Considering giving up / vent

So this is a bit of a long story... but will try to make it as short as possible

DD #1 breastfed like a dream - latched well, I never got sore nipples, or thrush, or mastitis, or, well, anything. She breastfed until 14 months, when she self-weaned after I got pregnant.

DD #2 has never latched at all. We've consulted with a lactaction consultant, the birthcare midwives, my own midwife, and spent a day at the Plunket Family Center. No one has any solid ideas on why she won't latch; there's no physical problem with either of us, she just doesn't. We have had minimal success with using a nipple shield - she doesn't really suckle "properly" on it, and she won't persist for a full feed, but she will take 'some' milk from it. We'd been using the nipple shield exclusively until she was 2 weeks old, when she hadn't gained any weight and we worked out that she wasn't taking even half a feed through the shield, just giving up because it was too much hard work

Since then, we've been trying her on the breast w/ the shield (which she still fights but will eventually take), then topping her up with EBM, then pumping after the feed both to get EBM for the next feed, and to stimulate supply. At this point my supply is enough to keep up with her demands (it wasn't at first), but that hasn't improved things on the breast / shield at all.

Thus, at the moment the whole process - including the washing and sterilising - is taking upwards of 90 minutes, and of course we're on a 3-hour cycle, so it's taking up literally upwards of half my time per 24 hour cycle.

The thing is... despite all this, I'm still extremely loathe to formula feed but I can certainly see the advantages of doing so. But even given all of the problems we've had, and all the help we've sought, I still feel like I'd be somehow hurting K to give up at least expressing EBM and feeding her that, and to switch to formula. It's true I know perfectly happy and healthy formula-fed babies... but I also know formula fed babies with allergy problems, or fairly extreme reflux, or health / immune problems. I keep thinking that if I can make it to 6 months... or 12 weeks... or even 6 weeks... that it won't be so bad... but at the moment that seems so far away, especially with DH going back to work next week (and on the weekend as well ) and me with a toddler to manage... I have No Idea how I'll be able to cope. On the same note... I haven't a clue how to forumla feed if I did go down that track Or how to know which is best. Or at this point, how the heck I'd afford the cost of the formula when we're barely keeping food on the table as it is.

*sigh*

A lady on another forum I was on EBM exclusive for 3 months and only stopped when she had to go on meds that couldn't be given to baby for an unrelated condition.

Has bubba been checked for a tounge tie?

hugs, it is hard work when things don't go right.

My first thought was tongue tie too. I think you should get her checked for that, and go from there.

this may have no relevance but i will tell you about eden's unwillingness to bf at the hospital.

after 2 kids who fed very successfully my little monkey refused to feed from me at all. she had my colostrom from a spoon, a syringe and a cup before she would take it from me... and we couldnt figure out why either.

In the end we had to teach her to suck by finger feeding her - we used my little finger and a tube and syringed the stuff into her while she sucked my finger. i think we gave her about 3 or 4 feeds that way before she would finally take it from me.

when they brought the pump into my room i cried...i was devastated...       

oh and gabriel did have a tongue tie and he was fine with feeding, just slow...

Huge huggs to you! It's hard when you want to do something and you can't. Don't beat yourself up (easier said than done) you will work out what is best for you all! Just give yourself some time, your daughter is still young and maybe just going slow.

It's easy for us to suggest doing certain things but at the end of the day you are her mum and you will know in your heart what is best, just trust those instincts again.

You certainly know what to do, even though I don't know your older daughter I would imagine that she is a lovely little girl, and who done that, you did!!!

Best of luck!