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Renata85 
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Joined: 23 June 2011
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 Topic: HT: Identity Crisis
Posted: 07 September 2011 at 9:04am |
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You're a mother and a partner/wife - but are you who you want to be? How do you keep your own identity?
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mummy_becks
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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Posted: 07 September 2011 at 9:51am |
Yes I am who I am. I am me first, a wife and mother second.
I kept being me, by being me and doing the things that I did pre wife and pre children. They make me who I am today.
And TBH my children aren't my life they complete my life.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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kelzie_rose
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Joined: 13 January 2010
Location: North Shore
Points: 1259
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Posted: 07 September 2011 at 10:05am |
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I'm married. I was me, before I became pregnant, now people look at me like I'm a walking baby-making machine. I still have thoughts and opinions outside my pregnancy. I'd like to talk to people about other things, but they keep mentioning the bump!
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 Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3
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fionaonaboat
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Joined: 28 July 2010
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Posted: 07 September 2011 at 10:16am |
To be honest, I've just accepted that for the time being I'm first a mother, then wife, then me. I have a 16 month old and a 6 weeks old, so I have literally no time for myself and probably won't have for a while yet! I DO know that this isn't forever, but at the moment, the babies have to come first.
I plan on re-establishing my own identity by starting running and working out soon (I have a PE degree and fitness has been my identity and self prior to kids!) and when I start working again, then I'm sure I'll be 'me' again. For now, I'm third down the list, but I don't mind. 
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AandCsmum
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Joined: 13 May 2008
Location: Palmerston North
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Posted: 07 September 2011 at 1:41pm |
Yup, I'm who I want to be, I'm all three at the same time  and they all intermingle quite nicely. I have definitely made sure I've not lost my sense of self by maintaining my own hobbies & also the things that DH & I enjoy.
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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caliandjack
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Joined: 10 March 2007
Location: West Auckland
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Posted: 07 September 2011 at 6:17pm |
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I'm not the same as I was before having children, becoming a Mother has changed a lot about who I am and what I want out of life and how much / how little I'm willing to tolerate.
A lot has changed, I already had a strong sense of self and who I am as a person, I'm a new Mum 10 months on what kind of Mum I am is constantly evolving and changing as I learn and grow into being a Mother and my daughter grows and develops into a person.
I did have a small identity crisis after getting married as suddenly I'd changed my name and didn't know who that new person was.
Edited by caliandjack
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Hopes
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Location: Waikato
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Posted: 08 September 2011 at 11:05am |
No identity crisis here. Motherhood's a big change to your priorities and the way you do life, but I've found it no more unexpected than say the change between being a student (work my own hours, be my own boss, long holidays) and working (more money, not so much of the other stuff). There are bits I like better than before, and bits I don't enjoy so much, but I'm still the same person, just doing slightly different stuff 
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CrazyCass
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Joined: 13 August 2010
Location: Rotorua
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Posted: 08 September 2011 at 1:36pm |
The first time I got married I had a MAJOR identity crisis & refused to change my name on anything, must have been intuition cause we broke up 5mths after the wedding
This time however I was sure in the step I made, what being married would achieve for us a couple and how it wasn't really changing me at all, other than people could identify me with DH which i thought was neat.
However being pregnant it seems all anyone wants to talk about is baby baby baby, they forget I could hold a perfectly mature conversation before we created the little person inside of me (and it REALLY annoys me how everyone thinks they know best & dont believe any research or wants I might have on doing things differently) - I'd have liked to have been seen as 'Me' for a few more months yet!
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Panda289
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Location: Sydney
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Posted: 08 September 2011 at 9:54pm |
I have to say I have changed as well.. my priorities before were different - now my Son is number one. Still only in the early weeks and as I am breast feeding full time I just feel like a milk machine that is used 3 hourly! Like someone mentioned above I know its not forever.. we still try and do stuff we did before though.
When I was pregnant it was all anyone talked about with me and now Zac is all anyone talks about with me and I do want to talk about other stuff sometimes (but secretly I love it hehe  )
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jaz
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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Posted: 22 September 2011 at 8:19pm |
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I'm still me, just my priorities have changed.
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amme_eilyk
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Joined: 30 September 2009
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Posted: 25 September 2011 at 7:55pm |
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I am working through my post baby identity crisis. When I was pregnant most of my so called friends disappeared and havent been seen or heard from since. Also when pregnant I was very ill and had to give up most of my activities. It feels like I am having to start trying to find myself again. Trying to find activities that work not just for me but will fit in around bubs and dh. I know I will come out of this stronger but it is hard in the interim
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HT: Identity Crisis
