What do you do to help you say goodbye?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42763
Printed Date: 04 July 2025 at 8:19pm
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Topic: What do you do to help you say goodbye?
Posted By: Pitter patter
Subject: What do you do to help you say goodbye?
Date Posted: 11 November 2012 at 12:11pm
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Hi guys, We lost our baby last week at 10 weeks (but was only 7 weeks on the scan). Didn't keep the remains but am thinking about planting a tree and painting rocks with DP and DD as a way of saying goodbye and also having a place to remember. Had been thinking about making a book but don't have much to put in it-only the first scan we had with a lovely heart beat but the baby looks tiny. I am not much of a jewellery wearer but a friend suggested getting something to wear. Did any of you guys do anything (or thinking of doing something) to help you say goodbye but also to remember? -------------  TTC number 2 since April 2011 MC Nov 12 Formally Mamma2one |
Replies:
Posted By: tan73
Date Posted: 11 November 2012 at 6:27pm
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Sorry to hear of your loss. It's a hard, hard time but I found doing things to remember and acknowledge baby really helped the grieving process. Painting rocks sounds like a lovely way to help your DD take part in the process too. We got to take the remains home and bought a rose bush to bury the remains under. The people at the garden place were lovely and helped us choose a beautiful rose with a lovely name, which is now flowering. I did things over time as I needed to. I framed our scan pic in a lovely silver frame that sits by my bed, I chose a song that I felt had some significance, just so I could listen to it when I wanted (I haven't listened to it much lately), I made a tickertape on Lilypie that is very special to me and after a while, I told people publicly over Facebook - never thought I would but the timing was right for me. I also recently attended a SANDS memorial evening on the International Pregnancy and Baby Loss Day. Everyone does different things. Some people give their lost baby a name, but I never wanted nor needed to do that. And I am not a jewellery wearer either. I hope you find your own way to do things to acknowledge your baby - a little life, not a little loss. xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  2 Angels - Aug '12 & Mar '13 Always in our hearts. |
Posted By: Pitter patter
Date Posted: 12 November 2012 at 8:09pm
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Hi Tan, sorry to hear about your loss and thanks for your reply. That is so lovely that the rose is flowering now. I really like the idea of framing your scan pic and keeping it by your bed-mine seems very precious but also personal so in the bedroom a good idea i think. I would love to name the baby but we had talked about names endlessly and hadn't agreed when it happened, also hard not knowing the sex. A nice idea though because to me what we lost was a little person that we had stared to make plans for. A friend gave me a crystal to hang in tthe window today, I was really touched as it was such a good idea-obviously she understood because shed had a mc herself. DP has decided he is going to make a seat in our fav spot in the garden, we will put a dedication on the back that we will know about. We are going to extend the garden around it and plant some nice flowers and probably collect shells from the beach over time for the garden, both DD and myself love collecting shells and the beach always makes me reflective. love that little life not a little love quote-awww ------------- TTC number 2 since April 2011 MC Nov 12 Formally Mamma2one |
Posted By: kalika
Date Posted: 12 November 2012 at 8:27pm
Hi mumma2one sorry to hear about your loss  I was only 7 weeks along when we lost our baby, so no scan and no remains to speak of. I treated myself to a ring with a single princess cut diamond. A bit extravagent but I really wanted something to commemorate the little life we lost and as we are renting planting something in honour wasn't an option for us. I also am quite keen to get a tattoo in memory but its something I just haven't had time to organise yet but may do one day. I already have one so I know what I am in for and already have something picked I think that sounds like a lovely idea about your seat, and also Tan's idea about a special song  ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3c5768" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart   Sept '12< |
Posted By: Pitter patter
Date Posted: 16 November 2012 at 10:13pm
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Hi Kalika, thanks for your reply. I don't think your ring is too extravagent it sounds like a lovely way to remember your little one. I already have a tattoo too but don't think I could get another as the last one hurt! I hope you get yours when you are ready-let us know ------------- TTC number 2 since April 2011 MC Nov 12 Formally Mamma2one |
Posted By: vineyardhoney
Date Posted: 16 November 2012 at 10:41pm
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mumma2 one I just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear of your loss - we fell pregnant around the same time from memory - you must be devastated. I really like your idea of the garden seat - that is just lovely. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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