Feeling Sad
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=5025
Printed Date: 15 August 2025 at 2:08pm
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Topic: Feeling Sad
Posted By: KiwiL
Subject: Feeling Sad
Date Posted: 29 December 2006 at 11:33pm
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Hi ladies,
I came accross this site while surfing the net and it looks like a nice supportive place. A few of the other baby sites seem to be biased towards women who are actually pregnant, so it is nice to find somewhere that acknowledges us that are TTC. Feeling a bit down at the moment. My hubby and I have been TTC since June. I know that is not a long time in the scheme of things, but I got pregnant very quickly and then had a miscarriage. Since then we've been trying our little hearts out with no luck. 
Sometimes I feel ok about the miscarriage, but the sadness always seems to hit me really suddenly and totally take me by surprise. When it does hit it seems overwhelming and totally impossible to deal with. It seems that everyone is pregnant at the moment (and I know I am oversensitive!) but every time I hear of another friend or colleague who is expecting I feel so jealous. Of course, I am stoked for them, but ask myself what I am doing wrong. As far as the MC goes, I feel like noone really wants to acknowledge it. Even my best friend only gave me a pat on the back and then it has never been mentioned again. I guess it is a topic that people find hard to deal with. DH is away at the moment and I am alone at home feeling all lonely and sorry for myself. We put in a concentrated effort for my ovulation just been but around ovulation I got terrible pains in my lower abdomen (never had them before, felt like really, really bad period pain), so I am expecting this month to be a write off. We can try again in January but then we have to have a break due to DH being away for work and then having a wedding in Jan 2008 (don't want an EDD at that time as it is a really remote wedding). Anyway, there is no real purpose to this post other than to have a wee vent. Hope no-one minds, I know there are people out there with far more stressful situations than my own. Thanks :) Laurie |
Replies:
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 30 December 2006 at 1:08am
Hi Laurie and welcome, I havn't been long on this site but everyone here has been great. From some of the posts that I have read there are sooooo many ladies in or have been in the same sort of situation as yourself, and what you are feeling is totally justified and should not be dismissed by anyone. Yes people do find it hard to deal with others pain, not knowing what to say, not wanting to remind you of what has happened but sometimes you just need to be able to "talk" about everything (and sometimes it is eaiser not face to face). Depression and grieving can be very difficult to deal with, have you spoken to anyone about your mc and how you have been feeling? Sometimes trying too hard can put alot of emotional stress on you both and with time restraints as well ..... what else can you throw into the mix lol.  As for feeling like everyone is pregnant, when it is something that you want its EVERYWHERE, and feeling jealous, in my opinion, seems quite natural. Try not to be so hard on yourself and easy for me to say but try and relax about it all. Maybe the pains were an indication of you ovulating ..... you just never know when the baby dust will float your way. If I can help at all, I am usuall on here late feel free to pm me. ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 30 December 2006 at 10:59am
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Hi Laurie,
Welcome to the site, and please feel free to vent away. I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, i recently had a miscarriage and like you found that ppl just wanted to shove it under the rug so to speak. It is important to exknowledge that you are griving and that is an important process to go through. I still have my days where i get really sad for the baby that never was, but then i have my days when i think to myself that there was a reason for it. Please if you want to chat email me on kmbowman@xtra.co.nz i am always happy to chat Kaz ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 30 December 2006 at 11:46am
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Hi Laurie, it sounds like you have been through a very difficult past few months I know a lot of people find it awkward to discuss mc's, they're not quite sure where you're at or what to say. And ppl who haven't had them sometimes seem to think that "you can have another one" (but it's a different person), or that you'll forget all about it in a month or two. My SIL had a mc last year and I found it really difficult to know how to talk with her about it, especially as I had just given birth to my second baby about 2 weeks before. Then I had a mc earlier this year and that's helped me to understand a lot more.
I personally feel that TTC for more than 3 months is really tough and (for me) a bit depressing, so don't feel bad that you are finding TTC tough after "just" 6 months. I think that IS a long time! Take care over summer and no doubt we'll see you here again -------------  |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 30 December 2006 at 12:32pm
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Hi Laurie,
Welcome to Oh Baby, and hugs for your loss. I just wanted to add a couple of suggestions. Have you a supportive doctor? That will make getting help a lot easier if you do. Also, depending on your age, they help out sooner than you think, if you are having problems. I am guessing you are charting from what you said about ovulation, and having the info can also get help sorted a bit quicker. Hopefully it will not be needed and you will succeed soon. Fingers crossed for you. -------------  
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 30 December 2006 at 10:54pm
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Thanks for all your comments ladies.
Miss, my doctor is very, very good usually and I trust him a lot. However, I think he may have overestimated my coping abilities, as I did feel he dropped the ball a little after the miscarriage as he didn't really direct me towards any support services. That's a bit disappointing. My work place also offers counselling services but my bosses didn't mention it when I told them, and it slipped my mind at the time. I am considering having some sessions in the new year though. Not so much charting at the moment, as just lucky to have a very regular cycle of 30 days, so it makes it easier to know the few days in which ovulation occurs. The pain however did worry me, I have no idea what it was, it felt very much like my miscarriage pain but only lasted about 24 hours. Kazzle, like you I am aware that the miscarriage would have happened for a very valid reason and I accept that usually. But sometimes my thought feel so irrational! To be honest, I occassionally look at very young mums, especially those not taking the best care of their children, and feel a bit angry that I am finding it so hard. Kezplanet - baby dust is such a lovely, magical way to think about it!! You put a smile on my face when you said that.... fingers crossed I have some sprinkles soon. Thanks for your comments too Busymum... it's nice to know I am normal! Thanks again for all your support. Hopefully I will be back soon with good news. :o) Laurie |
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 30 December 2006 at 11:49pm
"Baby dust" was something I saw in here and just loved the thought of it!!! Pop into general next time your around and introduce yourself and let others know you are here ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 31 December 2006 at 11:31am
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Laurie, while I am so lucky to have never had a mc, I really think that the counselling idea is a good one. I don't think it is irrational at all to be grieving for your lost bub, whatever reason behind the loss. This was something you really wanted and someone you had already begun to love. And I totally agree about the anger thing when you see bad parenting. I have frineds who are having major issues conceiving, and as a teacher I see plenty of kids who aren't as loved as they should be. Makes me so upset!
Take care of yourself and I am sending lots of babydust your way too! -------------
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 31 December 2006 at 2:41pm
| Laurie while i havent experienced a miscarriage i feel for you i have seen a few mates going through it and its awful. You truely have come to a great site the ladies here are lovely and VERY supportive! I wish you all the best and all the luck for the New Year. |