Feeling cheated of norm preg/birth...

I've been quite down at the mo feeling that I've been cheated of having a normal preg/birth/afterbirth experience. I'm wondering if anyone else who had a hard time felt/fells like this? Only hitting me now which is odd.

I personally had a great pregnancy but my boys didn't so at 18wks preg I was put on bed rest until 32wks & was always told I would have a CS. Had many times where we could have lost the boys/nights in hosp etc. At 33wks I was then given the option of having a VB which I chose but only in the end had 2 wks to read up about but it wasn't enough time. Antinatel classes were crap & didn't end up with a coffee group. Got induced & had a horendous VB birth with my poor Eli (2nd born) having a brain seisure. I got to see (not touch) Jacob quickly when he arrived but didn't get to see Eli & didn't even get to hold him for a few days. I had an awful after birth, lost 2l blood, 2hrs to stitch me up, blood tranfusion went wrong, mastitus etc & my boys were shocking at the breast and it didn't get better when I got boys home (boys in NICU for 4wks) with Jacob having issues.

I know I have gorgeous boys & am so lucky to have 2, both now cleared of any issues & are healthy & they're really well behaived etc so I can see that we got an amazing outcome.

I just feel like I got cheated out of this amazing experience that a women goes through. We're hoping in 3yrs we'll have another but sort of need closure on this experience & not sure why it's suddenly hit me this way & how to get over it.

I was planning on a drug-free waterbirth for my DD1 and she ended up being an emergency c/s so I went through similar feelings after she was born, that I had somehow missed out on a "normal birth" etc. At the end of the day I just had to accept that she was healthy, as was I, and not worry about how she was born. Hardly any births are "perfect" or as planned and even though my DD2 was a planned VBAC I still had to have an episiotomy which is not very nice either. I think you did amazingly well to have had twins via VB (and it certainly would have been good to avoid healing from a c/s as well as feed twins) and hope your next birth goes smoother.

Sorry to hear about your feelings. I have learnt to never ignore your feelings but I would say one thing.

I was with an OB for the birth of DD (due to physicaly issues) and the one thing she stressed to me was there wasn't any such thing as a "normal birth". We went over a birth plan which I'm sure eveyone does but her advice was to think of this as the ideal and we will go from there. It's really good advice because so many things can happen over the birth. Now granted you have had a few more things than others to deal with but if you talk to people you will find that most women will have something go wrong during that period.

For me it was an induction that didn't go very far, then an epidural and sintocin (sp) drip, episiotomy, transfer to birthcare during one of the worst nights of weather there had been that year, lack of milk so FF, a DD who hated sleeping during the day and PND to boot, I am pregnant again and due in June. After all that I am trying to concentrate on changing the things I might have some control over - like having support handy for PND and also BF. The birth will be approx 24 hours out of my life and I intend to go with the flow and do what is necessary to have a health baby. This time around that could mean and early c-sect.

Well done on understanding your feelings and acknowledge them but please don't dwell on them. You have 2 beautiful and healthy boys and for that you are the envy of a lot of people.

Hugs Yvette . I can relate a little to the pregnancy part - I felt a bit resentful that my second pregnancy which was supposed to be 'easier' was in fact high risk and very difficult (altho not as high risk as yours!), I was lucky enough to have a great VB and both babies were born healthy but the weeks after they were born were horrific - feeding was a disaster, they screamed non-stop for 3 mths, they kept getting sick and had 9 trips to Starship in the first 9 weeks, Sienna had kidney surgery at 8 wks etc. etc.

I'll have a chat to you at playgroup coz I'm too brainfried to get into it all now, but it does get easier - and if you do have another, with a bit of luck you'll have a much easier time of it. Having lil miss has been really healing for me, getting to experience things the 'normal' way again.

I feel like that somedays Yvette, specially after i had it easy with my first DS. I just thought that this time would be easy too, but it seemed like what could go wrong did go wrong.

I ended up with a C-sec too and i didnt want it at all!
But The boys came first and that was the best thing to do.

Hopefully time will change your feelings. You have such beautiful boys,.

I feel just the same as you hun. My DD was born by ECS after getting induced 3 days before hand. She just didn't want to come out. So I planned a VBAC with this one thinking it would all go ok, but again I got induced and didn't really progress. I called the shots this time though and when I'd had enough I went for a c-section. I'm happier this time than with DD and the section experience was so much more relaxing and healing has been heaps better.

But I do feel cheated just like you. Of course I'm grateful that we're able to have C-sections and that I have 2 healthy children. But i'll never know now what it's like to go into labour naturally and have a VB. I think it effects me because it's what women are designed to do and I couldn't labour or birth without intervention. My MW told me that my feelings are valid and it's important to resolve the issues I have and that counselling is available if I need it. She said women of prem babies often feel the same, that they couldn't grow their babies to be full term and that they have done something wrong.

I do find though that people who have not experienced a c-section (or traumatic birth experience) just brush it off and say oh well at least you're both healthy (which of course is true without a doubt) but they just don't understand. So I've basically stopped talking about it and refuse to discuss my labour and birth.

Who wants to hear horror stories anyway, lol

I understand the feeling of being cheated of a wonderful birthing experience.
It is not a nice feeling, lying in the recovery room by yourself after a 40hr labour as your baby and your partner are in the NNU.

It felt a bit surreal. Not how I imagined. I didn't even get to hold my baby as he had to be taken away to get oxygen.

You don't expect to be lying there alone in a dark room after giving birth.