Lying Teen
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36271
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Topic: Lying Teen
Posted By: 4thtymlucky
Subject: Lying Teen
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 8:12pm
| My DD1 has an habitual problem of lying..to me, to her friends and anyone who will listen. She's been caught out on a number of occasions but is still doing it. The latest lie to her friends was yesterday when she told one of her mates that she was working part-time in the holidays (untrue) and that she was going to do a course over the summer (untrue). Her friend came to ask me and of course it wasn't true. The worst lies she told her friends happened earlier in the year when she told them she had an abortion , that I had taken her and that she had a miscarriage before that...it's just uncanny. She has an older cousin who is a liar, storyteller and a real embellisher. I'm worried that my girl has contracted this same mental illness and that it can get worse. Any advice would be much appreciated. |
Replies:
Posted By: UpsyDaisy
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 8:20pm
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That must be very hard for you, didn't want to read and run, I know someone here will have some good advice and ideas on getting help for your DD. |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 8:27pm
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sorry but i have no idea. didnt want to read and run though. what about counselling? they might be able to get to the root of why she lies? i have/had a few friends who were "one-ups"... if something had happened to me, well it had happened to them 8 times 3 years ago and it was *so much worse*. i gave up coz i couldnt be bothered with them, but maybe she is just after attention? (whether good or bad, they need to be the centre of attention, sympathy, pity and well wishes)???
thats my only idea sorry! hope it gets sorted though *hugs* |
Posted By: 4thtymlucky
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 8:56pm
| Thanks heaps Ladies. I do appreciate the hugs. She's only 15 and I'm praying that it's a phase but it's one I saw with her older cousin (paternal side) who is now 20 and hasn't changed one bit. And she is in counselling at school but there hasn't been any improvement or change. |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 9:17pm
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It could be a phase a friend of mine was like that I stopped talking to her don't know if she's like that anymore. I hope she grows out of it. It could be an attention thing it could be self esteem maybe she gets bullied? Counselling can take a long time to work and if you aren't ready for it then its not going to do anything ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 9:40pm
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Hmmm. Thats a tricky one. Do you have younger children that she perhaps feels "take" you "off" her? or maybe she has some self esteem issues and needs to "have a story" to "keep" friends. Teenage girls are so tricky.
Maybe start having soem one on one "dates" with her...no pressure to talk, just go for a coffee or get your nails done or sit at a cafe with a coke and people watch..no pressure to talk, in fact NO "talk" - other than "superficial"...she might begin to open up somewhere down the track if she thinks she has you "back"...Im not a big advocate of being "friends" with your teenagers - boundries and all, but maybe she feels left out? WE have had massive massive issues that have gotten worse and worse with my husbands almost 19 y/o, both parents have younger children now and I think alot of his bad behaviour and lies etc is acting out...not that he gets cut any slack, becasue its inexcusable behaviour, but one on one time was a real biggie that worked ok when he was younger here. Hugs and good luck. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 16 October 2010 at 10:12pm
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Sounds like it could be an attention thing too imo... Not sure why people do it, I certainly knew a few people like that whilst at college a few years ago!
Could suggest counseling, but like you said she's already doing it... And as someone else mentioned, it can take a while to fully open up about things. She may not even be aware she's doing it? Have you tried talking to her? Sorry can't offer any real advice, *hugs* ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 12:32am
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I think talking to her to find out why she is doing it and the consequences of what will happen if she continues (eg. losing friends).
Is she displaying any other kind of unusual behaviour? On the mild side it could be just attention-seeking behaviour or copying her cousin... but what makes me wonder is that she keeps getting found out - including from her friends. And you'd think that she'd be embarrassed enough to stop doing it! But clearly not! I don't know how long it's been going on for, but I would definitely look at counselling and seeking some professional advice. A psychologist might be a better choice. The only time I have ever encountered someone who makes up huge stories for no real reason (like totally unnecessary) was someone who had bipolar disorder. In fact, she's been diagnosed with depression but we all know the dr's have diagnosed her incorrectly but that's another story. Making up stories and huge lies etc. (not to get out of consequences but for no apparent reason) is one symptom of bi-polar disorder in teens. It's just something to be aware of but if she has no other symptoms I wouldn't consider that - but definitely think about her behaviour and talk it over with your GP, a psychologist or some other professional who will help. Counsellors are not equipped to diagnose mental health problems. Perhaps her older cousin has this mental illness (only speculating) which is why counselling hasn't worked? |
Posted By: 4thtymlucky
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 9:55am
| So true. Thank you all so much. As far as I'm aware it just started this year but then again who knows how long she's been stringing her friends along. They even approached me and asked for advice on how to deal with her blatant lies (about 5 months back) I told them that if they just be her friend and tell her straight up that they don't believe her then maybe she'll stop. But Nathansmummy you're so right, I thought that once she'd been caught out by her friends that she'd be embarrassed too..hasn't worked yet though:) |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 9:57am
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Is she board or just attention seeking?
She maybe lying to be the centre of attention or keep up with her friends. She may be sounding out thoughts to see the reaction she gets. She is 15, does she have a life plan, does she know what she wants to do when she leaves school. Maybe a mother & daughter outing & a chat will sort things out. If she had other behavioural issues then I would look at counselling but if she doesn't then look at a hobby or a course that will help her get into what she wants, or join a club. Support is a big thing for a teenager. Good luck, I am sure it will work out. |
Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 10:31am
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You could try family counselling if you think it may be attention seeking. In my experience (as a psychologist) counsellors are only trained to deal with life's hiccups like death, divorce, family disharmony, but if you suspect any sort of mental disorder that needs to be diagnosed and treated (like bipolar, ADHD etc) you need to get help from a psychologist or psychiastrist that is skilled and qualifed to deal with these issues. If the school counsellor isn't working then you may need to step it up a bit. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 10:44am
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Remembering that a big thing in counselling is trust in the counsellor. Maybe she hasn't clicked with this particular counsellor therefore is making no progress?
There are varying levels of bipolar too, although I wouldn't be quick to try and label it but bro has bipolar 2 which is quite tame compared to the manic depressive bipolar 1. Also the counselling may not be working if its not caused by an event as jaz said. She may not be embarrassed by being caught out because she wants to be caught out because it is an attention thing? Good luck sweets I hope you find a way through this. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 1:58pm
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Aww thats tough. Is Lying a coping strategy? If so, there may be something underlying (anxiety perhaps) that is causing her to behave like this.
Good luck, I hope you can get it resolved soon  ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: amme_eilyk
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 3:57pm
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I would say it is most likely attention seeking, trying to fit in and be the cool one in the group. Getting her involved in a youth group or somewhere to give her a bit more confidence and make some more friends may help. the best thing to do may be just to ignore the lies that she is telling. There is a big difference between this sort of lying, and lying to deceive you to her advantage.
I have known quite a few people like this between school and uni and the end result is they lose their friends. |
Posted By: pumpkino
Date Posted: 17 October 2010 at 10:01pm
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I used to lie all the time when I was that age - like pathological lying. I would lie even when I could have told the truth with no different result. I don't know why, I couldn't even explain it at the time. I do think part of it was wanting to get people to like me, even though I had plenty of friends. I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't help myself.
This won't be any help but I honestly just grew out of it. There wasn't really anything that changed or happened, I just stopped one day (as far as I can remember). The irony is that since I was about 17 I have become the most honest person ever, I really never lie (other than the little white lies that we all tell eg to MIL!!!) and take honesty really seriously. And I can spot a liar a mile away, lol! I think the important thing is to be there for her and let her know that you support her no matter what. Try not to get angry with her but also don't ignore it - call her out on her lies and make sure she is aware of any consequences (if there are any). You never know, one day she might just stop like I did :) |
Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 18 October 2010 at 9:22am
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What a tough situation. Like nathansmummy said, it could be a symptom of bi-polar disorder - might be worth getting her checked out by a psychologist?
Good luck! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 18 October 2010 at 10:31am
| I don't think it's too abnormal. I remember lying to my friends when I was around that age because I wanted to be cool and fit in and my life was fairly boring so I just made stuff up! I soon grew out of it. |
Posted By: 4thtymlucky
Date Posted: 18 October 2010 at 8:53pm
Oh thanks heaps ladies. Pumpkino- that's really interesting and honest of you. Thank you sharing that with me/us, I really do appreciate it. I'm praying that you're right and that it's a phase that will eventually just stop. In the interim I'll follow all the advice you wonderful ladies have given me, which is basically to be patient, firm and understanding/caring towards her needs regardless. *fingers crossed no psychologist needed*..yet or ever Blessings and thanks to you all
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 19 October 2010 at 9:57am
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I agree with Pumpkino as well - when i was here age i was a shocker (and always got caught out, didnt care either). I even lied about having a miscarriage once - though i legit thought i had for a time (late period, heavy flow once it came through) - once i'd worked out that it was normal and NOT a miscarriage i still pretended it was.
Not that isnt totally out of wack, but i think something that some teenagers (girls esp) seem to have and grow out off. I know a LOT of my friends seemed to tell outrageous lies a lot of the time. Her friends must really care though if they came to you to ask for help. Maybe she really really wants a part time job for the holidays and doesnt know where to start looking for one, or making a CV etc so just said she had one. Perhaps you could help her find a job - that will take up some of her energy as well. Same with the course, though im not sure if that would be seen as rewarding the lie or not! |
Posted By: Isabella
Date Posted: 28 March 2012 at 9:14pm
| Wowa!!! Military school... some kids could definitely do with that, but this girl sounds like a teenager who is lying a bit, if you shipped off all teenage girls who lie a bit there would be none left! |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 28 March 2012 at 9:16pm
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trolololololololol ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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