General Chat - Would you say something...

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Would you say something...

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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41397
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Topic: Would you say something...

Posted By: blondie_2010
Subject: Would you say something...
Date Posted: 23 January 2012 at 5:05pm

Edited because I have said something and it's all sorted and I would hate for her to see this and put 2 and 2 together!

Thanks so much for all your wonderful advice!!!!

Replies:

Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 23 January 2012 at 5:25pm

I would definitely say something. It is your child, it is up to you how and when you discipline, not her.
Imagine how confusing it would be for your son too

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Posted By: fairy1
Date Posted: 23 January 2012 at 5:29pm

Tell her. It might be confusing your son.

I know if someone told my son off all the time I would be annoyed. Have to admit I was a b'day the other day and I was telling one of the other children off, but only because his mum had told him off for the same thing and I happened to be next to the boy when he kept doing it and she couldn't see. I don't normally do it.

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Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 23 January 2012 at 7:13pm

On one hand, I expect other parents to jump in if I'm otherwise distracted. I've asked a similar question to some parent friends, and they were like, jump in if you see something going on. We've got a not 100% the same parenting style, but close enough.

But I've got someother parent friends who I don't jump in on their kids, because we so don't have the same parenting style. If it was a sharing issue between our kids and theirs I'd say something. But not if it were their kid alone IYKWIM.

I guess I make a judgement call and it may well be that you could be writting this about me

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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 23 January 2012 at 8:25pm

Does she only do it at her place? If so, then I can understand that she may have different expectations at her own house that what you do at yours. If thats the case then its more of a 'my house my rules' situation.

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Posted By: Pixi
Date Posted: 23 January 2012 at 11:31pm

blondie_2010 wrote:

So I have a friend who is really lovely and means well who seems to think that it is her place to tell my child off, even before I have had a chance too, for the SMALLEST things! It really is starting to effect the way I feel about her and my trust levels when it comes to him being around her. I almost wouldn't mind as much if she wasn't ALOT softer on her own child of the same age....I don't know if it's because my child is extremely outgoing and confident whereas her child is fairly sensitive and that she thinks my child can 'handle' it. I hate confrontation and don't want to cause a fight but like I said, it is starting to make me resent her at times.

Please help!!!!

You are the best judge of you child's behavior, your friend may be misreading what you know better, over controlling ? or a personality thing towards your child? only you can know.

For safety reason for your child or others then thats different.

If you have lost/ loosing trust in your friend, then guess you know you may have to say something any way. Either way you are the one been most effected, and may be your child if you allow her to go on doing so. Say something for your child's sake. :)

If she is a good friend she will respect you wishes and hang around. -:)

Posted By: pumpkino
Date Posted: 24 January 2012 at 9:06am

It's a fine line. When kids are hitting/biting or stealing toys off each other, stuff like that, then I think anyone should feel free to step in and say something (as long as they keep it appropriate, no shouting/swearing etc).

But beyond the obvious kiddie crimes I think parents should be allowed to discipline their own children as they see fit, without other people meddling or imposing their own views. There are some friends that I would go further with (and are happy for them to go further with my kids) because as IsaacsMum says, we have the same parenting styles. So if I'm distracted making the lunch or something I would hope that my friend would intervene if DS was doing something she knew I wouldn't like, and vice versa. But that is something that evolves over spending a lot of time together with our children - I don't think it's appropriate for someone to step into that role of their own volition.

Having said that, if it's only at her house then you might need to make a few allowances. We try to keep our family room totally child proof so we aren't saying "no" all the time - if someone leaves something precious lying around at toddler level, it's their fault if something happens to it, not the child's. But not everyone is like this - there are some people's houses I dread going to with our little tornado, because they have all sorts of enticing but not toddler friendly stuff lying around. It's really stressful following DS around the whole time, putting stuff back and hoping he doesn't break anything!!

Maybe encourage your friend and her child to spend some more time at your place, and then if she is scolding him you can (nicely) explain that he is allowed to do such and such in your house and she might get the message?

Good luck!