Advice please
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=8974
Printed Date: 11 August 2025 at 11:25pm
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Topic: Advice please
Posted By: YvetteandElla
Subject: Advice please
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 12:33pm
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Ok ladies who have had babies and the rest of you - I need your advice.
Dh thinks that it will be a good idea to limit the visitors when we are at the hospital to my parents and his mum - he wants me to be able to recover relax and learn all the things I need to. He is worried that if all our freinds and family come visit it will be too much. He also wants this time to bond I am just worried about upsetting people etc - what do I do ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 12:49pm
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dont worry about upsetting other people. you and bub are more important.
i found personally that i didnt mind the visitors in the hopsital...it is harder when they all turn up at your place. an dif they come to the hopsital the nurses will kick them out if they think you arent coping. But what i did with my second was send out an email and told people when i would be available for visiting and if they were coming when i was home to bring lunch.. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 12:51pm
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I thought the same as you, but now having had a baby I have a different perspective!
In hospital, although u have just given birth you are on a sorta natural high,..wow I have a baby!,...pretty much the only thing you do is sit on the bed. Your meals are all made ,brought to you and taken away. No dishes, no washing, no nothing. Just watching/feeding/changing bubba. Visiting hours are limited. You can get the nurses to kick the rallies out if u really want too! If you want to bf or the nurses come in, you can ask visitors to wait outside. If u have stopped everyone coming to the hospital then they are gonna turn up anytime in the first few days or week that you are at home. There is no set visting hours like the hospital! So they are likely to come in dribs and drabs at anytime! At home,..its like "OMG I have a baby",..u dont have a bunch of midwives at the end of the bell,..all the washing, dishes etc are there to make u feel guilty if your resting. You get WAY more rest and less stress at the hospital so its much easier to deal with visitors then that when u first get home! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 12:57pm
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IMO most friends would actually not be too miffed at that idea because, parents or not, everyone seems to have the rough idea that new mum with baby = tired.
Anyway, when I had Hannah she was born via c/s and I was exhausted, low in blood (and iron), and I felt that the visitors we had were too much. The biggest prob was that my DH couldn't be there much (couldn't take time off work) and visitors at hospital tend to over-stay or piggy-back (one person leaves as the next person arrives, x3) and it's hard to send them away if you're tired or want privacy for feeding etc. The worst for me was when I woke up one afternoon to see my MIL and her SIL at the foot of my bed, waiting! 
When I had #3 I didn't want many visitors and I let a few people know that. And in the 48 hours I was there I was only visited by my parents and my in-laws - and I was bored! Most of it was because I had recovered so much better (ie hadn't had surgery or lost as much blood) and wasn't as tired. A baby doesn't need much bonding time at first because s/he only sleeps and feeds - although it's nice to have privacy for that. But... it is nicer to have ppl visit at hospital instead of at home so that you don't feel obliged to make drinks and tidy floors and get dressed... As for how to deal with it, when we had Briona (#2) I went straight home because the ward was full, and we put out a message to our family and friends saying that she was born and here's all the details, home safe and well but please no visitors this week. Or something like that. It's best to judge it at the time but doesn't hurt to have a plan. "Short visits", "Afternoon visits only" or "No visitors until the 3rd day" etc are good things to consider. -------------  |
Posted By: YvetteandElla
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 1:16pm
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The place we are going allows DH to stay with me and he will be there most of the time - which I think I will need.
I now understand that visitors at home will also be hectic - this is just too confusing ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 1:22pm
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yep, I would go visitors at hospital and then ask nicely if they could give you a couple of weeks to settle in with baby. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 1:29pm
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Same as everyone else, its much easier to have visitors at the hospital than when you first get home. I found I was really bored in hospital and wanted visitors, plus no-one seemed to stay too long there. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 1:32pm
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i got so mad when i was in hospital, within 1hr of having sarah we had my mum & aunt(which was ok) then had the inlaws including there partners who stayed around forever!!!!!!! i was so tired and starving and just wanted everyone to go away
this time its definatly going to be limited to hubby , my mum and sarah everyone else can just wait ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: bookwyrm
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 1:56pm
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At this stage it will be just me and DF. Once baby has arrived, DF can arrange something with my folks about visiting. DF's folks live in the UK and wont be here til mid January for their holiday... so I probally dont have many people to worry about. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:00pm
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I found visitors at the hopsital are easier to manange than the ones that come home. I had issues with visitors when I had Andrew as most of DH's family worked at the hospital and had access into the ward so would come and go as they please. It pi$$ed me off so we got a sign put on the door saying something along the lines of "we are resting please leave us alone". Do you think my FIL read it NO!!! and walked in and I was in the middle of getting dressed. He made sure the next time he came with the MIL and that she went into the room first. If you have trouble with the visitors just get the staff to help you. Get your Dh to go and get the nurse to come in and say "have to leave now I have to check scar/stitches/bleeding etc. That should clear the room. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:01pm
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I cant believe people would turn up without checking first. My good friend has just had a baby and I sent her congratulatory text on day 1 and then got updates as she went along. I didnt want to even phone her for the first few days as I knew she would be very busy with all her other friends.
Bubs was home a few days before we rang up and checked if it was ok to pop round very quickly (I made scones). we were out of there in 1/2 hour. It was 4 weeks before we got to catch up again but I kept in touch with texts and leaving messages on her answer phone. I am worried about the same things though lilnutnut....espeically the rellies. Both parents live in Auck and we are in chch so when they come to visit they will have to stay with us and thats going to be hard. |
Posted By: BellaBoo
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:08pm
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I think I will let people come visit me in the hospital as most of my friends and family are quite considerate and will not want to out stay their welcome. When I get home and for the first couple of weeks I will only let visitors come when DP is going to be there aswell. That way if I need to feed bubs I can go and do it in the bedroom and he can "entertain" the guests. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:21pm
Hehe my mum and sis will be in the delivery room with me, and most of my close friends (about 5 of them) are going to be camping out in the waiting room! No DH so I think they're overcompensating. I figure if I need them to go away, I'll just start discussing the birthing experience and whip out a boob for breastfeeding and they'll head for the hills 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:21pm
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Yep I agree - visitors in hospital is much easier than at home! If you are in the middle of feeding then ask them to wait in the waiting room. I found with my first I wanted visitors otherwise I was sitting there twiddling my thumbs & I was only in hospital a day after having him. And it was nice that people cared so much they wanted to visit. It was mostly family but a few close friends as well.
Although I had another close friend turn up the day I got home about 8pm!!! WAY to late for visitors! I wouldn't let that happen again. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:50pm
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i just found that the hospital rooms are pretty small so once theres more that 3 people in there and a baby and nurses etc there just seems to be people everywhere ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:52pm
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being home was easy, just let the phone go to the answer phone and limiting the visitors was easy, and also due to it being over christmas alot of people were away and buisy .
i usually text my friends and say congrats then wait a few days before phoning or texting ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:52pm
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Piper - do they *have* to stay with you? I'd be asking them to stay in a motel or with (their) other friends until you feel like you're back on your feet. ------------- |
Posted By: becsscolly
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:55pm
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Almost ditto nzpiper. My parents are in Levin and in-laws in Auckland. We don't really have room for rellies at our place, so have told them they can't stay with us. Will probably encourage the in-laws to visit after Christmas too (bubs due late Nov). My mum will probably be round for the birth though. But, then again all the fam are pretty considerate and I know that I have the strength/whatever to tell them to please come back later.
Be strong people - its your time  Others will have to wait their turn.------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 2:57pm
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I hated having people at the hospital at one stage we had both sets of parents, Conor and my parents best friends, and it was overwhelming, I couldn't handle it, I wanted to be alone with baby and hubbie.
When we got home we had one big group of hubbies friends come over at the same time, after dinner and I coped with that alot better, as Nyah slept the whole time, and they only stayed an hour. Then the rest of them came when it suited us. This time around I would like it to be no visitors for the first 24 hrs and then I'll see how I feel. As for when we get home, if I don't want people over I'm going to be more vocal this time about when they can come. I guess it really depends on how baby is, and what kind of labour/birth I have. I'm going to be more selfish this time around, because last time I was scared about upsetting people. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 3:12pm
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ive told hubby no visitors for 24hrs, especially as he has a very big family and there the kind who will just "convieniently" turn up and wont leave for ages ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: Lisha
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 7:49pm
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It was hard having "everyone" arriving at once, especially when I was pretty out of it, (had a few blood tranfusions) , I mean "everyone" as in DH's parents, his gran turned up and I wanted them out, tell your friends & family before you have the baby that maybe come a few days after the baby is born.
When you go home and you think visitors might come, leave a sign on the door, they will understand  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 8:08pm
My first one was a Christmas baby too, I found that more rellies (of the extended variety) were in town and wanted to pop in while they were still around. The other thing about being at home is to train family/friends to call before visiting. Took a couple of years to get it with me and my in-laws but I think it works now! ------------- |
catrad wrote:Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 8:11pm
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I wish my ILs phoned before they came round! That was one problem I found at home, no-one rang first, they just turned up and it was usually just when I was about to have a snooze - will definitely get a sign this time, probably two and lock the doors cos our families tend to just walk into our house! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 9:12pm
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I think if you can, send out an email before you go to hospital asking for all people to phone before they visit so you can let them know if it is suitable.
I found the visitors in hospital awesome, the only problem was when I had arranged with one lot to visit and another lot turned up at the same time. As I had a c section I had my own decent sized room at the hospital so that was ok, I just felt that I couldn't do justice to everyone at once. If you have emailed them about the hospital, chances are they will do the same once you are at home too. I try to limit visitors to one in the morning and one in the afternoon max. Now I am feeding to a schedule I know who can't handdle seeing that so I can plan visitors better. -------------  
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 10 July 2007 at 9:15pm
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The morning after the gremlins were born I had 17 people crowded into my room at Birthcare, and that's not counting me and the gremlins! It was more than a little overwhelming, I had given birth 15 hours earlier, and was in bed in my underwear, unable to get up and go to the bathroom coz I had too big an audience.
So yeah, I think limiting visitors is a good idea. I know people all want to see the new baby and give their congrats, pressies etc. but I would really have appreciated having that first day just to chill out with Willie and Maya and the gremlins rather than entertaining an assortment of visitors including my random inlaws. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 11:44am
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I think it will depend on how the birth goes and what time bubs is born. Caprece was born at 6 in the morning so my mum and dp were tired so they went home for a sleep but I was too excited to sleep so I wanted visitors then. By the time I went home tiredness had kicked in so it was much harder to have visitors then.
My dp was a bit like yours, wanted family time only at the start but new babies are pretty boring they just feed and sleep. |
Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 2:56pm
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I think it depends on how you feel at the time.
With Haleigh I didnt want visitors at all, I jsut wanted it to be me and DF, but had MIL over 24/7 and FIL came up to stay for the first week, so we got no time to settle in. This time round I jsut wanted to go home as soon as I had given birth and wanted to go out and see people, have visitors, but all my friends stayed away for the first week (MIL staying with us at the time couldve scared them away lol). I would just let everyone know before you ahve bubs that you will let them know when you are up for visitors. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 4:01pm
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i was in hospital for 5 days and had vistors everyday and thank god because i was broad out of my brain it ws nice to talk to people and have them oggle over my grogie new baby its relly up to you and your dh with regards to vistours what ever fits with you ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |