To Have No 2 or Not
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17028
Printed Date: 19 August 2025 at 6:49pm
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Topic: To Have No 2 or Not
Posted By: MoosMum
Subject: To Have No 2 or Not
Date Posted: 07 May 2008 at 6:39pm
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Hi all I am new to this site but look forward to hearing from some of you.
We have a 2 yr old dd, she is a such a great girl and was a great baby - very easy, good sleeper etc etc. After her birth we had decided not to have another baby but are now talking about the possibility of doing so. Some factors for not include age, me 37 in Oct, DP 42 in Dec, it took us 3 yrs with 1 medical termination, 1 miscarriage,1 ectopic before becoming pg with dd.My DP works away for 2 wks at a time and my family does not live in the same town as us so family support is very limited. We are also really worried that another baby will not be as 'special' to us as our DD. There are many positives for bby no2 but wondered if anyone else been in this situation, if so would really appreciate your thoughts. |
Replies:
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 07 May 2008 at 7:58pm
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Gosh, hard choice.
We also have a 2yo DD and are going to try for #2 soon (and maybe even #3 after that). I am 7 years younger than you and haven't had any of the medical complications so can't comment on that but one thing that concerned us would be that anymore children wouldn't be as 'special' and that our time with Michaela and the energy and money we put into her, would be severely affected if we had more kids. What we decided is this: The thing is that love grows. It is not restricted to a certain amount, when we have another baby our love capacity increases. Not just that but Michaela will love the baby too (mostly) and the baby will love her. She's already really good with babies and such a big helper I can see her being fabulous when we have another one. It's true that by having another child Michaela won't get as much of our time and money but if we didn't have another child she wouldn't get siblings and that can be a really special relationship which is more valuable than anything else and grows even better as they grow up. To quote Emma (maya) for the hundreth time "you never regret the children you have" -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 May 2008 at 8:18pm
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i am almost the same age as you - but have 3 kids - and really wish i would have had them sooner. it worries me that when i turn 40 i will have a very small child and it worries me that when they turn 20 i will be an old lady.
my first child was also very cruisy but my second has been a completely diff kettle of fish, grumpy, doesnt sleep, tantrums, never wakes happy... but i dont regret him...  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 May 2008 at 9:26pm
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hmm we only had one missed mc and an awful pregnancy and birth but I'm definitely doing it again..i get confused about people saying they worry they might not love the next one so much.. i dont have that thought but maybe i will when i get pregnant again?my darling boy is wonderful but doesnt sleep much at night..so maybe next one will :) MoosMum your situation does sound hard though..best of luck with your decision ! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 07 May 2008 at 9:31pm
welcome to ohbaby!
my Bro and sis in law have had troubles getting pregnant with #2 (it took nearly 2yrs), and they set themselves a time limit....if #1 was 5yrs old before they got pregnant, then they would stop TTC. they scraped in with only a couple of months to spare  maybe you could do the same?
as for #2 not being as 'special' as #1....have you ever had an animal and then got another one? was one more special than the other? do you love one sibling more than the other? do you love mum more than dad? what i'm trying to get at is...we are capable of loving more than one person and while you may worry your first child will be loved more...it doesn't take long before you realise they are both more special than anything in the world equally  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Helen21
Date Posted: 07 May 2008 at 10:31pm
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Before number two(Miya) I had a few similar concerns about sharing the love and my oldest(chloe) missing out but it turned out because she was 2yr4mths when Miya was born she was so involved that instead of sharing the love it just increased for our whole family. Now Chloe is 4 and Miya is 2 and they love each other so much and they are never apart. I feel that letting chloe miss out on the joys and love of sharing her upbring with a sibling would have been a sin.
As for the age thing my mum was 36 and my father 45 when I was born and they say it kept them young having us a bit later, they were more energetic and invovled with my older sister and I than most on my friends parents who were much younger than mine. Now I'm 22 and my parents still keep up with my kids in a game of tag or hide and seek! As for the health problems because of your known history you will have extra help and care along your ttc and pgy journey. At least if you try and it doesn't health prevents your family from growing at least you won't be wondering "what if we did try". In the end it is a completely personal choice and if your anything like me gut feelings are always a good guide. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Chloe 12/7/03 Miya 5/11/05 |
Posted By: jonismum
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 1:30pm
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Hi I'm also new to this forum! I've also been thinking about if to have a second child, although I'm 32 and luckily had a straightforward first pregnancy and delivery. I'm not worried about loving the 2nd one as much either - I'm worried about how the heck anyone manages to look after two at once without going mad???
How do you cope with a toddler with that terrible pregnancy tiredness in the first (and third) trimester?? What happens once the 2nd baby is born and you need to be doing two things at once? What if the toddler and new baby never sleep at the same time so you can't have a daytime nap? And HOW MUCH WASHING would they both create??!! Also, my husband is keen on a 2 year gap between 1 and 2, but that would mean another winter baby which I really don't want. Also, my parents in law are due to visit from the UK next October for 6 months (planning ahead) and I would really like some support next time around (if there is one. What is a good gap, and does it really matter? And are the baby blues worse the second time around?? So many questions! |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 2:43pm
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I was 36 for no1, 38 for no2 and 40 for no2. I do remember the conversation with DH after we had child one about leaving it at one but I am from a close family (DH is not) and I couldn't imagine not having more children or a sibling for our son. So we agreed on no2 and had two healthy boys. I watch them interact with one another, I see Harry, the oldest, being concerned if his brother is hurt, being very caring towards him (and vice versa) and yes, I also see him get frustrated and angry at his brother which is all part of lifes learning.
I was the one that really wanted no3 and started trying at 40. If it hadn't worked then that was ok because at least we gave it a go...and for us it worked (although still early days). Jonismum - the one thing I have learned with TTC is that although you can put a plan in place there is no guarantee when it will happen so sometimes the best laid plans don't quite work out. Never thought that another child would not be as special as number one. Plus with no2 you don't spend as much money on them as they get the hand me downs |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 12:20pm
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I have one beautiful angelic daughter aged 9 months who came to us after 2.5 years of TTC and eventually IVF treatment. I love her so much and she is such a cruisey easy baby, just perfect. But if anyone asked me to decide right this minute, I would say that she is enough for me. I realise that I may change my mind, but for right now I feel that we have a good balance in our life. We are still able to have time for just DH and I, and financially one child is not too difficult. We work for ourselves, so getting the balance right between family & work can be a challenge. With one child I feel I mangage it, but I think I would struggle with two. I don't worry about being able to love another child as much - love is abundant, there is no limit to it. Sometimes I do worry that because my daughter is so easy going, maybe a second child would be harder work - we couldn't be that lucky twice...? Anyway, the long and short of it is that right now I am happy with one.
Oh, and edited to add - I am almost 35. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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