not trying anymore...
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=8807
Printed Date: 17 August 2025 at 10:17pm
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Topic: not trying anymore...
Posted By: mum2paris
Subject: not trying anymore...
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 9:52am
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well ladies this is me signing off, we are not trying anymore.
most of you will know, but it certainly has been a rollercoaster for us in the last we while, in no uncertain terms... Since March there has been so so much: I fell pregnant unexpectedly, had to deal with knowing he was really against having a 3rd and felt terrible the whole time, worried about what it would turn our family into (I had PND bad after having Paris, took until she was around 7 mths to start coming out of the cloud, was great after ihad ayja but he became depressed after i had Ayja as he hadn't wanted a 2nd.. he's great with her now but it was hard times as i was studying and being a mum to 2 young kids and he was working full time.. too much stress!), I graduated finally from nursing the week i found out i was preg (YAY!), had a scan a week and a bit later to find no heartbeat but perfect baby, a week after that, no heartbeat, not-so-good looking baby by then either, had to take time off work (as i work in a neonatal unit with babies all day, hardly the place you feel like being when you've just found that out) had to wait 2 weeks for D&C because of blood service strikes, in that time still had nausea and preg symptoms, sucked, had D&C, same day hot water cylinder broke.. took a week for landlord to arrange to fix it.. while i was recovering from D&C and had to traipse kids across town to my mums each day for baths etc, a week later, cylinder finally fixed, landlord rings to say he's selling the house, so straight into looking fro a new house, dealing with open homes through our old one at the same time as still dealing with ongoing issues from D&C (they didn't get everything out), going back to work to find myself in higher roles, co-ordinating shifts, working with mega sick babies.. all new stuff that i would have thought great about if ihadn't had everything else going on. We finally moved, i decided i wanted to start trying again for another and here we are, tomorrow my nursing portfolio for the end of my 1st year is due, its pretty much done, but on tuesday i came down with some bug, have cramps, strained my neck badly from sitting at computer for 6 hrs on end each night to get portfolio stuff done, then to have AF turn up yesterday, and him tell me he didn't actually think it was a good idea to try anymore. that was it. Everything from the last 3 months just fell down around my ears and i broke down. I haven't dealt with the greif of loosing baby, i had too much to do, too much to keep going with, couldn't stop, just kept going. Now the end is in sight, as of next week the money we borrowed to get into this house is paid back, the portfolio is finished, and i'm back to not having anything to keep my mind off it. I think i know deep down in my heart that two is my limit, two means i can still be a great mum while working full time and give all i have to my kids without over-stretching myself. It just took him to say no, to help me realise that having another wouldn't fill the emptyness. Am a bit of a mess today, know that everything has gotten on top of me but feel ok with it, thanks for listening ladies you have been great support take care and good luck TTC ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 9:57am
 Janine look after yourself.------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: sparkle
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:07am
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Janine, you are so brave, and to write everything down like that shows that you are dealing with things. You have been through so much in the last few monthsTake care of yourself and know we are all here to listen. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:19am
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My heart goes out to you Janine, Sending you lots of love and prayers. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:25am
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((((hugs))) Janine, you have had a rough time, thankyou for sharing with us, and we are all sending our love to you.
I would also like to say that i am in awe of how you have coped over the past few months, i am sure i wouldnt have coped as well or for as long...you have amazing strenght my dear friend. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:25am
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to you and your family ------------- formerly known as "Bee" Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy! Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:30am
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Awww Janine I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough ride.
Did Mike ever find out his fertility chances after your angel baby? -------------  |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:39am
| big hugs janine! can't wait to come back to Palmerston and see you and the girls again. last tie I saw Ayja she was just a wee tot, and Taine was...a few weeks old maybe? hope you are feeling a little less overwhelmed today |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:40am
he he, am sending him friday with his little jar.. he he.
bethca they've turned miraculously clear.. and really that would be great cos then that would be the end of it. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 10:44am
 ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 11:11am
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Janine, you are so brave to come on here and write it all out and share it all with us. You have been through so much, but then have so much to show for it - your beautiful family and a very successful career by the sounds.
I hope things ease up for you soon, you deserve it ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 11:50am
| xoxoxoxoxoxox |
Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 12:24pm
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You are one amazing chickee Janine, I have always admired your strength! Wishing you every happiness with your decision. Your family is beautiful. ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 12:48pm
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You are very brave Janine. All the very best for your future, and remember if you change your mind, OhBaby produces an amazing amount of support and understanding and there'll always be ladies here who'll listen.
Good luck xx |
Posted By: bookwyrm
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 1:12pm
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xoxoxox Janine! You are stronger than you know. All our love! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 1:23pm
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wow you have been thru some much and done so much. well done on everything you acheived during the babies passing. Wouldn't for been easy to go back to neo nates after what you had been thru.
And its not 'congrat's' but I can think of the word on making the right decision for you and your family. You will have ifs and buts for a while yet I am sure. lots of hugs ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 2:23pm
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Big hugs Janine. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Leelee
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 3:49pm
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Big hugs Janine
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 5:02pm
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i've always admired you janine and after reading what you've been through these past few months...i admire you more!
you are such a strong woman and an amazing mum!   ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 6:05pm
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Janine, that must have been brave decision, and I too have always admired you for how you have been handling what you have been going through.
Love your girls, and make the most of life! Remember to always be happy and look after yourself! ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: emmaohara
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 11:51am
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I admire your bravery soooo much,I haven't been through half of what you have and I had a mini breakdown, its good to get it out and deal with it. You have 2 perfect daughters and work hard, you deserve a medal, I have one son and can't handle him somedays, smiles and happiness sending its way to you in truck loads!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: catie
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 12:55pm
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Wow, you've been through so much - you deserve a medal for bravery. You've made a difficult decision too - I hope that the hard times are behind you and you can enjoy the two kids you have got, your DH and your career. Best wishes. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 1:33pm
Big hugs Janine  I hope getting it all out there has been cathartic for you, sometimes we stew on things for so long that it just has to explode somewhere.
Grief is a funny thing, you can kind of sweep it under the carpet and as long as you can keep busy enough, you can keep one step ahead of it. But all that running gets pretty exhausting and eventually it will catch up with you no matter how hard you try. And it's ok to grieve. And not just to grieve for your wee angel, but to grieve for everything that your wee angel symbolised - all your hopes, dreams, plans for the future. I will be thinking of you and Mike and your gorgeous girls over the next few days, and I hope the weekend gives you a chance to chill out and hang around in your PJ's all day and just do nothing but look after you. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 1:50pm
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he he, i have work so no chance of that Emma. Ok, i HAVE to ask.. what does cathartic mean?? i have seen it written heaps but seriously am blonde.. i have no idea. lolol. it is bugging me but am too lazy to actually look it up in the dictionary. he he
Thanks ladies for your kind words. I think alot of everything has stemmed from just pushing the things under the carpet like Emma said because that's what i do. I get on, put on a brave face and just keep going. Let me tell you guys, am the same as you, have days where i can't handle, (as you have seen and read), don't need a medal just a bit of a good shake really to tell me to wake up and be sensible about it, which mike seems to do when he knows that i can't. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 1:52pm
You sound a lot like me - I've been told that half my problem is that I spend most of my time trying to solve other peoples problems so I don't have to deal with my own 
Cathartic = therapeutic. I know for me writing stuff down, getting it out there in the universe, is always cathartic. There's a line from a song that I really identify that goes "if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to." Bugger about having to go to work! Do you reckon you could get away with wearing your PJ's to work? ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 11:54pm
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ha ha, i wear scrubs at work so it's pretty darn close to pjs really, just not quite so snuggly, more cotton and starchy.
and ooooh click, i get it, i think i knew that actually now that you actually explain it to me. and what you said about trying to solve everyone elses problems.. yep that's me, totally.. why else would i keep going back and helping my sister. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 07 July 2007 at 10:18am
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Thinking of you all, Janine. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 July 2007 at 6:13pm
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cathartic = emotionally purging
much better than physically purging..lol What a traumatic journey janine...maybe a short holiday break is in order as soon as you can arrange it. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 07 July 2007 at 6:37pm
 Take care of yourself Janine and I hpope your feeling much better soon.------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 07 July 2007 at 7:07pm
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xx ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 07 July 2007 at 9:28pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 08 July 2007 at 9:32am
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Hey Janine, I have been where you are , the miscarraige and then wanting to have another one, but for us it was me who made the big decision and since making it only just recently it is the best one I have made. Our life in the past 3 months has been up and down and all over the place and it sucks!! Dh has had 3 new jobs and it is very unsettling we moved and now looks like we are gonna have to again in the very near future due to the house is prob going on the market find out next week, I'm like you too and try and brush it all under the carpet and put my energy into other things to keep me busy and then it will come crashing down!!!
big hugs chick hope that life gets better for you and that you are able to take some time for yourself , you have achieved so much in the past 4 years well done you should be mighty proud of yourself. ------------- 
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Posted By: lovingmummyhood
Date Posted: 08 July 2007 at 4:20pm
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mum2paris, i read your posts and think you are an amazing woman. I hope you are feeling a little better today.
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Posted By: lovingmummyhood
Date Posted: 08 July 2007 at 4:21pm
| and nictoddie - I hope things work out for you too |