I need your help with DS

Long story short, DS (2.5yo) is freaking out because he's realised DH is away for a while (3 months, which isn't long for us, but first overseas deployment since DS was born).

He's kicking, hitting, biting, throwing things at me, Ava and the walls, screaming, and then just breaking down in tears. It's only been 5 days but I'm trying to think of things I can do to try and ease him into the deployment. Things I've done so far...

-Had a talk to him about DH going away, constantly mentioned it and put a positive light on it.
-Made a book about DH's deployment for DS to look at
-Printed the last photos we got of him at the airport, and saved the news that we were on for DS to watch
-Taped Dh leaving messages for the kids for bed time etc
-Made a caterpillar timeline, where we put a sticker on each day and put pictures up about what we're doing during the week to break up the deployment.

I never thought he'd react so badly - DH was gone for 8months all up last year but only in month blocks. I burst into tears when I picked him up from DC today - he looked so miserable and apparently spent the day saying 'I sad... Dad gone... can't see him'

Please any ideas on things I can do to help with this would be great. I've googled constantly, talked to the Chaplains at camp, the lady that deals with the families of deployed personnel, and my aunty whose been through it with 3 kids over 30 years. But I need to do something - I feel like the world's worst parent because I can't protect him from this

Edited by emz

Go see the deployment lady in Burnham. I have heard she is wonderful with ideas for kids. My friend is set to go overseas in August and his son all he knows is he is going to work and won't be home at night. We also have no idea where he is actually going to be based.

Where has he gone to?

No ideas sorry, but didn't want to read and run. That must suck! XXXX

Oh I really feel for you! how awful, poor wee man. Anything I would do for my girl if dad went away overseas you are already doing...

When/if he is still going away, I thought of getting her a little army teddy bear from the teddy bear factory (down blenheim rd) with a voice recording for her, something she can have with her all the time, but you have pretty much covered that with the voice recordings.

3 months is a long time, is he more upset this time cos you said goodbye at the airport? When my partner has been away for a few months (in nz) he says good bye at home, just like a normal day at work. But airport goodbyes are so much more emotional.

Hopefully because it's still early days, he will get a bit better as they days go by, I really feel for you right now, its SO hard seeing your kids miss dad, don't forget to look after yourself also   

two_boys wrote: The only thing I can think of is getting him to make something for daddy. Maybe cards to send, or something bigger, like a scrap book or something that he can give to daddy when he gets back? Maybe something like that wouldn't be too hard for DC to get involved in as well? Must be so hard for you all, I hope things improve

That sounds like a great idea! Also is he able to keep in contact by phone or skype or anything?

Poor wee guy! Hope you find a solution!

Thanks guys, I have tears Such a sap!

two_boys, we are sending Dh stuff and DC is getting involved with sending things too, but I love the scrapbook idea! Thanks for that!

Liz, I talk about feelings but he gets happy when I talk about it OK being sad? It's weird. I even cried in front of him today, and said 'look mummy's crying too, it's Ok to cry if you miss daddy'. Such a hard one.

Becks, you'll be thinking of Carol, who is on leave cos her dad's sick. Have got all the info but atm we get redirected to the DSO at Linton.

DH is just in the Solomons this time, so it's not a big drama, but yes I think the airport farewell was a bit too much for Jack, poor wee guy.

We are in the process of trying to get Skype for him (he's trying to download it on his laptop) because where he'll be staying they have no phone access, just internet.

I just wanted to send you hugs, it sounds like you are doing lots of great things to help him with his Dad being away. I wish I could think of something else to add to all the things you are doing.

My DH leaves next week for an unknown amount of time but at least a month and I am really unsure of how DD will be once he is gone, she is 19 months old and very attached to her Daddy. I completely sympathise with it being so hard seeing them so sad, and I hope the next 3 months go as quickly as possible for you and your kids.

Aww Emz I'm all teary for you both. I don't have any good ideas but please don't feel like a bad parent - you sound like you are doing an amazing job with the situation and you can't protect him from everything sometimes you just have to be there to help him through.

I don't really have anything sorry, DH is ex-army & his current job takes him away from home a lot. With our kids it is the first couple of weeks that are the hardest, then they settle. The older two ask where dad is, other two are happy with "at work", & he'll be "back soon". Ds'll be watching you to see that you're ok before he decides that he's ok too. I do things with the kids (eg make pizza, go to movies) that we don't do when DH is home, so there's something to look forward to.

How is Jack today emz? Poor wee guy, it must be so confusing for them because they don't always understand the concept of time. And 3 months is a pretty long time . I love the idea of the caterpillar timeline - I might have to steal it

I'm sorry I don't have any good suggestions but don't forget that you ARE doing a great job. I know how damn hard it is on your own.