Did i do the right thing or make it worse
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=5765
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Topic: Did i do the right thing or make it worse
Posted By: my2angels
Subject: Did i do the right thing or make it worse
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 12:28pm
| Kobe threw a huge tantrum this morning. started off at weight watchers meeting which was pretty boring for him and he was good there but when he started getting bored we left and went to get the groceries. He started just being naughty and not listening, throwing things in the trolley, breaking peices of my cauliflower off and throwing it on the ground apparently to 'feed the parrot'????? then he wanted a chocolate bar and I said no because he hadnt listened to me but if he was good he could still have a ride (one of those ride on things) on the way out to the car. But no he started crying and trying to put the chocolate on the counter etc... but i left without it and with a screaming child. told him he had better stop or no ride but he didnt so when we had to pass the ride I wouldnt give him one and he screamed louder. Had to pack my groceries by the car and he was still going to town, almost pulled my pants down trying to get me back inside for a ride so i put him in the car and he kept screaming and banging on the windows. got the groceries in and him finally in his seat in the front and drove off, then he started turning round in his seat so i told him he had to sit down or he had to go in the back because it was dangerous but no wouldnt listen, gave him heaps of warning and then pulled over. A bit of a tussle and trying ot get him into his seat and the seatbelt done up, threw the spare booster in the boot so it wasnt an option to go in the front and finally got the seatbelt done up again and off we go. He finally calmed down just little sobs which I must admit broke my heart even though i was so mad at him. So my question after this long ramble is, did I do the right thing by following through or did I just make it worse. Should i maybe have given in on either the ride or the chocolate cos at the moment I feel like he didnt get anything except a grumpy mummy and a horrible outing and Im feeling pretty bad about it but then if i give in doesnt that mean he knows what to do for me to back down next time? |
Replies:
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 12:31pm
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I know I don't have a toddler yet but I think you absolutely did the right thing.
I'm firmly of the belief that you have to follow through on these things and it might really suck the first few times but he will get the idea. If you don't follow through he'll know he can wear you down and that you don't mean what you say. Good on for being strong!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 12:42pm
oh no - you let your child scream instead of giving him the chocolate... good on you.!!! it can be hard but you most def did the right thing.
giving in is the easy option, but only temporarily. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 12:55pm
You definitely did the best thing. Just wait until the next time (or few), he'll remember that screaming and fighting you tooth and nail didn't work so he'll try something else... preferably being nice and helpful 
It's hard but you did great!  -------------  |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 1:16pm
you did the right thing ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 1:33pm
| thanks everyone. i just feel so mean but i guess thats part of the process. Im tired of having him talk back to me and think 'because i want to' means he can do anything. Time to make a stand right, even if it does make me feel like a mean mummy |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 1:39pm
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You definitely did the right thing. As hard as it was for you, he will now start learning that what mum says goes and that there a consequences for not listening. You are doing him a favour by setting boundaries and he will appreciate it in the years to come. Well done! ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 2:27pm
Yup you definately did the right thing!! My son tries to pull this one often! and it never works with me because im really mean!
I certainly feel that if you give in then they will think its the ticket to getting what they want. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 3:44pm
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Think of it this way... he'll never have a (good) life when he's older unless he learns this lesson.... nice mummy! ------------- |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 5:38pm
| I think it's awesome that you stood your ground with him... Well done! You did absolutely nothing wrong in my humble opinion. |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 6:24pm
Totally agree with everyone else . You did the right thing in not giving in. Kids really need consistancy (sp) so they dont get confused messages eg: you saying no till hes screaming then you giving in, he learns that he can scream for as long as it takes and he'll get it ... Good on you for being strong , it can be soooo hard esp when ppl are looking at you when it all turns to custard in public  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 7:33pm
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Congratulations for standing your ground! As Mum to a very stubborn, strong-willed little madam I know how hard that is! And yep, he will learn (eventually) that throwing a tantrum doesn't get him anywhere - I'm still waiting tho ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 8:27pm
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You did the right thing. If you say something you need to follow through. Like some of the other ladies said... If you gave in next time it will just be worse and he knows sooner or later you will give in so just scream louder and harder.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 8:49pm
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you definately did the right thing. we tend to do the same ie "because you did ... you cannot have the choclate, BUT if you can be quiet while we do... then you can still have a ride etc" but if that doesn't happen then no, we stick to our guns.
Worrying about what people iun public think is hard.. although i think alot of the time they think good on you. My older sister had her 4 yr old who does this often, and did it in the supermarket, she stoof her ground and an old lady behind her in the line at the checkout (who had seen sis having troubles all the way round the supermarket) said to her "well done for not giving in" my sister felt so much better for that, and very embarrased too though because my very grumpy nephew then looked at the lady and told her to "f up, you b"... needless to say he didn't get any other chances or bargaining on that trip at all. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 8:58pm
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i feel so much better now thank you all. We had a pretty good afternoon and we went to play with his wee friend so it wasnt a totally bad day and I have been a lot firmer with him than i normally would and he has actually listened....most of the time but its a start. Funny though cos i always thought i was hard on him and that hubby and i were on the same page with that sort of thing until recently hubby pointed out i was too soft.
And about the public thing, normally I just pretend i dont notice them looking but today when i pulled over it happened to be right outside a park where people were playing cricket so was rather embarassing plus as we stood there staring at each other on the footpath the thought to do im leaving and pretend to drive off crossed my mind i must admit but a)couldnt leave my baby standing there crying and thinking i was actually leaving and b)i wondered how long it would take for someone to see him standing there and ring CYPS or something on me! |
Posted By: Lucy
Date Posted: 17 February 2007 at 9:59pm
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Sounds like you did it perfectly to me. If you had given in he would be exactly the same next and would just keep taking you for the ride. I think it was the perfect way to help him learn it is unacceptable ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 1:30am
Hey I'm a bit late Robyn but I agree with the general consensus, you did a great job sticking with it - even though it is heartbreaking, we have the same tantrums with Ashlyn and it is soooo hard but teaching them this lesson is so important. ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 8:12am
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good on you Robyn! Jake has just started playing up in the supermarket after being SUCH a good boy. It dirves me nuts.
re: the weight watcherws meeting - do you have a laptop? Cause i've been taking ours and a dvd and Jake watches that while I go to the meeting...just make sure it isn't a "singing" one cause that can be a bit embarressing, |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 8:29am
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I agree, you did great!
It is so hard to be consistent and follow through sometimes, especially when they really go to town in public but so much better in the long run. Way to go Robyn ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 19 February 2007 at 9:20am
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I'm a little late to the topic, but YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, ROBYN!!!!
I've been there with Kiya... its so hard at the time and it feels like the behaviour will never improve, but now she's an amazingly good child. Stick in there, come here to vent, and you will benefit sooner than you realise. ------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 19 February 2007 at 10:18am
It really bugs me when parents threaten to leave without the kid - as tempting as it is - because they'll never do it (or should never do it) so then the kid "wins" again
Hannah's about a month older than Kobe I think? and we have recently started teaching her about having a good attitude. So many lessons to teach!! ------------- |
my2angels wrote: