and my oldest(chloe) missing out but it turned out because she was 2yr4mths when Miya was born she was so involved that instead of sharing the love it just increased for our whole family. Now Chloe is 4 and Miya is 2 and they love each other so much and they are never apart. I feel that letting chloe miss out on the joys and love of sharing her upbring with a sibling would have been a sin.

As for the age thing my mum was 36 and my father 45 when I was born and they say it kept them young having us a bit later, they were more energetic and invovled with my older sister and I than most on my friends parents who were much younger than mine. Now I'm 22 and my parents still keep up with my kids in a game of tag or hide and seek!

As for the health problems because of your known history you will have extra help and care along your ttc and pgy journey. At least if you try and it doesn't health prevents your family from growing at least you won't be wondering "what if we did try".

In the end it is a completely personal choice and if your anything like me gut feelings are always a good guide.

I was 36 for no1, 38 for no2 and 40 for no2. I do remember the conversation with DH after we had child one about leaving it at one but I am from a close family (DH is not) and I couldn't imagine not having more children or a sibling for our son. So we agreed on no2 and had two healthy boys. I watch them interact with one another, I see Harry, the oldest, being concerned if his brother is hurt, being very caring towards him (and vice versa) and yes, I also see him get frustrated and angry at his brother which is all part of lifes learning.

I was the one that really wanted no3 and started trying at 40. If it hadn't worked then that was ok because at least we gave it a go...and for us it worked (although still early days).

Jonismum - the one thing I have learned with TTC is that although you can put a plan in place there is no guarantee when it will happen so sometimes the best laid plans don't quite work out.

Never thought that another child would not be as special as number one. Plus with no2 you don't spend as much money on them as they get the hand me downs