HT: Identity Crisis
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40421
Printed Date: 27 August 2025 at 5:28pm
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Topic: HT: Identity Crisis
Posted By: Renata85
Subject: HT: Identity Crisis
Date Posted: 07 September 2011 at 9:04am
| You're a mother and a partner/wife - but are you who you want to be? How do you keep your own identity? |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 September 2011 at 9:51am
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Yes I am who I am. I am me first, a wife and mother second. I kept being me, by being me and doing the things that I did pre wife and pre children. They make me who I am today. And TBH my children aren't my life they complete my life. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kelzie_rose
Date Posted: 07 September 2011 at 10:05am
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I'm married. I was me, before I became pregnant, now people look at me like I'm a walking baby-making machine. I still have thoughts and opinions outside my pregnancy. I'd like to talk to people about other things, but they keep mentioning the bump! -------------  Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3 |
Posted By: fionaonaboat
Date Posted: 07 September 2011 at 10:16am
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To be honest, I've just accepted that for the time being I'm first a mother, then wife, then me. I have a 16 month old and a 6 weeks old, so I have literally no time for myself and probably won't have for a while yet! I DO know that this isn't forever, but at the moment, the babies have to come first.
I plan on re-establishing my own identity by starting running and working out soon (I have a PE degree and fitness has been my identity and self prior to kids!) and when I start working again, then I'm sure I'll be 'me' again. For now, I'm third down the list, but I don't mind. 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 07 September 2011 at 1:41pm
Yup, I'm who I want to be, I'm all three at the same time  and they all intermingle quite nicely. I have definitely made sure I've not lost my sense of self by maintaining my own hobbies & also the things that DH & I enjoy.------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 September 2011 at 6:17pm
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I'm not the same as I was before having children, becoming a Mother has changed a lot about who I am and what I want out of life and how much / how little I'm willing to tolerate.
A lot has changed, I already had a strong sense of self and who I am as a person, I'm a new Mum 10 months on what kind of Mum I am is constantly evolving and changing as I learn and grow into being a Mother and my daughter grows and develops into a person. I did have a small identity crisis after getting married as suddenly I'd changed my name and didn't know who that new person was. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 08 September 2011 at 11:05am
No identity crisis here. Motherhood's a big change to your priorities and the way you do life, but I've found it no more unexpected than say the change between being a student (work my own hours, be my own boss, long holidays) and working (more money, not so much of the other stuff). There are bits I like better than before, and bits I don't enjoy so much, but I'm still the same person, just doing slightly different stuff  -------------   
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Posted By: CrazyCass
Date Posted: 08 September 2011 at 1:36pm
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The first time I got married I had a MAJOR identity crisis & refused to change my name on anything, must have been intuition cause we broke up 5mths after the wedding
This time however I was sure in the step I made, what being married would achieve for us a couple and how it wasn't really changing me at all, other than people could identify me with DH which i thought was neat. However being pregnant it seems all anyone wants to talk about is baby baby baby, they forget I could hold a perfectly mature conversation before we created the little person inside of me (and it REALLY annoys me how everyone thinks they know best & dont believe any research or wants I might have on doing things differently) - I'd have liked to have been seen as 'Me' for a few more months yet! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Panda289
Date Posted: 08 September 2011 at 9:54pm
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I have to say I have changed as well.. my priorities before were different - now my Son is number one. Still only in the early weeks and as I am breast feeding full time I just feel like a milk machine that is used 3 hourly! Like someone mentioned above I know its not forever.. we still try and do stuff we did before though.
When I was pregnant it was all anyone talked about with me and now Zac is all anyone talks about with me and I do want to talk about other stuff sometimes (but secretly I love it hehe  )------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 22 September 2011 at 8:19pm
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I'm still me, just my priorities have changed. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: amme_eilyk
Date Posted: 25 September 2011 at 7:55pm
| I am working through my post baby identity crisis. When I was pregnant most of my so called friends disappeared and havent been seen or heard from since. Also when pregnant I was very ill and had to give up most of my activities. It feels like I am having to start trying to find myself again. Trying to find activities that work not just for me but will fit in around bubs and dh. I know I will come out of this stronger but it is hard in the interim |