Eeek! Any ideas?
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Topic: Eeek! Any ideas?
Posted By: Hopes
Subject: Eeek! Any ideas?
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 7:35am
We've got a wee issue with the Jakester. He loves his sister (except when he doesn't) and is pretty much your average 19-month-old, but he's taken to sitting on her and bouncing when she's lying on the floor  So far he hasn't managed to hurt her yet, but I caught him plonking his sturdy little bottom down with force on her face today (lots of tears but no permanant damage).
How would you deal with this? We've been muddling along so far with 'No, you can't do that' and removing him from whatever situation it is (repeatedly if needed). But that doesn't work for this, he just giggles and wants to hop back on. I've always thought 19 months is a bit young for time out (and how would you enforce it in a kid his age anyway?!) We've got to do something to stop this before he actually does some damage; what would you do? -------------   
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Replies:
Posted By: notenufchaos
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 8:12am
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personally for this age i would just ensure the baby is not on the floor when i am not actively supervising therefore avoiding the situation all together ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 1-25/05/2008 DD 2-2/2/2010 |
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 9:24am
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I feel your pain. DS1 is 17mths and exactly the same. Not intentionally trying to hurt DS2 but tries to give him cuddles and either headbutts him too hard or rolls on top of him. We just have to supervise and keep telling him to be gentle. He just doesn't understand though so not much else we can do. My friend is using time out with her 18mo with success but she has ALOT more understanding than my DS does. I'm finding this the hardest part with a small age gap ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 9:35am
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Thanks Kelly. If nothing else, it's good to know someone's having the same problem and doing the same thing as we are!
I would have thought that active supervision is kind of a given at this point, notenufchaos. Unfortunately it doesn't stop it happening, it just means I'm on hand to do something... as to what I do, that's what I'm asking about. -------------
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Posted By: Tissy
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 10:40am
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is he able to understand the concept of a naughty chair/spot?
maybe try 1min of "naughty time" so he see's there are consequences to his actions (but yea if he is too young it wont sink in as to why yet though) ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/ABCD1234" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: shellgirl
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 11:50am
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We haven't had any issues with the baby yet (except for perhaps over enthusiastic cuddles) but we have recently started some limited time out with DS1 who is 20 months.
We have used it for touching the heater buttons and the oven buttons, and we have been putting him in his cot, shutting the door and leaving him for 20-30 seconds. I'm a little reluctant to use the cot in case of negative associations with sleep time, but he needs to be contained as he wouldn't stay anywhere on his own. So far it seems to be working - we explain on the way to the bedroom why he is going there and then once we get him out again so it is very clear to him that this is not about sleep time etc. Doesn't seem to be any confusion so far. One of my friends shuts her little one in the bedroom for a minute (not in the cot) and her DD has understood that really well also. After a week or so of trying this it is usually just enough to say if you carry on doing that you will go into time out, and he usually stops. Good luck with finding what works for you  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 12:07pm
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Oh the other thing we do is lots of over enthusiastic praise when he is gentle with the baby and when he is rough then we take his hand and show him how he is meant to be gentle and how to give gentle cuddles. ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: SophieD
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 1:44pm
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we had a similar problem with DD, although it was with other babies not mine. She was a little over-enthusiastic with her cuddles (read more like wrestling) towards babies at her daycare.
We spent a few weeks focusing on being gentle. I would sit down with her and practise being gentle with me, her and her toys, the cats etc. We would demonstrate what gentle was (stroking, patting etc). She picked it up really quickly and while she still attempted to cuddle vigourisly as soon as we said to be gentle she swapped to gentle patting and stroking. still works today when dealing with little babies. We also would take her away from the situation, tell her she couldn't be like that with babies and then turn away from her and be overly gentle with the baby. 9 times out of 10 she came back to be involved and be gentle. We would give lots of praise then. lol I think gentle was one of her first words! Not sure if any of that helps! I am sure I will have the same problem again when #2 arrives, I think it is pretty normal as they want to play! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Lucky apple
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 8:24pm
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Haven't read other responses, but we've successfully used a version of time out for the 6 weeks with our 21 month old. We used it because she kept climbing up on dangerous places that we couldn't prevent her from getting to. I used a little chair in the corner. Consistently removed her from where she was climbing, sat her on the chair, sat there with her holding onto her hands and counted aloud to 20. First time we used it it took 4 gos in a row for her to catch on - she protested whole time first time, half time for the second time, for 2 seconds the third time and not at all the 4th time, and then did not do it again. I use it when I need to, but it now works to say "if you _____ (i.e. climb on the table) then you'll go into time out, hop down please." I also do not have to count aloud anymore, but still just keep it about 20-30 seconds at this age. If she is insisting on getting up, I will count and she stays perfectly in the spot that I've sat her.
So - it's not for sitting on a child, but it's time out, and it is effective for us, and I'm certain DD understands the concept. Good luck!! |
Posted By: Caro07
Date Posted: 07 April 2012 at 2:51pm
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Similar to shellgirl, my DS is 23 months and we have been using his cot for timeout. Mainly for behaviours which we consider dangerous but also for naughty/wilful behaviour He then says sorry to the person he hurt/ignored. He doesn't have many words so gives you a kiss.
Does he have much language? He's not giving any reason for doing it? Maybe he thinks it is fun ... is it a game that you or DH play with him that he enjoys (not you sitting on him but him sitting on you!), maybe it is something he thinks she'll like! Anyhow good luck! ------------- Caroline, SAHM to 2 boys, S (4 years old) and J (2 years old) 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 07 April 2012 at 7:08pm
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We had similar issues with a 22 month gap. DD1 was endless wanting to closely inspect my "milks" and help DD2 latch on (DD2 had a hopeless latch so it could be a lengthy process getting her feed started which was hard enough without DD1 sitting on DD2 and grabbing my boobs!)
The first few times I'd gently remove her and put her just beside us whilst explaining that that hurt me and DD2 and she needed to do xyz instead (sit beside us/get a story for me to read her/pat DD2's leg/ whatever seemed like a good idea at the time). When it continued, and I was sure she understood that it hurt us and wasn't ok, then I would usually move DD2 and I elsewhere (not far away, usually where I could still see her, but often up on a chair out of her reach or something) and say "you hurt DD2 (or me). I need to take her over here where she is safe. You can come with us when you are ready to be nice" Usually she'd follow pretty quickly, but was nice. If she did it again, I'd move further away and to a different room the second time with the same message. But that hardly ever happened. We use a similar approach with lots of unacceptable behaviour (we are realistic with what's unacceptable given she's 2 though!), there is no naughty spot, and no time limit, just change the situation and tell her she's welcome to come back/come with us if she's ready to do whatever it is. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: JoJames
Date Posted: 08 April 2012 at 5:58am
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we got a playpen for the baby to have some time out in, and pinned a sheet to the bottom so it can't be moved. also we put a babygate on the baby's room. I find its too exhausting to continuously tell a toddler off all the time, and you can't carry a baby around all day. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 08 April 2012 at 1:42pm
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I find time out is pretty effective for this age group. We have been using it with J for a while and he is 2 now. I save for the big things but he totally gets it and comes out and says sorry and gives a kiss. Then when he is thinking about doing something i can warn him about time out and he will generally stop.
But as others (and yourself) say i really just try and limit the likelihood of those things happening by distraction. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 08 April 2012 at 8:07pm
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Have you tried showing him the appropriate way to treat/touch baby ? You could pop him on the couch and help him cuddle baby supervised ? I wouldn't go with any 'punishment'. Baby is still young so he could bbe doing it to get your attention. Do you set aside time for him during the for 1 on 1 time ? We had a bit of this and I found letting dd help with baby and making sure she got 1 on 1 time plus teaching her how to touch/cuddle her brother appropriately helped hugely. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 01 May 2012 at 5:37am
Just updating for anyone who sees this in the future. We started a kiddly version of time out; basically 'since you're being rough to Emily, come sit on this chair - then you can see her but you're not able to be rough to her. I'll let you know when you can get down'. I'm amazed at how well it works! I don't use it unless I've tried letting him know to be gentle a few times and he keeps persisting, but *usually* at that point all it takes is me asking if he needs to sit on the chair for a bit to think about not being rough and he'll (very happily) stop. The other day I even said 'if you try and hit her again, you might need to have a sit on the chair, don't you think?', and he toddled off and sat on the chair  When I tried to explain I hadn't said he needed to right then, he just giggled at me.
If only all aspects of parenting worked this easily... of course, it hasn't stopped him being rough, he still tried to scone her one with a rock yesterday , but I think it really has helped him when he is rough.-------------
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Posted By: Aroha11
Date Posted: 01 May 2012 at 9:08am
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Wow that is amazing it sounds great!!! FX it keeps working and he slowly learns not to be so rough. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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