Self Settling

OK I went to the plunket "how to settle a baby" talk last week.

Have tried to action the plan of attack however Isabelle isnt having a bar of it!  She cries and cries and cries .. and no matter how many times I try to comfort her in her bed she just wont fall asleep....so she ends up overtired and I end up bawling as I feel like such a failure of a mother!

Now this wouldnt bother me so much if I could scoop her up and have her fall asleep in my arms ... however she becomes so upset from crying that it takes forever in a day to get her to sleep.

I wondering if its worth it to carry on trying to get to sleep in her bassinette unaided or if I should just go back to getting her to sleep any way I can for now.

Any tips or advice would be gratefully accepted.

Oh and on a side note ... any tips for getting a baby to take a dummy?  She seems to fall asleep if I let her feed then comfort suck ... so a pacifier might hep?!? She wont take one from me no matter how long I try and get her to.

I agree with Kellz. Like you I bet myself up and went thru weeks of misery and tears (Anyssa's and mine) and felt like a total failure while trying to do what plunket and the books said I "should" do.

Your wee one is still tiny, so I wouldn't worry about getting into bad patterns or anything.

Anyssa didn't self settle during the day until about 11 weeks.

One important thing for me was to stop feeding her to sleep. It was easy to get into this habit because she stayed awake crying for so long that it was time for her next feed, so I'd get her up and she would fall asleep on the boob and then I'd be relieved because at least she was asleep.

I think it is important to do the sleep, feed play thing - so the key was to keep her awake during feeding (easier said than done for my little one), then wear her out during play, then after about an hour of being up, I took her into her room and rocked her to sleep in my arms and then popped her into bed. I only had to do the rocking for a day and a half, and then she was calm when I put her into bed awake. While rocking, I swaddled her and put a muslin over my shoulder to shield her eyes and stop her looking around. I used a dummy too.

It was also important for me to stay relaxed - if I got stressed while trying to get her into bed I'm sure she sensed it and that made things worse.

The best of luck and lots of hugs - I totally know how you feel and I hope you find a solution soon.


Edited by DJ

I agree with Kellz, the nuk dummys are great!

If its making you guys both upset that I'd leave it for a bit, there's lots of other things to try to get her off to sleep like patting.. we found this worked great for us. And then eventually we did self settling from this. But she's still young, there's no hurry on it.

I agree with the others about not worrying too much at this age about routines. We had a terrble first 2 months with Eva not wanting to sleep and would do anything to get her to sleep. Eventually when I was feeling stronger, we implemented a routine reommended by a plunket nurse, which did work, but involved a lot of crying!!

Have you seen the video, 'The Happiest Baby on the Block'? I highly recommend their techniques for settling newborns.

As everyone has said, do what works for you. If rocking her to sleep works, go with it! They say it's more important to build up trust than to get them to self settle besides she will do it when she is good and ready. Ava, my DD done this and now is quite a happy and content bub and goes to sleep herself without too much help!

One thing I will say that worked for me is make sure you are relaxed as the bub will pick up your stress. I know this is easier said than done but it works!! Also use noise, Ava hated it when it was too quiet.

As for the dummy, don't worry, if she wants it she will take it!!

oh sweetheart, poor you. Isabelle is still just learning about her world, personally, I think that for the first 6 weeks (12 really) you can't comfort them enough and they are way too immature to be "trained". honey just cuddle/rock/whatever works, for both of your sakes and then once you feel she is starting to understand settling herself, try again
anyway, just my opinion, good luck

I settled Lily a variety of ways when younger and now she self settles fine. It might take a wee while when they are older (2-3 days) to sort it out, but I think it is easier than going against your inner beliefs and hormones earlier on.

Tom has really only got good at sefl settling in the the last few weeks I wouldnt have said he was a really bad sleeper before either...just liked mummy to rock/ pat him to sleep.

What did plunket teach you? Around 9 weeks I had karitane nurse visit and she showed me to wrap him tight, pop him in bed, take out all distractions other than maybe his first focus book (on smiley face page). turn his head away from me and towards the boring wall and his book and then pat his botty really firmly, or rock him back and forth (in his cot with my hand on him). The main points I got were....you needed to have a firm hand and really pat/rock them/ rub tummy. And that you are their favourit play thing so by turning their head away they cant play. I used to have to hold his head with the heel of my hand so my hand was open shading him from me.

I only used it for a few weeks and swore by it at the time. before that I was constantly going back and forth, picking him up, rocking him, putting dummy in, back in etc. This way I felt like I was in control.....mummy was boss! but I was still there for him and wasnt abandonning him which is how I felt with letting him cry.


As for the dummy, try another sort and how bout let her comfort suck, get all sleepy, take her off and quickly pop dummy in?

We still go back to some of these techniques if Tom is particularly unsettled....or not sttling fast enough and patting, rubbing works brilliantly.

Good luck

thanks everyone ... i feel better knowing im not the only one to have gone through this ... i will try to stop worrying im going to ruin her for life for cuddling/rocking or walking her to sleep (for now anyway)

Bump