Getting pregnant as a single woman?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42035
Printed Date: 24 August 2025 at 10:41am
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Topic: Getting pregnant as a single woman?
Posted By: Dottie
Subject: Getting pregnant as a single woman?
Date Posted: 13 May 2012 at 1:27pm
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Hi everyone,
I'm just wondering if there's anyone here with experience or knowledge of having a baby as a single woman using donor sperm. I'm aware of the logistics, but would just like some opinions on what it's actually like and whether it's a good path to go down or not. Thanks :) |
Replies:
Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 12:36pm
I passed this on to two girls I know who did this  ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way! 
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 3:57pm
| There is a lady at our playgroup who has done this too. |
Posted By: Tissy
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 4:32pm
I'm presuming you want donor sperm to make sure Bio Dad is healthy, but if its not possible for you, would you consider the old one night stand without protection and hello pregnancy
Or do you have a friend, who you could ask? I think you can make an agreement and have it signed in front of a lawyer saying that he is only sperm donor and relinquishes all rights to the child including paying child support. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/ABCD1234" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: LuckyRed
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 4:49pm
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You've got to be kidding me Empty Vessel? You're actively encouraging someone to conceive a baby with a man she doesn't know without his knowledge?? I'm not sure if that is the sort of advice Dottie was looking for.
Dottie, I have a friend who got quite far down the track in the process before pulling out. The fertility specialists were really helpful however there was quite a long waiting list for the donor sperm. Good luck! -------------  
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 5:27pm
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Totally agree LR !!
Dottie get in touch with your local fertility clinic for some sound advise  ------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Tissy
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 5:29pm
i said would she consider.  and a was hinting a joke. I guess it got lost in translation from thoughts to written text.
in which case sorry, but god you take what you want to read and jump with it. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/ABCD1234" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: _Lou_
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 5:48pm
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Dottie, I can't offer any help sorry, but just wanted to wish you all the best. I hope someone can offer you some first hand experience and some helpful advice on what to expect and some guidance on the process etc
Good on you for wanting to take this step and I can imagine you want to know all the in's and out's so you can make an informed decision, all the best!
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Posted By: InthemiddleMummy
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 9:10pm
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A lady I got to know when she was 8months preg planned her baby via the "old drunk spunk method" (friends with benefits aparently he knows she was not on any contraception and waived all duties as fatherhood but was happy for her if she got pregnant etc nothing done by lawyers etc) and she was 34 and really wanted a baby couldnt wait to get married blah blah.
She said she has found single motherhood far far more difficult than she expected (she was an nanny/ECE reliever) and esp since she has had a boy and rants on about how he needs male role models etc and says if she knew what she knew now how difficult and trying mother hood was she wouldnt of gotten pregnant on purpose as a single woman, she has no siblings and only her dad in town. She finds budgeting on the benefit really hard. gets $500 and rent is $230 a week He is now 6 and she hasnt told him who his Biological father is (cos she has lost contact) and he thinks her new bf is his daddy and will not tell him the truth. I dont think this is fair to him and dont agree with her waiting until he is 10 to tell him anyway totally different but I think any mum who plans to be a solo mum needs to really really talk to other solo mums to see the pros/cons |
Posted By: InthemiddleMummy
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 9:14pm
| I should clarify she had the BF from when the boy was 6m to 3yr old totally looks so different. he has contact a with ihm now & then calls him dad etc its all just such a lie |
Posted By: themummy
Date Posted: 15 May 2012 at 10:04pm
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i've done it dottie! best decision i ever made :) what it's actually like - not as hard as people make it sound. two of my friends live with me, and they both adore the baby and help out in small ways.
ie- i have a standing (free!) babysitting arrangement with one of them for every thursday night. so i can go out for dinner, movies etc. a lot more than what some people in a relationship get!!! i remember someone saying once that it's easier to be a single parent than to be in an unsupportive relationship, or one where you're looking after your partner in some way. it's so true. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 17 May 2012 at 1:28pm
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i agree with whoever said to really think it through. I think that trying to see it from the childs perspective is important too. I have friends who conceived using a donor but they are in a relationship. Its a lot different going it alone from whoa to go for an average person than it is say for the Hollywood set so think really hard about your motivations too. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Dottie
Date Posted: 19 May 2012 at 11:39am
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Thanks everyone for your replies!
It's still just a thought at the moment, I can afford to wait a couple more years before starting the process. I guess I just want to keep it in mind as an option, in case I don't meet the right guy. Your replies have given me lots to think about and thanks for being so supportive :) |
Posted By: InthemiddleMummy
Date Posted: 20 May 2012 at 9:55am
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One in my anti-natel group used sperm donar at clinic via IUI insemination (6 years ago thou) and it cost about $1500, she went on the DPB when baby was born.
DPB is around $500 a week for 2 kids, $440 for 1 kid. depending on your rent thou as they do include a rental amount subsidy. She went back and had another (they let each sperm donor do max of 4 children to 2 different mothers she said, She went back again to clinci to conceive on the DBP and didnt get any questions asked by her WINZ person and got the IUI to get pregnant again. (IUI is the sperm shot up their on the day you're fertile) She lives with her mum now as found it very challenging to parent 2 on her own, she is 44 now with a 6yr & 3yr |
Posted By: Mintyfresh
Date Posted: 06 June 2012 at 9:30pm
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Although I realise that you will have thought about this carefully, I would like to give the Childs perspective.
I didn't know my father growing up - he was effectively a sperm donor. I really struggled with not knowing my dad, especially because we barely got by on the DPB, and I always had this notion that my dad was rich. I used to imagine he was a prince or a wealthy business man. I used to dream of the day that he would come and find me and marry my mum. I'd get my own horse and we would live in a house which didn't have a leaky roof, we would always have plenty of food and I wouldn't need to worry that my mum would be lonely when I left home. I met my dad when I was 23, just two years ago. My dad is wonderful, funny, kind, funnily enough he is rich, and he also has four other children and a wonderful marriage of 24 years. I had a happy outcome with my father - but I would still never do this to a child of mine, it hurt too much wondering all the time if my dad cared, if he thought about me, if he loved me, if he had other children and did he love them more than me. My older brother didn't have such a happy result - our dad dated his mum, but left after she fell pregnant, much the same as how he left my mum - he met our dad when he was in his teens, and they quickly fell out. My brother felt hurt and forgotten, he expected more than our dad was able to give. They don't talk and this breaks my heart as they look the same. I am not saying a child needs two parents, but I do believe that any child needs to know where and who they came from, and that this can be very difficult to manage in a way that works for all involved. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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