Lying Teen

That must be very hard for you, didn't want to read and run, I know someone here will have some good advice and ideas on getting help for your DD.

Thanks heaps Ladies. I do appreciate the hugs. She's only 15 and I'm praying that it's a phase but it's one I saw with her older cousin (paternal side) who is now 20 and hasn't changed one bit. And she is in counselling at school but there hasn't been any improvement or change.

Edited by 4thtymlucky

Hmmm. Thats a tricky one. Do you have younger children that she perhaps feels "take" you "off" her? or maybe she has some self esteem issues and needs to "have a story" to "keep" friends. Teenage girls are so tricky.
Maybe start having soem one on one "dates" with her...no pressure to talk, just go for a coffee or get your nails done or sit at a cafe with a coke and people watch..no pressure to talk, in fact NO "talk" - other than "superficial"...she might begin to open up somewhere down the track if she thinks she has you "back"...Im not a big advocate of being "friends" with your teenagers - boundries and all, but maybe she feels left out?
WE have had massive massive issues that have gotten worse and worse with my husbands almost 19 y/o, both parents have younger children now and I think alot of his bad behaviour and lies etc is acting out...not that he gets cut any slack, becasue its inexcusable behaviour, but one on one time was a real biggie that worked ok when he was younger here.
Hugs and good luck.

I think talking to her to find out why she is doing it and the consequences of what will happen if she continues (eg. losing friends).

Is she displaying any other kind of unusual behaviour?

On the mild side it could be just attention-seeking behaviour or copying her cousin... but what makes me wonder is that she keeps getting found out - including from her friends. And you'd think that she'd be embarrassed enough to stop doing it! But clearly not!

I don't know how long it's been going on for, but I would definitely look at counselling and seeking some professional advice. A psychologist might be a better choice.

The only time I have ever encountered someone who makes up huge stories for no real reason (like totally unnecessary) was someone who had bipolar disorder. In fact, she's been diagnosed with depression but we all know the dr's have diagnosed her incorrectly but that's another story.

Making up stories and huge lies etc. (not to get out of consequences but for no apparent reason) is one symptom of bi-polar disorder in teens. It's just something to be aware of but if she has no other symptoms I wouldn't consider that - but definitely think about her behaviour and talk it over with your GP, a psychologist or some other professional who will help. Counsellors are not equipped to diagnose mental health problems. Perhaps her older cousin has this mental illness (only speculating) which is why counselling hasn't worked?

Edited by nathansmummy

Is she board or just attention seeking?

She maybe lying to be the centre of attention or keep up with her friends. She may be sounding out thoughts to see the reaction she gets.

She is 15, does she have a life plan, does she know what she wants to do when she leaves school. Maybe a mother & daughter outing & a chat will sort things out.

If she had other behavioural issues then I would look at counselling but if she doesn't then look at a hobby or a course that will help her get into what she wants, or join a club.

Support is a big thing for a teenager.
Good luck, I am sure it will work out.

Remembering that a big thing in counselling is trust in the counsellor. Maybe she hasn't clicked with this particular counsellor therefore is making no progress?

There are varying levels of bipolar too, although I wouldn't be quick to try and label it but bro has bipolar 2 which is quite tame compared to the manic depressive bipolar 1.

Also the counselling may not be working if its not caused by an event as jaz said.

She may not be embarrassed by being caught out because she wants to be caught out because it is an attention thing?

Good luck sweets I hope you find a way through this.

I would say it is most likely attention seeking, trying to fit in and be the cool one in the group. Getting her involved in a youth group or somewhere to give her a bit more confidence and make some more friends may help. the best thing to do may be just to ignore the lies that she is telling. There is a big difference between this sort of lying, and lying to deceive you to her advantage.

I have known quite a few people like this between school and uni and the end result is they lose their friends.

What a tough situation. Like nathansmummy said, it could be a symptom of bi-polar disorder - might be worth getting her checked out by a psychologist?

Good luck!

Oh thanks heaps ladies. Pumpkino- that's really interesting and honest of you. Thank you sharing that with me/us, I really do appreciate it. I'm praying that you're right and that it's a phase that will eventually just stop. In the interim I'll follow all the advice you wonderful ladies have given me, which is basically to be patient, firm and understanding/caring towards her needs regardless. *fingers crossed no psychologist needed*..yet or ever Blessings and thanks to you all

Wowa!!! Military school... some kids could definitely do with that, but this girl sounds like a teenager who is lying a bit, if you shipped off all teenage girls who lie a bit there would be none left!