Leaving your baby overnight
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Topic: Leaving your baby overnight
Posted By: LuckyRed
Subject: Leaving your baby overnight
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 4:55pm
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When was the first time that your baby/child stayed at a relative or friend's place overnight while you went out?
My BIL and SIL have a four week old baby and they left him at her brother's place overnight on the weekend to go to a party. She is formula feeding so obviously it's easier to do this but my DH and I were both saying that we wouldn't want our baby staying with someone else probably for the first year. 4 weeks seems crazy to me! -------------  
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Replies:
Posted By: sarahm
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 5:17pm
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My son was 2years 1 day but I'm a wuss!! (DP and I went to Melbourne for two nights) We are leaving him for the 2nd time on Friday night and hes almost three ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 5:21pm
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#1 was about a year old for overnight, but I'd left him during the day with the in laws a number of times all day.
#2 still hasn't but will in a couple of weeks and he'll be 18 months |
Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 6:08pm
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DD had her 1st sleepover at the grandparents when she was around 2 1/4 and DS (22mths) still hasn't. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 6:09pm
| sarahm- I dont think thats wussy! We still would not go overseas and leave our 5 yr ols, let alone the 2yr old, lol! I have stayed a night away from them in Auck but they were at home with their Dad! DD has been staying the night at gradparents since about 2 yrs but not more than 15min drive from us! |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 6:14pm
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sounds reasonable to me! Not as if she left him with a stranger. It was her brother!
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Posted By: pumpkino
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 6:34pm
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I haven't left DS overnight and he is 2 years and 2 months. Apart from the fact that I don't want to, I haven't had any reason to. We had to go away overnight for a wedding a couple of weeks ago and I just took him with us and got a babysitter at our motel rather than leave him behind with grandparents. I guess I have trust issues leaving him for extended periods!!
Each to their own I suppose. |
Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 6:49pm
| i left mine (and plenty of expressed milk) when he was about a month old with his nanny and koro so i could go out on new years eve, although i ended up running to their house when we got home at about 2am because i missed him... he's stayed there and with a friend of mine three times and he's almost four months. i wouldn't leave him with a babysitter or anything though, it's hard enough leaving him with family, but it's ok because i know he's safe. |
Posted By: Stoked
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 7:43pm
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We left DS for the first time with my mum at 13 months old. I found it quite hard and had to keep reminding myself that my mum adores him and she managed to raise me just fine!!
I must admit though that I had a brilliant sleep for the first time in 18 months that night.  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 8:04pm
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DS1 was 3 months i think his first night with his nana.
DS2 - really can't remember - much older as he was very attached to me and would not take a bottle. Maybe 6 months. They are family so i had no concerns about how they would be cared for. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: ScaredyKat
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 8:33pm
I must be the most overprotective biggest wuss ever. My DS has turned two and still hasn't been left overnight anywhere. He will have his aunty stay with him alone overnight for the first time in a month and I am already petrified!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Casablanca
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 8:36pm
we only waited 2 months, I had to express lots of milk to make it happen though! DS loves staying with his grandparents, he probably stays overnight with one of them once every couple of months. I have only left him for 2 nights once, when he was about 10 months old and missed him too much  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Red
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 8:55pm
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I haven't - the first time I will leave my baby overnight is this weekend, but she will be with DH! To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: noodle
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 9:02pm
Lol nope that award goes to me! DS turned 3 in Dec and still hasn't done an over nighter! The only time I have been away from him overnight was when I had DD and was in hospital with her. If someone (like parents or aunty's etc) offered to have him overnight I would let him go now but no-one has offered and I haven't had the need to ask. I hope he has no long term damage because he has the biggest woosiest(don't know how to spell it lol) most over protective mum in the world  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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ScaredyKat wrote:Posted By: InthemiddleMummy
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 9:42pm
| I think its lovely that babies extended family wants to care for her and lovely for mum & dad to get out. |
Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 9:46pm
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I didn't leave my DS overnight till he was 1 and haven't since, I think I'll only do it very rarely. But I think if the Mum and Dad are ok with it, then that's all that matters really, it's a very personal choice and what's right for one isn't for another etc in some ways it's easier to leave them when they are that little than when they get really used to you being the one who puts them to bed, gets them up etc and separation anxiety kicks in ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 10:27pm
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umm before 1? She has stayed over night with friends and DP's sister. Oh wait no she may have been just over 1 and it was because all my usual babysitters were out or away. I don't normally need to because we live with my parents so if mum or dad is home then I can do what I like and come home and she is home too and doesnt know any better. When I haven't had her home its been because the whole family is out at the same event normally lol.
If we weren't at my parents it would have been before 1, I went out when she was 3weeks old, and then again at NYE when she was 5mths old. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 7:38am
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DD is 16 months old and we went out last night for 6 hours that's the longest we've both been away from her. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 10:36am
Agreed! I think that family is so important and that it really strengthens the bond between everyone involved if baby stays with other family members once in a while. |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 10:47am
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For us, it was when DD was born, so DS was 16 months. I didn't have any reason to earlier, and up until a year he was breastfed anyway so it wasn't an option.
But I have no issue - none at all - with their choice. It might not be what you or I would do / did do, but it's not going to do any damage or anything. -------------   
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 11:36am
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We haven't left DS yet, but each to their own. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: SethsMama
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 12:00pm
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Ours was when DS was 4months. It was our wedding anniversary.
He has only ever been left overnight with my DH's parents, an we lived with them til DS was 6months, so they know his routine really well. We have left him with others for a few hours but never overnight. I think it's really important to keep up your relationship as a couple, so for us it's important to have our own couple time every couple of months. ------------- 
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Posted By: xLUCKYx
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 12:10pm
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Wow our family looked after our kids heaps before the age of 1! It was never easy leaving them but they were always in the best hands and it is a great way for grandparents to bond with the grand-kids.
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Posted By: SophieD
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 12:37pm
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My parents looked after DD heaps from about 6 months, usually only for a few hours though while we went out. They had her overnight (at our house) at christmas, so she was just over 1.
LOVE it, though I agree you feel a bit anxious about it at first but I agree with Sethsmama and as long as you trust the people you are leaving them with, it is really important to get out together. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 3:50pm
My Mum had DD1 overnight at our house when DD was 6 weeks old. We had a rough few weeks with out girl and when we were settled Mum sent us for a night off to have some non 'mummy and daddy' time 
Now my Mum lives in Wellington she often has the girls (who are now much bigger) but having said that we have never left the girls with a 'babysitter' as we don't know anyone and my Mum would be offended if we didn't get her to do it -------------   
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Posted By: Flossie
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 8:31pm
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We left Belle for the first time with my mum overnight when she was about 6 or 7 months old. She is now 2 and will often have sleepovers at either my mums or MILs place and I think it is great for her to bond with her grandparents and get some special time and great for us to have time out. I personally think leaving a 4 week old overnight is too young and I couldnt do it but each to their own and you just do what you think is right at the time etc ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 12:34am
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I can't remember with my first two, but I think I first left them for a night out around 4 months... with my 3rd we had a night out at 4 weeks. B stayed with my parents and we went back and stayed there too. I haven't done it since and she's 12 months but I have no guilt at all about leaving her then, she was well looked after by the people I trust the most in the world :)
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 9:34am
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I don't like sharing my babies Dd has stayed 1 night away and that was when her brother was born. Then in January we left them for a few hours with a family member.
We don't have family capable or really that willing to help out so that affects it. We have done everything on our own since Dd was born so we're used to it now. Mind you we don't really like going out that much lol So we're quite happy to stay home. I wouldn't have left them till they were old enough to effectively communicate their needs, but that's just me. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 9:57am
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Neither DS nor DD have stayed away from home, the only time I have been away from DS overnight was when DD was born but my MIL came to stay when we left for hospital (it was 3am so he was already in bed so she just had to get him up, not put him to bed).
He goes over to her place often for the day, but we haven't had a need for him to stay overnight. We are happy to stay in or if we do go out for dinner etc(which has been twice in two years lol) my IL's just babysit at our place and we leave when they're in bed so they don't know any different. I agree with Pudgy in that I would want them to be old enough to communicate their needs before I left them overnight. But absolutely each to their own ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 11:52am
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First time we left DD1 for a full night at someone elses place was when we had DD2 in January, she was 21.5 months.
Personally I couldnt leave my baby overnight somewhere else at 4 weeks but that is patially because I breastfeed and am too lazy to express  and partially cause Im a big sook who likes my babies close.
Each to their own though, no issue with others leaving their kids overnight with someone else if its right for them ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 12:32pm
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DS is two and I've never left him with anyone over night, it just doesn't feel right for us. The longest he has been without me is four hours while I worked at night and DH was home with him.
I'm due with our second baby soon and DS will likely have to be with someone other than me and I am absolutely dreading it -------------  
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 12:57pm
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I went away on Wed/Thurs night last week (for the first time) I took my 5 1/2 mth old with me and left my 22mth old daughter with my DP. Otherwise I've only left the girls (or just one) with my partner or their nana for a couple of hours at the most, and usually while sleeping. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 3:00pm
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I can't remember when how old our first was, I'm sure she was under 1? Definitely under 2. Our second had his first overnight away from our house in the middle of January, so 3yo! Tonight is his first night at my parents place. He's been "to scary" with his food issues <sigh> ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 4:38pm
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I'm quite jealous of those of you with somewhere to go for a night out. We go out so infrequently as we don't have too many willing babysitters that we feel comfortable leaving DD with. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 7:50pm
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Haven't yet, just because we don't have any family to leave her with. But DH gave me a one night stay in a hotel with him so we are organising to leave her with good friends of ours for the night very soon.
At the moment whenever we go out for dinner or to socialise with friends she comes with us. Personally I think 4 weeks is way too young. ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way! 
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Posted By: Isabella
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 8:45pm
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Ive never left DD overnight, but she has been in daycare for varying lengths of time since she was 3 months old, and mum looks after her whenever I have to work extra hours. I think leaving babies with others to go out on the booze again and again, is different to leaving them to spend a night keeping the mums and dads relationship healthy, or keeping mum sane
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Posted By: MrsJMcD
Date Posted: 24 February 2012 at 9:15pm
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Ds first stayed overnight with my parent s when he was 10 1/2 months old. Never more than one night though...I'd imiss him too much.
My ilaws left my dh with his grandmother for a week at the age of six weeks so my mother in law could accompany my FIL to a conference. I know life was different in the 70s, but....I know I'm being judgmental but that just feels selfish, especially as I thikit was the catalyst for stopping bf. |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 25 February 2012 at 11:14pm
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My first was staying at her dad's from about 3 months I THINK...it was a long time ago and my memory is getting rusty in my old age
my other two...I don't know that Ty ever has,and hes over 2. I've stayed away from my youngest when she was 7 days old,but her dad was looking after her,so she was ok.I hope.Hopefully she kept him up all night crying,heh heh ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MammieB
Date Posted: 26 February 2012 at 4:24pm
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Yikes - we left DD at mum's for a night at 6 weeks (was for our anniversary) and that was also the first night she slept thru the night!
She has been spending the night with my parents since she was about 18 months - but that wasn't so we could go out, that was so that my mum and dad could have "alone grandparent" time with her. She now goes to their place once a month for a night and we have also started to do it with the IL's once a month for a night, so two night out of a month she is away and it is great for her to have special one on one time with her grandies. Both sets of grandies are VERY capable and they often ask to look after her if we want some "mummy/daddy" time - even just to go for a walk around in the mall. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://daisypath.com"> 
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 11:26am
Now this is my PERSONAL opinion, but I always cringe when I see babies/toddlers out late at night. For me, post 7/8 pm baby should be asleep in bed, not in a buggy/capsule. Given a choice I'd leave baby (or babies as it was in my case) for the evening / overnight with someone I trust wholeheartedly rather than take them with me. Not that we ever did that as all our extended families live overseas so the girls were over 2 before we got the opportunity to leave them over night
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 27 February 2012 at 12:15pm
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My oldest he was 9 months when he stayed with my parents overnight for the first time. Youngest I can't remember. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: denny25
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 12:18pm
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lol Ava is 3 1/2 and I haven't left her overnight yet.
But for us it isn't that simple. We don't really have any family etc that we can leave her with! |
Posted By: sadie
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 8:44pm
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I can't believe people will leave their 4 week old baby overnight so they can go out for NYE! What strange priorities.
Personally I wouldn't consider leaving my children overnight (without either parent) until they were 2-3. An evening babysitting yes, a full night no way. |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 02 March 2012 at 11:00pm
I agree heck I took my then 4 week old with me to a NYE party was a small one and he slept pretty much the whole time but no way would I have left him over night..the only person he(and my oldest when she was a baby) was left with for the night (but not over night) was their father ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 8:44am
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Wow it's get a bit judgy on this thread now! No wonder so many new mothers are in a constant state of paranoia about what they are doing wrong with attitudes like that out there.
The baby was left with well known relatives ffs. I think it is great that they were up to going out together after 4 weeks and had people they could trust with their baby. ------------- |
Posted By: sadie
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 12:36pm
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Oh come on. I guarantee that it's not just myself and the PP who disagree with leaving a tiny newborn overnight. We are just the only ones who have said so.
Judgy or not, I (personally) do think it is wrong to offload a four week old baby with anyone other than its mum or dad so the other parent can go out drinking all night. |
Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 1:37pm
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The original poster asked for opinions, which is what people are replying with. What is wrong with that?
Isn't that the purpose of posting in the first place? I don't understand why people can't be confident in what they do and how they parent? Who cares what others think. I think leaving a baby that young with others is wrong. Other people think taking my child out with me to socialise is wrong. I don't care. It is the way I choose to parent and that is just fine with me. ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way!
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Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 1:47pm
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where does anyone mention leaving the baby specifically to go out on the drink? Can't see that in the original post anywhere.
I am not objecting to people voicing their opinions (love it in fact). I just commented that it was getting a bit heated! ------------- |
Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 1:50pm
I don't think it is possible to have an online discussion amongst females, with differing opinions which isn't getting heated or getting out of hand! ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way!
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Posted By: sadie
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 2:11pm
New Years Eve. Staying out all night. It's not difficult to come to that conclusion. |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 2:12pm
'Jump' to that conculstion you mean . . . can't remember the last timei got drunk on NYE. Grew out of that years ago! ------------- |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 2:13pm
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and even if they do, I still don't see the problem with someone leaving baby with a trusted family member to go out and have a nice time (and if a nice time for them involves a drink, fair play). ------------- |
Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 3:34pm
It did involve a drink. I think it may have involved three or four actually. I guess to some people it means I'm a bad mother. Oh well, I know I'm a great mother, and I don't think it says anything about my 'priorities'. My priority was and is that my son is safe and happy. |
Posted By: BayGirl
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 7:35pm
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DD was around 16months when she stayed away for a night but she was at ILs down the road, 5 mins drive. We were at home just having a quiet night in so we could go get her if need be.
She is now 20months as has stayed down there a handful of times. MIL rings us if need be and we go down to her. For the first year or so she was still attached to breast feeding through night so it just wasn't practical. -------------   
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 03 March 2012 at 10:36pm
I can't believe you couldn't have found a nicer way to word your judgemental post! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 8:00am
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LR back to your original post once you have had the baby you will know for me there was no way I could of left my baby over night or during the day.
If we went out, which was not much after baby, he came with us. I worked after hrs & cut my shifts back to weekends only so DH was the carer. When I did pick up a few days a week DS1 was 2yrs old & went to the day care where we both worked (DH could see him from the window of his office lol). The first over night stay with the IL's for DS1 was when he was about 16/18mths it was for 2 days while I was on a training course at work & I told work to cram it in as if it went over he would be coming in with me...so they did. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 8:15am
Now as a mum whose priorities are my children I agree. We have never paid for a baby sitter "yet" & I could probably count on 1 hand the number of times my kids have been away over night without 1 of us. DS1 is 11yrs & DS3 is 5ys. Now saying this my family do not throw themselves in here & want to do what a lot of family in different cultures do so we have done all the parenting & caring ourselves...works for us. Also not everyone can cope, babies are hard work & some people need a lot of support....& time out. So at the end of the day we do what is best for us & our children & for us it would not of been leaving a 4week old baby....think I would of cried the whole time anyway lol
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 8:57am
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Well you'll all love me then!
DD was 4 weeks, and she went away to my mothers one night a week until about 4 months. She had terrible terrible colic and it kept us going for the rest of the week, knowing a night off was coming. I expressed till I was so sore to make those nights happen, and eventually I even gave mum top up sachets of formula  I have no doubt we are all better for it.
My DS was about 6wks, when we were having a particulary tough time my inlaws took the kids overnight. They love their grandparents, it's a win for them too as they get to know their grandkids. -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: sadie
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 10:06am
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That's a totally different scenario Flake. I honestly don't see an issue with that. When you have a non-sleeping baby you need the break.
It's not as if you were ditching her with your mum and then going clubbing. |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 10:37am
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So any other circs where it is acceptable to you, Sadie? Maybe the parents of the 4 week-old and Foreal also wanted a break for their own reasons. Without knowing the circumstances it is wrong to judge so quickly. ------------- |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 11:49am
Is it not just common sense...if you need a break from a baby then take it. I don't see what is so bad with sadie comments. |
Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 2:13pm
Well this is the real world after all, not everyone is perfect Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I'm with Jazzy, I don't see anything wrong with this post and will add maybe people should come to terms with their choices and be confidnt with them. Then maybe they wouldn't take other peoples posts personally
Eta terrible spelling ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 2:41pm
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I have no problem with parents leaving a few weeks old baby with a trusted, competent person(s) overnight.
NYE is not really a biggie for us, never has been. However, it IS a special night for some people. We would possibly do the same if it was going to be a special night for us - maybe if it was for a friend or family members wedding/milestone birthday/special occasion or anniversary. Since I breastfeed, it would be a lot of work with the expressing though and for an entire night(with a four week old) I would probably have to express while out or cope with massive, sore, leaky boobs. Great party look that! Lol. But anyway, if NYE is a special night for them, why not? Not really sure when the first time J stayed at his grandparents house overnight but it was a few months/weeks before W was born so around 15ish months? However, we did leave him for an evening (5pm-12am) when he was 2-3months old to go out to a Pearl Jam concert. But we were back at midnight and there in the room with him when he woke up in the morning - does that count as overnight? W went to his grandparents a couple of weeks ago for the first time overnight (so 12ish months). He had been away from me overnight before then though - DP took him away overnight before he was 1 (so he still had one parent there). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 3:14pm
OMG I remember the sore leaky boobs that night when we went out for new years... I spent half the night and the next morning in the shower hand expressing because they were too sore (cracked nipples etc) to express too much. I stayed the night at baby's grandparents house and ended up leaking all through the mattress! Since then I've only been out twice I think, because it's just too hard with expressing. Plus, there's never really much I'd rather go to than stay home with bubs so when something is on I'll go for an hour or two then bail and pick up bubs from his grandparents (who live a minutes drive away). Best of both worlds! |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 8:20pm
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Argh - look Gina Ford's new book practically forces you to go out by 4-6 weeks without the baby!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2109164/Gina-Ford-book-Relationship-gurus-advice-new-parents.html - gina fraud I literally threw her first book out of the living room window while i read it with DD1. ETA - better watch what we say - the article says she launched a libel case against a UK mums' forum! ------------- |
Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 8:41pm
I've never heard of this lady but wow. Just from reading that link I can tell that I would have done the same! I don't go in for parenting books etc though, we're bombarded with enough 'information' and people telling us what to do. I think everyone needs to just take a step and take everything anyone else says on the matter with a grain of salt. And as for the quote below... I don't think many people (if any?) would be able to go out and not talk about their new baby! Seriously. "Ford recommends that within four to six weeks of the birth, parents should go out for 'a lovey-dovey afternoon or evening when they got glammed up and were not allowed to talk about the baby. " |
Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 04 March 2012 at 9:40pm
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My DS stayed at his nana's first at 3 months old. It was my 30th birthday (and DH's) - we had a big party and HELL YEAH I wanted to have a drink! I expressed milk, he slept beautifully, and has an incredibly bonded relationship with his grandparents.
My own mother made some snarky comments when DS went to his grandparents once every 6-8 weeks, always saying she was never without us until we were 2-3. My come back is always the same - did anyone ever offer? No. She can't say what she would have done if she had had capable loving family who loved having us. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 05 March 2012 at 8:25am
I think that last comment is a big thing - i have friends who have never left their kids because when they were younger they didnt have anyone to leave them with :( My son's nanny and koro were asking us non stop from about a week when they were going to be allowed him for a night! |
Posted By: LuckyRed
Date Posted: 06 March 2012 at 2:47pm
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As the original poster I am obviously anti leaving a 4 week old baby overnight and I was interested to read your responses. I don't think needing time to yourself is a relevant reason, you have time to yourself before you have a baby, when you have a baby the number one priority is the baby in my opinion. -------------
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 06 March 2012 at 3:40pm
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I think it is a relevant reason. Becoming a parent doesn't mean you should stop being an individual.
Everyone deserves a break and time to be who they are. Whether it's a night out at a party, or 8 hour of unbroken sleep, or simply just a few hours off during the day. Baby is always #1 priority. It's not like baby was left with 'rent a nanny'. Baby was left with a trustworthy family member. |
Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 06 March 2012 at 7:19pm
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I left my DD with my mum and dad overnight when she was 5 weeks old although I did end up over at their house sleeping in their rumpus room downstairs from about 11pm. I think needing time out is a relevant reason - in my case DD was prem and had severe reflux and my (now ex) husband was hardly home and definately not supportive. I felt like I was heading down the PND path and needed to have a bit of time out to clear my head and get some sleep. I expressed for DD's feeds and then went and spent some time with a friend. I missed her heaps and ended up back at my parents within about 3-4hours but I did leave my Mum to get up for the overnight and morning feeds so I could get some sleep. Happy mum = happy baby in my books, and if that means you need to do something to make you feel more like the person you were before you had a child or just get some sleep then go for it. One night off every now and then is not going to harm the child and can foster a bond between the child and the extended family.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Dophy
Date Posted: 06 March 2012 at 10:19pm
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As quite a few of you said, what harm does it make leaving your precious baby with trustworthy family? Babies especially newborns are hard work I can only see it as being benficial to the whole family, if mum and dad get a little break every once in a awhile theyre more relaxed and are fresh in the morning to be the best parents they can be. No one is perfect we are all human which means as parents we need the odd time to be ourselves.
There are much worse things happening in our community, I see it every day at work (I work in a kids ward) child abuse and neglect is rife. The fact that the parents were able to get some down time is great. Sorry for the novel. |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 8:35am
nah this isn't the real world - in the real world most people aren't so forthcoming and open with such judgements! And of course everyone is entitled to there opinion, but that doesn't mean it needs to be shared in such a way it offends others does it?? It's a bit extreme to say "I can't believe..." in relation to someone leaving their baby in the care of a compentent adult imo... surely that is quite believable? and not really what I'd consider doing something so terrible that it would not be believed Then to suggest the parent who carries out such unbelievable acts has strange priorities !! no wonder we as parents feel so much guilt for every decision we make... I think until you've walked in someone else shoes you shouldn't make judgements. Judgements really only serve to make you feel better about your own decisions and if you are happy with what you're doing why would you feel the need to criticise what others are doing...
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 11:16am
That's cool - it's great that you know what will work for you and what won't. . I just think it's important to remember that everyone (and every baby!) is different. Just because parents are having one night to themselves does not mean baby is not their number one priority. For some this will give them some headspace and rest to help them function better as parents.
I'm sure your BIL and SIL will have some questions about your parenting techniques when the time comes as well - because some of your parenting choices will be different to theirs.
Nobodies parenting is perfect. Except mine No, just kidding - what I mean is I am the perfect parent for me and my family. But my parenting techniques are most likely not "perfect" for every family out there, we are all different, and so I don't presume to tell them that this is how it works for me and so that is how it should work for everybody. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 11:55am
What about going back to work, will you go back before baby is 5yrs old & if so who will look after baby? |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 12:10pm
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If someone needs some time out from their baby, kudos to them for taking it in a responsible way.
IMO it's much better than leaving the baby with someone irresponsible, or alone, or drinking with baby, or leaving feelings to get pent up and taking it out on baby by shaking or something. I don't think it's wrong at all to have a supportive family help you to raise your child. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: LuckyRed
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 12:47pm
Jazz, I only have an issue with this because of the young age of the baby. I'm not sure what age I would think is appropriate for leaving the baby overnight, I guess I'll know at the time! As for going back to work I'm taking at least 12 months off -------------
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 1:03pm
I am the same I have not been able to leave a baby at a young age...I think I am different from a lot though as I don't have the family support or the family culture that steps in & helps out. We have never paid for baby sitter & only have family baby-sit a couple of times, so if we can not take our kids with us then we don't go. We are over the party situation anyway & a date night for us is when the kids are in bed & we have time to unwind... We even had issues with me going back to work but luckily I could drop a few shifts & work when DH was home... |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 1:59pm
You may well find your opinion changes a little once your bubs is here In order to keep baby the number one priority, often mums and dads need time out so that they can be refreshed and enjoy time as a couple. This IS actually putting the child as the number one priority.... I know that I'm a way better Mum when I've had a wee break, as I'm not so overloaded and exhausted. You have to look after Mum so that she can look after baby
Personally no, *I* wouldn't leave a 4 week old overnight. But it doesn't mean I necessarily think it's wrong. Different people and all that. I can't remember how old both my boys were when they had their first "sleepover", but I do know that we felt they were ready (and so were we) and that they had a great time staying with their grandparents. They were both under a year I think. The bond they have with their grandparents and aunty is amazing, and I think a lot of it is because we've given that relationship time and space to flourish. It really does take a village to raise a child. We're very fortunate to have such wonderful capable family members who love looking after our boys. Right now my nearly 2 year old is having a nap at his Grandad's house - my dad has a week off work so looked after him today while I worked. They went to Bunnings together and then he gave him lunch and put him down for a sleep. I love that they can have that special time together! But then we also (deliberately and consciously) let our boys have lots of cuddles with close family members and friends when they were young babies. We want them to know that Mum and Dad aren't everything - that there are other wonderful adults out there who love them and who will look out for them. Hopefully when they're teenagers and maybe having a tough time, then they can go to one of these adults for a chat if they don't feel they can come to us. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 2:01pm
I find it harder to leave kids as they get older and more aware... as I said earlier I left my one year old when she was 4 weeks old to go to a friends for the evening. It was with my parents (and her two siblings) and she slept the whole time I was gone...now it would be much harder to leave as she's going through separation anxiety so me going to the toilet is a big deal lol... So we all do what works for us :) ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 4:12pm
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freckle I think I was the one that suffers from separation anxiety lol
So what do you all think about this...a friend who had to see her case manager due to her DPB was told by her case manager that she had had a baby 3 days earlier & this was her first day back at work...full time  why bother having kids....
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 4:20pm
Well given that I know nothing about people involved I shall assume that they're in a financial situation where Mum is the main income earner and that Dad has been allocated the parental leave
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 4:50pm
yes family was looking after baby...but I don't see the point in having kids if they are in care at 3 days old |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 5:24pm
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I'm assuming baby is at home with the Dad, which I don't classify as 'in care'
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 6:15pm
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I personally hate the "What's the point in/why bother having kids" argument just because a baby is in care. I think it is a tad short sighted.
We usually have no idea of the circumstances involved. In your example, the baby very well may be with the father which I do not class as "in care". It may be that she feels it is better to have the baby in care as a baby and that it would be more beneficial to have a parent home during the school years. It may be that they had planned for someone to stay home but circumstances changed dramatically and one or both had to go back to work asap. It may be that she feels that it is better for the future of the child (and family as a whole) if she goes back to work. We just don't know the whole picture. Just because she has her baby in care and others do not does not mean she does not love her child JUST as much or that there was no point in having the child. I do not believe the "point" of having a child is just so you can spend the first year (or five) at home with it. Again, I think that's a short-sighted view of the "point" of having children at all. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 6:25pm
wow
Ok so maybe I am a tad judgemental about a 3day old baby in care & maybe its because of my own views on why I have kids...think I would not cope if I could not hold or see my baby during the day...buts thats me each to their own..but then I guess we all have different reasons for having kids & I am s glad I never had to leave my 3day old baby for money or me time or what ever other reason a mum would have
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Posted By: andweknowthis
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 7:13pm
I almost had to go back to work when my son was two weeks old because I had no other way to pay my rent... got around that but there are situations where people have no choice, I don't think you should be saying things like why bother having kids - as someone else said, the baby could have been with the father or there could have been unforeseen circumstances... poor lady if she has people like you judging her when I'm sure she's doing the best she can! Shame on you. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 7:17pm
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Posted By: SethsMama
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 7:21pm
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So...in conclusion.
People make many different choices in their parenting, and so long as baby is happy and healthy, to each there own. No one is a bad parent for leaving their child overnight in good care. No one is a bad parent for having their child with them every night til they're 18. Sharing opinions is a good thing and we should see none of it as judgement, just different. -------------
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 7:28pm
It might just be because for some reason I have a "We're all different, we're all different..." kind of mantra going on We all come from different backgrounds, have different circumstances, do things for different reasons and so therefore it makes sense to me that there does not need to be a "one size fits all" for everyone.
Little bit idealistic, I guess, but I'm cool with that for now. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 7:36pm
exactly well said I have always said do what is best for you & your baby. This is an open forum pretty disappointing being attacked for my point of view..as I said I was being a tad judgement not aimed at anyone here But I do have my view on it like you who are posting on my comments... |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 7:55pm
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jeez i wouldn't have been able to sit down for long enough to be at work 3 days after having a baby. And oh the boobs must be so uncomfortable. I could not have physically done it, but maybe it was not her first.
As long as she is happy with it and can cope. I bet that was a tough day for her. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 9:05pm
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I think it's awful and very sad that any mother has to/wants to leave a 3 day old baby and go back to work I'm with Jazzy, I could never have done that.
Well said Sethsmama !!!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 9:25pm
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My first child had his first overnighter at 3 months. Had his first visit with grandparents alone at 3 weeks though (was our first wedding anniversary so we went out for 3 1/2 hours ). My second child was there for her first overnighter at 2-3 months also. I mostly raise the kids myself and I do rely on family support when my husband's away so that I can get a decent night's sleep once in a month. I think that makes me sensible, not a bad parent.
I personally wouldn't have been able to leave my 4-week old DS, but definitely could have left my 4-week old DD. She had horrible reflux and screamed from 7pm-11pm, 2am-10am, and 12pm-4pm every day. If I didn't have time out, I don't know if both of us would be here now. How about not judging until you're in that position? Views change drastically when you have a child, and then when you have another they can change again.
We took our kids to a lot of places (still do) - but only places where they could be put in a quiet room and sleep until the sober driver was ready to go home. What's the difference from that (disturbing a child's sleep etc) and taking them to their grandparents to have an undisturbed night? I know which one I'd prefer. Just because they're with their parents, doesn't mean the children are better off. My DD was also in daycare part time from 5 weeks old - let's have a go at that one shall we?! Needs must, wasn't planned but it was necessary to keep our heads above water. I feel sorry for the worker that had to go back at 3 days, but she is probably doing what she needs to, to keep her family healthy, happy and taken care of. No shame in that.
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 07 March 2012 at 11:50pm
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Wow I had to come on and find out why this got so popular lol.
I thought I was going to go back to work after a few months, I was wrong I found it hard to leave her and things didn't work out as they would have while I was pregnant. DP wasn't working nights anymore so he couldn't have had her during the day and the night jobs were normally over the weekend when he worked a mid shift then a night so didn't work whatever. I finally went back to work at 2.5yrs old but thats because it has worked out for us in terms of travelling distance vs wage vs daycare and she is with my dad half the day to make it possible still. LR I think until you actually have the child its a big thing to say a parent doesn't need time out as I demonstrated in my previous comment things you 'think'you will do is different to how you feel when the time comes. My child is my number one priority, but you do get to a point when you go feck I need to do something for myself, I need time out, I love my daughter but I need some space, ESPECIALLY when said child sits on you, plays on you, reads on you, follows you to the toilet, follows you in to the shower, just generally follows you around all day and you have NO space. Then you have to balance the time when said child who is possibly a perfect sleeper and settler so you get 3-4hrs a night on your own before you go to sleep with your partner, and having them want to be intimate/close, spend time with you. It is really hard. Those that know me know that my child is my world, when DP and I have faught I told him she comes first regardless yes I would like to save my relationship but my daughter has needs that she is incapable of looking after herself at the time and if he isn't going to be around to help me then its pretty much down to me, and thats with me living at my parents, having my brothers around and really good friends to help out when needed... Have you never had a time when you just want to be on your own? Not have to talk to anyone, just read a book, take a walk in silence, piece together your thoughts, and get back into touch with yourself? If not then your a better person then me. I need time to be myself and not mummy, not DP's fiancee, not my parents child, or brother's sister, not be an employee, and not be on call to someone. Being a parent you are on call all the time, you are constantly thinking of what you need to do, the washing thats piling up, the dinner that needs to be cooked, the feed for the baby, have I got enough nappies, have I eaten today, is there milk in the fridge, who's emailed today, did I send off that letter. You name it it's there. So yes majority of people need time to themself to function regardless of whether you have a baby or not because you can't put on your face, and be with people all the time or you will literally burn out. Yes a baby sleeps, but does that mean you have time out, probably not, by the time you remember you haven't eaten yet, grab a drink, think I should put that (insert item here) away, and put a load of washing on, just as you sit down chances are your little darling is awake. My child is my priority but to make her a priority I have to have time to myself to make myself the best person I can be to be able to parent in the best way I know how and not take frustrations out on a little being that has no intention of making you upset or tired, or frustrated because they are busy learning what the big wide world has in store for them. If I didn't do this believe me there would be more then a few curse words and things being thrown in frustration. And I still vividly remember sitting on my couch when DD was about 7weeks old crying because she wasn't sleeping and she was crying and I was stupid enough not to call for help and thought I could do it myself. If I had picked up the phone and gotten someone to come over and take her off my hands even for an hr to settle her to sleep then my day would have been better and I wouldn't have ended up abusing her father (who I blame for making her overtired and not sleeping to begin with ) so yes time out and time to ones self is important
Sorry that's so long lol ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 08 March 2012 at 7:17am
thanks I was starting to think I was the only one here that would not leave my 3day old new born baby with a cousin so I could so back to work because I want to, not because I had to.
Those of you that have put your baby into care so you can go back to work, I understand that, I had to go back to work also....but I could never put a 3day old new born into care, to me that's wrong & I don't see the point of have a baby if you can not put the time into it.... |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 08 March 2012 at 8:11am
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Jazzy, I can totally see where you're coming from.
However, I don't see family as "being in care". If my family loved and raised and me well, then I know they're going to love and raise my child(ren) well. No, I would not want to leave my 3 day old, but if I absolutely had to then I would do what needed to be done. I'm VERY fortunate to be able to stay home with my children. We don't have a lot, but we have enough. But if it was looking like we'd all starve/freeze/be homeless, I'd make damn sure I left my children with someone I trusted so I could do what I had to do to make sure they were provided for - at the expense of time with them. A lot of cultures have children then leave them with the grandparents to raise them. The parents then finish their study/get their careers started so they can then provide for their children later on. Having an opinion is absolutely fine. I applaud anyone who can express their opinion with conviction, but until you're in the other persons shoes (and know all of their circumstances) I don't think you're able to tell them that they're wrong for doing what they need to do for their child(ren). ------------- 
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Posted By: LuckyRed
Date Posted: 08 March 2012 at 9:33am
Hiya, as I have previously said a couple of times, I only have issues with the age of the baby and being left overnight. You are giving examples of a toddler following you around so hell yes my toddler will be going to stay with grandma and grandad for the night every so often! I completely understand the need for a night off -------------
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 08 March 2012 at 9:36am
Nah you're not alone Jazzy I know plenty of women who think the same way.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 08 March 2012 at 3:48pm
I get what you're saying and that by "baby being left" you mean by someone other than it's mother/father (and not in a drawer somewhere). However, a 4 week old baby isn't as discriminating as a toddler. All they need is to feel safe and secure. Warm, fed, dry and loved. So provided the trusted person that baby is "being left with" will cater to it's every need (feeding it, changing it, cuddling it etc) then I don't see the issue with it. While I didn't leave my children with anyone else (DD has only spent 2 nights away from us, DS has never been away) at that age, I know there were times I just wanted to run away or curl up and ignore the world for 3 days. New babies are hard, they can bring down even the most fierce of Earth Mothers (said with tongue firmly in cheek), so you can forgive someone for accepting help and just being themselves for a night. Babies are a life-long commitment - but I live by the philosophy that happy Mum = happy baby = happy Mum. A stressed out, utterly exhausted Mummy is no good for a new baby. And a baby that's feeding off cranky Mummy - amplifying the situation - is no good for anyone. The best you can do is surround yourself by people who you trust implicitly and accept their support - even if it means them doing a 2am feed while you get a solid 8 hour sleep
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