When does ’clucky’ turn into obsessed??

DH and I were talking about a friend of ours and it got me thinking about when simple cluckiness turns into an all out obsession...

I dont want to sound too hipocritical as I know how much the urge to have a baby can overtake your life. I always wanted kids from a young age (as did DH) but after discussing thing, we decided on a few things we wanted to have done before having kids (such as wiping all smaller debts, getting married, DH to climb the career ladder to a certain point minimum etc). We achieved all of the things we wanted to and as a result, I can be a SAHM, which we both always wanted.

So this friend of ours...
Late 20s (so not old by any means), engaged to be married later this year (which sounds like it going to cost a bomb I might add). They are currently renting a house and not all that finacially stable (lots of HPs). They have been overseas and experienced a lot in that way - saved a lot of money but have since blown it all on...well...dont really know what. Her DF is also at a bit of a crossroads job wise and may look into something else, meaning bottom of the ladder etc.

Our friend is now at a point where she wants to settle down and have kids (with a huge amount of pressure bringing up the rear from her mother). A lot of friends and family of hers are currently pregnant or have small kids which I think she finds hard. He on the other hand, still wants to buy this, do this, experience this and that before being tied down. The discussion they have had lead to him putting his foot down and saying pretty much he doesnt even want to think about ttc until AT LEAST 12-18 months down the track.
As you can imagine, this is pretty devestating for our friend but she has agreed (I think in the hopes that he will change his mind).

This is where it all starts to get a bit odd....she has started buying baby stuff. And I dont mean a little bit here and there, I mean she has a room full of bags of things. She hasnt got anything big like a cot yet but I suspect its only a matter of time. She has nappies (cloth and some sposies), clothes (and a heap of them too), baby smelly stuff, toys, books, linen...I could go on and on. Anything on the smaller side, she has it and is continuting to add to it.

While I think its fine to buy the odd thing if your ttc or not far off doing so, or accepting a heap of 2nd hand stuff from a friend or family member, she actually goes out and buys these things. Given their financial situation, I find it all the more odd. She spends her nights trawling baby websites and trademe looking for bargins. Im concerned her obsession could scare off her DF in the meantime since he is no where near where she is.

Is this something other women would admit to having done? I was pretty clucky for YEARS before we were able to ttc and yet, I didnt even think about that sort of thing until we were already. Perhaps if it had taken longer to get pg, I may have bought more things here and there but they are MILES off that point.

Is this just good natured cluckiness, or is she going a bit OTT??

Would be even more crazy in my books if she was doing that. Her DF is totally against it at the moment so it would cause a huge amount of stress on the relationship if a wee 'accident' happened.
In saying that, you never know whats going on in someone elses head......

That must be a really hard situation to be in, not being able to try and desperately wanting too. I imagine shopping and buying little bits and pieces helps make her feel a little bit better and like she at least gets to be part of that side of it. I used to go to baby shops all the time and always had a 'baby shower' story lined up if anyone I knew saw me hahaha though I didn't buy anything before I got pregnant as I was scared I'd jinx things (silly I know). But I did spend hours and hours AND hours online chatting and looking up fertility stuff. Though I was a bit obsessed and it pretty much did take over my life. But I thought of it as my hobby

I may have come off a bit insensitive - im not getting ready to ship her off to the nuthouse or anything and I do feel quite bad for her given her DFs mindset. I just wonder if her obsession is healthy or not given the extent of it. Im all for buying bits and pieces here and there but she practically has everything (except the larger furniture), and TBH it wouldnt surprise me if her DF went running for the hills. I dont really feel like I can support her as much as she *may* need it as we have what she wants IYKWIM.
I was really lucky in that my DH shared my way of thinking and I would have been devestated to be in her position.

As far as the money side of things, im not suggesting that you have to have finances in order before having a baby (so I hope that hasnt been taken the wrong way ) but that we wanted to do that, and they have also talked about wanting that too. That is easier said than done and Im not suggesting everyone should wait until their mortgage is paid off fully, they have thousands in the bank and they have fantastic high paying jobs before considering ttc - if everyone did this, not many people would procreate!! - but for us, paying off smaller debts (credit cards, small loans etc) was important.

ETA - correcting spelling

Edited by KerryLea

Awww Babykatnz stink you gave all the baby stuff away, but guess at the end of the day just getting DD would have been such a blessing that you wouldn't care anyway

Chelle I was lucky lots of people gave stuff to me after having their kids for future use. It was nice to be thought of so didn't have to go and buy lots, but was able to play around with the stuff I did have - so hard not to shop when there is so many cute baby things aye!

You weren't insensitive at all KerryLea. Sometimes we see things about one another we don't see ourselves or just can't understand from that point of view I guess all you can really do is be a friend to her and be there when she needs it. Have you thought about talking to her about this. She may just open up to you about how she is feeling and might be just what she needs and who knows, may be she will relax a bit and stop buying things and wait a while. I hope things work out for her.

Thanks for the responses. In a way, Im glad that there are others out there that do the same - its good to know other peoples point of views on the matter. I have only really talked to DH about it and he thinks shes gone nutty (mans perspective for ya) but like you said thekelly, it seems to just be a way for her to chanel her feelings about wanting a baby now and not being able to.

I will just let it be at this stage. If she starts actually setting up a baby room I might have a word, more to prevent her scaring off her DF more than anything else...

I dont think there is anything wrong with buying stuff and wanting to be prepared, and I certainly wouldnt say she is obsessed. The longing for a baby can be a very powerful thing when its something you badly want, and it sounds as though she is feeling the baby ache, and buying things probably makes her feel better and helps her get though that time while she is waiting to TTC.
I say just leave her be, if its what she wants to do then thats her buisness

The only thing Id be worried about though, is if god forbid, she finds it hard to fall pregnant, the stuff there might be constant reminder etc.. but other than that, shes just a typiucal clucky female

Edited by Sheza

Im not being nasty to her and yes, she is my friend. WIthout a doubt I think she should have kids when she is ready. Thats not really the question here.

All I was really wanting to know was if others have done this well before ttc as personally, I didnt know anyone else who had bought as much stuff as she has - bits here and there, yes, but not this much.

My main concern with the situation (of which, I have in no way put my nose into and do not have any intention of doing) was that her DF is already showing signs of frustration to what HE calls 'her weird obsession'. I would hate to see their relationship (which is otherwise a great one) fall apart because of this.

Sort of wishing I didnt post this topic now as I feel like I have come across as a bitch

Thanks Kelly, thats reassuring
Although her situation doesnt affect me in the slightest, it is also something I had never thought to do (probably as I got pregnant very quickly, who knows what a bit of time would have meant) and like I say, I dont know anyone who has gone to the same extent as she has. The only reason DH and I started talking about it was the fact that her DF mentioned it in a 'my fiances a crazy lady' type way.
My post did come out of genuine concerned for her but glad to know its all very normal to do this when you really want to start a family.

That makes me feel a bit sad for her.

Im not really sure whether I would class her as being obsessed? I think I only bought a few things before I was UTD, while we were TTC.

Does her DF know about all the stuff she is buying?