Blindsided
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4640
Printed Date: 15 August 2025 at 10:10am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Blindsided
Posted By: ginger
Subject: Blindsided
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 9:27am
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I had assumed, when TTC wasn't working and I had my surgery and learned that things weren't so good for us, that the next step would be fertility treatment. Last night though, with my period looming *again*, I raised 'the next step' and when we'd take it - and it turns out, DH and I not on the same page.
We've talked about infertility and treatment, and I knew that, at this stage, he doesn't want to look at IVF. I was quite surprised that he is against first stage fertility treatment as well, and he's obviously been giving it some thought. It's a development I wasn't expecting, and it's given me a lot to think about. I'm really not entirely sure how I feel about it at *all*. To be honest, I'm probably a bit shocked. I think that with time he may come to terms with fertility treatment, but it will take time. Wow!  ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 11:27am
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How do you guys feel about fostering/adoption instead? I think people are either 100% happy or 100% unhappy with those ideas but just another thing to throw in. Hope you do get your wish someday though, the emotional rollercoaster must be really hard for you. -------------  |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 12:28pm
| wow, that would be a...surprise. Why is he againest? is it a reason that may cahnge once he's had more time to get used to it, or a reason that will never change (e.g. religious reasons)? We are here for you though, if you need to vent! |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 12:48pm
Thanks both of you 
I don't know that *he* knows entirely, which is probably why *I* don't know either!  He likes to think through every aspect of something before talking about it - especially so that he can talk about it in a way that I'll understand his position, and not just think "AARRGGGHHH!!!" ...and I think I raised fertility treatment before he'd finished mulling it over every which way. I think he is thinking about what we've been through so far, and what we still may have to go through, and how hard it's been, and I think that he just wants to have our lives back - you know, move forward and plan for things that *will* happen. Hopefully he'll talk some more when he's ready.------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 1:31pm
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Hey Ginger. Im sorry to hear of the situation you and your Dh are finding yourselves in. A friend of mine is trying this treatment
(link to discussion) http://www2.everybody.co.nz/forum/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=UBB84&Number=371873&page=0&fpart=1 - neurolink Apparently its worked for lots of women and its relativly cheap too. all the best ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 3:05pm
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big hugs Ginger, that would be a difficult situation to swallow, but from my experience (of course it can be different for all of us), my DH came around and in the end totally supported fertility treatment. When your DH sees how much this means to you, he may be able to swallow his fears and move on. You can only take these things day by day. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 3:30pm
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Pardon the terrible joke, but you're quite right Lou ...it's very much 'baby' steps with these DH's of ours!!
Whatever happens though, damned if I'm going to give up yet
------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 3:32pm
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And thank you Angelnz - I really appreciate the link! I think I'm going to have to arm myself with information for DH in the coming months! ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 28 November 2006 at 3:38pm
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Hiya Ginger, My DH and I spent 2 years TTC my now 7 month old, the 2 longest years of my life! I dont know much about endo, I have PCOS and wasnt ovulating at all. We did 7 rounds of clomid which was ok for DH as it didnt *really* involve him, only doing his bit at the right time lol! We spent alot of money seeing a specialist from wellington and our next step was injectables, which scared the crap outta me, and definelty DH! Personally I think it was easier for him to say throw in the towel than to go through (and watch me go through) any more heartache! What are your options for fertility treatment? I know my DH wouldnt even discuss IVF at the time, it seemed like such a big thing, although I would have done ANYTHING! Good luck to you, if I can answer any clomid or injectable questions for you I would be happy to help! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 8:21am
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Thanks for that KiwiMummy ...Basically, my (endo) specialist said that if we're not pg by the new year she would refer me to Fertility Associates for the next stage. I'm not too sure what *their* first step would be though. I had assumed fertility medication. I think you hit the nail on the head though - DH would rather say stop than see me break every cycle. Plus, I think it is easier to cope with saying 'enough' yourself, than for it to be out of your control, and having to acknowledge that you just cannot conceive.
Funny story - I gently reminded DH that with endo, I couldn't really *do* the waiting game ...and bless him, he said to me "You could just have the surgery again, and then we can do it." I said "Do what?" and he said "Can't they do the IVF while they're in there?"  What can you do? ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 8:24am
Sounds like a typical male to me! One day out of the blue he will start talking about it after he's mulled it all over - thats what mine is like anyway. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you guys soon  ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 8:34am
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Hey I just wanted to send big hugs to you!
I hope you DH does come around soon, just remember....keep communicating!! Arming yourself with plenty of info is a good idea...he may be more freaked out about the process than anything else. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 8:38am
| Aww chicka i hope he comes round it just sounds like he needs to be educated on what happens. I would think that IVF would be a last resort. Let him know that if u go on clomid it has a good rate of success! I was successful first round and some people after 3 rounds. |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 10:27am
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Also I just thought I'd add some more ammo for you when you are talking to DH... If you do end up considering the IVF route, in our case DH hasn't really had to be involved too much at all. I was lucky enough to have next to no side effects from the drugs, so I was not irritable or anything. The only time that DH had to turn up was once when we signed the consent forms and yesterday he had to provide his 'sample' and hold my hand during egg collection. That was it! ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 1:24pm
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That's great to know Lou ...thank you!
Having given this quite a bit of thought, I actually think the problem for DH is that he hasn't acknowledged yet that we may not be able to do this by ourselves, and so until it becomes an issue, it's not an issue for him. Do you know what I mean? But, I'll collect all my ammo and see how he's feeling in a few months if we're still unsuccessful.------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 1:46pm
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Yup, totally know what you mean. My DH kept saying 'it will happen' and I know that he was trying to be supportive. However once we found out it was a male fertility issue then there was no barriers in the way to proceeding with fertility treatment. There was no argument. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 2:44pm
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Just quietly, I hve a little hope for this month. Well, hope in the sense that it's not *impossible*.
I don't have a triphasic chart, but I also have barely any period symptoms. I know that the surgery may well have kicked in and that's why, but I'm am just storing up a wee bit of hope because it's different. I also have an increasing amount of CM (TMI I'm sorry...) and my body is producing extra mucus all round at the moment. Of course, it's more likely that it's just a cold trying to come on Also on the TMI front, I've had some cramping, but not a lot, and also what seems a lot like vaginal aching. It's the only way to describe it.
When I woke up this morning (well, at 4.30am) my first thought was "I'm going to be sick" and managed to hold it off by deep breathing and lying *really* still ...and it wasn't so bad when I got up properly at 6am, and then passed over the next half hour or so. I thought to myself "If I'm going to get morning sickness, I could at *least* be pregnant!!". Ha! *Sigh* I'll keep y'all posted. And I'm not kidding myself - I have my period-emergency kit in my handbag  ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 2:51pm
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I will be honest Ginger, that thought has gone through my mind this montha bout you too... ------------- "> 
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 2:57pm
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Ha! Hehe I'd no sooner posted the above crappola and I started getting this rather odd feeling downstairs ...sort of like cramps, but it doesn't hurt.
*Gasp* I wonder ..... Maybe ...... Just maybe ..... .......... I'm finally having a *normal* period!
Hehe ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 2:58pm
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OH Yay!!! That is so great, no Pain!!! ------------- ">
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 4:27pm
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Just remember it's not over until the fat lady sings!! But hey I'm guessing a normal period would be good news too would it? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 7:31pm
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Normal periods are a godsend i didnt believe they existed till i had Ella i dont need ANY pain relief now WOOHOO!!! Its heavy but not painful and its over in a matter of a couple of days YER! OMPH!
I really hope you gets ur normally if u get it at all that is 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 November 2006 at 10:38pm
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yay ginger thats great news ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 30 November 2006 at 8:21am
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My temp took a *huge* dive this morning, so my period will be here some time today. And I'm OK, honestly. I didn't expect any different. Not really. The hope gets a little less every cycle, but so does the heartbreak, so it evens itself out a bit.
I've been thinking about all your wonderful suggestions vis a vis fertility treatment, and what I'm going to do is wait for the end of my 6th cycle after the surgery (so end Feb/beginning March) and rather than jump into suggesting fertility treatment, for DH's sake, I'll suggest just seeing a specialist and finding out what's *involved* in fertility treatment so we can research and think about it, and DH can see if he is comfortable with it. Do you guys think that'll work? Thank you all so much for your ongoing support. You've all been there for me for a long time now, and it means a lot. I really appreciate it
And now, please focus *all* your energy on Lou so we can kick her out of the TTC thread this month!! ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: Sarah Beth
Date Posted: 30 November 2006 at 8:32am
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I think that is a great idea Ginger. baby steps with these men is often best.
Shame about the temp drop, but great news no cramps have been present! ------------- ">
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Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 30 November 2006 at 4:31pm
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Ginger you are very sweet!
I'm sorry you've had a temp drop  I think your plan for waiting until next feb/mar is a good one. It takes the short term pressure off DH and gives you some time over Christmas to hopefully relax. My thoughts are always with you ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 30 November 2006 at 8:06pm
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Ginger I think that's a good idea because it gives you guys a chance to go home and talk about it and no pressure to go back to the Doc until you're ready. As opposed to going off to see the Doc with a semi-agenda in mind.
Sorry about the drop but have a nice Christmas/New Years break. ------------- |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 30 November 2006 at 8:30pm
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I bet if you plan a big ragey new years you will get pregnant and wont be able to drink therefor ruining all your plans although you will be so over the moon it wont matter anyway.
Good luck everyone TTC! |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 01 December 2006 at 11:06am
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Thanks everyone ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 02 December 2006 at 2:38pm
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awww ginger heres hoping there a bean for xmas ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |