Step grandparents
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37739
Printed Date: 27 August 2025 at 6:05pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Step grandparents
Posted By: SharonG
Subject: Step grandparents
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 1:54pm
| Just want others people opinions/advice, I had a daughter who is 16 months she is the only grandchild on my side. My mother has remarried recently to her partner of around 8 years - he has never been a dad figure and I have never lived or been supported by him and dont feel close to him in anyway (would never go to him in times of need to talk or anthing etc) she has taken it upon herself to call him grandad which i am not so sure I like and want him to be referred to as grandad as my daughter has 2 grandads both very active in her life. Am i being a bit over the top or do others feel this way? Mum is someone who wouldnt take me telling her this without thinkin I am being nasty |
Replies:
Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:13pm
|
I kind of understand how you feel. My mum remarried when I was 19 or 20. I don't see him as a father figure, rather as my Mum's husband. I get on fine with him, but like you don't have a close relationship with him so wouldn't sit down and talk openly about any problems I may be having.
Anyway I've always called him by his first name and so do my kids. It was different for us though as neither he or my Mum expected my kids to call him Grandad or anything. It's a tough one! I would try to talk to your Mum about it openly and honestly. Think through all the reasons why you don't want her to call him Grandad. Could it be confusing for your DD to have 3 'Grandads'? Perhaps you could compromise by thinking up a 'special' name for him?? ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: AngieBabe
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:18pm
|
My step-dad is a lot more active in my DS's life than my dad so I guess a bit of a different situation to yours, and I am happy for him to be Pop (what they decided to be called with my brothers two children so I've just followed suit).
My dad is in another town and I've never really had a close relationship with him, but he's still Grandad. I think these days with blended families being quite common, there is room for all parts to make the whole IYGWIM, and you just have to be creative with the 'names'. Though in saying that, all parties have to decide by mutual agreement - like a lot of things in life, it will take a bit of honest communication. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
|
Posted By: SharonG
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:22pm
| I think I need to say something as it was never discussed with me what he was to be called, if it had I would have agreed on some thing like poppa .... then his name or something, hes probably only seen her 4 times in her life didnt come see her when she was born but then mum makes out like he loves her to bits!! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:35pm
|
I felt like this when my Dad re-married (Mum is deceased) and what to call his wife, in the end she did so much to help us when DD was born that I thought she'd earned the right to be called Nana.
BTW my nieces call her by her name they don't call her Nana they are 9 and 14. My Dad is Poppa to her grandchildren and and their other grandfather's are Grandad as that's what they wanted to be called. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: kiwikt
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:36pm
|
I would tell your mum that you want him called Poppa X because the granddad is getting confusing.
My nana is Nana X to her great grandchildren because it gets too confusing for them to be straight nana. ------------- Due 14/10/11 http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:45pm
|
my kids have a Papa (great grandad), Grandad (my dad who lives in england), Poppa (my FIL) and Poppa Brian (my stepdad).
so as you can see, be creative...not sure if that helps whatsoever, but that's what we do. ... |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 2:46pm
|
my dads father died when my dad was 3. his mum (my gramdma) remarried at age 5 and her new husband has never been "dad" to my dad. he has always been Ron.
even to us from birth, its been Grandma and Ron (and Nana and poppy on my mums side) when referring to him i call him grandad as its just confusing to explain otherwise, but directly he has never been Grandad |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 3:15pm
|
DPs mum and dad (DP is DS's stepdad) were/are (MIL has since passed away) Nana/Poppa (insert FILs very well known nickname here)
I didnt like the idea of DS calling them nana and poppa at first either, BUT MIL did her best to 'be' his nana, and so I felt that it was just easier to let him call her nana too, but with the added on bit to make it clear there was a difference. FIL on the other hand has virtually NO involvement bar the occasional 'hello boy' when he pops round, so if it wasnt for the fact that it was MILs idea for him to be Poppa G, then I'd have just left B to figure out what he wanted to call FIL. ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
|
Posted By: phantom_1
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 3:37pm
| Hey we are in exactly the same boat. My mum keeps referring to her husband as "grandad". They have only been married since last Valentines Day. I'm 26 and live at the other end of he island so don't have much to do with him. Plus my daughters other grandads deserve more respect. |
Posted By: fattykat
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 3:51pm
|
My ‘father’ left before I was two and its been 17 months since I saw him last (it was 12 years before that!) and to be honest I don’t think DD will ever meet him but I refer to him by his first name so that would probably be what she would call him.
My stepfather has been in my life since I was about 3. I don’t call him Dad I call him by his nickname so to DD he is Opa so & so. Now it gets confusing as Mum and my stepfather split up about 8 years ago and she is now with someone else. He gets called by his nickname so that will be what DD will call him. But if when she is older she wants to call him Grandad or Poppa or something else, I don’t have a problem with that. He is great with her (even though they live in another country at the moment) and is a big part of her life so that is probably why I feel this way. If he wasn’t involved I think I would prefer she just called him by his nickname like everyone else. DP’s father has passed away but he would’ve been Grandad Edited to apologise for my rambling life story 
|
Posted By: SharonG
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 4:03pm
Same!! they havnt even been married a year yet and Im 27 so similar situation!! Although they only live 30mins away!! |
phantom_1 wrote:Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 7:43pm
|
My mum has passed on and my dad remarried a year ago, my babies call her gran, as Nana or Nan is what we have always called our grandparents. Its just a token of respect ( rather than them calling her miss ditzy like we do) and they call my grandmother Nan which I feel is more appropriate for us since she is actually our family
------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
|
Posted By: kiwi2
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 7:51pm
|
My stepfather is poppa dave. Grandad is my dad. It works for us - although my stepfather is more of a father than my own really. My dads not bad just gone since I was 7.
I think some sort of title is respectful. Just my opinion. If not poppa or grandad etc then uncle. I would say to your mum that your daughter is getting confused with so many grandads and can you use another title. Maybe give it to her and him to choose. |
Posted By: kandk
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 9:50pm
|
I had a step grandmother! She married my granddad when I was tiny, and so we had Granddad and Aunty D.
Then after my granddad died she married she married my Mum's aunt's widower... confusing, but we loved her to bits. 
Your DD would probably follow your lead in how you referred to him anyway? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 28 January 2011 at 10:00pm
|
Your situation is very similar to mine, and at first I was really funny about it, but my 3yr old decided to call him GrandGrand and its just kind of stuck....we refer to him as Grandad as he is the only grandfather that he will know on my side. His other grandfather is Poppa X, but it gets a little confusing as my grandparents (who are Nana & Grandad to me) are Poppa and Granny to their great grandkids... the little ones seem to have it completely sussed though! I think its worth a conversation with your mum, but perhaps if its important to her then you will just have to make a decision based on both sides. But I think the idea of calling him Poppa X or something different from Grandad will just make life easier for everyone! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Manda08
Date Posted: 29 January 2011 at 8:12am
|
My Dad re-married 3 years ago, been together for about 6 years, and my step-mum has more than earned the right to be called Nanni, she has him 2 days a week while i work, and is wonderfull with him, DS loves her to bits and so do I, Im sooo lucky to have the best step-mum. I was worried about it to start with but she earned the right a million times over to be called Nanni so im fine with it, on the other hand Mum has had a few bfs, none of them are called anything but their name. She isnt in a committed relationship with any so i wouldnt want to confuse DS. ------------- 
|
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 29 January 2011 at 9:52pm
|
My Mum married my step-dad just a few years ago (I'm 29), however he has done so much for us & DS that as others have said, we feel he earned the right of being called Grandad. He also never had kids of his own and is just stoked to have my sister & I and our children as part of his family so I think being called Grandad means so much to him.
My father has never mentioned it and I think if it really hurt his feelings he would have told myself & my sister. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 29 January 2011 at 10:36pm
|
My step-dad has been in my life since I was 4 and is definitely a father figure for me (was there when my Dad wasn't), so he and my Dad are both Granddad.
My Dad's partner has only been around in the last couple of years and although she wants to be called "Aunty X" I don't like it and don't think it is appropriate. To me it negates the really Aunties and Uncles. So she will just be called X (what I call her). My Nan's partner was in the picture from when my Mum was a teenager and he was my only real "Grandfather" figure, but we called him by his name. However, my cousins all called him Uncle X. It is a difficult one, and probably only really something you can address. It is hard because you will probably hurt your Mum, but you need to feel comfortable with your decision. And it isn't fair that they have thrown this at you with no discussion about your thoughts, that is just disrespectful. -------------  
|
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 12:47am
|
I havent read the other posts yet but i know exactly how you feel . my Mother met her partner when my dd (who is 18mths) was 2weeks old , I personally am not close with him but my mother bought it upon herself to start referring to him as Grandy ( his names Andy so she thought it was "cute" if she combined grandad and Andy) I made my opinions very clear about the subject and so she stopped doing it around me ( im pretty sure she still reffers to him as "grandy" around my dd , just not me .) Shes getting married to him in november so i gues i better like it or lump it ( a 4th marrige) anyway i completly know how you feel , Its a hard one , mayby have a quiet word with your mum that your not entirely cpomfortable with it just yet and maybe just see what your daughter starts to refer to him as . ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|