Hubbies

my DH works ten hr days mon-fri and is always exhausted and to be honest does nothing around the house but he does bath DS at night. Sometimes I feel super resentful esp at night when I am still doing things but to be honest some days I do bugger all and spend so much time on the net...so I think it is fair enough really.

DH works a normal 40 hour week plus having a pager after hours which goes off during the night at varying frequencies and im at uni 12 hours a week in class and 2-4 hours at night once baby is in bed. pretty much i think our routine is pretty set. i never had to nag, these are the things he has always done. i cook most of the time, he washes the dishes every night and does used to do all the baby bottles at the same time. he changes the bags in the rubbish bins and puts the wheelie bin out once a week. he does the middle night feed (when we had a NB) puts washing away. tidies the toys in the lounge (only cos i cant reach well at the mo), cleans the shower (i do everything else in the bathroom) we both vaccuum and sweep floors, i put washing on and hang it out, he feeds the baby dinner every night. he baths the baby every 2nd night and dresses him for bed. i basically keep all the rooms tidy and do general cleaning like benches, mopping, tables, dusting etc...

thats quite bitsy and im sure ive missed out on lots from both sides but i reckon its split pretty even. i have a 12 month old and uni during the day and am pregnant, he works during the day but knows that i have been doing stuff during the day too. at the end of the day once 7pm hits the house is clean and everything is done and baby is in bed so we get all night to do what we want anyway - he normaly plays or creates computer games, i study or have an early night or we hang out 2getha

DH is expected to help.. but in the early days especially I think he found it hard to grasp the fact that staying at home isn't a walk in the park and you have to work all day as well. The best thing I did was bugger off for a day and leave him to it and come home and see what he had and hadn't done and then talk to him about sharing more work at home.

kebakat wrote: DH is expected to help.. but in the early days especially I think he found it hard to grasp the fact that staying at home isn't a walk in the park and you have to work all day as well.

Couldn't agree more. The first year of Hannah's life was a total struggle when it came to household stuff.

In the back of my mind I knew DH worked really hard to make sure I could stay home, but I was the one up and down like a yo-yo day and night, looking after baby, doing housework, washing etc.

But once Hannah started sleeping through the night consistently things began to settle into a good routine of their own accord.

DH and I both love to cook, so we often argue over who's cooking (haha FML, right?).
He looks after the gardens, I look after the inside.

Whoever doesn't cook does dishes.

DH bathes Hannah every night, but I do it from time to time since I enjoy doing it and don't want to miss out too much.

However, I do ALL of Hannah's meals and am the one to make sure her teeth are brushed and usually am the one to put her to bed and get up to her on the rare occasion she wakes in the night.

I admit I expected a lot more from DH at the start, and spent WAY too much energy resenting him for his 8-4:30 days.
But it just seemed to fall into place of it's own accord one day.

I'm sure we'll start the struggle all over again come August

*edited to fix quote

Edited by MamaPickle

Dh works longish hours, he does all the outside stuff lawns/gardens etc. He puts the rubbish out once a week too. He also cleans up after dinner during the week and will cook one weekend meal.
He is really awesome at playing with the kids and keeping dd entertained.

I do the house stuff washing/cleaning/cooking etc and most of the kids stuff/dressing/bathing/feeding. DH puts DD to bed at night as well.

We have a pretty good system going as we don't get child/housework help from anyone else.

My DH leaves the house at 7.45am and gets home from work about 8pm on a good night. It was TOUGH going in the early months with DS as often he would get home from a 12-14hr day in the office (in a pretty high stress job too) to me in pieces and C not settled.

Eventually we settled into a bit of a routine, I've always done the cooking and prior to DS I did most of the housework too as I wasn't working full time. After DS arrived we just did the chores as we could, DH was pretty good at doing what needed to be done, specially the big jobs (dishes, cooking he wasn't really interested but he did all the laundry on the weekends and cleaned the bathrooms!).

He is very hands on with DS when he's around. Gets up with C in the mornings and changes him, has breakfast with him. This is their main time together during the week as it's very rare that DH is home before C goes to bed.

Night wake ups we tend to take turns but DH has been doing more than his fair share lately as I've been suffering with MS.

He's great! But there are still times we get pi$$y with each other, if we have different expectations about who's doing what. I think I expect him to *know* when I need help but am starting to learn (at long last) that life is much easier, and happier, if I just tell him. And say thanks when I get the help too.

they did a study in some newsppaer just recently asking men and women about who does the most housework and what percentage of the housework they did. woman believed they did 80% of the hosuework, with their husbands (obviously) doing 20%. the SAME husbands believed they were doing about 40%...So while YOU may think your husband doesn't do a lot. he probably thinks he does. Break the truth to him gently.

10yrs of training and my DH is pretty darn good...........he has relapses but they dont last long (after i have a hissy) LOL

The tricks i have found..........give them a set job that they know is theres every day/night. IE make bathing the baby their time with the baby. Its only fair so you can have a wee break (or more likely run around getting other stuff done)

I hate having to ask my DH to do things i think he should just SEE it needs doing, but after many years, its much easier to just ask instead of having that internal argument with yourself and getting wound up and snappin at them. Ive found that quite often the case is, they arent quite sure WHAT to do and altho very obvious to us, meh not quite as obvious to them.....
My DHs daily job for me that is non negotiable is he has to make DS6yrs lunch every morning. At first he wasnt quite sure but after a short while he is really good and creative and healthy with what he packs. makes him part of the daily process too and he also has an input into the shopping cos he knows whats needed for lunches. This means im not having to juggle two kids in the morning and making lunches too.

So what im getting at Newlywed, find a job that he can do that will help you out lots, bathing is a good one cos it does free you up to get a few bits n peices done. Also maybe talk to him about both working together to get the evening routine stuff done so it gets done quicker but DONT generalise........be specific on what you want help with.
When things have been particularly tough and you are behind, write a list of things that need doing and ask if he is able to do a couple of things off that list to help you catch up.........that way he can choose the things he feels more confident doing. i mean sometimes men cant win cos they try and help and then its not up to our standards. so they give up. Like this morning i told DH i would hang out washing cos i had to fit 3 loads out and need to put them a certain way cos the line gets shade half way through the day so theres a system which is easier for me to just do instead of telling him my system......

I hope some of that helps you and its not just boring ramble to you..........but i can safely say that your not alone and well for me it took YEARS!! and it takes some(most) men quite a while to work out this baby, housework stuff.

Mine does zilch.

He works from 6am until 7-8pm every day so I don't really expect him to do anything but if I ask him to do something I expect it done. His Mum comes over a few times a week though and helps me out which is awesome.

He helps on the weekends though and is in charge of the lawns etc - which are currently long overdue!! Oh and he does the bins.

I also prefer DF to play with the kids in the weekend than spend too much time tidying up.

DH works about 40 hrs a week (sometimes less if the eather is crap), and I work around 20ish hours a week and try to study. He will empty the dishwasher at night (I pack through the day), do some washing on the weekend if it needs to be done (while I'm at work), he is supposed to do the lawns/spraying etc which is rarely done, and he puts the rubbish bag out into the bin each night and takes the bin out on rubbish day. I seem to do everything else!! He does help me change the bed, because it's faster, and he doesn't have an option with bathing the girls!! When I'm at work, he looks after the girls with his parents or Grandma, so does the normal stuff that is needed then...although he will always ask me what food to take, whether there's enough clothes in the bag etc.

I should say...we had been married for 5 months when the girls were born, and together for just under 2 years.

ETA: He does cook dinner - which peeves me off because if I start to cook something, he always takes over, and then complains that I don't cook... And I also blame his mum, because she did, and still does, everything for him. She will even still do his washing for him if he asks (and if he has something else he wants to do, such as work on his race car, he WILL ask!!!), and she cooks tea for him if I'm working till 8pm, which is often.

Edited by minik8e