When does ’clucky’ turn into obsessed??
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Topic: When does ’clucky’ turn into obsessed??
Posted By: Keleho
Subject: When does ’clucky’ turn into obsessed??
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 10:20am
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DH and I were talking about a friend of ours and it got me thinking about when simple cluckiness turns into an all out obsession...
I dont want to sound too hipocritical as I know how much the urge to have a baby can overtake your life. I always wanted kids from a young age (as did DH) but after discussing thing, we decided on a few things we wanted to have done before having kids (such as wiping all smaller debts, getting married, DH to climb the career ladder to a certain point minimum etc). We achieved all of the things we wanted to and as a result, I can be a SAHM, which we both always wanted. So this friend of ours... Late 20s (so not old by any means), engaged to be married later this year (which sounds like it going to cost a bomb I might add). They are currently renting a house and not all that finacially stable (lots of HPs). They have been overseas and experienced a lot in that way - saved a lot of money but have since blown it all on...well...dont really know what. Her DF is also at a bit of a crossroads job wise and may look into something else, meaning bottom of the ladder etc. Our friend is now at a point where she wants to settle down and have kids (with a huge amount of pressure bringing up the rear from her mother). A lot of friends and family of hers are currently pregnant or have small kids which I think she finds hard. He on the other hand, still wants to buy this, do this, experience this and that before being tied down. The discussion they have had lead to him putting his foot down and saying pretty much he doesnt even want to think about ttc until AT LEAST 12-18 months down the track. As you can imagine, this is pretty devestating for our friend but she has agreed (I think in the hopes that he will change his mind). This is where it all starts to get a bit odd....she has started buying baby stuff. And I dont mean a little bit here and there, I mean she has a room full of bags of things. She hasnt got anything big like a cot yet but I suspect its only a matter of time. She has nappies (cloth and some sposies), clothes (and a heap of them too), baby smelly stuff, toys, books, linen...I could go on and on. Anything on the smaller side, she has it and is continuting to add to it. While I think its fine to buy the odd thing if your ttc or not far off doing so, or accepting a heap of 2nd hand stuff from a friend or family member, she actually goes out and buys these things. Given their financial situation, I find it all the more odd. She spends her nights trawling baby websites and trademe looking for bargins. Im concerned her obsession could scare off her DF in the meantime since he is no where near where she is. Is this something other women would admit to having done? I was pretty clucky for YEARS before we were able to ttc and yet, I didnt even think about that sort of thing until we were already. Perhaps if it had taken longer to get pg, I may have bought more things here and there but they are MILES off that point. Is this just good natured cluckiness, or is she going a bit OTT?? |
Replies:
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 11:04am
| Maybe she is already 'trying' and is buying stuff like a mad thing because she knows it might be much less then a year before they have a baby. I know that sounds terrible but i know people who have had a "suprise" baby...a suprise for the male involved that is. |
Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 11:08am
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Would be even more crazy in my books if she was doing that. Her DF is totally against it at the moment so it would cause a huge amount of stress on the relationship if a wee 'accident' happened.
In saying that, you never know whats going on in someone elses head...... 
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 11:19am
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Hmmm she is clearly ready and wanting a baby. I guess try looking from her point. You and your DH had the same mind space and wanted the same things at the same time. You both agreed on when you would ttc and were both happy with that decision. Your friend obviously wants a baby now and is not happy with the decision made.
Me and my DH agreed on when we would ttc, but it took 4 years before we got our daughter. It is pretty hard to be in the mind space of being ready for a baby and not buy things. I went a little crazy at times shopping, but my DH understood. You are right though in that it could scare her partner off if he is truly not ready. I feel for her cause she will either scare him off and then have to start all over again and will be a long time before being able to ttc or she will get to the 18 month point and he will still not be ready. One thing we found is there is never the perfect time. He needs to want a baby and aim for having things set in place so they can ttc. Its great to have finances set in place, but that is not always a reality and people can make it work no matter what. My DH is a training accountant and on apprentice salary which is hard, but will pay off in at least another 4 years. There is no way we would have waited for that to happen before having a baby. She is our number one priority and even with low salary and a huge mortgage we were still able to put money aside and get everything we wanted for our baby. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 11:57am
That must be a really hard situation to be in, not being able to try and desperately wanting too. I imagine shopping and buying little bits and pieces helps make her feel a little bit better and like she at least gets to be part of that side of it. I used to go to baby shops all the time and always had a 'baby shower' story lined up if anyone I knew saw me hahaha though I didn't buy anything before I got pregnant as I was scared I'd jinx things (silly I know). But I did spend hours and hours AND hours online chatting and looking up fertility stuff. Though I was a bit obsessed and it pretty much did take over my life. But I thought of it as my hobby  ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 12:16pm
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I started buying bits and pieces if I saw stuff marked right down for end of season sales etc (mostly clothing sets and odds and ends etc) after DP and I started talking about TTCing sometime down the track. As it happened it was another year before we started to TTC, by which time I had a large drawer full of new clothes, and a shelf in the hall cupboard with blankets/sheets sets etc... then it took another 2 years to get DD once we started TTC. I guess for me it was just something to keep reminding myself that 'one day' I'd get to use those things... In the end I gave most of it away because we were told just weeks before DD was concieved that we wouldnt concieve without the help of IVF... so I went home and decided I wanted it all gone! All the girl stuff went to my ex who'd just had a little girl with his new wife, and the boy stuff I gave to a friend who'd just had her 4th baby and didnt have much $ for nice new stuff.
Bigger stuff like pram/cot/highchair etc we left until I was pregnant enough to feel 'safe' ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 12:20pm
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I may have come off a bit insensitive - im not getting ready to ship her off to the nuthouse or anything and I do feel quite bad for her given her DFs mindset. I just wonder if her obsession is healthy or not given the extent of it. Im all for buying bits and pieces here and there but she practically has everything (except the larger furniture), and TBH it wouldnt surprise me if her DF went running for the hills. I dont really feel like I can support her as much as she *may* need it as we have what she wants IYKWIM.
I was really lucky in that my DH shared my way of thinking and I would have been devestated to be in her position. As far as the money side of things, im not suggesting that you have to have finances in order before having a baby (so I hope that hasnt been taken the wrong way  ) but that we wanted to do that, and they have also talked about wanting that too. That is easier said than done and Im not suggesting everyone should wait until their mortgage is paid off fully, they have thousands in the bank and they have fantastic high paying jobs before considering ttc - if everyone did this, not many people would procreate!! - but for us, paying off smaller debts (credit cards, small loans etc) was important.
ETA - correcting spelling
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 1:00pm
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hmm, my friend has been baby crazy since i've known her (and considering i've known her since she was a year old,thats a long time )
She is now 25,has been with her partner for 6 or 7 years and he has now come round to the idea of TTC sometime this year, she basically told him she was ready for a baby and that it wasn't fair to either of them if he didn't want one, so she told him to think about whether or not he wanted to cos there was no way she was going to get pregnant if he was 100 percent happy with it, anyway, he thought it over,decided he didn't want to lose her, did want a baby after all and they will start trying I think in september...I can't remember. She is a nanny, fantastic with children, (tho she still has a lot to learn but that will come when shes a mum ) so helpful with my two. When her baby is born she will be pretty set....she has boxes of clothes shes been collecting, a pram (a quinny no less ) a car seat and I think a cot , all in storage. Some people think shes obsessed/stupid for doing it ,and its not that she doesn't realise things can go wrong, but her wanting a baby is so bad and has been for so long that this is the way she chose to channel her desperation, it makes her feel better to buy things so why not....and since shes using money she earns from working hard all day,who am I to begrudge her that? ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 1:06pm
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Awww Babykatnz stink you gave all the baby stuff away, but guess at the end of the day just getting DD would have been such a blessing that you wouldn't care anyway
Chelle I was lucky lots of people gave stuff to me after having their kids for future use. It was nice to be thought of so didn't have to go and buy lots, but was able to play around with the stuff I did have - so hard not to shop when there is so many cute baby things aye!
You weren't insensitive at all KerryLea. Sometimes we see things about one another we don't see ourselves or just can't understand from that point of view I guess all you can really do is be a friend to her and be there when she needs it. Have you thought about talking to her about this. She may just open up to you about how she is feeling and might be just what she needs and who knows, may be she will relax a bit and stop buying things and wait a while. I hope things work out for her.------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 1:10pm
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After my origional post i was reminded - of all things - about Juno. Remember her step mom was doing dog cross-stitch, dog collages, had dog toys, the whole lot because she wanted dogs but Juno was allergic?
Anyway, i sounded like a crazy-cynical b**ch, not everyone has friends like mine! |
Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 2:36pm
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Thanks for the responses. In a way, Im glad that there are others out there that do the same - its good to know other peoples point of views on the matter. I have only really talked to DH about it and he thinks shes gone nutty (mans perspective for ya) but like you said thekelly, it seems to just be a way for her to chanel her feelings about wanting a baby now and not being able to.
I will just let it be at this stage. If she starts actually setting up a baby room I might have a word, more to prevent her scaring off her DF more than anything else... |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 6:49pm
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I have a pram (MB) sitting in the garage.
it is an older model but in fantastic condition and was only $40 at the 2nd hand shop. i didnt plan on keeping it but i havent been able to sell it yet |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 8:43pm
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I dont think there is anything wrong with buying stuff and wanting to be prepared, and I certainly wouldnt say she is obsessed. The longing for a baby can be a very powerful thing when its something you badly want, and it sounds as though she is feeling the baby ache, and buying things probably makes her feel better and helps her get though that time while she is waiting to TTC.
I say just leave her be, if its what she wants to do then thats her buisness
The only thing Id be worried about though, is if god forbid, she finds it hard to fall pregnant, the stuff there might be constant reminder etc.. but other than that, shes just a typiucal clucky female 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 8:43pm
| you sound quite down on your "friend" and like you dont think she should have kids at all! I had baby woolens in my glory box for years before i even had a man! |
Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 8:56pm
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Im not being nasty to her and yes, she is my friend. WIthout a doubt I think she should have kids when she is ready. Thats not really the question here.
All I was really wanting to know was if others have done this well before ttc as personally, I didnt know anyone else who had bought as much stuff as she has - bits here and there, yes, but not this much. My main concern with the situation (of which, I have in no way put my nose into and do not have any intention of doing) was that her DF is already showing signs of frustration to what HE calls 'her weird obsession'. I would hate to see their relationship (which is otherwise a great one) fall apart because of this. Sort of wishing I didnt post this topic now as I feel like I have come across as a bitch ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:04pm
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Nah,you haven't, well not to me, you've come across more as someone who is genuinely puzzled and confused by your friend's behaviour,and I would be lying if I said I never raised an eyebrow at some of the purchases my friend has made (which I remember now included a bassinette )
But to answer your original question,its reasonably normal, I think quite a few women put things away before they are TTC and mostly I think cos they want to feel like they are doing something..... There were times my friend's partner got annoyed with her buying things but he just learnt to accept that thats who she is. You sound like you are genuinely concerned about her relationship, it may pay to subetly ask her what her DF thinks of her purchases ...and if she says hes not impressed maybe suggest she limit the buying to every few months or whatever... -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:10pm
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Thanks Kelly, thats reassuring
Although her situation doesnt affect me in the slightest, it is also something I had never thought to do (probably as I got pregnant very quickly, who knows what a bit of time would have meant) and like I say, I dont know anyone who has gone to the same extent as she has. The only reason DH and I started talking about it was the fact that her DF mentioned it in a 'my fiances a crazy lady' type way. My post did come out of genuine concerned for her but glad to know its all very normal to do this when you really want to start a family. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:17pm
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I don't think it makes her obsessed, just prepared for the 'what if' maybe.
I am only 20 so hadn't really thought about babies and the only stuff I had 'saved' were my soft toys, sheets, blankets, duvets, some books... I know from my gran the moment she met my granddad she started collecting everything and they didn't have kids for almost 5 years! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:22pm
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That makes me feel a bit sad for her.
Im not really sure whether I would class her as being obsessed? I think I only bought a few things before I was UTD, while we were TTC. Does her DF know about all the stuff she is buying? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:40pm
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Most of the stuff is stored in their spare room so unless he is living under a rock, he knows about it. He has also mentioned it to DH and I. She does keep a bit at her mums as well - not sure if he is aware of that stuff.
I would like to add it was her DFs and DH who used the term obsessed in the first instance. I would call it more 'over-prepared' ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 7:52am
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I kinda think that is OTT, it's obviously on her mind ALL the time, and even though they are planning to TTC later, I think to be buying baby stuff now is too early IMO.
I had a friend that had just got married and got completely obsessed with getting UTD even though they weren't TTC. She thought she was pg every month and had a room that would be baby's room if she did get pg and had all sorts of baby things in there. It was too much in my mind. Of course when the time came too properly TTC a couple of years later, she found she couldn't get pg naturally.
Anyway, I understand your concern and don't think you're being insenstive or down on your friend, I can see where you are coming from. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 8:40am
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Maybe you could suggest to her to put money into savings instead of buying baby gear so that that way she can buy all the latest gear once she is pg. I didn't buy anything until we were UTD but I had become a bit obsessed with wanting a baby and wanting it right now! and I had to wait for DH to get to the place of even entertaining the idea, if I hadn't of been superstitiuos about buying things I probably would have had spare room full of stuff too, but instead we had savings for baby which looks less crazy and more just like good financial planning. Oh and had shopping lists stored on online stores as well, that's not crazy ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 8:57am
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I personally think it is a bit OTT and think she is at risk of scaring off her man.
DF and I always knew we were going to have kids but I never bought anything until we actually got pregnant and had the 12wk scan to make sure everything was all OK. Didn't want to jinx myself. I think it's kinda strange buying stuff before you get preg.... but that's just me -------------  
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 9:18am
I can see the concern, but honestly, if she wants it this badly, and he's not even willing to consider it for another year or two, I'm not sure it IS a great relationship. If my DH wanted something like that very badly, I'd be thinking long and hard about how we could come to a compromise because it's very important to me that we are both happy. That said, maybe he just needs some time to come round to the idea without the pressure. Possibly her buying stuff all the time makes him feel like he doesn't actually have a choice? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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KerryLea wrote:Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 12:48pm
I don't think you did, if anything it's like you're trying to understand your friend better and just concerned for her relationship. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 3:27pm
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If you change the words "buying baby stuff" for "reading everything baby-related on the internet", then you'd have me
I was ready to try at least 1.5 years before DH, so that was my outlet. And yeah, my family called me obsessive, and suggested it might be unhealthy, but it worked for me. It allowed me to feel connected to the "goal" of having kids, even though we couldn't try. So perhaps your friend feels the same way. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 4:34pm
Agree! Just thinking its prob not an issue with most women that do it because their DH/DP's are happy for them to do it, this being the exception where he obviously doesn't. I hope they can come to some sort of compromise. I had more than half the stuff before falling pregnant, but we had been ttc for four years and at the hard times for some strange reason I bought more stuff. It made me feel better in some strange way and DH was so supportive of it and at times would say he liked what I got and would talk about how we would do things. Oh and KerryLea don't feel bad hun. Instead of saying something to your friend you might regret or not understanding her, you asked for advice on here which is way better. Just keep being the good friend you are. We all get concerned for friends in different ways at times and that's what good friends are meant to do ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 6:14pm
For me its about having control. I cant control our fertility and i cant control the waiting times/lists for FA treatment. I know when times are bad I want to take control back so i think thats why you shopped more when things were bad Kazper KerryLea- I think its hard thing to understand unless your living through it and Im not trying to make you feel bad (because you shouldnt) Maybe you could talk to your friend and get her to talk to someone like counselor Just remember this is your friends way of coping with what is happening in her life so it may be hard for her to talk about it ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 7:14pm
[QUOTE-Waiting] For me its about having control. I cant control our fertility and i cant control the waiting times/lists for FA treatment. I know when times are bad I want to take control back so i think thats why you shopped more when things were bad Kazper Yip it was definitely about taking control back. We went through 3 years of ICSI IVF so was definitely stressful. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 8:23pm
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Does it change who she is as a person though? does it make her any less of a friend? if no, then leave her be, its her life her choice...
I was baby obsessed for a while and this is after I had my two kids, but it didnt change who i was a person, and even though it annoyed my DH, when talked through things and are on the same wave length now, id have been very pissed off if a friend approached me about it... My bestfriend just supported me, and never said anything else. |
Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 03 January 2011 at 9:33pm
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Like Ive said, I dont think any differently of her - i simply posted this to find out how common it was as DH (and her DF) expressed concern over her behaviour, and I had not heard of others doing this to the same degree. As I mentioned earlier, DH and I agreed to achieve certain things before kids, but this in no way lessened my very strong desire to have kids. I too trawled websites for info on ttc, pregnancy and babies long before we started ttc but had not thought of actually going and buying stuff - perhaps my superstitious side coming out - which is another reason I asked on here.
Maybe other friends did and I wasnt aware, but then again, maybe not. I dont and I have not interfered or even bought the topic up with her nor do I intend to as (I just smile, goo and gaa when she shows me the latest purchase, and offer advice when she asks). I 100% agree, its her life/money/time to do what she wishes with it. Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts..... ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 12:28am
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My desire to have another baby waxes and wanes...sometimes I get alittle OTT but it usually slides after awhile. Though I am always a sucker for a bargain...and if I come across something too good to be true ima snap it up! I have stuff stored from when DS was a baby (clothes, toys, blankets)...that I don't want to part with because i know eventually more children will come along. When I think about it, it doesn't seem much different from your friend....keeping or in your friend's case buying things for the future. If it makes her happy then let her be, it is her coping mechanism. Her man could change his mind (mine certainly does...went from TTC in 3 years...down to this year if I want). I like the suggestion of getting her to save the money...otherwise she'll take out all the fun of shopping while preggers if she's got everything already lol. ------------- 
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Posted By: RachFizz
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 2:00am
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I don't know your situation, but maybe if you or other friends have children it would make her position even harder? Since she is in her late twenties she may even know of a lot of people who are younger than her who are having kids, which could feel pretty unfair (i know that's not rational but hey)
I think it's a little OTT, if her partner is not happy about it. Even though my DH doesn't want kids for ages he has consented to me buying a couple of things if it makes it easier for me. A savings account would be better for her, but at least she's buying things she will use one day, she'll be well prepared when baby finally comes, although she'll have left nothing to do while actually pregnant!
I think you should kindly mention your concerns, and make sure it's not putting undue strain on their relationship, but otherwise just let it be. She's probably just doing her best to cope with the situation.
And I'm not sure which exact words were used, but it was suggested their relationship can't be that good if they're in totally different places in their lives... I disagree. It can be a big strain on the relationship that's for sure, but I don't think you can make judgments on the workings of their partnership, and it doesn't mean they're doomed or it's their fault. It just happens. My DH reckons that we both wanted the same things and then bam! I got hit with the baby bug. I never meant for it to happen. And now I'm trying to move on but it's bloody hard. I think it's a luxury if your partner wants a baby as much as you.
------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Posted By: nicandtyler
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 7:05am
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hmm i'd probably say its a little OTT, although im only 23 so my friends aren't at that stage even though quite a few of them have babies and children, i've never really known anyone to buy baby stuff before they were trying. I personally wouldn't buy anything until I was well into my pregnancy, but im superstitious like that, and with DS I didn't buy anything until I was about 25 weeks plus, so it does seem a little unsual to me personally. And you didn't come across as mean or anything! Just generally curious and concerned for your friend, i'd probably do the exact same thing ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 April '11
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 8:12am
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My thoughts have already been said - but if it helps to hear another person saying them, here they are, for what it's worth.
Buying stuff before trying for a baby is pretty normal. I did - and I even popped it in a cupboard and didn't mention it to DH (because he'd laugh at me rather than be concerned!) Once we started trying, and expecially once we'd been trying a while, I bought quite a lot (to the point where we have a really so-ordinated nursery and I had most of the stuff I needed before Jacob was conceived. While it's pretty normal, and I wouldn't worry about it if it floats her boat, she is taking it to a bit of an extreme. Which would be cool, if it weren't for her partner getting a bit freaked out. However, I do kind of wonder if that's a relationship issue between him and her. I know you're her friend (and you do come across as caring about her, not being nasty) but ultimately they have to sort out their relationship. This is who she is, and while it's a bit extreme it's not abnormal. If there're an otherwise strong couple, they'll come to a compromise, who knows what it will be, but it's quite do-able. If he can't accept who she is and she refuses to budge to accommodate him, they'll have to sort that out too. Apart from mentioning that you think it's getting to him, and being there for her to talk about it, I think you're best letting them sort it out themselves. -------------   
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 10:05am
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I do think it's a little OTT to be buying that much stuff before TTC but I guess if it makes her happy then there's no harm in it - if her DF didn't want children at all, then I'd be quite worried!!
I'm in another boat though, for myself I find it strange buying things even while I'm still pregnant! I went shopping yesterday and picked up a few things (not much as we already have most of it) but felt a little odd seeing as baby 2 won't be here for a while yet - which I know is silly! I didn't immerse myself in the baby world until I was UTD but I can certainly see now that it's easy to get into it and so easy to want to buy things, it can almost be turned into a hobby! Edited to make more sense ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Stephi
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 7:13pm
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I have a friend who is the exact same. She has a whole baby room full of stuff (all set up I might add) and keeps on buying more. and not just second hand things either. Everything is brand new. Walls are done and painted, with a theme (lets hope she ends up having a girl lol) and everything. They are TTC atm her and her partner but I sometimes think that going that extreme is just jinxing it and is setting herself up for bad luck or failure :(
I do think you can go overboard. Now that I am pregnant I am buying things every week. We arent that financially well off, which is why im buying a packet of nappies a week, because by the time bubs is born we should have quite a few! which will be handy for us cause we wont have to buy any then! ------------- 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 7:16pm
 Now THAT is getting a bit ahead of yourself..! It's almost sure to be a boy now!-------------
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Posted By: Stephi
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 7:24pm
Exactly! To me she is just making it very hard on herself. I have a feeling it will be hard for her to concieve :( She did once and she lost the bub, so I think that kinda made her go a bit overboard in hopes of getting pregnant again. -------------
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 7:28pm
Ok thats a bit OTT- I understand buying things and putting them away but not setting them up. I have things in the wardrobe in the spare room so i dont have to look at them if i dont want to but most of all no one else sees them (i dont want questions) oh but DP knows about it ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 04 January 2011 at 9:58pm
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I was thinking about others posts about having babies already and wanting more...
I have always made it clear to dp I want more babies in the future, though he wants only one... I probably piss him off by buying things occasionally... I bought a new cot for DD but have hung onto the old one 'jic'... I bought a doubles pram, though that was because the first one didn't cut it and I walk a lot. But I got the doubles one jic... I've saved all of DDs clothes, jic - he thinks I should sell them... Like others, I go through stages of REALLY WANTING ANOTHER!!! And it bugs DP and I get upset about it... It's hard sometimes, but I know it's best to just wait and hope he comes around, eventually... Though I suspect if there's no #2 by the time DD is 5 I'll just give up. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 05 January 2011 at 1:51pm
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Now setting it up is completely OTT, and buying that much stuff to me. What happens if a friend looks in the room or something and says congratulations. How embarrassed would you be saying that no, you're not actually pregnant yet ------------- 
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Posted By: rorylex
Date Posted: 05 January 2011 at 3:18pm
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if dh (after being together for yrs knowing i did want kids) kept coming up with excusses for not trying and yet not trying to eliminate those reasons.
I wouldnt have gone out buying things, I would have left, not much point in a relationship if you arnt both willing to compromise at all. obviously with 4 kids and another planned im not in that situation. ------------- Mummy to 4 boys Samuel - 18.6.05 Rory - 15.7.06 Mason - 13.06.08 Emmett - 24.01.10 Baby #5 - cooking |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 05 January 2011 at 4:01pm
Nic, DP was adamant after DD that one was enough for him... but after watching her grow into such a neat little person, he's realised how much fun it is, that its not ALL sleepless nights and stress (haha, I didnt tell him what it would be like to have a TEENAGED daughter!!) so he finally agreed to have one more... bit gutted on the timing of him finally agreeing cos I went ahead and sold most of her NB and 0-3 stuff in the time it took for him to come around! Luckily I kept all the big stuff like basinette, bouncinette, jolly jumper etc that DD had grown out of, so its only really clothes and extra blankets needed this time around (part of the reason he agreed was that since we already HAD the basics, having another baby wouldnt be nearly as expensive as Jae since we had to start from scratch with her  )------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003
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