Out of my depth - choosing a midwife

Hi there

I hope someone can give me some advice?

I am 8 weeks pregnant and a NZ resident but originally from the UK. My husband and I are here alone and I am expecting our first baby. We were trying and I was thrilled but now decisions need to be made, I'm hormonal and I am so out of my depth it's making me feel emotional and somewhat unhinged (my phone took a flight across the room just now).

Everything is so different to home, although I don't have much to compare this situation to but it makes it really hard and I have no one to talk to, I think my husband is becoming afraid of the tears and I am homesick.

My immediate concern is I need to choose a midwife in the Wellington City Centre area but I have no idea what I am doing. I have a list of questions and midwives from the doctor but that doesn't tell me who is going to be kind and sympathetic or who will offer me what support. Those I have tried to call are away, those I have spoken to sound blunt and scary. I just want someone who will walk me through this really scary path and get me through it with lots of support. I don't know what the different 'groups' are... Matpro/Domino..... what's what and what do I choose to get the most support available to me?

I miss my family and friends but there's no way we can go home, my husband loves his job and the job situation is bad there. I feel so alone and isolated, I don't have any real friends and I am so confused. I am starting to wonder what I have got myself into.

Any advice on how I can get over this first hurdle at least?

Hi, welcome to Ohbaby!

Cant advise on midwifes in Wellington, but what I did was ring and basiclaly told them my story, and then got a feeling about her, and arranged an early meeting so there was still time to change my mind if I didnt like her.
Good idea to take your partner along to the first visit too, so you can both get a feel for if u feel comfortable with her.

I am 9 weeks preg. Come join us in the due in Jan 2010 thread, there is heaps of us and we arent scary!

Thanks guys. I am in Wellington Central City. I called around and apparently there's a real shortage so I don't think I will get a choice.

I'm waiting for Dominos and Matpro to call back but it looks like I might have to make do with the Midwives at the hospital, there are 3 of them so I will get whoever is available on the day - didn't think to ask about aftercare and whether I get that with them too....

Do you think it will be as good? I hear so much about building relationships with your midwife, I'm concerned that I might not get that. I really hoped for this to go smoothly it's scary enough first time as it is!

You will be pleased to know my phone recovered

Re the relationship with MW - it's good to have this but I'm sure the labour will still go well even if you don't have a MW you know. My MWs were always a little "standoff" in that I didn't have this amazing relationship with them (and it felt like most people had a great relationship with their MWs) - they were very strong clincally but not always the best at the touchy feely and even though it was a bit frustrating, we got through! And I will go back to them next time. I would suggest the most important thing is that you and your DH are on the same wavelength and he can advocate for you if needed (esp if you have a MW you don't know in labour). Also remember, even if you don't know the MW, you should expect that they would have the skills to develop a rapport with you during labour.

In nz you can change your mw at any time right up until the birth. So if you have to go with the hospital mw keep looking as you never know you may find one that you like that miraculously has a spot later down the track.

From my understanding with mw care from hospitals (this is from friends experiences with auck hospital so may be different in Wellington) The friends I have had seen one particular mw at their clinics but since they were clinical mws that they may not be there at the birth. Bestfriend didn't find out until her waters broke with her twins that her mw was on holiday and she would have whoever was on duty at the time. In saying that if you can make some good friends in Wellington in the meantime pregnant or not they will be a great support. Its good to talk to people who have gone through or are going through the same thing as you and can understand. Make sure that your dh is on the same wavelenght with you, mine pretty much just goes with what I say as its my body etc but he is incredibly supportive. When it comes time for the brith make sure that your dh is aware of your birth plan and is able to advocate for you if you are unable to at the time.

Also in terms of what happens at the mw appointments the first one is the longest as they spend the time filling out the forms and getting your medical history etc after that they are about 15mins long. At mine all that usually happens is bp taken, weighed, wee on a stick, listen to the heartbeat and feel position of bubs, and any questions you may have.

Hope this information helps you in some way.

I gave tell you a bit about the Wgtn midwives I'm aware of. I used Dominos with Ollie and was pretty happy with them. I would expect them to get back to you in the next few days - they are quite prompt with phoning back which not all Midwives are.

This time I have gone with Harbour City Midwives (Sue Whitley, Deb Carr-Porter and Jenni Doust). They have a mobile number - 021 656995. I've only seen them once but they have been good so far.

I've heard really good things about the hospital midwives from friends in my antenatal group who ended up with them.

I would say that from my experience, a good relationship with your midwife is nice but not essential. I actually ended up with my back up midwife for most of my labour and although I hadn't really clicked with her previously I found her fantastic during labour - I couldn't have asked for anything more.

If you want to meet up for a coffee and a chat with someone who's done it once before just let me know. I live in Johnsonville and am expecting my second in December so not that far fin terms of due date to you!

I had Deb Carr-Porter for my pregnancy, and she was fantastic. I highly recommend her, she really knows her stuff. When I had her, she was just by herself, but when I had Lucian, she was signing the paper work to form a partnership with Sue and Jenni. Denise Garcia is the midwife in that group that does all of the post-natal visits.

I would choose a midwife that fits in with what sort of birth you want to have, but it maybe hard in Wellington, as there is such a shortage of midwives in the area that they get snapped up fast. I had my midwife organised the day after I found out I was pregnant (which was 3 weeks 12days from memory).

I know it's not the same but what about hiring a Doula? That way you would still have someone there that you will have formed a relationship with and they can be really helpful with information and knowledge. They are there for you and can help you gather information to help make your own choices and support you before during and after.

Hi New2this...

I just returned to NZ 3 wks ago after living in the UK and Italy for almost 4 years..(I am now 34 weeks preg) I rang and emailed what must of been all the midwives in Wellington !!! No one could take us on :(

I had no luck and after going on the "wait list" was only left with the option of the Wgtn hospital ones.. I have had two appointments so far and they have been great. They do try to book you in with the same person (one of 3) each time... but you then have another team in the delievery suit.. they continue to see you for 6 weeks after delievery...

I figure if they are working in the hospital they are probly more experienced and monitored more closely than an independant midwife working out of their homes as well....

they have a pager system for any questions and support and are pretty quick at getting back in touch etc.. Just make an appointment and go see them...

I know what its like to be on the other side of the world away from family and friends for the first 30 weeks of pregnancy.. its hard... Feel free to private message me if you want some extra support, advice or just want to have a vent !!

The first few months are hard especially with the hormones etc.. hang in there it does get easier and you will become more relaxed...

Take care mamma...