Lack of instincts!

So I am still struggling big time with this whole being a Mum thing. My wee boy is nearly 6 weeks old and I still can't figure him out and it's really upsetting me.

We work on a loose 3 hour schedule and today he's kinda napped for maybe two hours tops. He woke at 4:15pm and I fed and changed him, I tried to burp him but didn't manage to bring anything up (I don't always get burps out of him). And so at 4:45pm I'm holding him wondering what to do next, do I play with him or put him down to bed? I decide to read him a story but he starts wriggling around in my arms and moving his legs and crying, so I think maybe these are the jerky leg movements (tired sign) that I keep hearing about, so I put him down and he continues to squirm and cry. So I'm thinking maybe he's bored, maybe I shouldn't have put him down.....? And then I think maybe he's got wind so I pick him and try to burp him again but can't get anything up. I hold him against me but that doesn't calm him either. So I rock him in his moses basket and try to get him to sleep thinking he's overtired

This continues for about 45mins or so by which time I'm in tears and then I start thinking maybe he's hungry? Maybe he's going through a growth spurt? It's only been 1.5 hours since I fed him but maybe that's it????

But honestly - how do you really know???!!!! I feel so completely clueless, helpless and very upset!!

Everyone keeps telling me to trust my instincts but my instincts are giving me nothing!!! And they never do so how on earth can I trust something that doesn't exist???

Deep breaths...

Do you swaddle him? Swaddling him might help him settle...

With Lily I get her up she has a nappy change, a little play until she gets grizzly then a feed, then a burp sometimes we get burps sometimes not, then she has a little play, another feed, a burp and swaddled for a nap, for her it's about an hour- 1.5 hours now.

At 6 weeks she was up for 45-1 hour. Then needed to go to bed...

I guess a lot of it for me is trial and error, I felt really confident in the early days about reading her but some days I really don't have a clue, I try to just go with the flow and use trial and error, usually works.

But that's just my opinion and I know someone else will have better advice!

my advice with a newborn is forget the play aspect of it... playing at that age is when you look at them and smile and talk to them while feeding and changing them. they dont need to be awake and playing at that age.. cause once they get overtired thats when the problems start! oh and sometimes wind can make them appear hungry.

i agree too about the instinsts... it doesnt come naturally, it comes over time when you and baby both get used to each other and learn to recognise their signs... oh and then they go and change it all on you!

Oh yes, when I say play I really mean just an awake period at that age where you might smile at him a bit or have a short kick around on his back or tummy.

Hmmm, yes reflux can kick in about that age. I found the reflux cry more high pitched and screamy than her hungry or grumbly cry. It was accompanied by arching her back. Also a musty sort of smell on her breath. But really it's so hard to pick from the other things you mentioned. You could try keeping him upright for 30mins after the feed and tipping his bed up (at least 30 degrees) and if that seems to help maybe see your GP about some meds.

Goodness I don't know why I'm offering advice, There are much more experienced mum's out there. But don't be too hard on yourself. It's a tricky job at the best of times, let alone when you're sleep deprived and no-one has given you the rule book.

And trust me, on the good days you seem to forget all about the bad ones really quickly. The first smile makes it seem very worthwhile as well.

hugs to you...i felt the same.and it's totally normal....I still feel like I'm only just understanding him now at almost 5 months:)

they do come eventually..but those first few months are super hard work:(

Hugs

Yeah motherhood isn't all it's cracked up to be, TBH I can't remember most of the first 6 weeks.

After you feed him & try & burp him, cuddle him close on your chest, lie back against the couch & rub his back in nice big circles, enjoy having him close & he'll take comfort in your heart beat as well, chances are he'll fall asleep on you so you have a snooze too you've earned it.

Definitely work on getting him up & down within that 45-1hour up time.

Also remember there is a supposed 4th trimester. During that time I kept my babies close & cuddled them as much as possible, just as this is a huge adjustment for you it's just as big an adjustment for him, how would you feel being forced out of a nice warm place into a bright cold place.

Don't worry what is expected of you, just do your best by him

LolaM wrote: I ended up feeding him cos his screams were becoming unbearable, so then of course I start thinking maybe he's got colic?

When Jude was new I just fed him whenever it seemed he wanted it. I never bothered with any sort of routine. He could wake up and feed, change and feed, play and feed and then feed and sleep if he so pleased but mostly he fed when he got up and then fed before he went to sleep. Usually, the first thing I did was offer him a feed - I figured if it was something else, he wouldn't want to feed and I'd do the process of elimination from there. Even if I'd just fed him and then he got a bit grumpy again and I couldn't figure out what it was then I'd offer him the boob again! Lol. Worked for us - perhaps why he gained weight so quickly but it worked for us! And he was a happy and contented baby

I often wonder if thats why Lily doubled her birth weight so quickly Delli, because I felt like I was feeding Lily 24/7.

I was told to give her a dummy but it made for a horrible 2 weeks.

9 hours straight you poor thing! Kiara did 4-5 hours during her growth spurts and I thought that was bad.

If you want someone to watch what you're doing, give one of the Plunket Family Centre's a ring and book yourself in for a day. I went to have them look at Kiara's feeding when she was doing something weird and it was great. Lots of friends have also raved about them saying they came away feeling like they felt they now had some confidence in the things they could try themselves.

Yeah I've been to the Plunket Family Centre 4 times!!! And I use a dummy!!! ahhhhh