abortion
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Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4262
Printed Date: 18 August 2025 at 10:53pm
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Topic: abortion
Posted By: EllenMumof2
Subject: abortion
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 11:30am
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OK im not trying to step on anyones toes im just really upset at the moment someone very close to me in my family is going to have an abortion she is 13 weeks and says she can wait till shes 16 weeks her social worker has told her i don't no the ins and outs of it all as i didn't want to hear much about it. I no its her right she has had a scan and everything is ok with the baby its just her partner is not very good and she has a 20 month old and 5 year old. She is showing alot and i remeber going for a scan at 12 weeks and madison was a little person i just feel like being sick thinking about it. I have been there for her since she had her 10 month old helping her as i can but she lives 45 minutes away so can only go once a week as i don't drive. Im just can't understand why she waited so long to decied to have one its just so sad
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[/url]Replies:
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 11:40am
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Hi EllenMumof2,
I totally agree with you and it makes me feel sick to think of someone aborting a bubs that far along plus the clinics only abort at 12 weeks and no later because then it goes against ethics (gets termed a feotus from that point)- how do i know this?? - well i was sceduled in for 1 when i was 17 as my partner didnt want it at all but i couldnt go through with it at all and thought if he was any kind of decent guy then he would stick around when bubs was born but unfortunatly i had a MC at 14 weeks  needless to say i am now married to him and he is so eager for me to keep popping the kids out!!!
Anyway i agree and disagree with abortions but only if theyr done earlier on and for an extremely valid reason!!! 
I hope you feel better soon and that she maybe doesnt go through with it... 
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Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 11:42am
If she was going to have an abortion, she should have decided earlier..  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 11:42am
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Hi EllenMumof2,
I totally agree with you and it makes me feel sick to think of someone aborting a bubs that far along plus the clinics only abort at 12 weeks and no later because then it goes against ethics (gets termed a feotus from that point)- how do i know this?? - well i was sceduled in for 1 when i was 17 as my partner didnt want it at all but i couldnt go through with it at all and thought if he was any kind of decent guy then he would stick around when bubs was born but unfortunatly i had a MC at 14 weeks needless to say i am now married to him and he is so eager for me to keep popping the kids out!!!
Anyway i agree and disagree with abortions but only if theyr done earlier on and for an extremely valid reason!!!
I hope you feel better soon and that she maybe doesnt go through with it...
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 11:44am
| i have to agree, abortions have their place but there is no way i could do it that far on, thats a pretty much fully formed little person! |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 11:54am
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I'm there with that they do have their place but that far along nope it is a feotus at that stage a little person. I know my friend had one at 17 years old and it was done early and for the right reasons. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 12:10pm
| we thought I might have been pregnant a month or so ago (st johns wort and the pill are not a good combination apparently) and my midwife said to me that I would be justified in having an abortion because of the diabetes and also Addison was only a couple of weeks old but I said to her that I felt like it was our fault really, its not like we are teenagers who cant look after another baby or who didnt know better so I couldnt kill a wee baby because of our mistake. |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 12:20pm
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I can't believe they abort at 12 weeks, to me that's a person it's a little human being not a thing. It's sad that she is so willing to abort the baby but not wiling to have it and put it up for adoption! Sad Sad Sad ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 12:55pm
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I a gree its sad. and not fair on the little one. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 12:58pm
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I a gree its sad. and not fair on the little one. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 1:09pm
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Like others say, they have thier place but to be that far along with a perfectly healthy little baby, it breaks my heart to think about it.
I'm sure it must be a hard choice for her too, maybe she and her partner will re-consider? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 2:34pm
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Amber, you can have terminations up to 20 weeks here, but under conditions where there is going to be a severe physical or mental effect on the mother.
The difference between getting it done at a clinic before 12 weeks and a specialist center thing after 12 weeks is because the process is different. I'm not for or against having terminations after 12 weeks, but could not personally do it. And under circumstances where you have known about the pregnancy for quite a while, I think it is truly weird to wait longer than needed. But maybe she needed the time to get her head around the abortion thing? It isn't easy to grieve for your child when you know you have full responsibility for the decision. I think if she has decided she is going to terminate, she should go in ASAP rather than wait until 16 weeks... unless she is still unsure and using the excuse of being further along to get out of it? Anyway, hope you both manage to get through it and maintain your friendship... sounds like she needs you right now! (Especially is the partner isn't there for her) |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 2:44pm
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I swing between between prochoice and prolife, before I had my most recent m/c I would have said it is freedom of choice, but after the m/c I got to being really angry that we couldn't have our baby and yet some people choose to abort theirs. Now I'm kind of on the fence. I do remember reading about places in the States that do them up to 24 weeks (point of viability) and I remember having a scan with the twins around 24 or so weeks and they were so clear and formed I could't imagine anyone wanting to terminate then. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 3:32pm
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i have a silimr thing happen with a friend although she was only 6 or 7 weeks i,m prolife and thats were i stand but because she is shuch a close friend and i no it was hard for her to do it but it was a very uncomfortable convo none the less i still surport her even though i dont surport her dision ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: EthansMummy
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 5:06pm
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Having a child of your own makes a huge difference. I couldn't imagine ever having an abortion but i can understand in some peoples circumstances it is a choice they make. I don't agree with it but I can understand it.
I didn't find out I was pregnant with Ethan until i was 11 weeks. When I went for the scan there was this little bean jumping around inside me. I can't believe that people can have a scan see something like that and then abort the pregnancy. It makes me sad to think that someone can kill something that they and their DH,DP,DF,DB or Dwhatever have made.... it is so special ------------- ** MUM TO ** Ethan 29/08/2006 Brooke 22/09/2008 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 7:09pm
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Well, I am pro choice. while I agree that it isn't very "morally nice" to have an abortion after 12 weeks, and some people might say it is never morally right, there would have to be genuine and strict reasons for the doctors to abort a baby after 12 weeks gest. I am quite sure it would be much much harder to get one after this stage than it is before the 12 week stage. I have to say, from experience, that an abortion isn't something that people enter into lightly, and often women having them deal with then on their own, as people have such black and white opinions of it.
While I wouldn't have one now, I have had one previously, and it was absolutely the right thing for me to do at the time, I was suffering severe depression, and was in a really awful place in my life. I know this is all a bit rich, coming from me, who has been on here boo hooing about my 2 friends and their still born babies, but I really honestly believe that it is an individual and personal choice, and it is a very difficlut situation and decision for the woman concerned to make. i hope your friendship survives this, and I hope you acn support your friend in her decision, even if you don't agree with it, she still needs love and support. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 8:07pm
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Oh Ellen I know how you feel, I had a close friend in similar situation last year and it broke my heart to think of that little one (about 12wks), maybe especially because it was when I was about 7mos preg with #2.
I just read an article the other day, but can't remember where, that said that women who have had abortions are 3x more likely to get depression..... so I really hope she's making the right decision ------------- |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 9:26pm
| they will have to go through counsilling to determine if their needs for the abortion match it if u get me. Noone in this country can really abort just coz they can they have to be seen by a counsiller etc |
Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 30 October 2006 at 10:11pm
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Alot of my close friends have had abortions and I have seen what it has put them through- none of them have made the decision lightly, and I have completely supported them each time (different friends and reasons). But the thought of waiting until you were 16 weeks! I just can't even fathom that. Luckily I have never been in that position so I don't know what it feels like but the thought of waiting a whole extra month before going through with it? I just soo don't get that.
I think she may find it very hard to get one done that far along without a good medical reason. Completely understand your need to vent! ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 31 October 2006 at 1:10pm
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I personally hate the word abortion, it sounds more like an insult to humanity than the f-word.
I went along to a Dr's appointment with a friend of mine when I was 17 and her Dr refered to it as a "termination of pregnancy" (TOP) which I liked much better and as a result (of the Dr being so nice) I changed to that Dr. Now my friend/flatmate who was 17 had a TOP and at the time I honestly could not see any reason why she would do this as she had a loving partner who had a nice job. But in reality, she was a struggling student and flat broke living with 2 other girls and the loving relationship only lasted 5 months! Now as a 27 year old I have much different beliefs. As a result of her TOP the next time she got pregnant was to a guy she had been seeing breifly and he wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy or her and she decided to keep the child because of the emotional damage the first one did. I have nothing against this girl at all as the decisions that she made effected her life and not mine. And as a result I prefer to think of myself as pro-choice, the mothers right to make her own decision about her body. But in the same respect I know that I couldn't possibly go through the same process as I would become emotionally damaged like my young friend. As of the case of your friend Ellen, I guess because you are on my mothers thread that I side with you. It is horrifying to see someone we know who creates life just to want to throw it away. But I guess we can never truely "take a walk in another persons shoes" when it comes to their lives and their problems. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: EllenMumof2
Date Posted: 31 October 2006 at 1:22pm
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thanks guys for your comments i will suport her in what ever she decides even throw it breaks my heart but its hard when you no its your blood relation that will be lost ] http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 31 October 2006 at 1:44pm
| My freak out - and I may have mentioned this - was when i found out I was pregnant with Taine. they did a scan and showed me all the ammenities - little legs, little hands and little head and heart. Due to a communication barrier - instead of saying "my insurance doesn't cover pregnancy. i will pay for this appointment myself", I said "I can't have a baby. my insurance compny says no" and they thought I wanted a termination. IN Japan up to 20 weeks is okay, no questions asked, 24 for any medical problems. But I was just overwhelemd that they could say "heeres a little leg, here's his heart...oh you wanna get rid of him? okay no problem.." When it comes to terminations though, although I wasn't able to have them because of the emotions, i can completely understand people wanting the choice. What i don't like, is how a lot of countires, and this was so true in Japan, see terminations as a form of contraceptions. People I know who had a terminations thought long and hard about it, and that is the way I think it should be. not something to take lightly |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 31 October 2006 at 2:41pm
I was thinking about this the other day... and after Emma's post think it is semi-relevant for this topic (well... this whole topic is bringing out a whole lotta stuff, so why not throw it in there?  )
I had a termination earlier this year, and while it was not a miscarriage and it was my decision, I still grieved for that pregnancy and that 'little baby that could have been,' and I know it is different for everyone, but just wanted to say that there is a similar feeling of loss to any other way that a pregnancy does not continue. (Not that I am trying to take away from those who have had an unexpected loss... that is truly sad) but we are not all immune from the sadness even if it is our own choice to terminate. |
Posted By: Roxy
Date Posted: 31 October 2006 at 3:40pm
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Well Im not one to judge.I have had two terminations.one when I was 15 and a very silly irresponsible girl and then one when I was almost 17 and was with a horrible and abusive guy....I feel bad about both but just tried to put it all behind me....then I had misscariage at 21 and then had caleb at 22 and then misscariage and then Brooke.So Ive been pregnant 6 times all up.the terminations are certainly something I am sorry had to happen but they were the right choices for me.Its a real hard one eh.My hubby and I are not intending to have any more babies but if I accidently fell pregnant there is no way I would have an abortion as we are happily married and financially secure........I often wondered if the two misscarriages (pregnancies I wanted) were a kind of punishment for aborting the two first pregnancies.... ------------- Caleb 15/11/02 Brooke 14/11/05 |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 31 October 2006 at 7:39pm
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man this is bring a lot of emtions out at the moment my friend relly did want this child and even though i no it was best for her i feel like i,m griving for what could of been with her and her sister being that her sister is my best friend and i,m not allowed to tell her ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 9:24am
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This is a really tough one isn't it!? A lot of emotions and points of view.
I have had an abortion and a miscariage, both at completely different times of my life but both children are still missed. I was 15 when I was more or less "forced" to have an abortion. I obviously wasn't physically pinned down or anything but my boyfriend at the time (we had been together for 2 years at that stage and stayed together until I was 17) made it perfectly clear that there was no way I was going to have this baby and my father and his family all agreed. I was stupid and went along with it because I didn't know what else to do. At the time I was devesteted but looking back I think it was definitley the best for me in the long run. I was almost 12 weeks along. I miscarried on my 25th birthday. I was devestated as Peter and I had been trying to get pregnant and I was so very excited and happy to be pregnant. I was 9 weeks. I still grieve for both babies even though I have been blessed with my little Joey. Although I have known both sides I am defintely 100% PRO CHOICE. I do however have to agree that waiting until 16 weeks seems wrong. James - I know you are in a tough place at the moment, but try and just be there for your friend as i am sure this is a vey difficult time for her. Respect her wishes, even if you don't agree. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 10:21am
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Oh dear, I've got tears reading your posts I agree with Nikki - regardless of how your pregnancy ends you will always grieve for the loss of the baby that could have been. It's such a difficult topic and one that can be so controversial - I am definitely pro-choice but can see both sides of the argument. The most horrible thing I have ever seen was when I was living in London, and I met up at a pub in Covent Garden with a friend from NZ who had just arrived in the UK. She was sitting at a table when I got the the pub - she stood up and there was a big baby belly sticking out. There was also a pint of cider in one hand and a cigarette in the other.... I was horrified and was like "um, what are you doing???" She was 19 weeks along, and was going in for an abortion in a couple of days time. The horrible thing was, while we were sitting there (I was having a hard time I can tell you, watching her smoking and drinking) she was telling me about the baby kicking in the same breath as saying how she would be pleased when the pregnancy was over. In England they let you go 20 - 24 weeks. SOOOOOOO wrong, my god in NZ once you get to 24 weeks your pregnancy is considered viable and all attempts would be made to save a baby, yet they will terminate a pregnancy in England (and other places) at the same gestational age. I feel so sad thinking about it.....
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Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 12:27pm
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Well I love the fact that this topic can be discussed without a agrument going on I am personally pro life, but that does not mean I am judging anyone that has had one that is not my place. I just think it is great that we are so grown up on this site and able to express our view's.
Ya oh baby ladies. ------------- Deborah Mum to:
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 12:59pm
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I always think to myself that grief is a very fickle emotion, we grieve over the silliest things and sometimes struggle to come to terms with it. I feel terrible for you girls that have had to go through the pain of TOP and m/c whether it has been your choice or not. We all make life choices that effect us and whether they are the wrong or right decisions in the end they make us the person that gets us up facing the world every day. *hug cuddles* chicks ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 1:15pm
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oh clare i think my heart broke reading your post, that is one of the saddest things i have read. I can only imagine the kind of emotional space your friend would have been in, that so heartbreaking. why not go another 20 weeks and give someone the chance to have a family by way of adoption?
i am pro choice, i think it is hard enough walking in my own shoes and i couldnt imagine walking in someone elses and making the choices they do for their life. So i try not to put my values on other people, even though some of the things written in this thread are so so sad. Ellen, this must be really tough for you to go through, but it shows alot about your character that you are coming here to vent, while still trying to support your loved one. ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 10:07pm
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Ooo I'm really glad I didn't get eaten alive for my post(s)
Thanks for being so accepting OhBaby-ers  (even if it meant biting tongues)
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 November 2006 at 11:07pm
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i had an abortion 6years ago (god already? man time flies)...yet it still feels like yesterday.
I know theres no way of knowing (i got it done at 7weeks) but i believe it was a boy,as much as this might sound silly ive made my peace with my baby, ive asked him for forgiveness and as soon as i did that i felt a weight off my shoulder. It was definetly not a decision i made lightly, but i was 18 naive and scared, i didnt even allow myself the possibility of wanting him, cos that would have just made the whole ordeal harder, i just did it as soon as possible and then let the tears come, and they still come now, but at least they arent guilty tears anymore. I hope to God im never in that situation again cos after that and after having caitlyn i dont think i could again, but if im not married (altho i am seeing a guy ) i dont think i could cope with being a single mum of 2 kids, i know plenty woman do it , im not that strong tho.
btw i had my termination on the 8th of june 2000...caitlyn was born the 8th of june 2002...freaky a? |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 02 November 2006 at 8:16pm
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Oooooooooo you are seeing a guy?!?!?!??! DETAILS!
My love life is non-existent. Need gossip to keep me going. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 02 November 2006 at 9:02pm
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Comeon kelly, Spill... (start another thread..) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 November 2006 at 12:30am
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lol okay ...but its a looong story!!!
i shall start another thread then....*goes off to do that* |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 04 November 2006 at 12:39pm
| Personally I don't think it's anyones business except the lady and her partner they obviously don't want the baby so why should the poor baby be born into a family who doesn't want it. When Jack is being a toad I always think he didn't ask to be born it's my job to give him the best life. I'm sure it would be hard enough to decide you can't have the baby without other people getting worked up for the baby who really isn't that much at 12 weeks. It can't hear see or feel. |
Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 01 August 2011 at 10:21am
| Wow, just found this really old thread, and I was curious....did she keep the baby?? |
Posted By: BriAndOlisMum
Date Posted: 01 August 2011 at 7:02pm
hehehe and how did things go with the Man you were seeing Kelly  -------------  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 01 August 2011 at 7:10pm
Lol yeah I noticed that too!! Hehe
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BriAndOlisMum wrote:Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 01 August 2011 at 7:41pm
| haha...kelly i loves ya! |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 01 August 2011 at 11:40pm
haha!! pretty good ...I married him and had two more kids and hes currently in the study playing some computer games  ------------- 
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Posted By: BriAndOlisMum
Date Posted: 02 August 2011 at 9:34am
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*like* *like* *like* *like**like* *like* The above comment by Kelly ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 02 August 2011 at 5:48pm
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hehe,thanks BriAndOlis mum...and well done on the weight loss btw ! -------------
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Posted By: BriAndOlisMum
Date Posted: 02 August 2011 at 10:12pm
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Thanks you Kelly. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 12:28pm
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OMG that poor baby... Cant you tell her not to - like beg her! I will have it!! that breaks my heart
I am prochoice but thats a a baby witha beating heart and little hands and toes ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 12:32pm
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It all happened - or didn't - a long time ago RJ. I'm not anti-abortion, and I believe even late-term abortions have their place, but abortions just because the baby isn't wanted make me unbelievably sad. I know how precious babies are and wish adoption was an easier or more popular choice.
And very cool to see a love story in action -------------   
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 1:10pm
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oh so it did that was ages ago. That is so sad. Breaks my heart that so many mazing women try so hard to fall pregnant and others just discard them ------------- http://lilypie.com]
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 1:27pm
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I had an abortion when I was 18,I did terminate,it was discarded from my body physically,but never mentally it,Its a pain and a guilt i've carried with me since then and I think of that baby nearly every day and what might have been had I been brave enough to keep it. -------------
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Posted By: CrazyCass
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 2:01pm
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I was 20 when I had a termination, but I'm the same as you Kelly, not one day goes past that I dont wonder how life would be different.
I made my decision because My partner at the time was unsupportive of keeping it, as were his parents... I even felt my parents were wavy on the idea of us keeping it. I'd had a scan to work out how far along I was, luckily it was 6w, so still looked like a jellybean, and we were in just early enough we couldnt see a heartbeat (that I remember). I stupidly said to the ex at 8w ok lets terminate before it turns into a human.... little did I know! When TTC with DH it made me wonder if that could have been my only chance to have a child. The guilt and pain never goes away - but makes you appreciate the opportunities that you get later on. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 3:26pm
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Funny reading back through these posts. I mentioned earlier (2006!) about the abortion I had... and while I think of the pregnancy every now and again, and I know I was pretty cut up that I couldn't continue the pregnancy at the time, I don't regret it at all.
I just can't wait to actually have a planned baby! (Who the heck knows when that'll be )
And hahaha Kelly - I was reading through an old thread recently about you thinking you were pregnant. Was hilaaaaarious. |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 7:41pm
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It wasnt until Kelly said she was seeing a man till I looked at the date!! Gee how blonde am I?!
hahaha and I thought it was kinda weird how people were having a civil conversation about something that can be controversial and everyone was playing nice! 
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+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 8:57pm
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Lol Emmi!
I read the first post and then wondered why all these people that don't post on here anymore are replying to it...then I looked at the date too -------------
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Posted By: troutpout
Date Posted: 04 August 2011 at 1:35pm
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Lol Emmi
It's a tricky one ay? I had a friend back in the UK who had a serious mental illness (schizophrenia), and although she was usually OK she had episodes about twice a year, where she would be hospitalised for a few weeks. She didn't find out she was pregnant til she was 22 weeks - her idiot doctor didn't tell her that the medication she took interfered with the pill. Anyway she did not want a baby, because she knew she was in no way capable of being a primary carer, father was not in the scene and she had no family. She also couldnt bring herself to have an abortion so late (although they would have done it due to her illness), so she carried to term and gave the baby up for adoption. She ended up giving the baby to an amazing family in an 'open' adoption, so she visits a couple of times a year, and gets pictures and letters and things. I always thought it was a lovely compromise. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 04 August 2011 at 2:03pm
| I love that this discussion is being brought up again! It's a shame that lady doesn't post on here anymore, I was really interested to find out whether her relative kept the baby or not - he or she would be about 4 years old by now...... |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 04 August 2011 at 6:04pm
Oh, I love to hear stories like that. She gave that couple an incredible gift. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 8:50pm
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I had a termination when I was 26. I was a single mum, with a 3 yr old, who at times I couldn't handle. And it was between 2 guys, neither or which were interested on ever being on the scene and both wanted me to terminate.
It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. As I knew that I could never take it back. Plus I had always been anti-abortion up until this point. Also, I am a christian(not a very good one) and people at the church whom I confided in were rather harsh and judgmental. I was under the impression I was infertile, as that was what the nurse had lead me to believe. Well that I was either in fertile or would have trouble TTC. And of course, I believed her. Little did I know, when she told me that, I was at the time 4wks pregnant! It was horrible being pregnant while trying to make the decision to keep it or to terminate. I knew if I went through with it, I had no support and it wouldn't be good for my mental health. Once I took the pill at the hospital, I knew there was no going back and that was a horrible feeling. And directly after the procedure, the pain was immense. So traumatic. I struggled with suicidal thoughts regularly after about a month and had to go back on anti-d's. I had some counselling and thought I was ok with this past decision. It wasn't until I was TTC#2 that it hit me. The thought of taking a pregnancy test just brought up all the feeling from the positive pregnancy test I had with the baby I terminated and I ended up severely depressed again and on anti-d's. During my pregnancy with DD#2 I refused to look at the development of the embryo at that stage with the baby I terminated. I terminated at 5wks. I will never fully get over what I did. But I just try and remind myself it was the right decision for me at the time. -------------   
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Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 8:25am
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Escadachic, thank you so much for sharing your story.
I think it's so important to share, and realise that you are not alone - a website you, and others, may find helpful is this one http://www.buttonsproject.org/ - The Buttons Project I love the way they describe "why a button?" Oh, and should add that the lady started it up because she had an abortion, and suffered afterwards - I realise that not everyone does, but for those that do, something like this can help bring closure.
-HUGS- ps. and I think it's awful you felt judged by the church!! They obviously did not understand at the time what it means to be like Jesus. |
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 9:48am
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Thankx for that link MuppetsMama
The video clip totally made me cry. And yeah, a church is generally a place where you shouldn't be judged. But people are flawed and imperfect, unlike God, so I get it. At the end of the day, I would just remind them, it's not their place to judge, it's God's place to judge and I had prayed about it and was at peace with it and I know God knew I was going to make this decision, before I was even born, as God knows everything. And God is forgiving. -------------
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Posted By: kelzie_rose
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 9:35pm
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I'm very much prochoice, but agree that it should be done as early as possible.
In saying that I am prochoice, I could never have an abortion myself. -------------  Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3 |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 09 August 2011 at 9:02am
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I am pro choice as well. There are so many circumstances as to why people terminate - not just because a baby is 'unloved' or 'unwanted'. Just because you personally wouldn't terminate doesn't give you the right to judge someone else. How would you feel if it was you?
Anyway, I too have had an abortion. I was 17, had been with my current DP for 1 year and we fell pregnant after a year of being very, VERY stupid. I suffer migraines quite badly so by the time I found out I was already around 8 weeks (no scan so that's not definite). Unfortunately this was around Xmas so I had to wait 3 agonising weeks. It was torture because I had hyperemesis (ETA - I lost about 11kg during this time which is why I was rushed to the after hours) but being 17 all the doctor at the after hours would tell me was 'It's not normal to have morning sickness this bad, you are 17 - how are you going to afford or care for a baby?' etc and gave me pamphlets on abortion and just kept shoving it down my throat. I also lived with my grandparents at the time and my grandma had just had a stroke and my mum also thought it was 'a good idea'. My dp was so supportive even though I didn't tell him until a couple of weeks before hand. The day of my abortion (maybe 11 weeks) I *think* I felt a little flutter but could have been gas and I felt so guilty, ashamed and didn't know what to do really. But everyone kept insisting that I was doing the right thing. And like Kelly said, once you take that pill... It's all over. I recall being on the table with my legs in stirrups and the doctor starting and I was squirming and trying to pull away but was too late. Looking back I don't regret it because I have learned so much from it and know it was the right thing to do. It really made me grow up fast. If I could go back, knowing what I know now - I would. But it's the past and I have to move on and like everyone else has said. It's not something you forget. It is a very traumatic experience and it is painful physically and emotionally. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about that baby - yes baby because it was a baby to me! What could have been, how old he/she would be now... etc. DP and I were very, VERY careful after that though and we did fall pregnant just over 2 years ago now and have our wonderful wee girl. When I fell pregnant with her I was again about 8 weeks when I found out due to migraines etc. My mum was the first person I told and she knew how much I struggled after the abortion so she backed me 100% when I said I was keeping it. Even though I have had an abortion, I am 99% sure I would NEVER have one again. But it's not my place to judge someone else. Yes adoption is a choice but there are a whole lot of things to consider with adoption. I'm quite an attached person so for me personally it wouldn't be a good idea in case I changed my mind once the baby was born. That would be devastating for both sides imo. Would you really want to force someone to be pregnant when abortion is a CHOICE? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 09 August 2011 at 9:20am
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As one of the original mums said, I love that we can discuss this nicely - its awesome!!
High9; I hope you don't mind me asking this, you totally don't have to reply! I was just wondering, you said that although you don't regret it, the doctor gave you loads of pamphlets and basically shoved abortion at you - would you have rather talked to someone non-medical, who talked you through your options, and left it up to you without imposing their views or opinion on you? Even if you had still chosen abortion (believe me, I had hyperemesis too, when I was 18 and it was horrendous - I hate being pregnant!! Totally understand where you are coming from!!). Again, hope you don't mind me asking a sensitive question like that, I'm just genuinely interested. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 09 August 2011 at 11:03am
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If I had known that it wasn't so 'unusual'/'abnormal' as the doctor said then I definitely would have looked at other options. I saw a counselor at the abortion clinic and she was very supportive and had an open mind but she didn't try persuade me one way or the other. We discussed why I was going to have an abortion etc but at the end of the day she agreed I had amazing support from DP and my mum and that she thought I'd get through it. I guess I was also just really scared! I kinda feel like I can't regret it because it's the past and I will gain nothing from regretting it. It's something I will always think about, remember and live with.
I guess if I had been able to speak with someone who wasn't so attached - really only had DP and my mum... The counselor was great but she more just listened to me going on so I never got a chance to speak to anyone about options if that makes sense... The doctor at the after hours only mentioned abortion. Saw a GP at my local clinic but he was to 'second' the abortion - he'd received a letter from the doctor at after hours and he was the one who performed my abortion and he never mentioned anything either. Although that brings up another point. I recall seeing an article or two somewhere about how easy it is to get an abortion and I have to agree. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 15 August 2011 at 8:19pm
| Thanks High9, really interesting to hear. Appreciate you sharing :) xx |