Step grandparents

Just want others people opinions/advice, I had a daughter who is 16 months she is the only grandchild on my side. My mother has remarried recently to her partner of around 8 years - he has never been a dad figure and I have never lived or been supported by him and dont feel close to him in anyway (would never go to him in times of need to talk or anthing etc) she has taken it upon herself to call him grandad which i am not so sure I like and want him to be referred to as grandad as my daughter has 2 grandads both very active in her life. Am i being a bit over the top or do others feel this way? Mum is someone who wouldnt take me telling her this without thinkin I am being nasty

My step-dad is a lot more active in my DS's life than my dad so I guess a bit of a different situation to yours, and I am happy for him to be Pop (what they decided to be called with my brothers two children so I've just followed suit).

My dad is in another town and I've never really had a close relationship with him, but he's still Grandad.

I think these days with blended families being quite common, there is room for all parts to make the whole IYGWIM, and you just have to be creative with the 'names'. Though in saying that, all parties have to decide by mutual agreement - like a lot of things in life, it will take a bit of honest communication.

I felt like this when my Dad re-married (Mum is deceased) and what to call his wife, in the end she did so much to help us when DD was born that I thought she'd earned the right to be called Nana.

BTW my nieces call her by her name they don't call her Nana they are 9 and 14.

My Dad is Poppa to her grandchildren and and their other grandfather's are Grandad as that's what they wanted to be called.

my kids have a Papa (great grandad), Grandad (my dad who lives in england), Poppa (my FIL) and Poppa Brian (my stepdad).

so as you can see, be creative...not sure if that helps whatsoever, but that's what we do. ...

DPs mum and dad (DP is DS's stepdad) were/are (MIL has since passed away) Nana/Poppa (insert FILs very well known nickname here)

I didnt like the idea of DS calling them nana and poppa at first either, BUT MIL did her best to 'be' his nana, and so I felt that it was just easier to let him call her nana too, but with the added on bit to make it clear there was a difference. FIL on the other hand has virtually NO involvement bar the occasional 'hello boy' when he pops round, so if it wasnt for the fact that it was MILs idea for him to be Poppa G, then I'd have just left B to figure out what he wanted to call FIL.

My ‘father’ left before I was two and its been 17 months since I saw him last (it was 12 years before that!) and to be honest I don’t think DD will ever meet him but I refer to him by his first name so that would probably be what she would call him.
My stepfather has been in my life since I was about 3. I don’t call him Dad I call him by his nickname so to DD he is Opa so & so.
Now it gets confusing as Mum and my stepfather split up about 8 years ago and she is now with someone else. He gets called by his nickname so that will be what DD will call him. But if when she is older she wants to call him Grandad or Poppa or something else, I don’t have a problem with that. He is great with her (even though they live in another country at the moment) and is a big part of her life so that is probably why I feel this way.    If he wasn’t involved I think I would prefer she just called him by his nickname like everyone else.
DP’s father has passed away but he would’ve been Grandad


Edited to apologise for my rambling life story

Edited by fattykat

My mum has passed on and my dad remarried a year ago, my babies call her gran, as Nana or Nan is what we have always called our grandparents. Its just a token of respect ( rather than them calling her miss ditzy like we do) and they call my grandmother Nan which I feel is more appropriate for us since she is actually our family

I had a step grandmother! She married my granddad when I was tiny, and so we had Granddad and Aunty D.

Then after my granddad died she married she married my Mum's aunt's widower... confusing, but we loved her to bits.

Your DD would probably follow your lead in how you referred to him anyway?

My Dad re-married 3 years ago, been together for about 6 years, and my step-mum has more than earned the right to be called Nanni, she has him 2 days a week while i work, and is wonderfull with him, DS loves her to bits and so do I, Im sooo lucky to have the best step-mum. I was worried about it to start with but she earned the right a million times over to be called Nanni so im fine with it, on the other hand Mum has had a few bfs, none of them are called anything but their name. She isnt in a committed relationship with any so i wouldnt want to confuse DS.

My step-dad has been in my life since I was 4 and is definitely a father figure for me (was there when my Dad wasn't), so he and my Dad are both Granddad.

My Dad's partner has only been around in the last couple of years and although she wants to be called "Aunty X" I don't like it and don't think it is appropriate. To me it negates the really Aunties and Uncles. So she will just be called X (what I call her).

My Nan's partner was in the picture from when my Mum was a teenager and he was my only real "Grandfather" figure, but we called him by his name. However, my cousins all called him Uncle X.



It is a difficult one, and probably only really something you can address. It is hard because you will probably hurt your Mum, but you need to feel comfortable with your decision. And it isn't fair that they have thrown this at you with no discussion about your thoughts, that is just disrespectful.